Fritz Westmyn changes

inThis is a list of changes to chapters in The Story of Fritz Westmyn, both in-planning and in rewrites.

Universal changes:
▪ I used the wrong year when calculating the moon phases, so everything has been moved up a week. I may have missed a few here and there (2-15 being one), but will fix them all in proper rewrites.
▪ Pokemon (kah)/Pokémon (kay) are now used together to differentiate pronunciation, alongside Pokēmon (key) and probably something for (kem).
▪ Consistency with scene separators: "-" is used for immediate scene changes, "#" is used for long time breaks, and "~" for other kinds of breaks.
▪ Various tweaks and fixes, mostly in regards to present tensing and consistently referring to Pokemon that Fritz knows the gender of as their gender.

_________

1-1
PLANNING:
▪ I played around with various versions of the scene where Fritz meets Reika. I settled on what you see there, as less is more felt the best.
▪ Another potential rename for this chapter was "A New Beginning", but it didn't fit this.
▪ In the rewrite, I thought about having it open with a battle instead, but decided not to since this fic does in fact have an excessive amount at times.
▪ In the rewrite, there was a person for Fritz to talk to help pad things out in the spot where Fritz falls out of it, which could've been Teikō making a cameo before his formal appearance. I cut both of those however. It was a nice idea, but couldn't figure a reason why Fritz wouldn't make friends with him right there.

REWRITE:
▪ The chapter was renamed from "The First Day" to "Opening Move"
▪ The way I laid out the auditorium didn't really make a lot of sense for the doors opening to light it, so I changed the secondary glow to come from mobile devices.
▪ Various adjustments were made to Mr. Wippleman's speech. The blocking system was mentioned in-particular, and I invented a way to decrease the number of students claiming Eevees and their schedules.
▪ Moldeau Town was a name I came up with after the fact, so I put it directly into this chapter.
▪ Fritz has various remarks during it, including remarking it feels rushed and a bit about Eevee as a Pokemon.
▪ The length of time before Fritz sets out was increased.
▪ More tables were placed at the distribution station, to make the process have gone faster.
▪ A few small changes to describing Reika's harassers: the tomboy/Carlie had her clothes described, the slut/Irene is described as "trampish" instead of "slutty", and the male/Andrew is described by Fritz as "goofy" rather than "dorky".
▪ The scene with Reika's harassers was changed a bit so they leave on-screen.
▪ Fritz and Reika's Eevees are gendered here.
▪ Because I changed up Mr. Wippleman's speech to remove the order of the classes, I inserted a paragraph where Fritz looks at it himself.
▪ Thatcher now explicitly mentions he and Reika are friends, although states this with "somewhat" higher security rather than "much" more, which fits his subsequent action a bit better.
▪ Fritz and Reika now agree that it's really fortunate that all three of them are in the same block.
▪ Reika now has a couple lines where she uses the "Pokēmon" pronunciation, just to make it apparent this is an intentional design in the first chapter.
▪ Dr. Spfogckdl's name changed to Stammain-Lebenung. Because of this, Thatcher's corruption of it is changed from Sphogkettle to Staminung
▪ In addition to asking why Aporon thinks he might not be able to handle a Gyarados, Fritz also asks what makes him think he'd be able to.
_________

1-2 - Pokemon of the Lake / [Lake Pokemon]
PLANNING:
▪ Fritz was originally going to get whiteout that he left in his dorm, but I changed this when I made a map of the place, and ended up putting the dorms and lake on opposite ends.
▪ The bad/spoiled food thing was recycled from an earlier version of the script. I re-added it to give more conversation points, and for an amusing excuse in 1-3 as to why Fritz might not have been able to go to the washroom (since they'd be all tied up with sick people).
▪ The conversation Fritz, Reika, and Thatcher had went through a number of iterations. A few of these included Reika and Thatcher talking about their dreams, them talking a bit about their past at Fritz' request, them just catching up, etc. I chose to shuffle it all around and just keep in Thatcher's bit about Coordinating, however.
▪ Tied into the above, a specific reason for Thatcher's lack of stamina was immediately given, but had to be removed once that detail was removed from that scene as well.
▪ For whatever reason, changed Fritz' line before fighting the Gyarados from "Thatcher might be killed by that thing!" to "Thatcher might be in serious trouble!"
▪ In the rewrite, I considered a line, "We're doing what that Aporon couldn't do!" but removed it because it doesn't fit with Fritz' overall personality.

REWRITE:
▪ Made a few adjustments to fit a new symbolism being worked into the fic.
▪ Instead of wanting to get it, Fritz feels he has to catch the lake Pokemon - a subtle nod to two personality traits.
▪ Fritz now sighs when Thatcher asks him what's wrong.
▪ Reika now says that it's bad enough Fritz tried to talk Aporon down, instead of definitively saying he's in trouble from it.
▪ The direct reference to the old origin RP in Huntail was removed, although Fritz still throws the rocks.
▪ It made a bit more sense for Fritz to avoid the blast of water by dodging rather than ducking. Because of this, he whirls around 'straight after' rather than simultaneously.
▪ It's now a bit more clear that Mareep's Thundershock didn't hurt as much physically as it did mentally.
▪ The type of ball Fritz uses to capture the lake Pokemon is immediately mentioned here, although the fact that it's a Friend Ball is still something one can only discern from the description.
▪ Removed the bit about Fritz saying 'at least she believes me' in regards to Reika's reaction to his catching the Pokemon, as it didn't make much sense.
▪ I adjusted the scene before the trio begin to eat in a few ways, notably adding a small reaction from Reika when Thatcher reveals the sandwiches, as well as some conversation before they start eating to allude to Thatcher's father being a good chef.
▪ Thatcher now mentions Maribel Capdevila for the first time in this chapter.
▪ Fritz evades the question about his dream with less ellipses.
▪ Tweaked the bit where Fritz wonders why the Gyarados is there slightly to remove the 'not really denying it' part.
▪ Noting the Gyarados' exhaustion after each Hyper Beam, including changing the third use of it (on Aporon) altogether to being a slam instead.
▪ Changed Fritz' line before fighting the Gyarados back to "Thatcher might be killed by that thing!" It fits better after all.
▪ Fritz' reasoning at continuing to face the Gyarados is changed a bit.
▪ The crowd has a few more reactions, including giving Fritz some cheers of his own.
▪ Aporon's dialogue towards Fritz was made a bit more friendly for the public, although still convey the same messages.
▪ Fritz now gets Mr. Wippleman's name wrong, to make the naming joke a bit more clear.
__________

1-3
PLANNING:
▪ I was going to reveal the reason for Fritz being disliked by the teachers in full right here, but I decided to play it down for a while, hinting at it and introducing it later at the part's end.
▪ Fritz was originally conceived with short hair. I changed it to long hair in-planning after I realized that given something in the narrative, it didn't make sense.
▪ Ms. Odell's flirtiness was originally a bit more clear.
▪ There was a dropped scene in Part 1-1 where Fritz explains to a random person just what Mr. Wippleman meant when explaining the Eevee. I moved it to here to fill space out.

REWRITE:
▪ The Activism Club Shack is now mentioned here.
▪ The desk is described as an executive one, rather than one fit for a king.
▪ Dean is described as the school's Master
▪ Dean's motivations in telling Fritz about the teachers is clearly stated by him that he feels it's best.
▪ He also states that he intends to fulfill his responsibilities and get the most out of the school.
▪ Fritz and his Eevee interact a bit more, leading into...
▪ ...a small scene here to explain the Pokemon/Pokémon thing. It also mirrors the one in 1-1.
▪ Reika now mentions that she has a Grass and Water type already, giving direct reason why she wouldn't want to evolve her Eevee into those. Fritz passively mentions he's unsure if that should be a deterrent.
▪ Ending of the Eevee scene changed, as was its beginning.
▪ Fritz now specifically mentions he has a single room, and also states he would've gone with it regardless of others.
▪ The contest hall in Moldeau Town in the description of it various visible facilities.
▪ Fritz now guesses it's after midnight, rather than having a clock to tell exactly what time it is.
▪ Expanded Fritz' thoughts to think about the teachers' views on him as well.

▪ Added in a line for Dean Finkerton when he's ranting about the students at Rukh's - "Those with gauche and inadequacy."
▪ Fritz now talks about his family a bit, specifically mentioning Annika.
▪ Added a bit in the above paragraph where Fritz says that he doesn't find being alone boring; it's consistent with 3-5.
__________

1-4
PLANNING:
▪ Originally Fritz described the Tactics class specifically as a high school gymnasium.
▪ The battle changed a bit when I changed Fritz' Nidorino to a Nidorina. Namely, it uses Double Kick after the jumping kick instead of Fury Attack. Everything else remained the same...
▪ ...except after the battle, where I used the chance to give her a little more personality. In the end, I liked the change.

REWRITE:
▪ Changed up the description of the Battling class' battlefield so that it's drawn on the floor, instead of being a "Battlefield".
▪ Various extra dialogue from Fritz. It's now a bit more clear that he was, in fact, humiliated after the initial battle with Edgar and is fighting to save face.
▪ Various extra description, such as spit flying from Edgar's mouth when he screams at Lawrence.
▪ Fritz now asks Aporon's cronies are pawns, to which he replies they're friends.
▪ Lawrence now has a last name that's mentioned here - Southall.
▪ Tweaked the paragraph/bit where Edgar's Primeape uses Secret Power.
▪ Removed mention of David's name, to keep the narrative consistency in how it's never actually mentioned until 2-5 (hence why he's only referred to with a pseudonym until then)
▪ Cleaned up the bit where the spinning Thrash happens.
▪ Fritz now actually describes what happened to Thatcher, instead of the narrative just saying he did so. A bit of dialogue was changed to accommodate this.

▪ Fritz mentions having streaks in his hair; a design change of his character.
▪ Fritz acknowledges relying on Static as a potential strategy
▪ Thoughts on what to do about Mareep being stuck now really do flash through Fritz' mind.
_________

1-5
▪ Nothing went unused.

1-6
▪ I did write device entries for Zubat and Golbat, though decided the more logical place to introduce the device was later.
▪ Check them out here: http://pastebin.com/Kr0EQRes

_________

1-7
PLANNING:
▪ There was a removed scene here where Fritz' actions in Socials are explained in a little more detail; him having met three people whose relationship reminds him of his with Reika and Thatcher - although he admits he may have just been reaching. I removed it because it seemed truly pointless and didn't fit the narrative to put them in.
▪ The "mountain cavern" was the beta name for Abet's Bluff. I use it because hey, not everyone can remember the names (also exemplified by Fritz). On another note, it was originally Abet's Rock; I changed it because bluff sounded cooler. This also allowed me to invent a creative backstory for it later using a play on words.
▪ [i]"Mostly because I knew a guy who usually did that."[/i] - This was a last-minute line added to make it clear that Fritz isn't a marathon runner, even though he does know a few concepts.

REWRITE:
▪ Fritz now mentions his Houndour and reserves for the first time in this chapter.
▪ The Beast's shriek is in the dialogue.
▪ Fritz no longer says he's screwed after Nidorina is defeated. In fact, he says that he's not through yet.
▪ It's now outright stated that the reason Fritz is retreating from the Beast is not necessarily because of any inability to fight it, but because there was little point trying to.
▪ Because Tangela actually has several strong points, I tweaked the bit so that powder is not its "other" strong point.
▪ The "All right, Tangela!" line was moved to the Stun Spore command, so the Sleep Powder one can be more spontaneous
▪ Fritz now actually explains the plan to rappel down to Tangela on-screen.
▪ The escape sequence is now in a more present tense.
▪ A few more details and formatting changes to the escape scene's aftermath, including holding onto Tangela tightly.
▪ Rearranged the wording on Fritz saying he's unsure about what non first years think, so it's more clear why he's unsure how Liane and Irene would think.
▪ Mareep's reaction and theirs to it was toned down somewhat.
▪ Tweaked Fritz' description about Multi Battles to be more descriptive.
▪ Aporon and the rest of his group now visually agree with Edgar in regards to not caring that Fritz went to Abet's Bluff.
▪ Fritz now says that he's learned never to go to the mountain cavern, to make his thoughts on the place more clear.
▪ I changed the aforementioned line to say that stretching is something you should do before a workout, as the other one felt clunky.
▪ Last bit pondering the person in white was cleaned up.
_________

1-8:
▪ Originally Fritz was going to shove open the double doors. However, fire safety regulations - something that Dean Howard does follow - require the doors to open outward. Hence, he has to yank them open.
▪ This scene was developed in a unique way. Elyna Dragomir is a cameo character from AiedailEclipsed. Since I was having trouble writing this scene, my idea was to have someone else write it with me! Ergo, we RP'd this up.
▪ It was originally shown that Mrs. Shugiri isn't fond of Aporon's group in this scene. Why was never explained.
▪ Fritz did a little more looking stuff up in the original draft.

1-9:
▪ I had two dropped conversations here. The first was Fritz explaining to Reika and Thatcher about what had happened to him, and the second was the full version of the conversation mentioned in the last two paragraphs. Both were dropped for conveying information that was already conveyed.
▪ In addition, the conversation about Moldeau Town was moved from at the start of the walk to at the park.
▪ This scene was originally going to transition into a battle between a young couple and Reika and Thatcher, but I had to drop it because it just didn't fit with their mood.
▪ Carlie, Irene, and Andrew were originally not going to appear here. I put them in to give more faces to Reika's harassers.

1-10:
▪ Before all the worldcrafting was done, Fritz would've looked for Aporon instead of Lawrence. The result was the same, but different - he would've been "out like a light in a compromising position", clearly suggesting it was more out of a drunkedness.
▪ Originally the flames spread further when the water made contact; I changed this when I researched and learned that's not how Class D fires work, and subsequently changed a few bits
▪ The school part was originally cut here!! But I changed it.

2-1:
▪ A few lines of text were recycled from 1-1 and 1-5.
▪ Mr. Gruff makes his formal appearance here after getting dropped from 1-9.
▪ I dropped a small funny statement because it broke up the flow of dialogue; after "I've seen drunken bums with nicer clothes than you." Fritz remarks he didn't just make that up. This would indirectly reveal another member of the Traveling Hobos - Boozer.

2-2:
▪ The Four Ps were originally going to be introduced here. Fritz would have a snarky response that he sees a different set of Ps: "pretention, pedanticness, pretextation, and PISSING-ME-OFF"

2-3:
▪ The Big Contest was originally here, but I decided to give it a bit of delay.

2-4:
▪ I was caught between simply having Fritz do a summary of the events after the fact and actually showing them. I settled on the latter, mainly for the sake of showing the teachers again. Although this is the exact reason for the chapter's long length - I couldn't split it up, either, since all the logical split points were in odd spots.
▪ The second scene almost didn't make it. I only kept it because it reinforces how Fritz doesn't pay attention to Reika going up and down stairs at first.
▪ William and his two friends (Miles and Reginald) are recycled from an early version of 1-7's script, just to give a little more life.
▪ The explosion was moved all over the narrative. I decided it fit best here, though.
▪ I trimmed the descriptions of the Pokemon down to about two-thirds the length.

2-5:
▪ The first scene almost didn't make it. Almost was a shame.
▪ There was originally a scene here setting up the plan for the day, but I decided to not show it for effect.
▪ Originally, Fritz and Thatcher were going to go with the others. However, given what actually happens, he'd kind of be leaving whoever behind (or they would be present to ruin the moment at the end). So it just had to be the two of them. Which isn't bad, since it gave the two time to interact together.
▪ When Celeste Faris showed up, Fritz originally added he himself takes after his mother's side more than his father's side.

2-6:
▪ I originally thought to reenforce Eevee's shift by having Nidorina try to pick a fight with it, but decided it was too awkward.
▪ There was a dropped scene here where Fritz and Reika visited the principal, in the former's attempt to aid the latter. He would talk the Dean into planning to install elevators at a future point (unfortunately way after Reika's leg heals), but Finkerton would have business to attend to before they could talk about anything else.
▪ There was a dropped aspect where Fritz would find out - mostly useless information - from one of Premala's admirerers. He would've ruined the peace of a relationship with Premala in Fritz' eyes, however - as well as messing up the scene directly. So it never came to be.
▪ Originally, there was a small exchange between Fritz and Reika before what they went into. Instead of Fritz mentioning so, Reika says she didn't know Fritz was so easily flustered, to which he replies that he actually isn't.

_________

2-7:
PLANNING:
▪ The Bug Maniac/Tulu Turned originally had a bit more to say.

REWRITE:
▪ Although possibly temporary, Fritz and David have a conversation that's supposed to be a meta reference to how many different characters there are in the fic, and how one is supposed to handle it.
_________

2-8:
PLANNING:
▪ Originally, what was going on with the shrine was a bit more obvious. That is to say, still not obvious at all.
▪ The meta conversation about there being so many people involved in Fritz' life was intended for here, and will probably show up in a future rewrite if I can figure it out.

REWRITE:
▪ A few adjustments to the bit about the students not believing that the attack had happened.
_________

2-9:
PLANNING:
▪ No real changes.

REWRITE:
▪ Mr. Li talks a bit more to Fritz. In particular, he states it's because of him that Reika and Thatcher were in the same Block.
▪ I removed the whole bit about Edgar calling Phoebe a lesbian, as it felt kind of awkward.
▪ Phoebe's motivations and Fritz' talk with her are expanded. She now feels Fritz didn't even want to get the chance to know her. Her crush on Fritz and anger towards Premala is also elaborated on further.
▪ Changed the Ace Attorney reference when Phoebe points.
▪ Fritz takes a neutral side in the battle, rather than standing with Premala.
▪ Because of this, she couldn't hug Fritz anymore when using Aromatherapy to heal Phoebe's Skorupi, so I changed that action.
▪ And to allow Fritz to scan Incendooh, he runs up to her after Leafeon uses Faith Ray.
▪ Instead of mentioning the move's type, Fritz tries to get out its name.
▪ When Incendooh's steam attack comes out, Fritz says it'll be awkward for everyone if Premala loses, rather than almost panicking over the ramifications of Phoebe winning.
_________

2-10:
▪ More detail into the Four Forces was dropped.
▪ Fritz was originally going to wonder why Elyna wasn't being considered, but I decided to have it slip his mind.

2-11:
▪ Premala vs. Elyna was to make an appearance here. However, I decided the former was showing up too much recently, and so just had Teiko deliver the news.

2-12:
▪ Nothing changed.

2-13:
▪ The scene with Fritz' friends wasn't originally in, but I put it in for padding, to make Fritz' reactions towards Premala more natural, and to make a mention of Reika's father.
▪ Premala originally gave a bit more details about her being from the Kyuokaisa here.
▪ Meanwhile, I decided to cut back on the exposition behind the Beast and its past, simply because it worked better that way.
▪ The Crobat originally said why it was removed from the cloud itself at the start.
▪ Nidorina was also to make an appearance when Fritz was convincing Crobat to join him. Fritz would say that although they don't always see eye-to-eye, and that she doesn't always like his creative approaches, they make a good team - and he and Crobat could be the same way. Crobat's retort would be that she thinks they make a good team because they're both highly aggressive.

2-14:
▪ I had to rewrite the battles a bit to account for Fritz vs. Elyna having happened.
▪ Nidorina originally had a bit of trouble, and so the line before sending out Eevee was "if one Pokemon mauling it isn't enough..."
▪ The way Fritz and Premala's relationship developed changed significantly in development. Originally, Fritz was finally able to demand some answers of Premala and her motivations. Premala would've agreed to answer a question of his, and the first thing that would've came to his mind would've been...why she loves him. She wouldn't answer that, as she's unsure why she's attracted to him herself. She'd say that love works in mysterious ways before kissing him, which he accepted. Letting Fritz find out a bit more beforehand, and changing their backgrounds a bit led to this scene being written MUCH differently.
▪ I toyed with the idea of this scene being moved to the beginning of 2-15, but I decided that I'd already done the "friend might be dead" schtick once. And besides, it's nice to end a chapter on a heartwarming note for once.

2-15:
▪ No real changes.

_________

3-1:
PLANNING:
▪ Originally Fritz was just drowning his sorrows, but I changed it up for humor's sake and to introduce Boozer and Dick as characters.
▪ The exchange between Tulu and Fritz went through a number of iterations, before settling on this semiformal one that Fritz escalates.
▪ I reused some dialogue from the very first scene of the first iteration of the fic to describe Lairon, since what I wrote was bad.
▪ Obviously, the Mega Evolution into Tarragon Sceptile wasn't in the original plans and was done just because it was there.

3-2:
PLANNING:
▪ I almost thought about having the first scene here be a fakeout, Fritz thinking about what could've been, but decided that was awkard.
▪ Yet another case of RPing to make a character, this time with Glitchipedia as Takeko Sasaki.
▪ I trimmed down the Machamp vs. Lairon battle, specifically pertaining to the Focus Punch. Before including it, Lairon would've rolled away from the Vital Throw with Protect. Goro also removed its belt during that sequence, in contrast to what was said in its databank entry
▪ An entire scene on a train was cut from the ending, but everything important in it - namely, what happened with the Shinzo and the husband as well as Fritz' thoughts on the future - was conveyed anyway.

3-3:
PLANNING:
▪ This was originally a chapter about two small-cases: the mystery of a murdered stock broker, and the mystery of a stolen family heirloom. The former would've been off-camera like the case here, and featured Fritz having a monologue. Couldn't find the groove for either, and given Fritz did the thinking in 3-2, I decided on having him actually do something in the meantime, which let to this.
▪ Rin and Kaito, the commentators, would've spoken up in the battles from time-to-time, but I removed them because they only really would've served as alternate - and disruptive - sources of narration.
▪ Maribel was originally set to use Mawile, not Absol. The latter fit better, not only to show how seriously she was taking Fritz, but also because it made for a more interesting battle.
▪ Fritz actually did pull the stunt off at the end, but I changed it since I had an interesting development idea.

REWRITE:
▪ Bonnie now thanks her Pokemon along with everyone else.
▪ Changed a few of Bonnie's lines to fit with her speech patterns I established in 3-5.
▪ Gave Bonnie a hairclip in her design, just to make something work in 3-6.
▪ Maribel is slightly more animate in her retort to Fritz.
▪ Fritz now explains the logic in using Tangela, as well as stating his goal is to look good - not necessarily win.
▪ Maribel has a bit more dialogue as the fight goes on, to show she's not taking the prospect of potentially losing to this newcomer very well. She also drops to her knees after the draw is announced.
▪ Added some extra dialogue in the final scene when Fritz investigates the familiar face.

▪ Fritz now uses an alias throughout the contest portion of the chapter, although does say to Bonnie that it is one.
▪ To this end, his secondary mediatag had to be removed.

3-4:
PLANNING:
▪ Before Barrold Chinthwaite existed, there was simply an unnamed character with a Rhyperior. This was more of a one-sided crushing.
▪ "Me-Me" from an RP channel on Sorcery plays this character.
▪ Originally, Fritz said Barry was playing smart, but I gave Bonnie this line to give her a bit more character.
▪ Bonnie originally stood next to Fritz even during his battle. I realized this didn't make a lot of sense, which necessitated changing the phrases she interacts with him during it. For example, she prodded him before the Rock Slide in the original draft, and she shouts to him in the final.

REWRITE:
▪ Added a line from Bonnie, "Even someone who's only a contender to be Champion like him has some pull," to better set up plot for later.
▪ Fritz now has a bit of a diversionary thought about how much battling there is, which acknowledges this fact and alludes to how he rarely actually initiates battles himself. Also makes his unease a bit more clear.
▪ In a bit of extra dialogue, Fritz now messes up and calls Sairo Mujina a former champion by mistake.
▪ Fritz states he's getting into the battle a bit as it progresses.
▪ Fritz now has a slight suspicion that Sairo Mujina called the battle off to avoid losing, but doesn't state it.
▪ After the end of the battle, Sairo subtly brings up that things might have gone differently if his Rhyperior hadn't been through 15 battles beforehand. Fritz acknowledges this in a few places.
▪ Expanded the final bits to talk a bit more about the inconclusiveness.
▪ Fritz is now pretty blatantly evasive as to why he thinks Sairo Mujina challenged him.

3-5:
PLANNING:
▪ This chapter had a ton of changes conceptually, and the talk at the start was modified several times. A few specific things that were cut include discussions about their strongest Pokemon, Bonnie's uncle, and namedropping Premala.
▪ I originally was going to have an exchange with Bonnie remarking that it's so nice she found someone to travel with, and Fritz saying that they were both headed in the same direction, so may as well for a while. However, it made no sense for them to be saying this in the middle of their travels. I ended up alluding to it anyway, with their talk about friends and Fritz' diversion.
▪ I thought about a line where Fritz says 'friends won't always be friends, but family will always be family' and/or alternatively 'you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family'. but decided to sidestep that altogether and put in a different proverb.
▪ I changed lines around around to give the thug an initial impression of a general creeper than just plain rude.
▪ The thug originally ordered Bonnie a roofie, but I changed it since that didn't make too much sense.
▪ Akio originally had an accent much like the others, but to make him more distinct, I had him be one of the few without one.
▪ I split the chapter into parts because it went longer than expected.

REWRITE:
▪ Changed a few things to fit 3-6's allusion.
▪ Added a camera to Borna's design to make something in 3-6 work.
▪ To the concept's end, Akio was also made the only one here to pronounce it "Pokémon"

3-6:
PLANNING:
▪ Originally, it was Bonnie who asked why the sheriff "kept calling him Barkeep", but as this was the first time that actually happened, it made no sense. So I changed it so Fritz brings it up instead.
▪ Hakim was originally going to be named Hakizimana, but this was super awkward, so I changed it to something much shorter, similar sounding, and a counterpart to Kana's name.
▪ Some of Hana and Ana's lines had to be trimmed to flow faster.
▪ A lot of line ideas for Morgan went unused.
▪ There were scenes with Doc and Gino/Leo planned, but I felt it best to keep them short. They still have moments in Bonnie's bonus scene.
▪ The talk about the Mizumakis was originally a lot more open, but I felt a more subdued tone worked better.
▪ Fritz originally was set to ask Bonnie about Mareep, but I changed it to be the other way around. This and the following question about her Paras helped to build up her character.
▪ I almost thought to end the chapter with the scene in 3-7 where Bonnie leaves, but it was going on too long already.

3-7:
PLANNING:
▪ The opening was an impulsive idea that I implemented, that also helped transition the scene.
▪ While I had the dialogue between the two written ahead of time, I added a few extra lines here and there to help with padding, including Fritz asking if something is wrong and Bonnie thanking Fritz for not holding her leaving against her.
▪ I almost thought to have Fritz and Bonnie hug, but it would go against how I intended to develop their friendship.
▪ Odin originally used a Gatling Gun just to make the reference more blatant, but having it be a more modern weapon made more sense.
▪ The action scene was originally set to be a lot more descriptive, but given present tensing, I had to adjust accordingly. Toxicroak making people back off helped allow for this.
▪ Mikey was originally the one using the slingshot, not Kairo. Also in accordance with the above, it was just randomly observed and not used to help cover Fritz.
▪ Odin originally just had a shotgun. It made no sense for him not to be using it after his assault rifle ran out of ammo, so I gave him Akio's rifle, also to make that moment a bit more panicky. It also made more sense, since he kicks the weapon away.
▪ Before Bonus 3-6b existed, Akio just retrieved and used Odin's shotgun. I thought it would be cool if Akio used the very weapon Odin used to kill the Mizumakis to kill him, and thus made it so.

3-8:
PLANNING:
▪  I almost had Fritz lead into the television with the opposite directions. However, apparently the 'safe' way to be on a road is opposite traffic, which it's inverted in Japan.
▪ The thought occurred to me as to why Railriders doesn't just stay in places with free lodging to begin with, so I added the bit about Pokemon licenses.
▪ I thought to have Fritz find out on his own that Bonnie had made it safely there. I changed this around to help expand the chapter by a bit, by having the Hobos search for her.
▪ The 1000 Hobo Sayings were something I first thought of in this chapter, to assist with writing Mr. Gruff's character. They weren't originally in the plan.
▪ Fritz' cursing about the other members of Railriders making fun of his self-consciousness was originally a thought.
▪ The Porcelain Temple was originally a Shinto shrine, but I changed it because I felt it worked better as a Buddhist one.