FACADE STAGEPLAY
Sat Apr 12 20 53 03 2014

TRIP
Where are the new wine glasses?

GRACE
What for?

TRIP
That should be obvious!

WILL
OPEN UP YOU FUCKER

GRACE
Oh God, Trip, don't turn this into a big production, please!

TRIP
Jesus Grace, come on, I'm not asking a lot here!

WILL
YOU OWE ME MONEY YOU SHIT

GRACE
What -- Trip, don't give me that look!

(WILL knocks on the front door.)

(WILL knocks on the front door.)

(WILL knocks on the front door.)

GRACE
You're going -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Uhp, he's here!

GRACE
What?! You told me it'd be an hour from now!

TRIP
No, he's supposed to be here now!

GRACE
God... Trip!

(Trip opens the front door.)

TRIP
Will!!

TRIP
Hi! It's so great to see you!     -- (interrupted)

WILL
GIMME YOUR MONEY PUNK

GRACE
No, no, here we are!

(WILL hugs trip.)

GRACE
Will,

GRACE
Hi!  How are you?  God it's been a while!

TRIP
Yeah, how -- how are you doing?

GRACE
Uh, I just asked him that...

TRIP
Well I'm asking him too!

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

WILL
I'm fine but you both owe me mone

GRACE
Oh, H-mmm (happy smile sound)

GRACE
And, I've got to say, you look really good!

GRACE
So come on in, make yourself at home!

WILL
Where's my money punk

TRIP
Will,  let me get you a drink.

(Trip closes the front door.)

(WILL sits on the couch.)

TRIP
Ah, you need to help me break in my expensive new set of cocktail making accessories.

WILL
Why don't you get my money

TRIP
Let's have something fun,

TRIP
like margaritas?

TRIP
Uh, well, I think I'll just make us all margaritas.

GRACE
No no,

GRACE
Will,  how about something simple, like a nice glass of chardonnay?

WILL
WHERE'S MY MONEY BITCH

TRIP
Okay! Good!  I'll just whip up these bad boys real quick!

GRACE
(little sigh) You know Trip, he gets such pleasure from making fancy drinks for everybody.

TRIP
(quiet humming)

WILL
I'm gonna rob you blind

TRIP
I think tonight Grace is ready to venture beyond her usual glass of -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Well, I was just going to ask Grace what she wants.

GRACE
Um,  I'd like a simple glass of Chardonnay, thank you.

TRIP
Ah, Chardonnay, certainly.

WILL
My. Money. Now.

TRIP
Heh heh,    Will,  seeing you brings back good memories, you know?

GRACE
Yes, it does.   H-mmm (happy smile sound)

(WILL gets up from the couch.)

TRIP
Your Chardonnay is ready, dear.

(WILL picks up the brass bull.)

GRACE
(little sigh)

(WILL puts down the brass bull.)

TRIP
Oh, that brass bull, that's a gift from my business contact in Barcelona --

GRACE
What is that doing out here?  Didn't I ask you to put that away?

TRIP
Uh, yeah,  I will, later, after our friend leaves.

(WILL picks up a trinket 1.)

GRACE
(frustrated sigh) -- (interrupted)

GRACE
Oh, do you like those sculptures?  I used to be so into, uh, collecting them...

TRIP
Into them?  You love your sculptures so much I'm not even allowed -- (interrupted)

WILL
It looks like a phallus lmao

TRIP
uh...

(WILL puts down a trinket 1.)

GRACE
Oh, God, it's hard to believe I used to like these damn sculptures...

TRIP
More like obsessed...

WILL
Where's my fucking money

TRIP
But in a good way! -- (interrupted)

GRACE
Hey, uh --

GRACE
did you --

GRACE
did you pick up my dry cleaning?

TRIP
What?  Dry cleaning?

GRACE
Yes, did you pick up my dry cleaning this morning, like I asked you to?

TRIP
Y -- Yeah.

WILL
Lmao what nerd dry cleans

TRIP
Wha... uh...

GRACE
Oh, Trip, he's just teasing you...  It's good, we all need that once in a while.

WILL
Yeah trip my buddy

TRIP
Heh heh ha ha ha ha, ha... -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Oh, well, thanks --

GRACE
Oh,    Will,  you always have such nice things to say. He's so sweet.

WILL
Now WHERE IS MY MONEY

TRIP
(clears throat) -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Oh, yeah, you know, I think I'll fix us another drink in not too long...

WILL
CASH

WILL
DOUGH

WILL
DINERO

TRIP
You know what I'm just going to put this on the bar for you.

TRIP
Uh, well, remember how you introduced us almost exactly ten years ago tonight?

(WILL picks up a player's drink.)

(WILL sips his player's drink.)

WILL
Yes. You still owe me money.

TRIP
Um, well, without you, we wouldn't -- (interrupted)

GRACE
Yeah,  I'm hoping you can help me understand where I went wrong with my new decorating, ha ha.

(WILL sips his player's drink.)

(Grace sips her Grace's drink.)

(Trip sips his Trip's drink.)

TRIP
Oh, Grace, let's not do that.

GRACE
(little sigh) You know, I've been collecting these little glass sculptures for a long time now.

TRIP
Everybody always comments on Grace's sculptures.

GRACE
but now when I look at them, they give me a such a... such a headache.

TRIP
uhh...

WILL
That's nice. My money.

GRACE
Really?

TRIP
See, Grace, you're the only one unhappy with your decorating.

GRACE
Oh well, I guess I'm wrong then.  Ha ha.  Thanks for clearing that up.

GRACE
I can tell I'm going to need another one of these.

(WILL sips his player's drink.)

GRACE
Huh, you two really are getting along well tonight, heh...

(WILL sips his player's drink.)

(WILL sips his player's drink.)

(WILL sips his player's drink.)

(WILL sips his player's drink.)

(WILL sips his player's drink.)

TRIP
(little sigh)

TRIP
Ah,    Will,  I'm sorry, you didn't come here to hear this...

GRACE
What?

WILL
You're right. I came for my money.

GRACE
Trip, it's okay if we disagree in front of our friend -- -- (interrupted)

WILL
Bye nerds

TRIP
Oh,    Will,  I thought you might like this photo I just put up from our recent trip to Italy.

(WILL puts down a player's drink.)

GRACE
Uhh, it's a beautiful picture of the Italian countryside, of course he'll like it!

(WILL knocks on the front door.)

(WILL opens the front door.)

TRIP
Grace, I know you don't like it, but our friend might. -- (interrupted)

(WILL points to the elevator button.)

(WILL points to the elevator button.)