LOOK AT ME HAVING A BREAKDOWN

[21:56] <@SeianVerian> Okay. Well, to start: http://seianverian.tumblr.com/post/27670847692/fuck
[21:56] <@SeianVerian> Oh, I'm venting to OTHER people privately anyway
[21:56] <MotherCeres> >.<
[21:56] * MotherCeres sighs.
[21:56] * XephyrEnigma hugs Seian.
[21:57] <Mattis_Veneficus> *snuggles trance and hugs seian*
[21:57] <kane_> the only reason im still alive is you guys and thts no shit
[21:57] * MotherCeres latches onto Seian :c
[21:58] * SeianVerian pets the Trance, hugs Xeph and Matt back
[21:58] <kane_> and the only thing tht keeps me out of the pen is tht im only fourteen
[21:58] <kane_> *hugs everyone
[21:59] <XephyrEnigma> Its like I've always said. I may not have the answers. But I'm glad to just let you bounce stuff off me if you need to.
[21:59] <XephyrEnigma> Err, be glad to.
[21:59] <@SeianVerian> And thank you for that...
[21:59] <XephyrEnigma> S'what I'm here for.
[22:00] <kane_> im here for good conversation and thts what ive got so far so thnx
[22:01] <XephyrEnigma> Kiiind of not the focus right now, but okay.
[22:01] <kane_> *shrugs
[22:02] <kane_> just tryin ta lighten the mood im depressed enugh as is conversations fine tho
[22:02] <@SeianVerian> Urgh... I just... Everything is such absolute crap. All the stuff going on with Saiko, and now his being grounded... All the government bullshit I'm surrounded by, and problems other people have that I just absorb...
[22:03] <@SeianVerian> I mean, on the government bullshit
[22:03] <kane_> *hugs
[22:03] <@SeianVerian> Not only is my internet restricted, but I'm also going to be judged on the sort of friends I make
[22:03] <kane_> i just cant say itll be alright cuz i dont know
[22:03] <@SeianVerian> There are already concerns about my making friends on "fringe elements"
[22:04] <kane_> fringe elements?
[22:04] <@SeianVerian> And apparently if the government doesn't like my friendships, I could be labeled abnormal and stripped of all rights!
[22:04] <XephyrEnigma> What the actual fuck?
[22:04] <kane_> wait thts bullshit
[22:04] <ArikVulpes> Not good. :(
[22:05] <kane_> THIS GODDAMN COUNTRY CAN ROT IN HELL
[22:05] <@SeianVerian> ^
[22:05] <@SeianVerian> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
[22:05] <XephyrEnigma> \agree
[22:05] <kane_> *im going to pop a damn blood vessel if i get any more  rilled up
[22:05] <kane_> *calms down
[22:06] <@SeianVerian> So much of what I'm going through directly connects to the government and culture of this country... The environment Saiko is in that has hurt him, that continues to hurt him, and me by extension... All of this bullshit I'm going through... So much.
[22:06] <@SeianVerian> I want OUT
[22:06] <@SeianVerian> But... I can't GET out
[22:06] <@SeianVerian> My getting out is years away
[22:07] <@SeianVerian> And in the meantime? What can I do? For myself, for ANYONE?
[22:07] <XephyrEnigma> I do wish there was something I could do.
[22:07] <kane_> look both my parents are simple minded homohaters and priks and when im 18 its gonna be bye bye
[22:08] <@SeianVerian> I'm helpless... Utterly helpless. I don't even know how to function in the world, I'm an absolute dependent who has to put up with this bullshit just to survive and get an education, I have basically no social skills...
[22:08] <kane_> look now first of all you live in amerca,right
[22:08] <@SeianVerian> Yes.
[22:09] <@SeianVerian> Unfortunately
[22:09] <kane_> what do you do for a living
[22:09] <@SeianVerian> Um
[22:09] <@SeianVerian> I'm not even ALLOWED to get a job
[22:09] <MotherCeres> Seian is my age
[22:09] <MotherCeres> ftr :V
[22:10] <XephyrEnigma> ^
[22:10] <@SeianVerian> This government bullshit actually PREVENTS me from doing anything for a "living". I'm supposed to "focus on my education"
[22:11] <kane_> ahh but tht still does not stop me i do odd and end jobs and as for education im at a highschool level but im in middle school
[22:11] <@SeianVerian> And for the next two years, I'll become even more entangled each semester, because all the money that is spent on my schooling needs to be paid back if I withdraw from the program that pays for it
[22:12] <kane_> i really dont have anything else to say sorry
[22:12] <kane_> im out of encouraging words
[22:12] <kane_> im just gonna tell it like is from here on out
[22:13] <@SeianVerian> Yeah I've been TRYING to find odd jobs. But I don't know how to search. It doesn't seem like ANYONE here has any idea how to help me except just by trying to deal with the state.
[22:13] <MotherCeres> I don't know how things there work :C
[22:13] <XephyrEnigma> ^
[22:14] <@SeianVerian> I don't know how things here work either! Which makes it all the more wonderful!
[22:14] <@SeianVerian> I have no control over my own life whatsoever or more than a rudimentary knowledge of what the fuck is going on!
[22:15] <@SeianVerian> I live in fear of what the fuck is going to end up happening, with no idea of how to even gain knowledge to defend myself and function a bit more in all of it!
[22:15] <@SeianVerian> I am COMPLETELY HELPLESS
[22:15] <kane_> we live in a shity world we got to fight our way to the top im just training for tht like the fact im saving money for a fuking car or truck so i wont have the fact tht mommy and daddy bought me this i worked my ass off to get this piece of shit
[22:16] <kane_> would be what i would say
[22:16] <@SeianVerian> Hahaha... Hahahahahahahahah..... Helpless... That's all I've EVER fucking been. When have I had a say in ANYTHING of consequence? When have I ever been able to do anything with my like?
[22:16] <@SeianVerian> I don't even know HOW to get a say
[22:16] <@SeianVerian> And I don't know enough for that say to lead anywhere
[22:17] <@SeianVerian> I know absolutely nothing... Powerless, ignorant, I'm basically nothing. I can't help myself... How could I help anyone else either?
[22:18] <kane_> and look sien between me and you i am not allowed to say no its always yeah or i guess if i say anything else i get dogged for three days and 12 yrs of being called a freak and being told im worthless is not good
[22:20] <kane_> and do you have any idea what its like to be made to walk with your head down because your "worthless"
[22:20] <@SeianVerian> Urgh... Worthless. It's only recently that I've EVER felt like anything else at all.
[22:21] <kane_> my father told me tht since i can remember and now if anyone tells me im worthless i punch in the goddamn face
[22:21] <@SeianVerian> And even know, I realize... I have nothing I can do to show my worth. To help me feel my worth. It seems like I just drag others down with my problems... I try to help them with theirs, but they just become mine. And as I take it all in, I just... Urgh.