vari, no one is forcing you to "play or quit". your options aren't dichotomous; there are plenty of ways to play competitively & improve without being on a team for a season. if you would stop victimizing yourself & feeling sorry for yourself, you would improve by leagues and bounds; your team outlook wouldn't be so grim.

also, stop getting frustrated at your friends & stop ranting to people that just want to talk to you.
if you really like to MGE, then just play MGE. that's literally all i do. you just hurt yourself & your competitive aspirations by bringing an unnecessary level of ego & excuses when you do play. work on your stamina, get the discipline to tank out hundreds of MGE kills/deaths, and stop interrupting the flow of your fights by talking or whining about unnecessary bullshit.

we've talked about this, and i don't mind reiterating it publicly either: fix your attitude (by preferably keeping your mouth shut) and just grind the game out. everything will fall into place naturally over time.

you can fix this by quitting that team of shitlords that i KNOW you're better than; don't let yourself get lopped up with them. don't settle for anything but the absolute best.

to reiterate, just pug & MGE, keep quiet & focus entirely on the game in front of you, and you'll naturally get into higher echelons of competitive tf2.

it's fine if you get "fat-kidded" in pugs too. like seriously, the best thing for you to do is to not give a single fuck about getting on a team or setting lofty goals for yourself. hone your aim, hone your ability to interplay around teammates in pugs, and by the time you forget about your old ambitions, you'll be on a playoff team that you wanted so badly before.