Stand solo lyrics

I'm one mouthful away from having to re-graduate the driving school
Once you go pint, one does not simply stop there that's the golden rule
I'm pouring that shit down and soon reaching the benchmark of a fool
As the ugliest girl on the stand turns into a beauty, oh god is this drool

Suddenly I'm approached by this bold and peculiar looking swamp creature
I'm addled as her distinctive appearance denies the laws of the nature
My crotch goes crazy down there and tells me that it's a preferred feature
--
She sits tightly next to me with a smile that speaks of deviant amusement
Her fingers latches themselves to my face as some kind of chanty inducement
Few seconds after my pants gets fiddled with sensational fellatic movement
--
She gets up to my face and says, hey there dragon, have another drink
Words comes out of her with an ooze that takes me back to a septic tank
I pray to god that I'm only just a victim to some elaborate prank

I'm one good advice away from becoming a respectful man with dignity
As I'm exposed to experiences that weren't covered during my time in agility
Why resist an easy fuck, due to my resent lack of I fail to see the utility
Pussy of a sea monster is still pussy, I'll swing that shit down like chivalry

I wake up insinde a grotesque looking basement, all riled up and worried
I'm chained up on a cross like a true prophet, with all my dreams burried
On my hands I got a ring and a paper with a bold font that says married
--
She comes down the stairs with a malicious giggle, holding a hammer and a nail
This female monstrosity approaches with an evil grin, my skin goes pale
Upstairs comes the sound of banging furniture and steps, oh could this be my bail
--
A platoon of men with sky blue uniforms brought in the rescue on a silver plate
One of them says I'm the deputy Sheriff, it looks like you just got punked mate
I return home and finally I'm all alone, puzzled with a new fresh idea of a date

I'm one Hercules gig away from becoming the knight of the full brown scupper
While I still loiter on the intervals, it's yet not too late to dumb her
Women, you wile creatures. Get out of my head and let me cover myself in butter
Oh I'm getting the feeling that my life just got significantly shorter

There's still hope for me to restore my faith to womanhood
Now's the time to say bye bye to my thingified self for good
Before every single boner gets the label of a morning wood
--
I will not become a vessel for of any more of these stunts
Women they don't have penises, said the doctor to me once
Who gave this guy a medical licence, boy what a dunce
--
Girls they don't need dicks to make my butthole feel all gapey
When it's raining cats and dogs, it's when I'm accompanied by a perfect lady
Until then, you'll find me waiting and moaning like a premature baby

Uuh, that's a beautiful chair.. Beautiful fuzzy chair.
I love this keyboard
I love my mouse, I love my fucking monitor.
I love this empty pepsi bottle, love
That window looks kinda nice too. wait, wait.. hold on.. ugh.. there
as I thought. It looks better with the blinds shut, love
I think there's still too much space around me
hmmmm that closet looks comfortable.. I called it.. love. love.

This is no way for a modern man to live, what is it that I'm trying to pursue
I'm a lost sheep looking for guidance and answers, but I'm sure deep inside I knew
If I absolutely have to I'll punch a fucking kid in the face, yes why thank you
I'll be reminiscing her sorry excuse of a face as my fist cuts through
I refuse to give up, I'm stronger than that, claiming otherwise is just not true
Take a brief a moment, clear your mind and think back, what did this ordeal brew
Open yourself for profound thought, and ask the question: What would jesus do