Laughter, Loyalty and Betrayal

>You awoke to a fluffy pink head of hair.
>It had been a couple years since you and Pinkie Pie got married.
>Arriving in this strange land had caused you plenty of trouble.
>You wouldn't trade it for anything though.
>You nuzzled her cheek and she fluttered her eyes open.
>She let out a big yawn and giggled, "Morning Nonny!"
"Morning Pinkie."
>You gave her a smooch and stretched your body out.
>You could still make this work.
>It was hard to keep up with her enthusiasm though.
>The spark had started to fade.
>You needed to find some way to reignite it.
>"Nonny? Something bothering you?"
>You were snapped out of your thoughts.
"Huh? Oh, uh it's nothing Pinkie, don't worry about it."
>"If you say so, just remember I'm always here for you cupcake!"
>You rolled out of bed and landed on your feet.
>Pinkie hopped into your arms and snuggled up against your chest.
"Come on, let's go get some breakfast, honey."
>She gave you a peck on the cheek.
>It killed you, it really did.
>You wanted to love her as hard as she loved you.
>But you couldn't figure out how she did it.
>"Nonny, you have that look on your face again."
"Just thinking to myself, that's all."
>"You look worried, and I don't like seeing my snuggle muffin worried."
>You scratch her ears and she whinnies.
"I like to think about how I'm gonna make you happy, dearie."
>She giggles, "Oh Nonny! You don't have to worry about that!"
>She nuzzles the underside of your chin.
>"Just being with you is enough to make me happy."
>You wish you could believe that.
>You make it to the kitchen and she hops out of your arms.
>"Now come on, let's make some pancakes before the Cakes get up!"

>You stared at her big, blue eyes as she hummed a little tune.
>She was so beautiful it was heartbreaking.
>You just couldn't think of a way to express yourself like she could.
>The two of you set the pancakes on the table.
>"Don't forget the syrup!"
>She hops onto the counter and opens a cabinet.
>She pulled out a bottle of syrup and tossed it to you.
>You caught the bottle and poured on some extra syrup for her.
"Just the way you like it!"
>She closed the cabinet and wiggled her rump in the air.
>"Catch me Nonny!"
>You set the bottle down and braced yourself for impact.
>She leaped into your arms and latched her limbs around your waist.
>She planted a big wet kiss on your lips and smiled.
>The two of you sat cuddled up next to each other and ate your pancakes.
>Sometimes you even fed Pinkie a bite of your pancakes.
>She called them "indirect kisses."
>Eventually Mr. and Mrs. Cake came downstairs with the babies.
>Your name was the fourth name they learned.
>Or rather, Nonnymus was the fourth name they learned.
>Mrs. Cake gave the two of you a warm smile.
>"Good morning dearies, how are you two doing?"
>Pinkie licked the syrup off of her lips and smiled.
>"We're doing great Mrs. Cake! Don't worry, we saved some for you guys!"
>You had all agreed to have a family breakfast at least once a week.
>Apparently they had started slacking off before you married Pinkie.
>"So what are you two gonna do for your weekend?"
>You swallowed a bit of pancake you had in your mouth.
"I'm not sure Mr. Cake, you got any ideas Pinkie?"
>She rubbed her chin, "Wellll, I could ask Dashie if she wants to hang out!"
"Why Dash?"
>She raises an eyebrow, "Uh, 'cause she's super cool? Duh!"
>You chuckled.
"Alright then, I guess we're hanging out with Rainbow Dash then."

>The twins started playing with their food.
>"Non Non! Non Non!"
>You gave them the gentlest smile you could.
"What is it little guy?"
>Pound Cake gave you a piece of butter.
>"Butter!"
>You tried to decrypt his message.
>You blushed.
"I didn't think he paid attention to how much I look at Pinkie's butt."
>Everyone but Mrs. Cake was laughing.
>"Pound Cake! Don't be rude!"
>He stuck his tongue out and gave her an innocent look.
>"Pound Caaaake..."
>He pouted and crawled back over to her.
>You and Pinkie had finished your pancakes.
"Well, I guess we should get going."
>"No time like the present! Come on Nonny!"
>She dragged you along and you gave Mr. and Mrs. Cake a goodbye wave.
>The two of you were outside on the way to Dash's house.
"Seriously though, why Dash?"
>She giggled, "Come on Nonny, she totally likes you! You two are like, besties!"
>You were fairly certain that wasn't actually true.
"Yeah no, I think she hates my guts actually."
>Pinkie giggled, "She's just a little shy sometimes."
>You smiled.
"What, did Fluttershy rub off on her or something?"
>Pinkie let out a little snort.
>Normally you don't like snorts, but something about Pinkie's snorts were adorable.
>"Good one Nonny!"
>You'd made it to the cloudhouse.
>"Hey Dashie! You wanna hang out?!"
>The blue blur backflipped out of her house and did a ten-point landing.
>"Sure thing Pinkiiiiiii-"
>She broke.
>"What is HE doing here?!"
>"He's my husband, Dashie."
>"Whatever, it's not like he has to be glued to your hip or anything!"
>Pinkie frowned, "Aw, I thought that was a fun experiment, right Nonny?"
>Her hip did feel kinda nice attached to yours.
>You nodded.
"I can go if you want me to."
>"N-no! I'm just saying you two kissing and cuddling is so gross!"

>You laughed.
"That sounds like repressed feelings to me."
>"Yeah Dashie, are you repressing your feelings?"
>She grumbled, "I really don't need this right now..."
>Pinkie wraps a hoof around her, "Aw cheer up Dashie! We're here for you!"
"Yeah, so who's the lucky stallion or mare?"
>She scrunched her nose up, "I keep telling you I'm not into mares."
"Uhuh, well who is the unlucky guy?"
>She smirked, "Subtle."
"That's not a name."
>She frowned, "Gosh, you're such a jerk!"
>"Is it anypony we know?"
>Dash chuckled, "You could say that..."
>You'd never seen her blush before.
>It was actually pretty cute.
>"Just wish I hadn't fallen in love with such a dork..."
>Pinkie giggles, "Can't be as much of a dork as my Nonny is!"
>You raised a finger to object and shrugged, she was right.
>"You'd be surprised, actually."
"I need to find this guy and fight him for my title of Best Dork."
>You hear her chuckle, "You'd have a hard time beating him."
>You rub your knuckles on your chest.
"Yeah, well I'm pretty awesome."
>Turns out Dash also had cute snorts.
>Pinkie hopped between the two of you with a picnic basket.
>"While you guys were talking I got us some food! I'll go find us a nice spot!"
>She pranced off with the basket on her back.
"Listen Dash, I'm sorry for being a dick. I just like to tease you is all."
>You hear an almost inaudible whisper.
"What was that?"
>It got a little louder.
"I still can't hear you."
>"I-it's you..."
"What?"
>"Y-you, I like you. Happy now?"
>Not at all.
"You can't be serious, I don't even work out."
>She was tearing up, "I just don't understand..."
"Understand what?"
>"I'm supposed to represent loyalty, so why do I want to hurt my best friend like this?"
>You knelt down and stroked her mane.
"Hey now, it's alright to feel jealous now and then. Maybe even envious."
>She sniffed, "But I'm not supposed to..."

>You were getting a little worried.
"I'm sure we can find someone else to-"
>"No! I want you Anon!"
>She planted a kiss on your lips and pulled back.
>Her wings had flared up and she bit her lip.
>"Darn it, why am I so stupid?!"
>You heard Pinkie shouting, "Hey guys! I found a spot!"
"We'll talk about this later."
>"We should talk about it right now."
"Later, Dash."
>You'd really screwed up now.
>This was the last thing you needed.
>"Hope you two had fun while I was gone!"
>Shit shit shit.
"Yep, we had a nice discussion."
>Dash shrugged, "It was okay I guess."
>You eyeballed her.
>She gave you a cheeky grin.
>"Well come on Dashie, this picnic is for you!"
>"Wait, huh?"
>"Yeah! Nonny and I already had breakfast!"
>Dash blinks in confusion.
>"W-was this just an excuse to hang out with me?"
>"No, we don't need an excuse to hang out with you. Bringing you breakfast just helped."
"I guess you were right about her not hating me though, Pinkie."
>She gave you a big ol' grin, "See? Pinkie knows best!"
>You sat down between the two of them and laid down on the hill.
>Pinkie crawled onto your chest and snuggled you.
>"You wanna join us, Dashie?"
>She tried talking with her mouth full, "N-nuh!"
>"More for me then!"
>Pinkie booped your nose with her own and closed her eyes in glee.
>She sighed into you and smiled, "Love you Nonny."
"I love you too Pinkie."
>You just wish you knew how to show her how much you cared.
>You also had to deal with the massive screwup that just happened.
>You looked over at Dash and she rolled her eyes.
>What had you gotten yourself into this time?

>Pinkie nuzzled your chest.
>Her ears perked up, "I just remembered something!"
"What is it dear?"
>"I promised Fluttershy I'd help her around the cottage today!"
>You scratched her ear and she gave you a wide grin.
>"You two have fun, I gotta get going!"
>She sped off into the distance.
>The mare was crazy, but a good kind of crazy.
>Dash grumbled and finished her food.
"So, you gonna explain what the fuck just happened?"
>She rolled over onto your lap and sighed.
>"Well, ever since you started dating Pinkie I've kept an eye on you two."
"No shit, it's kinda hard to miss that hair of yours."
>She blushed, "Y-you knew?"
"Yeah, we just didn't want to hurt your pride."
>"Whatever, so anyway I figured you were up to no good."
>You rolled your eyes.
"Being a tall, gangly freak and all."
>"Th-that's not true! You've gotten ho- handso- good looki- uh, buh..."
>You chuckled.
"I have to be able to keep up with Pinkie, I'd hope I'd get fit."
>She pouted, "I guess eventually I got jealous of what the two of you had..."
"Had is the word I'm worried about."
>She flopped her ears down, "What do you mean?"
>You gave her a pat on the head and stood up.
"I need to go talk to Rarity, she'll know what to do. We can hang out later."
>You started to leave before stopping yourself.
"Platonically, of course."
>You felt a pair of hooves wrap around your waist.
>"I-if you ever need anypony to talk to, you know I'm always here for you."
"Since when have you been a good listener?"
>"I can listen when it's something I care about... like you..."
>She was really serious about this, wasn't she?
>You gave her hooves a pat.
"Hugs are fine, just don't get weird on me."
>You heard her sigh in frustration, "Fine, I'll take what I can get I guess."
>You headed off to Rarity's.

>You knocked on her door and slouched over.
>You'd really screwed the pooch on this one.
>The marshmallow mare opened the door with a smile.
>"Oh good evening Anonymous! What can I do for... you?"
>Her smile faded as she noticed the expression on your face.
"Today probably won't be a fun day Rarity."
>You tried to chuckle and almost ended up crying.
>She gently pushed you inside and started making some tea.
>"Oh dear, you simply must tell me what's wrong!"
"It has to do with Pinkie... and uh, Dash."
>You see a look of concern on her face, "What's wrong with Pinkie?"
>You buried the upper half of your face in your hands.
>If you cried, you didn't want her seeing you cry.
"Nothing, it's me. I just don't feel like I can love her as much as she loves me."
>"Darling, she simply adores you! Why, she never stops talking about you during our get-togethers!"
"Yeah, but how long until that stops? I could never show her the kind of affection she shows me."
>Rarity levitates a cup of tea over to you, "I think you're worrying too much dear, Pinkie loves you."
>You take a sip, she always made bomb-ass tea.
"And I love her too, I just wish I could... y'know, show her how much I care."
>She gives you a warm, motherly smile, "Just being there is enough to please her, Anon."
"But why? I just can't understand... I mean, she deserves more than what I do for her."
>"Not everything has to be extravagant with Pinkie. She too can appreciate the simpler things in life."
>You sighed.
"I know, I just... I can't stop myself from feeling a little guilty over it."
>"Dear, if you focus too much on this you'll tear yourself apart. Let it be, trust me."
"I can't make any promises... but I'll try."
>"Good! So, what's this about Dash then?"
"You uh, might wanna brace yourself for this one."
>She giggled, "Please, after hearing you worry over Pinkie this should be a breeze!"

>She almost spit out her tea, "SHE DID WHAT?!"
"She kissed me, and then admitted her feelings."
>She plants a hoof on her forehead, "That's not what I meant when I told her to talk to you about it!"
"You told her to do this?!"
>She composed herself, "Yes, she assumed correctly that I would have dating advice and came to me."
>"It's a shame she didn't actually listen to everything I had to say on the matter."
"I told her I couldn't be with her, and not to do anything beyond hugs with me."
>"An adequate solution, but I'd be careful if I were you Anon. Rainbow Dash doesn't give up easily."
>You sighed.
"Great, so now I have Skittles stalking me. Then again, I guess she already did that didn't she?"
>"She what."
>You laughed.
"Said she had to keep an eye on Pinkie when we started dating. She didn't trust me or something."
>"I swear, Sweetie Belle is easier to clean up after than Dash is."
>You came all this way to visit Rarity, you might as well have some fun.
"Speaking of her, how is the little one?"
>"Oh she's doing marvelously! Did you hear? She and her friends got their Cutie Marks!"
"It was kind of hard to miss it with all the celebrations around town."
>You laughed.
"Everybody was probably glad they wouldn't have to worry about them wrecking everything anymore."
>Rarity cringed, "Yes, well Sweetie still has a lot to learn about cooking..."
>You looked over at Rarity's stove.
"Oh yeah, you got a new one didn't you? Hayghetti night?"
>"Hayghetti night."
>Your thoughts kept drifting back to Pinkie and Dash.
"Oh man, what am I gonna do though?"
>Rarity walks over to you and wraps her hooves around you, patting your back.
>"There there, I'm sure Pinkie will understand if you explain it to her. Or..."
"Or?"
>"Or you can try to pretend this never happened, and tear yourself apart."
"I'll take my chances."
>"Suit yourself, I won't say anything."

>You finished your cup of tea.
"Thanks for listening to me Rarity, you always know what to say."
>It's true. Outside of Pinkie Pie, Rarity was probably your best friend here.
>"It was no trouble at all dearie! Do take better care of yourself though, I worry about you sometimes."
>It's true you hadn't been sleeping that well for the past couple of weeks, but...
"Heh, is it that noticeable?"
>"I can see the stress forming bags under your eyes darling."
>Shit, you were more tired than you thought.
>No wonder Pinkie kept asking you if everything was fine.
"I'll try and get some sleep, thanks for the tea Rarity."
>She gave you a quick hug and waved goodbye.
>No sooner had you left did a certain pegasus show up beside you.
>"Whatcha doing Anon?"
"Bwoashit! Don't sneak up on me like that!"
>She let out her rather distinct chuckle, "Sorry, couldn't help myself."
"I'm just feeling a bit tired and need some sleep is all."
>"I'm pretty good at naps, I know this really cozy spot if you want me to show you!"
>You really shouldn't be doing this, but your tired body needed rest.
"Fine, just... don't take advantage of me, alright?"
>She looked appalled at the implications.
>"I wouldn't go that far... I don't actually want to hurt Pinkie..."
"Just stop me if I get weird, alright?"
>She bit her lip, "F-fine..."
>She started dragging you off, "C'mon, let's get going!"
>You'd never seen someone work so hard just to be lazy before.
>Besides yourself, of course.
>"W-what do you mean by, 'get weird' anyway?"
>You sighed.
"Ponies are really soft and when I get tired I tend to... y'know, pet them all over."
>She landed beside of you and started whistling.
"Wings get a little too excited by that?"
>"Sh-shut up."

"I can massage them if you want."
>Her wings flared up again, "N-no, I won't take advantage of you like that."
>You needed rest before you did something stupid.
>Dash's chest fluff looked really comfy though...
>You shook the thoughts out of your head.
>You couldn't do anything weird.
>You wouldn't let yourself.
>Exhaustion was starting to creep up on you though.
>You started leaning on Dash.
>"Whoa, you alright Anon?"
"I'll be just fine Dashie..."
>She blushed, "Gah, why am I so stupid?"
>She led the two of you to a nice, quiet spot near the lake.
>"Here we are! A nice, cozy tree... all alone, with me."
>You laid down in the grass under the tree and pulled her down with you.
"Need a blanket, ponies are soft and fuzzy..."
>She made a token effort to struggle, but she didn't really resist you.
>"Come on Anon, don't do this to me. You're making this really hard."
>You always wondered how pegasus wings felt.
"Shhh, it's sleep time, small pony."
>You reached for her wings and started rubbing them gently.
>"Mmmnguh! A-Anon!"
"These things are way softer than I thought they'd be."
>You caressed her feathers and chuckled.
>"Gah, c-come on, s-stop it!"
"These things would feel pretty comfy wrapped around me."
>You started kneading her wings.
>You felt her quiver at your touch.
>"Anon, I... ohhh dude this feels great!"
>Ponies were fun to cuddle with.
>Especially Pinkie Pie.
>A part of your brain was straining to get you to stop.
"Just... don't do anything weird with me, 'kay?"
>"Y-yuh."
>She was practically melting into you.
>Dash draped her wings over you and rested her head on your chest.
>Your eyes started to close and you drifted off to sleep.
>You felt a pair of lips peck your forehead before you blacked out.
"G'night, Pegasus Pie..."

>You blinked your eyes open and yawned.
"That was the best nap I've had in a while, thanks Pink...ie?"
>Oh no.
"Dash please tell me we didn't do anything weird."
>She opened her eyes and grumbled, "Thanks for the wing massage."
>What have you done?
>She wrapped her wings around you tighter.
>"Can we stay like this for a while?"
>You bit your lip.
"I don't like you the way you like me Dash, just let me go..."
>She gave you a coy smile, "I helped you sleep, didn't I?"
>Shit.
>You groaned.
"If you really need cuddles that badly, I guess we can nap together every week."
>You heard her squee.
"No funny business though. This is strictly a cuddle thing."
>What were you doing?
>This felt weird and wrong.
>But you needed the sleep, and her wings were super comfy.
>"You sure you can resist my awesomeness, Nonny?"
"Never do a Pinkie Pie impression ever again, your voice is cute the way it-"
>You need to learn to shut your mouth sometimes.
>Her jaw dropped just a little and her eyes went wide.
>"Y-you think my voice is cute?"
"Yeah, it's not a big deal to compliment a friend or anything."
>She squished your cheeks, "Nopony has ever called my voice cute."
"Aw come on, I'm sure someone has."
>She pouted, "Only when I was a filly, a lot of ponies say I sound like a stallion..."
>You ruffled her mane.
"Don't listen to them, you're the coolest pegasus I know."
>You emphasized the word pegasus.
>"Yeah yeah, Pinkie's soooo great. Whatever..."
"You kinda rushed me into this before I could do anything y'know?"
>She laughed, "I'm pretty fast, it's kinda my thing."
>You smirked.
"Even in bed?"
>She blushed, "Sh-shut up! I've had tooooons of... of... that stuff!"
"I thought nobody wanted to date you?"
>"I-I never said that!"
>She scrunched her nose up.
>You sighed.
"I just want to make Pinkie happy..."
>Dash flapped herself off of you, "Whatever, I gotta go do stuff. Important pony stuff."

>You watched her speed off into the distance.
>You picked yourself up off the ground and dusted yourself off.
>You slept really well, but you felt like shit.
>You began the long walk back to Sugarcube Corner alone.
>How were you going to deal with Dash?
>Right now she was the only way you could get a decent nap.
>Or was it just pegasi wings?
>Best not to involve anyone else in this.
>You kicked a rock.
>You might as well go see Fluttershy.
>She'll probably know how to deal with Dash.
>Pinkie has probably left by now.
>You passed by the Sugarcube Corner on the way there.
>If this keeps up, you might not be able to call that place home anymore.
>A certain trio of fillies interrupted your thoughts.
>"Heya Mr. Anon! How's yer day been?"
>"You look kinda sad, you should go talk to my sister."
>"Yeah, I don't think I've ever seen you look this low before. Jumpy yeah, but not sad."
>You chuckled.
"Is it that obvious?"
>Bloom looked up at you with those big, innocent eyes of hers, "Kinda, yeah."
>You knelt down and ruffled their manes.
"Don't worry about it girls, just grown up stuff. I hear you got your Cutie Marks."
>This set them off on a giant rant that continued all the way to Fluttershy's cottage.
>You knocked on Fluttershy's door.
>"Just a minute!"
>You heard a bit of clatter and what sounded like a very tiny, very angry bunny.
>"You can clean it up yourself, mister!"
>Sounds like Fluttershy finally had enough of his shit.
>"I-if that's okay with you."
>Some things never change though.
>She opened the door and saw the Cutie Mark Crusaders huddled around you.
>"Oh dear, do you need help with them?"
"Nah, they just decided to keep me company. You girls done with your story?"
>Scootaloo rubs her chin, "Yeah I think we covered everything."
>"Come on girls, let's go see what Pipsqueak is doing!"
>They waddled off into the distance as majestically as a penguin.

>Fluttershy welcomed you in, "What brings you here today Anon?"
>You slumped over on her couch.
"I fu- er, messed up real bad this time Flutters."
>She didn't like the swearing, and she was good to you.
>Hell, most of the time she was the only reason you were able to get meat around here.
>If Rarity wasn't your best friend it'd probably be Fluttershy.
>You shared some traits, such as worrying too much.
>She poured you a cup of tea and sat down on the couch with you.
"I already had Rarity's tea today, but I guess I'll take yours as well."
>"Oh my, you talked with her as well? You must have made quite the mess this time!"
>You sipped it, contemplating asking her something.
"Mind if I touch your wing for a second? I need to test something."
>She looked confused, "Um... okay?"
>You rubbed her wing a little.
>It was pretty soft, but it didn't feel the same as Dash's wings.
"Huh, guess Dash just has really soft wings."
>"Wh-what?!"
>Hearing you say that caused her face to turn crimson.
"You know how I get when I can't sleep. You guys are fuzzy..."
>"Anon, you know that's a poor excuse."
"Yes, but if I didn't lie to myself I would break."
>She sips her tea, "Applejack would hate to hear you say that you know."
>You shrugged.
"I already feel like a dou- er, like scum."
>"Pinkie cares an awful lot about you Anon, why would you do... th-that with Rainbow Dash?"
>You almost choked on your tea.
"Hey I just massaged her wings, I didn't do anything sexual!"
>She blushed and giggled, "Of course you wouldn't know about that..."
>You frowned.
"About what?"
>She bit her lip, "Pegasi wings are very... sensitive..."
>Oh.
"Speaking of Pinkie, how'd it go having her help here today?"
>"I don't recall Pinkie showing up today. Why, was she supposed to?"
>You held your head in your hands.
"Ugh, I told Rarity she probably couldn't stand me anymore. I'm a loser Fluttershy."

>"I'm sure she just got the names mixed up, that's all."
>She pulled you into a hug.
"Not likely, Pinkie doesn't make mistakes like that when it comes to her friends."
>"W-well, alright you have a point. Still, I don't think she meant to hurt you."
>She smiles, "Besides, Rainbow Dash wouldn't fall in love with a loser."
>You were starting to question whether or not that was true.
"How did that happen anyway?"
>She sighed, "Dash has always needed attention."
"Why me though? There's nothing that outstanding about me."
>She giggled, "You married Pinkie, that's pretty outstanding."
>Angel Bunny hopped over to the two of you and sat on your lap.
"What do you want, little guy?"
>He smacked you.
"How about I make rabbit stew?"
>"Anon! He's just trying to help."
"I prefer not to get smacked, thanks. It might work with you but not me."
>His ears flopped down.
>You rolled your eyes and scratched his chin.
"There, happy? I don't know why she named you Angel."
>"He's not always this grumpy."
"Could've fooled me."
>He stamps his foot and smiles.
>He always made you give him scratches or belly rubs.
>"It's starting to get a little late Anon, you should get something to eat."
"How do you know I need food?"
>"Because I heard your stomach growling."
>You shrugged.
"Guess I'll see if Rarity wants to go grab a bite to eat. Don't feel like going home yet."
>"Well I'll talk to you later Anon, take care now!"
"Thanks, seeya later Flutters."
>It was starting to get dark by the time you made it to Carousel Boutique.
>You knocked on her door again.
>Seems like you were running in circles trying to solve this problem today.
>She opened the door and gasped.
>"You look worse than when you left, what happened?!"
"Oh y'know, self-loathing. The usual."
>"Come inside dear, you look like you haven't eaten all day!"
"Probably because I haven't had anything since breakfast."

>She lead you over to her couch and laid you down.
>"Dear you need to stop pushing yourself so hard, I'm worried!"
'Whatever, Pinkie's probably having more fun with someone else."
>Her jaw drops as she goes to get you something to eat.
>"That's a very strong accusation Anonymous! What ever made you think that?"
"She said she was going to Fluttershy's today and apparently Fluttershy never saw her."
>You tried to come up with a smartass one-liner but couldn't think of anything.
"I just can't understand..."
>She gives you some snacks to hold you over while she prepares some actual food.
>"What can't you understand?"
"Everything about my marriage, really. How is Pinkie so happy with me?"
>You looked at the ring on your hand and started crying.
"I've tried my best to keep up with her, I really have..."
>Rarity sets a salad down on the coffee table in front of you.
>"Darling, do you need a hug?"
>You nodded through sobs.
>She wrapped her hooves around you.
"But no matter how hard I try, I can never make her as happy as she tries to make me."
>You bit your lip.
"I just can't, I can't love her like she loves me. Yet, I still love her that much."
>You sniffed.
"Does that make any sense? Probably not..."
>"Dear, I keep telling you not to worry so much about this."
"What if you're wrong? What if I should worry about this? I can't not worry about it!"
>She sighed, "If it makes you feel any better I'll try looking into this for you, alright?"
>You started eating the salad.
"The worst part is I can't be mad at her if she is cheating on me. I deserve it."
>"Hush now, nopony deserves to be cheated on."
"I can't please her, I know it. You know it, you just won't admit it."
>"Darling, please-"
"No, you know I'm right. We both thought it was a great idea, and I just..."
>You choked out a sob.
"I just wasn't ready for the responsibility..."

>"I won't sit by while you beat yourself up! Now you listen here Anonymous..."
>You got her fired up.
>"You can make this work, I know it! I'll prove you can make it work!"
>You sniffled.
"If you say so, I still think you're wrong though..."
>"Nonsense, I'll get you a happy ending just like in my romance novels!"
>You almost forgot that Rarity gave unrealistic dating advice.
>Might explain why Dash was so... forward with you.
>You finished eating your salad.
"Got anything else? I'm still kinda hungry."
>She levitated a peach over and broke it apart with her magic.
>"I know you enjoy them, so I figured I'd buy some in case you came over."
"Thanks Rares, you always seem to know how to cheer me up..."
>She giggled, "Oh it's no trouble at all dear!"
>She grabbed a tissue and started wiping your face clean of tears.
>"You look simply dreadful. I much prefer it when you're enjoying yourself!"
>You gave her a pet.
>"Careful, don't mess up my mane!"
"Come on, you know I'm a bit more cautious than that."
>"Yes, I suppose you're right."
>She smiled and leaned into your hand.
>Ponies sure do seem to love them.
>You gave your friend a hug.
>"Please do warn me next time, I don't want you hurting yourself on my horn."
"What, this thing? It isn't even that sharp."
>She huffed, "I'll have you know my horn is fabulous."
"It looks like a horn."
>"It's a very pristine horn!"
>You chuckled.
"Whatever you say Rares."
>You yawned.
"Man, I don't think I'll be able to make it back home this tired. Got a guest room?"
>"Of course! Follow me upstairs."
>She guided you along, holding your hand with her magic.
>It felt nice and warm, having your hand wrapped in her aura.

>"Here we are! I know it's not much, but I cleaned it up nicely!"
>You looked around the room.
>Minimum furnishing, which was a bit unlike Rarity.
>Still, you liked it. It wasn't overbearing or anything.
>Sweetie Belle walked into the doorway, yawning.
>"Why are you two talking so much? I'm trying to sleep."
>You lurched over into the bed and sat down.
"Like I said before Sweetie, grown-up stuff."
>"I'm a big girl now! What are you guys talking about?"
>Rarity wraps her hoof around her little sister.
>"Now Sweetie, if we told you I know you'd go gossiping about it!"
"Yeah, you kinda take after your big sister."
>Rarity scrunches up her nose, "Well... yes, I suppose she does."
>"Well Mr. Anon, if you wanna come hang out with us you can!"
>She sticks her tongue out, "Scootaloo has a special surprise for you!"
>You blinked and looked at Rarity.
"Is it just me or does that sound really bad out of context?"
>She nodded, "Very."
>"Aw come on! We were just gonna do, uh... pegasus stuff?"
>You shot her a questioning look.
>"Fine, Scoots wants to set you and Rainbow Dash up on a playdate."
"What."
>"What?!"
>You and Rarity had the same expression on your faces.
"You... know I'm married, right?"
>"Yeah? It's just a playdate, it's not like you're actually going on a date with her."
>Right, kids were weird.
"What brought on this idea anyway?"
>She kicks her hoof and smiles sheepishly, looking up at you with big innocent eyes.
>"Well, Scoots says that Dash talks about you an awful lot Mr. Anon!"
>You couldn't say no to those eyes.
"Fffffine. I'll go to your tea party or whatever you have planned."
>"YAY! Meet us at the clubhouse in the morning, you know where it is!"
>How could you forget?
>They once used you to try and get their "Scientist Cutie Marks."
>You couldn't walk right for a week.
>Fucking anal probes. Where the hell did they even get those things?

>Sweetie Belle went back to bed and left you and Rarity alone.
>You kicked off your shoes and rolled over into bed.
"Thanks for letting me crash here, by the way."
>"It was no trouble at all dear! Though, I am a bit worried..."
>She leaves for a moment, and returns with her cat.
>"You seem a bit... down on yourself, and I feel it's best to leave you with a companion!"
>She sets Opal down next to you.
>Much like Angel Bunny, Opal was kind of a bitch.
>Though Opal has a much more high-stress environment, Angel has no excuse.
>Also like Angel, Opal enjoyed your hands.
>Rarity said that the only pony Opal ever really tolerated was Fluttershy.
>Guess you're just good with animals.
>Or they're starved for belly rubs.
>Opal would always lick you and rub herself on you to get your attention.
>You pulled her in for a hug and scratched her ears.
>"I'll never understand how you do it."
"I mean, I used to work as a vet before Pinkie enlisted me into the baking business."
>"I was being facetious darling."
>It was part of the reason you met Fluttershy in the first place.
>Aside from the whole being married to Pinkie thing.
>You were never the best with people, but animals seemed to like you.
>You weren't a shut-in like Fluttershy, but you weren't a social butterfly either.
>You mostly kept to yourself, and worried yourself away in your thoughts.
>It was Pinkie that brought you out of your shell.
>She was very hard not to love.
>It was just hard to love her as much as she loves the world.
>You nodded off to sleep as you thought about how you came to be here.
>It was kind of a hassle, but you wouldn't trade it away.

>You awoke to Opal cuddling your chest.
"Come on little buddy, let me get up."
>The cat purred and hopped off your chest.
>You sat up and sighed.
>Today was gonna be one helluva day.
>Rarity had left you a light hoodie with a note.
>"It seemed a tad chilly this morning, and I know you like these silly things. -Rarity"
>She works fast, and doesn't skimp out on quality because of it either.
>This thing felt like silk, except not.
>Might've been fleece or something, you were never too good with textures.
>You slipped it on and moseyed downstairs.
>If you were lucky you could get out of here before-
>"Oh hey Mr. Anon! I was looking for you!"
"I just woke up Sweetie."
>The little filly tugged at your pant-leg and scrunched up her face.
>"Come on! Rainbow Dash said she was gonna wake up early for you!"
"Wonderful."
>"I know right?! She never wakes up this early!"
>You'd have to teach her sarcasm someday.
>Or maybe she was already redirecting it back to you, you couldn't tell.
>You picked the filly up and set her on your shoulders.
"Right, let's get this over with already."
>"Yeah! That's the spirit Anon!"
>You grabbed a few slices of bread on the way out.
>It wasn't much, but it was better than nothing.
>You rubbed your chest, seems you still had some pains.
>Not that the kid needed to know.
>After all, a piggyback ride wouldn't kill you.
>Just gave you another reason to wear clothes.
>Only Pinkie needed to know about that scar.
>Sweetie was rambling on about how much work they'd put into setting this whole thing up.
>You'd learned to smile and nod, letting the information overload just settle in.
>"We're here!"
>You'd walked the road to Sweet Apple Acres enough times that you didn't even need to pay attention.
>You set Sweetie down and walked to the clubhouse.
>What you hadn't expected was Dash to tidy up for you.

>She'd only put her hair into a ponytail, but it was something.
>She fidgeted in her seat and blushed.
>"So... how do I look?"
>You shrugged.
"I dunno, cute?"
>"Well you're wrong! Because it's not! This is a practical hairstyle!"
>You raised an eyebrow.
"You never have it in a ponytail though."
>"Yeah? Well I bet I can beat you at this dating thing anyway!"
"It's not a competition. Also I'm married, I think I can take you on."
>"Pfft, yeah right!"
>You really didn't need this so early in the morning.
>"Betcha can't beat me in a race across Sweet Apple Acres!"
"I'm not racing you."
>She hovered in front of your face, "Why? Scared you're gonna lose?"
>You sighed.
"Remember when you didn't see me for about a month earlier this year?"
>"Uh, duh? Those thirty-seven days were so boring!"
"I was in the hospital."
>The CMC had ran off to do some prep work.
>"Oh... uh, what for?"
>You raised your shirt up.
>She gasped and sat slack-jawed for a minute before getting real close.
>"Dude... that's so awesome!"
"Yeah well it doesn't feel awesome. I got swiped by a timberwolf."
>She sat down on the table and looked up at your eyes.
>"How'd you get attacked by a timberwolf?"
"It's not that interesting, don't worry about it."
>She placed her forehooves on your shoulders, "I'm interested."
"Well... alright, but sit down first."
>She sat down on your lap.
"Very funny."
>She smirked, "You're smiling."
"I am and I hate it, you dork."
>She stuck her tongue out, "Just tell the story already!"

"Pinkie had gotten an order from Zecora, so I decided to join her on the trip..."
>You remembered it vividly.
>The two of you were chatting away on the return trip with a bag of bits in tow.
>"So then I said to him, 'Oatmeal? I love oatmeal!' and he just kinda stared at me for a while."
"Hehe, good one Pinks."
>You noticed her ears twitching and her nose perking up.
>You listened for the sound of movement.
>"Nonny, I think we should-"
>You grabbed her in an embrace and hit the ground.
"GET DOWN!"
>A timberwolf nearly took your head off before tumbling onto the ground.
"Timberwolves... gimme a break, we just navigated a field of poison joke and hid from a manticore!"
>It lunged at you and you shoved your foot into its face, causing it to splinter into the ground.
>You crushed its head under your boot to make sure it didn't come back.
"These things are always too stubborn for my tastes."
>Pinkie taped one of their mouths shut after popping it a breath mint.
>"Tell me about it! They're such a tough crowd to please!"
>You choke slammed one into the ground on its head, shattering the core.
>Dash perked up hearing this part of the story.
>"You watch wrestling too?!"
"Well, yeah I did. Didn't realize you guys had wrestling here."
>"Duh! We should catch a match together sometime!"
>You shrugged.
"I might take you up on that offer, as a friend."
>"Yeah yeah, just finish the story!"
"I would if you hadn't interrupted me."
>Between the two of you, the timberwolves didn't stand much of a chance.
>You'd walked this road too many times to get killed by walking splinters.
>What you'd never expected was for the alpha timberwolf to make an appearance.
>The thing stood at about seven or eight feet tall, a good foot or two higher than you.
>Not like the smaller, more fragile timberwolves.
>These things were built to last.

>Its roar bellowed out, causing the other timberwolves to stand down.
>The things had formed a circle around you and the alpha.
"Don't suppose I could pay you to fuck off?"
>It screeched in your face.
"Nah, didn't think so."
>You danced out of the way of its claws.
"What? Think I'm just gonna stand there and take it?"
>You launched a kick into its ribcage.
>At least you think that's where their ribcages are.
>Your fists wouldn't do much, but maybe your boots would.
>The thing stumbled a little, growling at you.
"Knew I told Rarity to give these things steel toes for a reason."
>These things didn't weigh much, but it was magic holding them together.
>You would ask Twilight for an anti-timberwolf spell, but she'd probably tell you "No."
>Then give you a lesson about how all life is precious.
>Didn't do much good when your life was spilled all over the ground.
>You bopped it on the nose and twirled around to its backside while it was stunned.
>You picked it up with all of your might, and suplexed it into the ground.
>Dash rolled her eyes, "Why would you even do that?"
"Because I could, now let me finish the damn story."
>You dusted yourself off and gave Pinkie a grin.
>You went to walk over to her but the other timberwolves blocked the way.
"Oh come on, I just destroyed your leader!"
>You heard the rattling of wood clicking into place.
"Fuck me, I forgot to finish him off didn't I?"
>You turned around.
"Alright big guy, let's fucking g-"
>You felt a claw swipe across your chest.
"-o... sh...it."
>You collapsed onto the ground.
>"NONNY!"
>You chuckled.
"I-I'm fine Pinks, just got a little splinter!"
>You felt a metallic taste in your mouth.
>The big guy was walking over to Pinkie, almost as if he was taunting you.
>The thought of your wife being in danger, and needing you to save her.
>You were determined to stop that thing.

>You pushed yourself up, chest screaming at you to stop.
>But you couldn't stop, if you did she would die.
"Hey asshole, I'm still not dead over here."
>You could swear you saw its eye twitch as it turned around.
>You couldn't blame it, your shirt had to be covered in blood.
"That's my wife, and this was one of my favorite shirts."
>You must've looked like hell, because the thing wasn't making any movements.
>You smacked it onto the ground and stomped on its face.
>You kept stomping until it stopped twitching.
>The other timberwolves had run off in fear.
"Everything went black after that until I woke up in the hospital."
>"See? That wasn't so boring! Not many ponies can say they survived an alpha timberwolf!"
"Yeah well for a while I didn't think I survived."
>"Didn't realize you were so dramatic though."
"Look, a guy's gotta have some fun fighting giant monsters, right?"
>Dash fluttered her wings and carried herself back over to her seat, "I guess. You could've died though."
"I thought you were the brave one?"
>Her eye twitched, "Well yeah, I AM! But you mean a lot to a bunch of ponies!"
>"I, uh... tend to annoy a lot of ponies."
"Scootaloo sure goes on enough about you."
>"Heh, she was really happy to get to call me sis, truth is I'm glad to have somepony like her around."
>You took a drink of the tea the CMC had given you two.
>It was... actually pretty good.
"Why's that?"
>"In case you couldn't tell, I'm..."
>The next words looked like they put her in physical pain to say.
>"... a little insecure about myself."
"You've saved Equestria and you're one of the fastest, coolest ponies around though."
>"Yeah but, I always feel like I have to push myself to be better, and outside of that..."
>She scrunched her mouth, "I, uh, I'm having a breakdown right now."
"How so?"
>"Because, well, you know I really like you but I'm being selfish and... I'm..."
>She sighed, "I'm hurting your relationship with Pinkie. And I feel awful for it."

>You reached over and ruffled her hair.
"Tell you what, I'll get Pinkie to make some comfort food for you. I should be helping with that party anyway."
>"Heh, thanks... promise me you won't tell anypony about all that mushy feeling stuff, okay?"
"Whatever do you mean? You're the biggest badass in Equestria!"
>She giggled despite herself, "Thanks dude."
>You drank the rest of the tea and told Apple Bloom that whoever made it had made some bomb-ass tea.
>You took the scenic route to wake yourself up some more.
>You stopped by and said hi to Fluttershy and made your way home.
>And then you stopped by Rarity's to have a chat.
>Every day, coming home was a dreadful experience.
>Your mind had come up with a thousand ways the marriage could end.
>Between that and the pressing matter of Pinkie going AWOL yesterday...
>You shook it out of your head, it was going to be fine.
>Though if it wasn't, you wouldn't know what to do.
>Pinkie had done so much for you already.
>The scar on your chest would be a constant reminder of what once was.
>"Anon?"
>Rarity's voice snapped you out of your thoughts.
>"You have that look on your face again... you should go see Pinkie, dear."
"I guess you're right."
>"Yes, just go and get it over with already."
>She pushed you out the door.
"Wait what does that mean?"
>"That you need to stop worrying about what could go wrong and just see her."
"Wait but how did your recon go?"
>"Ta-ta Anon!"
>You sighed, a weight in your chest.
>You went inside the Sugarcube Corner, waving hi to Mr. and Mrs. Cake.
"You guys seen Pinkie?"
>"She said she was preparing something and went upstairs, might be waiting for you champ."
"Thanks Mr. Cake."
>Yeah, she was preparing something special for you.
>You were worrying over nothing.
>You opened the bedroom door.
>A hundred emotions flickered through your mind as the room came into view.

>Pinkie was straddling another mare.
>"Oh, hey Nonny! Come to help me out with all the lonely ponies?"
>You tried to speak but nothing came out.
>"If you wanted to join us all you had to do was ask!"
"Wh-what... is th-this..."
>"Well I figured since you like rutting me so much, why shouldn't others be that happy?"
>You told yourself to just let it go. She was being Pinkie, trying to be helpful.
>She didn't understand the ramifications of humans doing this kind of thing.
>It didn't matter, she still loved you the most.
>"... Nonny? Are you okay?"
>Your breathing hitched, and you felt yourself start to tear up.
"... no Pinkie, I'm not okay."
>You looked down at your wedding ring and contemplated life for a moment.
>Your lip quivered as you tore the ring off and dropped it to the ground.
>You ran back downstairs past the Cakes, thanking them for everything they've done for you.
>You burst through the front doors and didn't stop running until you were long gone.
>You didn't stop to catch your breath until you were in the Everfree Forest.
>You hit the ground on your hands and knees, and just started crying.
"F-fucking... sh-shit..."
>This was a culmination of a thousand of your worst nightmares.
>You heard a rustling in the bushes.
>You were at the end of your rope, you didn't care anymore.
"What?! Are there some more Timberwolves here? Well go ahead! I don't have anything to lose!"
>Green eyes glowed from the treetops.
>They started surrounding you.
"I don't give a fuck anymore! Just fucking hit me!"
>Some of them gave each other glances of confusion.
"This'll be the easiest meal any of you ever had!"
>They started shuffling in place.
"What? Now you're going to hesitate?!"
>A manticore smacked half of them away with one giant swing.
>Great, Fluttershy's pet was here to save the day.

>It wasn't long before Fluttershy found you.
>"Some of my animals saw you run past my house. They said you looked really sad."
>You were biting your lip trying to stop yourself from crying any more.
"So, I know hugging is a normal thing for ponies to do, massaging wings less so..."
>"What happened, Anon?"
"If massaging wings is a no-go, then I'm guessing rutting people is unacceptable too, right?"
>"...Anon?"
"She didn't even see anything wrong with it. Just Pinkie Pie helping others out, as usual!"
>You punched the ground.
"It's hard to convince yourself that your wife still loves you the most when she's fucking another mare in front of you."
>You felt a pair of hooves wrap around your waist.
>"Shh, just let it all out Anon."
>The past two and a half years of your life just went down the drain.
"I... am lost now, Flutters. Everything I did, I did for her, and now I've got nowhere to go. No purpose."
>"Maybe you should take a break, recollect yourself."
"Maybe... but... what happens now?"
>"That's up to you, Anon."
>You sniffed.
"All I know is I need someone to lean on right now."
>Fluttershy helped you up and you went back to her cottage.
>Even Angel Bunny didn't tease you like he usually did.
"If you don't mind, I'm just gonna go curl up on that couch and cry myself to sleep."
>You tried joking, it didn't help.
"If Dash comes by just tell her I'm not in the mood right now."
>The door burst open.
>Speak of the devil.
>"ANON! Are you okay?!"
>"Um, Dash I don't think now is the best time."
>"Look I don't really get this mushy stuff but it looks like he needs a hug!"
>You felt another pair of hooves wrap around you.
>"I'm here if you need me dude. We all are."
>You needed time to collect your thoughts.
>So you slept on it.

>You woke up later in the day feeling groggy.
>You rolled over to see Dash still lying there with you.
>Fluttershy was sipping some tea, her eyes still puffy from crying over you.
>"She's been there the whole time making sure you were okay."
>She yawned, "It was actually kind of cute. Seeing her grip tighten whenever your breathing started hitching."
>There was a knock at the door and Fluttershy sat down her tea.
>She trotted over and cracked open the door, "Hello? Oh! Hi there Rarity, come on in."
>Rarity looked around and sat a box of chocolates down on the table.
>"I brought you something to calm the nerves, I'll be on my way so as not to bother you."
>She was gone before you could thank her.
>You gave Dash a hug before getting up and grabbing the chocolates.
"You got a pack I could borrow, Fluttershy? I need to get out of town, clear my head."
>She gave you a silent nod and flew into the back room, and you could hear her packing supplies.
>"Going on a nature walk might help out a lot."
"Yeah... listen, I dunno when I'm gonna be back, so, y'know."
>You gave her the biggest hug you've ever given her.
"Thanks for everything. Seeya around."
>You stopped at the door.
"When Dashie wakes up, tell her I'm sorry for being a real asshole."
>You decided to get a headstart on the rest of your friends who were bound to come looking for you.
>You traversed the Everfree Forest, stopping by Zecora's to get some ointments and brews.
>She gave you some words of wisdom as you left.
>"I sense there is a heavy weight in your heart, perhaps this journey shall give you a fresh start."
>You unrolled the map Fluttershy gave you.
>Griffon Kingdom, someplace Dash would be able to find you.
>She'd have to figure it out first though.
>You set off on a long, tiring journey.

>Coming out of the Everfree Forest, you were at a loss for where to go next.
>You saw a vast desert in the distance. A nice arid place, perfect for bugbutts to live in.
>Though somewhere along the mountains were the Griffons.
>You took your chances with the desert first.
>Might as well learn all you can about love on this journey.
>You refilled your flask in a nearby stream and set off.
>The dusty winds cut at your face. You backed off for a moment.
>You dug through the pack Fluttershy gave you and found a scarf and some goggles.
>Probably not the intended use she had in mind, but you put them on.
>You could write a thesis on why the climate in Equestria was fucked seven ways from Sunday.
>Celestia and Discord probably bickered over what should go where.
>Actually, come to think of it, you blame Discord for this shit.
>You spotted a couple of Changelings scuttling away in the distance.
>You thought long and hard about the decisions you've made.
>This was definitely the dumbest one yet.
>At least you didn't have to worry about getting mugged, just kidnapped.
>The further you went, the more Changelings you saw spying on you.
>Eventually you hit a calm in the storm and took a rest.
>You uncovered your mouth and took a drink of water.
>"Well, I've never seen anything like you around here before. You must be very brave... or very stupid."
"Well, I'm probably both considering the other stupid shit I've done in the past."
>"So you can speak? That's lovely. My name is-"
"Queen Chrysalis, yeah I've heard of you. The reputation preceeds you."
>"Hah, at least somebody remembers my name. It is a little insulting when ponies forget an entire empire."
>You stood up and shrugged, meeting her at eye-level.
"Yeah well, y'ever crashed a divorce party?"
>"No, those generally don't happen."
>It took a moment for it to click for her.
>"Oh you poor thing, did one of those nasty little ponies break your heart?"

>It also took a moment to click for you.
"Wait, somebody? Everybody around here has said 'everypony' for as long as I can remember."
>"Well, you certainly aren't a pony, now are you?"
"I guess not. Anyway, I decided to go on a journey, clear my head, learn the ways of love."
>You took another drink, you were parched.
"Figured if anybody knew about lovemaking it'd probably be you guys."
>You shifted your weight, making it easier to stand.
>"Perhaps... it has been ages since I've had a lover I didn't have to shapeshift for."
>She licked her lips, "Though now that it's clear you're no coward, what do you say to a test?"
>You eyeballed the Changelings around you.
"Lemme guess, test of valor?"
>"So you aren't stupid either, good. It'll make this much more interesting."
"I don't see how this fits into the training montage but if you want me to get hot and sweaty then-"
>You heard the buzzing of wings and ducked out of the way.
"Well I guess this is one way to do it."
>You did your best to pin all of the Changelings to the ground but the sand made it hard to get a good footing.
>You were hoping to last a little longer than a dozen Changelings.
>"Was that all? Hmm, I suppose it's better than ponies have done."
"Yeah I can imagine with all the sand around here."
>"Oh tell me about it, it's hilarious seeing them fall flat on their pretty little faces."
"So uh, what did that prove, exactly?"
>You stumbled to your feet.
>"Well if you decide to stay with me I could always use an extra guard."
>She gave you bedroom eyes, "Plus I just wanted to see how flexible you are."
>This was quickly becoming an even worse idea.
"Look I could always go if you don't want me here I get it, I-"
>She placed a hoof over your mouth, "Shh, I can show you a whole new world... pardon me, I never got your name."
"Anonymous. But, you can call me Anon."
>"Well then Anon, how about you come back to my place?"
>It's not like you had a choice.

>The hive was actually quite nice. Very minimalist but it had a comfy feel to it.
>You were currently sitting in Chrysalis's throne room, munching on your lunch.
>"Now then, tell me all about how those mean little ponies hurt you."
"Well, it was more like one in particular..."
>You recounted the details of your marriage and how you found Pinkie yesterday.
>Retelling it, you were less surprised at the outcome.
>"That is simply dreadful! And to think they preach 'friendship and harmony!' Pah! They're no better than you or I."
>You could tell where she was going with this, but you humored her anyway. Nobody was busting you out of here.
>Might as well make the most of it, right?
"I guess that's true."
>"Don't worry Anon, we'll take care of you. All we need is a little love."
>You chuckled.
"Got plenty of that to give."
>Her eyes narrowed, "Alright it was amusing at first but now I'm actually a little concerned for you."
>She stood up proudly, "You are a guest in our kingdom, and I will make sure you are comfortable here."
>You shuffled closer and gave her a hug.
"Thanks Chryssi."
>You felt a faint warmth in her chest, like a spark had been reignited.
>"What would you say to helping me stomp out those pesky Griffons?"
>This was the new worst idea. But you had nothing to lose.
"What's in it for me?"
>"Well if my love and affection weren't enough, I suppose our goals would align in getting revenge on the ponies."
"... fuck it, I'm in. What do you need me to do?"
>"That was quick, are you sure you're ready for this? You could die."
"I've been dead for twenty years, this is the day that I live."
>"Careful there, you're starting to sound an awful lot like someone I used to know. He's locked up now."
"Yeah well I didn't survive the Everfree Forest by being a goddamn pussy."
>You'd gotten yourself worked up.
>You finally hit your breaking point.
"What's the plan?"

>"First of all we need to get you in a suit of armor. You wouldn't last five minutes with a Griffon."
"But I thought that test out there-"
>"Was to see how limber you were, a dozen Changelings is nothing dearie. Sorry to disappoint you."
>Okay maybe you aren't as tough as you thought.
>Come to think of it, the only other thing you've fought here has been timberwolves.
>It was no longer rage. Just impotent rage.
>"Oh don't look so glum, I accounted for something like this!"
>She led you below the ground floor and into some kind of basement area.
>She clicked a hoof against the floor and a bunch of green torches lit up the chitinous walls.
>"Luckily we didn't need to repair everything once we got back."
>Armor and weapons of all shapes and sizes lined the entire room.
"So, why are we fighting the Griffons anyway?"
>"Every time we send a scout to bring some love back, we receive a corpse instead."
>You eyeballed a particularly nasty-looking axe.
"I thought changelings were good at infiltration?"
>She growled, "Normally we are, but Griffons mate for life. They can always tell when something is amiss."
>You gave it a couple practice swings.
"What, ponies are actually easier to trick?"
>"Well, for starters there are some we don't even need to trick. They feel bad for us."
>She sighed, "I actually feel a little bad for those types. I give them a place among us instead of killing them."
"Cool, where are they?"
>"Oh I think you'll find they make excellent soldiers. They prefer to go by their actual names of course."
>She whistled, "IRONCLAD, YOU HAVE A VISITOR!"
>A rather large changeling popped out from behind a forge, scrambling to bow to Chrysalis.
>"Aye! Greetings my Queen! What brings ye down to the forge t'day?"
>She presented you to the cleft-chinned blacksmith.
"Uh, hi my name is Anonymous. Nice place you got here."
>He let out a booming laugh and pulled you into a side-hug.
>"No need ta be shy lad, I don't bite! Not usually anyway."

>He set you down and sized you up, "Alrighty then Anon, let me see if I can't get you fitted up!"
>Chrysalis dragged him aside, "Could you embed the crystals in the set?"
>"I could try, but those control gems are hard t'make, you'll have ta give me some more time for that."
>"Very well then, he's going to need the extra edge as it were."
>"My apologies my Queen, if I'd known we were going to have a Champion I'd have prepared them in advance."
>"Don't fret, we still need to talk strategy and give him the grand tour. We'll be back later."
>He chuckled, "Don't rush through it now! I'm going to need a day or two fer this one!"
>Chrysalis took you on a journey throughout the castle.
>Each floor had rooms with pods for changelings to rest in, along with weapons for quick armament.
>The second floor had a library with documents on everything the Changelings had discovered.
>You'd have to give the books on Griffons a read tomorrow.
>The third floor had entertainment of all kinds on it, the hot tubs caught your attention.
>Chrysalis chuckled, "Later Anon."
>Disappointed, you went to the fourth floor, the storage floor.
"Why the fourth floor?"
>Chrysalis shrugged, "Bit of a boring number. Besides, the sub-levels have our forges and dungeons in them."
>Finally, you reached the fifth floor. There weren't a lot of floors, but they were large and spacious.
>The fifth floor was comparatively small, with one giant door and two large doors off to the sides.
>"Here we are, the master suites!"
>She opened the enormous door in front of you and your jaw dropped a little at the room.
"That has to be the comfiest bed I've ever seen. And... are those curtains velvet? A-are the walls gold?"
>You stepped onto the marble floor, taking in the fountains and mood lighting in the room.
>"Only the best for a Queen, or a King."

"This is a lot to take in all at once."
>"As I imagine it would be, however you're no good to me dead. Do come back alive and victorious."
>She smiled, "Or don't come back at all."
>A serene look crossed her face as she licked her front teeth, "Because if you fail, I'll kill you myself."
>She fluttered over to her bed and laid down, sprawling out and stretching.
>"Make no mistake, I'm in charge here. Do well and I have a few more things on the agenda."
>You started to sit down on the bed to rest your feet for a moment, looking at her.
>She patted the bed and you sat down.
"How much is a few?"
>"My scouts have found out where the minotaurs live, we could finally get back at them for 1549."
"Wait how long do you guys live for?"
>"That's not important, there's also the meddling dragons. Their badland must fall as well."
"Oh boy I've always wanted to fight bloodthirsty dragons."
>"Curb the sarcasm, we also have to deal with the Crystal Empire, finish what Sombra started."
>She grinned, "Finally, I think the Princesses need to be silenced."
>You threw yourself back on the bed and stared at the ceiling.
"That's a lot of tall orders you got for me there Chryssi."
>"Yes well I may be a bit horny but I am not an easy lay."
>You decided to go check on the library before going to bed.
>It was a bit compact, but the shelves were filled to the brim with knowledge.
>A lanky Changeling was zipping around, picking out some books.
>"I assume you're here for some material on the Griffons?"
>She almost dropped one but caught it.
>"Oh my gosh that could've been bad."
>She floated down and sat the books on a desk, staggering in the air a little.
>"My name is Dewdrop sir, pleased to meet you!"
>She pushed her glasses up on her nose and gave you a toothy grin.

"Well hello to you too Dewey, I'm-"
>"Anonymous, right? Sorry I couldn't help but overhear Chrysalis as she was showing you around."
>She sat down in a chair and pulled out a pencil, putting it in her mouth and writing down a list of names.
>"Don't worry, I'll keep track of the books you turn in and take out."
>She set the pencil down and perked her ears up, giving you a tiny smile.
>"I always wanted to be a librarian but my Cutie Mark was for gardening."
>Her eyes lit up, "But then Chrysalis came by and gave me the life I'd always dreamed of!"
>She scrunched her mouth shut, "Sorry, I'm rambling. I tend to do that when I meet new people."
>You ruffled her hair.
"Don't mention it, thanks for getting all these books for me by the way."
>"Oh it's no trouble! Have a nice evening!"
"I will!"
>This place was actually pretty nice.
>You hauled the books back upstairs and set them down beside the bed.
>"Did Dewdrop give you a warm welcome?"
>You wiped the sweat off your brow.
"Yeah, Dewey was great. Cute little lady."
>Chrysalis smiled, off in her own thoughts, "She is, isn't she? Ponies wouldn't see it that way."
"Yeah? Well I think this place is worth fighting for."
>"I'm glad you think so. It seems my trust was not misplaced."
>You fell back onto the bed, falling asleep.
>You felt a pair of lips kiss your forehead.
>"Goodnight, sweet prince."

>You awoke to a pleasant ray of sunshine beaming down on your arm.
>You also felt a body wrapped against yours.
"Wake up sleeping beauty, I need to skim through those books."
>Chrysalis gurgled as she woke up, "Mmph, and I was enjoying the cuddles."
"Yeah well I have a big day ahead of me. You got any chefs?"
>She chuckled, "Yes, I planned for this as well."
>She clicked her forehooves together, "Monsieur Souffle! Your presence is requested in the master suites!"
"How did you do that thing with your voice?"
>"The princesses aren't the only ones with a royal voice you know."
>She wiggled her rump and hopped off the bed, "Now come on Nonny."
>You blinked. She was using Pinkie's voice.
"I know you probably have spies in Ponyville but there's no need to cut me like that."
>You picked a few choice books out of the pile to read on the way down.
>Griffon battle techniques, customs, their culture, anything that could help.
>The chef tossed you a blueberry muffin and a bottle of milk.
>"My apologies sir, it was all I could throw together on such short notice."
>You took a bite out of the muffin.
"S'good, real good."
>You skimmed the last pages of the books and set them down on a table.
>Chugging the milk, you jogged to catch up to Chrysalis.
"We going to check on the armor?"
>She looked just a little anxious, "Yes, we needed that armor yesterday."
>The two of you moseyed down the stairwell into the forge.
>"Ironclad I need results, what have you got?"
>He stopped working on a weapon and lifted his visor, "Ah, my Queen!"
>Taking off his... gloves? He wiped the sweat off his brow and motioned for the two of you.
>"Come, come! I think you will find the armor to your liking! Only... one problem."
>He showed you a gorgeous set of chitin armor. Lightweight and magically enhanced.
>"There's only one control gem. Why is there only one?"
>"T'was all I could scrape t'gether my Queen. I made him the ol' hivemind gem though."
>"Very well then. It'll have to do."

>You slipped into the armor and strapped on the gauntlets, looking at your left hand.
"Neat crystal, what's it do?"
>"It allows control over a portion of the hive's footsoldiers. You're going to need them."
>You waved your glowing fist around.
"Cool, so do I just like, point it in the direction I want them to go?"
>"Don't forget to clench your fist and use your fingers for tactics."
"Is group three just my middle finger?"
>"Yes, what of it?"
"Sweet I can flip somebody off while sending a pack of changelings at them."
>You looked around, grabbing the axe you swung around yesterday.
"Mind if I borrow this?"
>Ironclad smiled, "Not at all! Ye look like a real champion y'do!"
"Right, so do you guys have any alcohol?
>You walked back upstairs with Chryssi.
>"Of course, my children do enjoy a good party."
"I'm gonna need bottles, rags and matches."
>"What sort of tactic is this? You planning on getting every Griffon drunk?"
>You were still breaking in the armor.
"Nah, I'm gonna burn their houses down."
>She stopped, "Excuse me?"
"Griffons prefer thatch-roof houses, alcohol is flammable, you do the math."
>A devious smile crossed her face, "Anon! How positively naughty of you!"
"How many soldiers can I expect to have by my side?"
>"I'm giving you a hundred or so, don't screw this up."
>You chuckled.
"Hopefully we'll be in and out before they have time to mount a defensive."
>She called for your squad and supplies.
"Alright guys, I know you don't know me like your Queen, but hopefully we can work-"
>One of them piped up, "We got it, don't worry master!"
>"FOR THE OVERLORD!"
>You looked at Chrysalis, she shrugged.
"What."
>"You're wearing the armor of the champion."
>You looked at the motley crew of changelings, then to the distant Griffon Kingdom.
"WE RIDE!"
>You threw your arm wielding the axe up into the air to a round of roaring applause.

>You were halfway there when fatigue started to set in on you.
>Luckily you happened upon a Griffon merchant travelling by himself.
>After disposing of the body you had the changelings hop in the back of the cart.
>You made sure to put the molotovs under the wagon produce.
>The rest of the trip went much smoother as the two disguised changelings pulled the cart.
>Now there was just the matter of getting past the gate guards.
>"Halt! Who is this you bring before us?"
>You shrugged.
"I'm just a wayward traveler, looking for a good fight. Heard you guys had good fighters."
>"We do, best in the land. What are your credentials? We don't let just anyone fight us."
>You wiggled your fingers, the changelings preparing themselves.
"Well, a few. One in particular."
>"Oh? What's tha-"
>You brought the axe down with a sickening thud onto the griffon's skull, killing him instantly.
>You craned your head to the other one, her eyes wide.
"Scared? You should be. What's your name?"
>"G-Gilda."
"Well Gilda, I'm in a good mood, because you can go run to Skittles the Pegasus for help."
>"W-what?"
"Oh right you guys don't have that candy. The tagline was taste the rainbow."
>It clicked in her head and she flew off.
>A changeling tugged your arm, "Massster, what was that for?"
"Knocking out two birds with one stone, so to speak."
>You got the front gates open, molotovs ready.
"Now sadly they didn't give you guys any armor but we should be fine."
>You turned and saw them wearing pumpkins and other foodstuffs on their heads as helmets.
>One even had a live chicken, somehow.
"Okay then. That works too. Ready guys?"
>"READY MASTER!"
>You flicked your wrist towards the city.
"THEN LET'S BURN THIS CITY! THIS FIRE IS GONNA BE OUT OF CONTROL!"
>Nailed it. Sadly the changelings wouldn't know the words to the song.

>The roofs lit up nicely, a bright orange glow. Griffons dashed out of their huts.
>Straight into the jaws of your changelings.
>A few of the griffons managed to fight back a little but they just weren't prepared.
>You completely sacked the village on the way to the castle.
>Your changelings even found almost real armor and weapons.
>You took any valuables that could fund future expeditions.
>You were also on the lookout for any magical artifacts.
>You might've only had the one gem, but there were slots for five more pieces on your armor.
>The other gauntlet, the chest, helmet and leggings.
>The hivemind thing was cool but you thought about the possibilities.
>You could turn this armor built in a cave-like area into something cool.
>You snapped your fingers and some changelings took care of a griffon trying to attack you.
>You steadily made your way up to the castle, humming a little tune to yourself.
>The Griffons had some sort of ancient artifact, according to the books you read.
>Normally you'd dismiss such a thing as a myth, but in Equestria anything goes.
>It was said to make them invincible in combat.
>Hopefully the thing was more useful in your hands because it wasn't doing them any favors.
>"STOP! You'll go no further! This madness has gone on long enough!"
>You sighed. One of these types.
"I'm having a wonderful time, don't turn it into a bad time."
>The captain of the guard stood before you.
>"I refuse to let you storm the castle. SOLDIERS, TO-"
>You looked at a changeling who'd been pulling quite a bit of weight.
>You'd have to find him a crown or something.
"Midas?"
>He looked up at you, "Yesss master?"
>You flicked your wrists at the squad.
"Two or three more."
>"Two or three more?"
"Two or three more."
>They killed a few more griffons, and the guards disbanded in fear.
>You smashed the axe into the captain's neck.
"Moving on."

>The castle was situated on a pretty nice hill, would be a good spot for another hive.
>You kicked the front doors open.
>Or you tried to at least.
>You had your changelings force it open.
"I'VE COME FOR YOUR HEAD AND THE ARTIFACT!"
>You scanned the area. Cobblestone and very practical. Griffons weren't the flashiest.
>The King of the Griffons sat on his throne, giving you a slow slap.
>"I'll admit, I never thought the Changelings could mount an offensive like this."
>He stood up, scepter in claw. The big glowing gem must be your prize.
>"However, you'll not get one of those demands without the other."
>He flapped his wings for support and walked down the stairs.
>"Always wondered if I'd ever have to use the little technique the minotaurs taught me."
>He grinned, "So, I get to be alive for another Changeling Champion, eh?"
>He slammed the scepter onto the floor, shutting the doors behind you.
>"The last one that came my way is dead now. That was many moons ago. I've grown old now."
>He sighed, "Still, it is a good thing for a Griffon to go out in the heat of battle."
>You ordered your changelings to blast him.
>He created a shield with the scepter and blew all of your troops onto their asses.
"Power shield huh? Was hoping for something a little cooler but it'll do."
>You pulled out your axe and swung.
>He dodged.
"Well then, I guess it doesn't block physical weapons, does it?"
>He cringed, he'd made a tactical error.
>Not that it could've been avoided. Either way you were finding that out.
>Your changelings managed to pick themselves up off the floor.
"I hope you have some guards hiding around here, otherwise this is gonna be boring."
>The armor might've gone to your head a little, but you felt invincible.
>Your troops deserved some nice equipment.
>"My royal guards are always on call."
>He whistled.
"Good, more loot for me."

>The squad kept the guards busy while you worked on whacking a weasel.
>You'd have to ask Chrysalis what the hell was in this armor later.
>Maybe she sprinkled magic dust on you.
>Man that'd be neat.
>You felt old now.
"Did I seriously just use the word neat?"
>The Griffon King stopped, "What?"
"In my thoughts I mean."
>He tried to swipe you, "Excuse me?"
"I'm not really taking this seriously, am I? Sorry. Bored."
>Worst case scenario you were just a little hypnotized.
"Ah shit I've been played, haven't I?"
>He slashed your chest, "Would appear that way, yes."
>You chopped one of his wings off, throwing his balance astray.
"Not by you I meant by Chryssi."
>"You have a pet name for her already?"
>You kicked him over and picked up the staff.
"Well yeah, why not?"
>You pulled out the gem and slapped it into your other gauntlet.
"Perfect fit, very clever Ironclad. You've done your research."
>You worked some kinks out of your shoulders.
"Alright then, I'd say it's been fun but it really hasn't."
>"I-is this just a game to you?"
"Well, when you've got nothing to lose but your life, yeah I suppose it is."
>You chopped his head off and put it in a bag.
"The Queen is gonna be so proud of me."
>Yeah she'd played you.
"I know she's playing me, but she has a point."
>Did she? It was hard to tell.
>You took the crown and put it on Midas's head.
"You're my favorite little soldier."
>He blushed, "Thank you massster."
>You walked outside and took in a breath of fresh air.
>You'd really done a number on this place.
>The walk back to the front gates led to a pleasant surprise.

"Well then, Midas, take a break, you've earned it."
>Twilight and her band of misfits stood at the base of the mountain.
"You got here quick!"
>"I remembered I could teleport!"
>Right, she can do that.
>You motioned for your troops to take off their gear.
"The white one, yellow one and blue one are to be taken alive."
>They all transformed.
"Do with the other three as you will."
>You commanded them to swoop in there and cause a bunch of confusion.
>Eventually after all the tussling was done, the Mane 6 stood bewildered.
>"Alright, who's real and who's fake?"
>"I dunno, you tell me Twilight."
>"You're obviously the fake Twilight."
>"Am I though? We're all equally probable suspects."
>Thanks to hivemind, you actually COULD fuck with them.
>You knew these six better than any changeling ever could.
>The Fluttershies all shrugged and pointed to each other.
>The Rarities talked fashion, something Twilight wouldn't really get.
>Didn't matter if they were right or not.
>Pinkie Pie was...
>The Applejacks were getting into a countryism-off.
>The Rainbow Dashes were all talking about how great they are.
>"I FOR ONE WANT ANON TO RUT ME!"
>Well that's one way to prove you're the real deal.
>"Rainbow Dash would never use a sentence structure like that."
>"Wow rude Twilight."
"What'll it be Twilight? I'm in a good mood like I told Gilda earlier, you can pack up and go."
>You chuckled.
"But Rarity, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash stay with me."
>She looked at her friends and then back to you, sighing.
>"I'm... I'm sorry girls."
>That was easier than you expected.
>She tried to blast you with a beam but you caught it with your new shield.
>Nevermind.
>You shot her with a blast of her own magic, causing her to take a knee.
"Oh yeah, I picked up a new toy in the castle."
>The changelings knocked out Rara, Flutters and Dash, and took a bite out of the others.
"Now go on, get out of here before I change my mind."
>Or Chrysalis changes it for you.

>You all had a helluva party on the way back home.
>The girls were gooped up so even if they woke up they couldn't escape.
>Having some mistresses could be fun.
>You kicked open the doors to the hive.
"Honey I'm home!"
>You heard a chortle.
>"Sorry, I couldn't help myself."
>You ordered the three mares to be set down and you dumped the Griffon King's head out.
"Yeah, well, if you did hypnotize me, you sure enjoyed having me make a bunch of one-liners."
>"Perhaps I did, maybe I didn't. It's not important anymore."
"I'd at least like to know if I was always this much of an asshole or if it's because of magic."
>"Why can't it be both?"
"I'm not gonna get a straight answer, am I?"
>"Well, you're fairly flamboyant out there in that armor."
>You chuckled and snorted a little.
"Fuck off you made me snort. I hate that."
>"Oh my stars you actually snorted! I'm going to have to call you Little Piggy now!"
"Don't even think about it."
>She laughed and crushed the king's head under her hoof.
>"Okay then, give me the full report."
>You were just glad that wasn't your head.
"The village is destroyed, the king is dead, I have a new gem, and we have half of Twi's crew."
>"My you have been busy! Wait, did you say you got three of those meddling ponies?"
>You stepped aside to let her see them all tied up.
>"But how?"
"I let one of the griffons go call for help. Led them right to us."
>"A risky move, but it seems it paid off in the end."
>You held Midas up.
"I also really like this little guy, he did good. I got him a crown even."
>He curled his legs up and waved to Chrysalis.
"I call him Midas."
>These declarative statements, you felt like you were twelve.
"Seriously did you use your magic on me or something?"
>"If I say yes will you shut up?"
"Yes."
>"Then yes."
"I'm not satisfied with that answer knowing you just said it to shut me up."
>"Too bad."