An untitled short and sorrowful Tavi story by Jeff Mango

Link to Jeff's pastebin: http://pastebin.com/u/JeffMango

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMfB1REALp4

>It’s snowing, again
>Canterlot’s mountaintop location ensures that each winter is heralded not by light, gentle flurries and the gradual darkening of evenings, but by plummeting temperatures and endless snowstorms
>You sit by the window of your room, huddled in your only blanket, and watch the snow pour in
>Given your room’s position on the edge of the Canterlot Extended Care facility’s main building, you’re able to see over the city walls and straight down the mountainside, where the snow seems to drift eternally drown to the grayed-out ground below
>”Anonymous.”
>The gentle voice of Nurse Oath stirs you from your musings
>The tiny gray mare shuffles in, violet bangs obscuring her eyes, as they always do
>”You h-have a visitor.”
“Is it her?”
>”Of c-course. She’s c-coming up now, but I t-t-think she stopped to grab the two of you some coffee. Is t-that okay?”
“Yes. Thank you, ma’am.”
>Your formality makes her blush, as it has so many times before
>”J-just Hip is fine. Sorry…”
>She hastily ticks off a mark on her clipboard, and leaves the room
>Ten minutes later, you hear hoofsteps on the tile outside
>There’s nothing in your room to tidy up: just your bed, your guitar, and a shelf of books in the corner, all of which are to sparse to ever be messy
>So you simply sit in your bed, still wrapped in a quilt, and wait for her
>When Octavia steps into your room, there’s no dramatic heart-in-throat moment, you don’t get butterflies, or nervous sweat, or anything like that
>But upon seeing her, the various little ticks and pins that lurk in the back of your mind abate, and the cloud growing over your head begins to fade
“Hey, Tavi.”
>”Afternoon, Anon. How are you feeling?”
>You shrug
“Better. I like the snow.”
>”Ha. Easy for you to say.”
>She sets her saddlebags by the door, but not before brushing multiple hoof-fulls of snow off them
>Stepping inside, she shrugs off her coat and shakes the snow from her mane, shivering
>”You’re not the one walking in it.”
“That’s true. I’m not.”
>You try to keep the sadness out of your voice, and you probably would have succeeded against any other pony
>But Octavia isn’t easily fooled to begin with, plus she’s known you for far too long
>She sighs, crossing the room to your bed
>”Are you… feeling any better, today?”
“A bit. Now that you’re here.”
>Octavia smiles, bowing her head
>”Always with the flattery.”
“Hey, I can’t help it.”
>You reach out and cup Octavia’s cheek
“You’re just a very flattery-worth mare.”
>That gets a tiny giggle out of her
>Octavia clambers onto your bed, curling up next to you
>Up close, you can feel the wetness of melted snow in her fur, along with the chill that the winter storm left in her body
>So you wrap her in your blanket as well, pulling her against your side
“You’re freezing.”
>”A little, I suppose.”
>Octavia suppresses a tiny shiver
>”Still, it’s worth it. They’ll be bringing us up some coffee in a bit, I think.”
“Oh. That’ll be nice. Thank you, Tavi.”
>”Of course.”
>She nuzzles your elbow, staring out the window
“I’m sorry you had to come all this way in the snow.”
>”Anonymous…”
>Octavia sighs
>”You don’t have to apologize to me every time I come to visit you.”
“I know.”
>”Then why? I love coming here. I love, you know, getting to see you. It’s the highlight of my week.”
>Octavia flicks her tail against your chin, getting you to look at her
>Her ears flatten alongside her head
>”I hope you’ve realized that by now. Even you’re not that thick.”
“I have. But still, it’s not fair, for a mare like you to have to come to a place like this.”
>”A place like this? Anonymous…”
>Octavia sits up, resting her head against yours
>”I love this place. I absolutely do. It’s calm, it’s cozy, and, well…”
>She nuzzles your cheek
>”…most of all, it’s kept you safe. I can’t ask for anything more of a place, can I?”
“I guess not. But still…”
>You gesture to the bare stone walls and the lack of furniture
“A mare like you deserves a prettier place to visit.”
>That gets a dour chuckle from Octavia
>”Even when you’re at your most sour, you still find a way to work in the flatter.”
“I’m a mess, aren’t I?”
>”Undoubtedly. Any more of this and you’ll spoil me.”
>She bumps your shoulder
>Finally, you find yourself smiling
“Are you trying to say you’re not spoiled already?”
>”Already? Certainly not! I am a mare of utmost grace and dignity!”
>Octavia jumps down from your bed, posing for you
>”I’m sure you, of all ponies, would recognize that by now.”
“Oh, I do.”
>You stand up from the bed, scooping Octavia up in your arms
>She yelps, partially with surprise, partially from embarrassment, and partially with a small share of childlike glee
>”A-Anon! Put me down! What if someone sees?”
>She glances over at the door, biting her lower lip
“Then we’ll get a pretty awesome news story out of it, won’t we? ‘Local star musician loves her cuddles…’”
>”Hmph. Well, maybe this is alright, then. For a little bit…”
>She curls up in your grasp, snuggling against your chest
>Grabbing the blanket from the bed, you wrap it around your shoulders and her, enclosing the both of you in each other’s warmth

>The longer you stay in this room, the harder it becomes to pick her up
>But it’s more and more worth it, every time
>You cross the room to your window, and you and Octavia watch the snow pile down, together
>”It’s breathtaking, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. Makes the place seem a little less lonely, when you’re away.”
>Octavia sighs
“Sorry. That was a bit too sad.”
>”No. Don’t apologize, Anonymous, please.”
>Octavia’s tail curls around your leg
>”I… I wish things didn’t have to be this way. For whatever that’s worth.”
“A Tavi wish? That’s worth more than just about anything.”
>You bury your face in her mane, inhaling deeply
“I was talking to Nurse Oath last week. She says my tests aren’t getting worse, at the very least. If I can just improve a bit more, then maybe…”
>You rock Octavia gently
“…maybe they’ll let me out, sometime next year.”
>”That would be splendid, Anonymous. It really would.”
“You don’t sound all that happy.”
>”I just don’t want you to push yourself. Please, don’t feel like you have to be, er… fixed.”
“Isn’t that why I’m here, though?”
>”Not the way I see it. You’re here so you can stay safe.”
“From who, myself?”
>”In a way, I guess…”
>You can tell you’re upsetting her, so you stop
>”But that’s okay. There’s a reason this place exists, Anonymous. There’s no guilt in needing to be kept safe. Not in the slightest.”
>You say nothing
>”Please, don’t feel like you’re putting any burden on me. I love coming here. I love… being with you.”
>Octavia wraps her forelegs around your neck, pressing her nose against yours
>”Please, Anonymous. Don’t hide things from me.”
“I don’t want you to worry, Tavi. You don’t need that kind of burden.”
>”But it’s not a burden at all. Anonymous, please understand. I just want you to feel okay. And I want to do anything and everything I can to make that help. If you feel comfortable, please, tell me what’s going on.”
>You sigh, and sit down
>The window is built for pony height, so even sitting, you can still see out of it
>Resting your head against the class, you avoid eye contact with Octavia as you begin to speak
“There’s not much to say. I’ve just felt… I don’t know. Inanimate. Like I’m just a human-shaped weight, and you, Vinyl, Nurse Oath, and everyone I know are responsible for pulling my strings.”
>You can feel Octavia staring at you, but still can’t make yourself look at her
“And those strings are heavy. No matter how strong you all are, they’re weighing you down. I’m weighing you down. And you can’t cut the strings away, so you just… keep hurting. Trying to support me, even though I give you nothing back but weight.”
>Octavia presses her face against yours, saying nothing
>You can feel the tears running down her face and soaking into her coat
“That’s what I feel. All the time. When I try to sleep, I always dream about you. I can see you sinking, and I’m the one pulling you down. And no matter how much I yell for you to swim, you never will. Because you can’t leave me behind. And the deeper I get, well—”
>Octavia kisses you
>It’s not the quick, dainty kiss you’re used to getting from her
>No, it’s one she’s given you only rarely
>One heavy and trembling and desperate, as if merely through the connection of your mouths she could hold you anchored to her
>You accept it, wrapping your arms around her back
>Octavia doesn’t pull away for a very long time

>The two of you lie together on your bed, no longer watching the snow
>Instead, you merely listen to it
>Octavia rests against your side
>Neither of you have said anything since the kiss
>Octavia drapes her tail across your chest, curling its tip just above your heart
>”Do you know how many bridges I used to linger on, Anonymous, before we met? How many bottles of wine I finished, in my apartment by myself?”
“You told me, once. It used to be a lot.”
>”Every night, when I was at my worst.”
“I guess I don’t understand it. Everything about you is amazing. How could you ever feel that way about yourself?”
>”I ask myself the same thing when I look at you.”
“I don’t get it. I’m… I’m just me. You’re you.”
>”And what, exactly, am I?”
“World-famous, loved by millions of ponies?”
>”Are you jealous of my success?”
“No. That’s not it. You give so much. So much music, so much art, so much happiness… you just give it out to the world. You make Equestria a better place just by existing in it.”
>You thread your fingers through Octavia’s mane, scratching her head between her ears
“And I don’t.”
>”Except you do. For me, at least.”
>Octavia sits up, once again pressing her hose against yours
>”My life is stressful. Art and performance are dreary and draining, and I’m not loved by nearly as many ponies as you think. I’m surrounded by promoters who want to use me, and enemies who can’t wait to see me fail. No matter where I go, there’s ponies demanding more from me, all while they try to rip me apart.”
>Octavia breathes a contented sigh, her breath warm as it flows across your face
>”And when I’m with you, I forget that. Because every piece they tear out of me, you put back. And each new piece is soft, and golden, and wonderful. And all the love I wish my fans would truly give me, you shower me in. When I’m around you, I feel glowing and gorgeous. And I wish I could let you know what that feeling is. Because it’s worth so, so much.”
>She kisses you again, this time without desperation
>This time, there’s only a gentle, gossamer beauty to the kiss
>When it breaks, you find yourself cradling her against your chest
>The two of you hold each others’ gaze, and a small smile plays across Octavia’s lips
>”Please, Anonymous. Don’t shut me out. Because if you, I’ll be waiting outside your door, every day. And it’s cold out there.”
>She snuggles up against you, humming
>”But it’s so, so very warm with you…”

>When a very nervous-looking Nurse Oath opens the door, she finds you and Octavia snuggled together in bed, once again under the blanket
>Immediately, her face goes red
>”I, um… s-s-sorry if I’m interrupting anything, I j-just… you w-wanted coffee, and… h-here…”
>She shakily sets the coffee mugs on your bedside table, then turns tail to run out of the room
“Wait.”
>The tiny nurse mare stops
“Nurse Oa— I mean, Hip? Could you bring me my guitar?”
>”Of c-course.”
>She lifts the instrument on her back and carries it to you
>Octavia gives you a small smile
>”How long has it been since you’ve played?”
“A while. I didn’t want to for a pretty long time. But now…”
>You twang a string, finding the instrument woefully out of tune
>When you try to twist the pegs, your hands are shaking
>Octavia steadies them with her hooves, and you gently wind the strings back into position
“…I’m feeling like singing today.”
>Hip hesitates by the door, watching the two of you
>”You’re g-going to sing? W-w-would you, um… be alright with me w-watching? It’s okay if you’re n-not, sorry, b-b-but—“
“No, that’s okay. I might be a little rusty, though…”
>For the first time since you’ve known her, you see Hip smile
>She skips to your bedside, sitting in front of you and Octavia
>Your marefriend lays an encouraging hoof on your leg, watching and waiting
>”Thank you, Anonymous. I’ve been waiting for this.”
>You return her smile
“Thanks, Tavi.”
>When you start playing, your hands continue to shake
>But, gradually, they resume their old positions easily, and the music flows forth from your instrument, brightening and dancing as it reverberates from the stone walls
>You keep your eyes focused on Octavia the entire time
>No matter how much she believes it, you’ll never be worth much
>You’ll never make music that’s particularly beautiful, nor will you ever create any sort of lasting impact on Equestria
>To most of the world, you’re always going to be worthless; and there’s not much you can do about that
>But if you can make her happy, well…
>When you look at her, you see something so bright, so gentle, and so glimmeringly wonderful
>If you’re able to make her happy, then you have no need to concern yourself with being worthless
>Because, no matter how dark your own world may be, Octavia shines like a beacon for you, for her friends, and for ponies you’ve never even met
>And you’re perfectly happy if all you ever achieve in life is to make her happy
>Because, as you listen to the waves of your own voice cascading through the room, you realize that there will never be anything more precious to you than her
>And you want nothing more than for every part of you to help to cradle and comfort this precious mare
>So you sing, for the first time in months
>And you finally know what it feels like to sing with a purpose

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eetIgGXH6DA