chess' rant

18:41 <+Sands> Shh, Chess talk now, not dorfs
18:41 <~Pleeb> Heads up, for the most part, it's difficult for me to hear Chess, but I should be able to get her responses out, depending on this headache.
18:41 <+Lauren> How are you, Chess? I hope the IRC isn't intimidating for you. It was for me the first couple times.
18:43 <+Chess_> I was in the irc before, but pleeb just has so much trouble hearing me.
18:43 <+Chess_> If you're listening Kate, I know your pain
18:44 <+Pronas> ?
18:44 <+Sands> Now tell us how you feel about dorfs that is the most important question here
18:44 <+Pronas> ah
18:44 <+Pronas> hearing
18:44 <+Chess_> Dwarfs? Not as epic as elves.
18:44 <+Kate> well, but he hears you fine now, doesnt he?
18:45 <+Chess_> Kate: There's room for improvement
18:45 <~Pleeb> I just need to keep paynig more attention to her.
18:45 <+Lauren> Chess and Kate, how is your confidence level about communicating?
18:45 <+Lauren> That could really play a large factor in how your host hears you, that and their willingness to accept the communication.
18:47 <+Aviar> How many of you have a problem speaking with you tulpa?
18:47 <+Chess_> I want to talk, but Pleeb doesn't always listen.  Sometimes he gets frusterated and even jelous of others and it really hurts the process
18:47 <+theping> Funny you should ask, Aviar...
18:47 <~Pleeb> LOL
18:47 <+Aviar> What I mean to state, how many people here speak with their tulpa and in turn consistently or frequently recieve a response of reproach, or which mentions that the host is approximating what was said.
18:47 <~Pleeb> Even know now I feel abit sad.
18:48 <+Kate> sorry, was gone for a bit
18:48 <+Lauren> Chess, and also Pleeb, because this is important for you too, as I was explaining to a few in here last night, communication is a two way thing in a lot of ways. My confidence was really shot about midway through the process when my communications were being dismissed.
18:48 <~Pleeb> Aviar, my brain hurts right now; can you put that in layman's terms?
18:48 <~Pleeb> Or, should I just read it again afew more times?
18:48 <+Kate> i think by now confidence levels are like, 80%
18:48 <+Kate> pronas still gets scared though
18:48 <+Kate> at every little thing u.u
18:49 <+Lauren> The tulpa needs to be confident that what they're saying can get through, and that's as much about your own confidence as it is about your host's encouragement.
18:50 <+Lauren> It's something that can be overcome by spending time together though, so Chess I think you're right in asking Pleeb to spend time with you every day.
18:52 <+Pronas> and you get cuddles as a bonus, huh
18:52 <+Sands> No cuddles
18:52 <+Lauren> Cuddles are a bonus too, yes.
18:52 <+Chess_> I was feeling discouraged the other day and even further.  I would just sit there, and Pleeb would spend his time upset that he couldn't hear me. I don't know how to do any of that 'tulpa magic' like dreams or memory like he wants,
18:52 <+Kate> CHESS
18:52 <+Kate> MY SIS
18:52 <+Kate> MA
18:52 <+Kate> SIS
18:53 <+Lauren> Chess, and also Kate, I understand how discouraging it can be when you feel like you're not living up to the host's expectations, and doubly so when it feels like they're not acknowledging your presence.
18:53 <+Chess_> He would just go in IRC and complain about me and before trying to sense me with bluesleeve he went into his wonderland and was killing his wonderland body screaming 'WHY WON'T YOU RSEPOND' and all I could do is just sit there and sigh while pronto and everyone got worried.
18:54 <~Pleeb> In my defence, Chess wasn't doing anything, she was in a doll-state.
18:55 <+Kate> because she got tired of your shit ;___;
18:55 <@Tesseract> ... :(
18:55  * Tesseract hugs Chess
18:55 <+Lauren> Things like manipulating dreams and entering them will likely come as second nature the more you develop trust. You may have already noticed you're able to see the subconscious a bit already. Trust will give you the confidence to master it further.
18:55 <+Kate> i cant do that mojo u.u
18:55 <+Pronas> but Lauren
18:55 <+Lauren> in the meantime, you should try your very best not to worry about what's expected of you or what you can or can't do.
18:56 <+Pronas> i WANT to trust
18:56 <+Pronas> buti dunno why stuff doesnt work
18:56 <+Lauren> Spending time together and just working on communication and building a relationship is a good first step to all the rest, and that's something that takes effort on both ends.
18:57 <~Chess_> That's why I gave him those groundrules when he spend all that time with bluesleeve and 'found' me
18:57 <~Chess_> The only thing complaining about me does seems to make him upset and me upset and even made me sick one time
18:58 <~Chess_> everyone gets depressed
18:58 <@Tesseract> :(
18:58 <~Chess_> And he said he believes in me but sometimes it makes me wonder...second rule
18:58 <+Kate> noooo ;-;
18:59 <~Chess_> third rule... He always says he'll aim for 3 times a day, but the first time he ever did it was when he had the rule to enforce him to do it
18:59 <+Lauren> That second rule is very important. When your host doesn't believe in you, it's natural that you feel like you're talking to a wall. It's ironic because this is the same complaint they seem to make sometimes.
19:00 <~Chess_> >talking to a wall... YES
19:00 <+Sands> "Trust is important as is believing, Pleeb. You can see what she can do already. Why would you doubt?"
19:00 <~Chess_> I'm right here talking next to him.. Sure, it's through his thoughts but I'm still talking! How can it not be so obvious that I'm here?