Anons Triathlon Ch1: Reevaluation.

Starting Prompt
> "Anon, I signed us up for the Triathlon this weekand!"
> "Aren't you excited!?"
> "Which one do you like best? Swimming, cycling, or running?"
> "I'm partial to running myself, but if you want, it's all yours."

Who gave you the idea that I'd want to do shit?
....
How long is the route?

> "Don't you know, Anon?"
> "It's the Iron Mare Triathlon."
> "The first leg is a 4 kilometer swim."
> "The second is a 180 kilometer bike tour."
> "The third is a literal marathon."
> "And all of it has to be done in less than 17 hours to qualify."
> "So try and get a good nights sleep before it, will ya'?"
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
> You look down at your protruding gut and slouch a little bit.
> "Alright later Anon, I'll see ya' later"
> You swore she smirked as she flew off.
> Ever since you've been thrown in here you had to deal with this shit.
> Outright hate from the other ponies, passive agressiveness from the Elements.
> Something about you just pissed them all off for some reason...
> When you were on earth you were an avid reader of the AIE fanfics.
> Something about them just drew you in.
> You never had any friends back on earth...
> And you sure as hell don't here.
> You had only read about that kinda hate...
> You pull up one of your arms and poke the flab hanging off of it, your demeanor dropping even more so.
"Fuck me..."
> Two mares trotted by, giggling at you as they did.
> And of course Rainbow had told literally everyone in town before you...
> Today was monday and if the triathlon was this weekend, you would have no time to prepare.
> You don't show up...
> You're boned.
> You show up...
> You're boned.
> What made matters even worse was that this was an Equestria wide event.
> Celestia, Luna, Cadance, and a whole bunch of other higher ups you haven't even heard of were dropping by to witness the lands best athletes in action.
> Too bad that all they would get was you eating dirt and most likely crying.
> Maybe suicide is an option....
> You walked around the town for a bit, pondering on what to do about this predicament.
> Maybe you can figure out something if you got a look at the events!
> With feet as quick as a snail you moseyed on down to the town hall and pulled on of the flyers off of the wall.
> You scrutinized it with the up-most attention.
> This... was... ridiculous...
> The name of the Triathlon was called the 'Iron Mare'.
> And you could see why.
> A 4 kilometer swim
> You can't even swim for five minutes.
> A 180 kilometer bike tour.
> Can they even ride bikes?
> And a literal Marathon.
> As if the massive amounts of swimming and biking wasn't enough.
> You sigh, luckily there wasn't anything COMPLETELY physically impossible for you as this was a multi-race deal.
> You decided to head home and turn in for the night, ignoring the mocking stares some of the ponies were shooting at you.
> Even the Cutie Mark Crusaders had stopped you and innocently asked about it.
> Dammit they were so adorable and they just confirmed what you already knew.
> Every damn mutated talking horse in this town knew you were signed up.
> That's not cool...
> Like at all...
> Just as you reached your front door the sun shot out of the sky, being replaced by the moon in an instant.
> You still weren't used to that.
> As you walked through your door you tossed your keys into a red and white vase.
> It was a gift from one of the nicer ponies in town. The flowers had died out at least a year ago, all you used it for was to hold stuff.
> You flopped onto your springy, old couch.
> You just stared at the ceiling.
> Why did you care so much?
> Why...
> WHY!
> You found yourself covering your face in exasperation.
> Before you knew it your anxiety faded away being replaced by drowsiness.
> You closed your eyes to rest for a minute...
> KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
"Huzza WHAT!"
> You fell off of the couch in a tangle of failing limbs and terrified yelps.
> RIIIIIPPPP
> There goes your favorite pants.
> Time for another 50 bit payment to Rarity despite her lowering the price for other customers.
> Just had to rub it in don't ya?
> You sit up directly like some sort of horror movie villain, your day already ruined by the rough start.
> KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
> Sounded like the popo were at your door.
> You trudge over to the door and fling it open, catching the mare mid-knock.
> Her hoof connected directly with your crotch.
"nsfaxbsfdhiuw"
> You fell to the ground writhing in pain.
> "Opps, sorry Anon..."
> You look up through misty eyes at the grey mare in front of you, two golden eeys looking back at you....and at your left wall.
"It's good Derpy..." You managed to whimper.
> Like a man of course.
> Derpy reached into her satchel and pulled out a elegantly decorated note.
> "Shere yu go Anon."
> She simply dropped it in front of you with a sheepish smile.
> "Good luck in the competition!" she said with a wave.
> With that she was off.
> Derpy was one of the nicer ponies but she was still a clutz...
> You pick yourself and the note up, examining it carefully despite your brain screaming for medical attention.
> Can't afford it bro.
> The envelope was pretty neat, decorated with a blue ribbon running all around the edge and connecting at the middle with a golden brooch of some kind.
> And the paper...
> It felt like silk and cotton went and had sex just too grace your fingertips.
> Your mood fell when you saw what it was about though.
> Yup... The Triathlon.
> You open the envelope wearily and peer in.
> A note that seemed pretty bland in comparison to the envelope.
> As you pull out the note you toss the envelope into the vase.
> Might...feel it up later...
> You open the note expecting it too tell you to not even come in or something like that.

'Dear Anonymous...
We regretfully inform you that last night the stadium, and area holding the Iron mare competition was destroyed by a giant, rampaging Gingerbread mare Discord had created out of 'boredom'...
Despite the arise in certain...events the competition will still be held but will have to be pushed back while construction goes underway.
On August 24th reassignment will be provided. On the 26th the games will go on...
Best of luck to you!

> You bought the note down and stared blankly at the wall...
> It was May 3rd...
> You have three months to get into shape...
> You throw the note into the air.
> You will sign back up.
> You will get fit.
> And you will show them all what it's like to be the loser for once.
> God bless Discord...
> Now where to start...
> Your suddenly cheery attitude dropped upon realizing
> You literally have no idea where to start....
> Maybe you could go see that rock-head pony whose always shouting...
> You head upstairs to your bathroom and get personal hygiene out of the way for today.
> Time to go trainer hunting...