Not real emotions, but an incredibly shitty simulation!

>"Come on, breathe!  Breathe you idiot!"
>Dash presses down firmly on your chest.
>"This wasn't supposed to happen!  I'm sorry, just start breathing already!"
>She presses again and again.

>Pinkie Pie comes running over a nearby hill.  "The clinic's empty!"

>"What?  Then how are we gonna-"

>"Mouth to mouth, Dashie!  It's the only way!" Pinkie shouts as she gallops furiously toward the edge of the lake.

>She stops breathing for just a second as her mind goes blank.  She looks down at you, presses on your chest again, then leans her ear next to your mouth.  She still can't hear you breathing.  A few tears start to collect at the corners of her eyes.  She blinks them shut, squeezing out the moisture and closing herself off from the rest of the world.
>She slowly inches her lips toward yours, and just as she makes contact, there's a clicking sound and a bright flash of light.

>You push her back an inch or two.  Your eyes snap open and you smirk.
>"Gotcha."

>"And I got the incriminating evidence right here!"
>Pinkie waves a polaroid in the air.

>Dash stares dazedly at you for a moment before punching you hard in the shoulder.
>"You JERK!"
>She blasts off, making a beeline straight for Pinkie and the photo.

>"Whoa!"
>Pinkie twirls around and around, dodging Dash as she zips past.
>"You can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread mare!"

>"That doesn't make any sense!"

>"I know you are, but what am I?"

>While the two of them are locked in their ridiculous struggle, you get up, brush yourself off, and stroll casually in their general direction.
>You have a big, shit-eating grin and a bounce in your step, but you manage not to start whistling a jaunty tune.
>You come to a stop, bend down, pick up a little rectangle, and stuff it into your pocket.

>Dash keeps chasing Pinkie and the decoy while you amble on home to stash the real deal somewhere safe.
>Mission accomplished.  Negotiation can come later, but you're sure you'll come out on top.
>You step into your modest little home and slip the photo into the middle of your porn collection.  Should be safe there.
>You crack open a celebratory drink and sprawl out on your couch to mash away at Wolf Puncher 3: Punchocalypse.
>A knock at your door grabs your attention and you drop the controller to go answer it.

>"Hiya, Anon!"

>"You lost Dash already?"

>"Oh, don't worry about her.  She'll be back super late tonight after giving up.  She still won't know you have it."

>You tent your fingers.  "Excellent."

>She clears her throat and holds out a hoof expectantly.  "Ahem."

>"Right, right.  One second."  You go to your kitchen and grab a little yellowed square of paper off the counter before heading back to the door.
>You hold it out in front of you.  "Here."

>Pinkie licks her lips greedily as she eyes the words written on it.
>"TWO sticks of butter?!  That's crazy!"  She rubs a hoof against her chin.  "Juuust crazy enough to work, I think."  She salutes you.  "Pleasure doin' business with ya, boss."

>"Likewise," you say as the door slides shut and Pinkie hops off into the sunset without a care in the world.
>You pivot back toward the couch only to be confronted by Dash.  And she looks PISSED.

>"Where is it?" she asks in an eerily calm voice, tapping one hoof against your floor.

>"Now now, you know I can't just give up something this valuable."

>Her gaze narrows.  "What are you gonna do with it?"

>"That depends."

>"On what?" she snaps, her voice cracking a little.

>You raise an eyebrow.  "Yeesh.  Haven't you ever negotiated before?  Never let your opponent know how badly you need what you need."

>"Anon, I'm serious.  That photo needs to be destroyed.  Now."

>You shrug.  "You play with fire, you get burned.  That's how it works."

>She exhales slowly.  "Anon, if you give me that photo, I will do literally whatEVER you ask me.  No questions."

>He-lloooooo.  What the shit is this?  You just told her that's not how you negotiate, but now you're curious.  Why exactly does she need it that badly?
>Hell, everypony in town already has unfounded opinions about her sexuality.  How much damage could this possibly do?

>"What EVER I ask?"

>She nods silently.

>"There has to be a limit of some sort.  Like, even if you will perform any task, it can't be forever, right?  You're not my eternal slave."

>She closes her eyes, then takes in a shaky breath.  When her eyes open, her expression is fierce.  Determined.  "One day."

>You squint at her for a moment.  "I want it in writing."

>"Fine," she spits.  "We'll go have Twilight write out a whole stupid contract.  I'll do whatever you ask," she pauses and glares at your smug smirk, "EXCEPT give you back the photo, from sunrise to sunset tomorrow."

>"Aw, not midnight to midnight?"  You throw out an exaggerated frown.

>"You and I both know I'm gonna need sleep if your requests are half as dumb as I think they'll be."

>You smile.  "Fair enough.  And at the end of the day, I give you-"

>"NO!" she shouts, stomping a hoof.  "You give it to me as soon as we sign that contract."

>You stare at her for a few seconds.  "Okay.  Let's go draft that paperwork..."


>Other than a quizzical stare and a raised eyebrow, Twilight didn't react.  She coughed up a few pages of extra-fine legalese and you tossed Dash a sealed envelope containing the damning evidence.
>For extra security, there were several clauses worked into the contract to keep everything on the level.  The envelope was sealed so that it couldn't be opened until the contract expired, and there was a section detailing the punishments if either of you broke your side of things that you skipped over.  It didn't matter.
>That night you go to bed earlier than you've gone to bed in too many years to count.  You want to make sure you're up before the first light of dawn.

>Hopping out of bed with all the eagerness of a kid on Christmas morning, you took the fastest shower you've ever taken and stuffed a bowl of cereal into your face before skipping out the door.
>It's dark and a little chilly.
>You don't mind.
>You jog out to Dash's place and stand underneath, waiting for the sun's glorious rays to usher in the best day ever.
>You're vibrating with excitement.

>As the very first hint of light spills over the land, Dash drops out of the sky and stands in front of you.
>"Huh... I was expecting to have to wake you up.  Whatever.  First order of business!"

>Dash cringes.

>"Why'd you need the photo so bad?"

>"Oh COME ON!  You read the contract!"

>You chuckle.  "You misunderstand.  I'm asking more generally.  I want you to tell me as specifically as you can what you need it for without violating the contract.  And I want you to figure out how specific that's gonna be, since I don't feel like testing the legal framework of the thing."

>She fidgets in place.  "Look, there's just... there's something in that picture that's a secret.  Something that can't get out."

>"But I already KNOW what you did!"

>She holds up a hoof.  "Not that.  Something else."

>Well shit, now you're even more curious.  You accidentally caught something super secret on camera.  You'll have to ask Pinkie if she remembers seeing anything unusual.  But that can come later.  First...
>You drop a package on the ground.  "Put this on."

>She pokes it with a hoof and looks at you.

>"Not the package, numbnuts, what's IN it.  It's your uniform for the day."

>A bead of sweat rolls down the side of her face as she opens it.
>"What?" she says flatly.

>"Go on.  Put it on."

>"Anon, I'm a little lost here..."

>"Doesn't matter.  You obey the contract.  You put it on."

>She shakes her head and reaches a hoof in.

>"No!  The other part first."

>"You're creeping me out here," she says as she drops the odd shiny parts and reaches for the gorilla suit.
>Squeezing her way into it, she then places the metallic accoutrements on.

>"Now say something about 'those pesky Power Rangers'!"

>"Uh... darn those pesky... Power Rangers?  Foiling my plans?"

>You giggle like an idiot who laughs WAY too hard at stupid, shitty references nobody is even going to get.
>"Hee hee... alright then.  First order of business, we're headed out on a looong flight.  You may adjust your uniform around the wing-holes to make sure it doesn't interfere."

>"I think we're good.  Where we headed?"

>"Don't you worry about that.  Just start flying east.  I'll let you know when you need to do anything else."
>You hop onto her back and tap your heels against her sides.  "Giddyup, pony."

>She groans, but complies.  You're enjoying the rush of the wind in your hair as you soar through the skies.
>"Y'know Anon, I'm surprised.  This... uh... isn't that bad.  I was expecting you to put me through a lot worse."

>"Don't worry.  We have a long day ahead of us."
>You feel her muscles tense up.

>"Right... so, why exactly are we going through this?"

>"I'm getting back at you.  I was going to just blackmail you a little with an embarrassing picture, but you suck ASS at bargaining and I got way more than I was hoping for."

>"Getting back at me for what?"

>You twitch and spasm a little bit.  "Put us down."

>"Huh?"

>"On the ground.  Now."

>"...Okay, sure," she says, gently landing the two of you in a wide open field.

>"My plans were pletty ridiculous, but obviously not enough.  If you don't even have the decency to acknowledge what you did, then I obviously need to step things up a bit."

>"Anon, I have no idea what you're talking about.  What did I do to you that was so horrible you were gonna blackmail me?"

>You're furious.  You can't even see straight anymore.  "You're unbelievable!  You have the BALLS to violate the code that hard and then pretend nothing happened?  Where the FUCK do you get off?"

>She steps back.  "You're freaking me out here.  I seriously don't know what you're talking about."

>"I wasn't really going to make you SUFFER or anything.  I was gonna have some fun at your expense.  Make you do the heavy lifting and maybe get a little embarrassed during an otherwise normal-ish day out.  No matter how bad you fucked up, you were still my bro, y'know?  I couldn't stay mad at you.  But I'm starting to think I can.  I'm starting to question whether or not you're the kind of pony I even want to hang around with."

>"I... what?"  She starts to sniffle a bit.  "What did I-"

>"There you go again!" you scream, having rage-induced flashbacks to that awful night.  "What the FUCK is wrong with you?"

>"Anon, I," she trails off, starting to sputter out a few quiet sobs as she fails to hold back a wave of tears.

>"Get up."

>She cries into the dirt.

>"I said GET UP.  You're still under contract."

>She doesn't seem to hear you.  She just continues to retch deep, heaving sobs.

>"Obviously you don't care too much about having everyp0ny discover your secret, because if you don't GET UP you're not going to get that photo back."

>"...P-please... what did I do?  I swear I don't... I don't know!"

>"Still not getting up!"

>"I don't CARE about the photo anymore... it doesn't matter if... if I-"

>"Oh, so it's not just me, then.  Good to know that you can't bring yourself to care about ANYTHING for more than a day or two.  Fuck this.  I'm going home."

>"Anon PLEASE-"

>You ignore her as you walk back to your cold, shitty little house to go stew in your own anger.
>If she really doesn't remember, that just makes it even worse.  That she could fail you that badly and forget it as soon as she walks away.
>You thought she was cool.  You thought Dash was your fucking bro.

>A few days pass with you not really leaving your couch.  You grumble and shout obscenities at the TV until you fall asleep because there isn't a single fucking pony here worth half a damn.
>A knock at your door causes you to roll off the edge of the couch and drag yourself to the door.
>You open it to see Dash standing there with an emotionless expression.

>"The fuck do you want?"

>She pulls out the contract and points a hoof at part of it.  "Article twelve, subsection B," she says as she tosses the parchment at you.

>You quickly scan down to the clause in question.
>"If I fail to deliver the article in dispute, then I automatically engage in an opposite form of the same contract with no benefit for myself?"

>She nods.

>"So?  I DID deliver.  I didn't take your shitty envelope back even after you broke your end of the deal."

>"No.  You didn't."

>She opens up the envelope and shakes it.  Some porn flutters out.

>Fucking FUCK.  You suck so FUCKING BAD if you didn't double check to make sure you grabbed the right photo, which apparently you DIDN'T.

>"So now you're mine."

>"Yeah, what sick shit are you gonna make me do?"

>"Relax.  I just need answers."

>That's... curious.  And honestly, it's kinda creepy how cold and emotionless her face and voice are.

>"I need you to tell me what I did."

>You glare at her.

>The wall starts to crack a little, and you can see some sadness leaking through.  "What did I do to make you hate me?"

>FEELINGS FUCKING SUCK.  You're so ANGRY at her for failing you, and so much MORE furious that she's clueless about it, but...
>The only reason she broke a slave contract was because she was emotionally devastated to the point she couldn't stand.
>And now that she's in position to get you, now that YOU are HER slave, all she can bring herself to do is ask a question like she wants to make things up to you?
>If she cares about you, then WHY DIDN'T SHE SHOW UP?  Why did she SLEEP THROUGH your only chance?
>You needed her and she wasn't there for you after she SWORE she would be!
>How can you forgive that?
>Why do you WANT to?

>Her eyes get a little misty.  "Anon, please..."

>GOD FUCKING DAMN IT WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE A HEARTLESS ASSHOLE?  EVERYTHING WOULD BE SO MUCH FUCKING EASIER.
>You see her choke back a sob.
>You breathe deeply, in and out, trying to steady yourself.

>"...please."

>"You... you left me hanging.  Twilight found a way to get me home, but there was only one chance.  A once in a lifetime coincidence that would've taken me back.  I needed you to fly me there.  You AGREED.  Don't you remember at all?  How could you COMPLETELY FUCKING FORGET not only that you had somewhere to be so you could just keep sleeping like a useless lump, but then FORGET THAT YOU FORGOT?  You never even came to me to APOLOGIZE!  I'm stuck here FOREVER now because of YOU.  THAT'S what you did.  Remember now?"

>Her lip quivers.  Her eyes shimmer with a fresh, moist sheen as a new well of tears breaks ground.
>"I didn't agree to take you..."

>"Yes you did!  I asked if you could take me so I could go home, and you said you could!"

>She shakes her head.  "No, I would never... I said I couldn't let you be trapped away from where you belonged!"

>"Yeah!  That kinda implies you're willing to help!"

>"I... you misunderstood!  I shook my head no and... didn't you see the look on my face?  I did the most selfish thing I could've!  I didn't... you belong HERE, Anon.  I wasn't going to take you back no matter how bad you wanted it because I was too selfish to lose you!"

>"What?  Then why... why didn't?-"

>"I thought you... I thought you would get help from somepony else.  When you were still here the next day, I assumed you changed your mind.  That's why I was... that's why we ALL were so happy to see you!  You didn't say anything!"

>"Why wouldn't I want to go home?!"

>Dash looks away and closes her eyes.  "I thought maybe... I thought maybe things were better for you here.  You never sounded very happy talking about your world..."

>"But I don't BELONG here!"

>She blinks away most of the moisture in her eyes.  "Why NOT, huh?  What's so bad about Equestria that you'd prefer to go back to a world where you had no family?  No friends?"

>...Don't you fucking do it.
>You're in the right here.  You can't break down now.
>YOU FIGHT THOSE FUCKING TEARS.

>"Was I wrong?  Were you happier there than you are here?"

>"No, but I... I don't know I just can't... I'm alone.  I'm the ONLY human."

>"Anon, look at me.  You're NOT alone.  You've NEVER BEEN alone.  Every single pony you've met cares about you."
>She lets out a long, heavy sigh.
>"Go get the picture."

>"What?"

>"Please.  It's... it's important."

>You shuffle down the hall and let some of the tears you've been fighting slip out.  You can dry your face before you go back.
>You dig through the smut to find a photo that looks like Dash making out with you on a beach.
>You pick it up, wipe your eyes on your sleeve, and walk back to her.

>"What do you think my secret is, huh?  What can you see in this photo that I would want to hide?  What became pointless after... the incident the other day?"

>You don't say anything.

>"...I was terrified, you know.  EVERYTHING else aside, that was not a cool setup to get blackmail material.  I really thought I was going to lose you.  Look at me in that picture.  Look real close."

>You squint and try to see through your increasingly tear-blurred vision what she's going on about.

>"I was crying, Anon.  Just like the other day.  Just like I was the morning you thought I was sleeping in."  She sniffles.  "I wasn't.  I was lying in bed crying my eyes out because I thought... I thought I would never see you again."

>"Why?  Why would you care?  Don't you realize how badly I suck?  How much of an asshole I am?  Don't you remember what I just did to you?"
>Fuck it.  Holding back now hurts so much more than admitting you can cry.  Just let it happen.
>"Ponies are so... so GOOD.  So kind and pure.  People aren't like that.  People suck.  A lot.  They do and say horrible, terrible things.  People don't belong in Equestria where they can hurt ponies who don't deserve it.  I didn't want to go home because I wasn't happy."
>Your face is soaking wet and every other word is heaved out of your throat with all the delicacy of a bull in a china shop.
>"I wanted to go home so all of YOU could be happy.  I... don't belong."

>Dash labors through a few uneven breaths before getting right next to you.
>"I told you I was being selfish, but I'm not sure that's true anymore.  Maybe you being here isn't good for Equestria, but it makes you happy, doesn't it?  That's what I want.  I want you to be happy, Anon."
>Her face inches in toward yours.

>"Why should MY happiness matter against countless ponies?"

>"If you really, REALLY can't get through like that, then maybe it'll help you to think about it a different way.  You want ponies to be happy?"

>You nod.

>"You want ME to be happy?"

>You try to speak, but can't find any words.

>"You're under still under contract for breaking your end of the deal.  I'm gonna give you an order now.  You can't refuse."
>Her lips press up against yours for several seconds.
>The world disappears.  There's nothing but you and her.
>She pulls away and the world comes flooding back to you.

>The faintest hint of a smile appears on your face under a layer of tears.