Katawa Revolution

I flip through the pages of the magazine, the edges of the paper already beginning to fray from my constant thumbing, the ink worn through in small circles. It's a bit torn around the corners from having been read so many times, rolled up and tucked into my back pocket or shoved in a folder along with my school work over the past week. I may not understand some of the technical terms and all of the medical jargon is completely lost on me, but the pictures and diagrams are what attract my attention the most. A few of the articles are very absorbing as well. I find myself fascinated by the intricacy and the ideas they present. I may not comprehend them totally, but that only makes me all the more eager to learn.

Lilly looks up from her cup of tea, gently blowing the steam away from the porcelain rim, her lips pursed as I rustle the pages. “You seem to be very absorbed by what you are reading, Hisao. You haven't said a single thing since we arrived.“

I jump a little as the silence of the tea room is broken. Hanako sits next to me and I've seen her eyes linger on the magazine to see what it is I've been so preoccupied with for the past half hour.

“Um, yeah, it's just... just a magazine, that's all.”

Lilly gives a little giggle, a hand over her mouth, a delicate eyebrow raised. “A magazine? My, my, I hope it's nothing improper!”

I choke and stammer a bit. “No! No, of course not! It's just a magazine Mutou let me borrow for an assignment, that's all. Nothing like that!“ I almost show Lilly the magazine to prove my innocence, but I stop myself before committing such a boneheaded move.

Hanako has a smile on her face at my flustered reaction as she looks down at the magazine, now laying flat on the table. “I-is it some sort of s-science journal?”

“Yeah,” I reply, “Mutou subscribes and thought I'd be interested in some of the articles. It's for the science club we started. He wants my opinion on the subject matter. I have to admit, I find it really fascinating.“

Hanako leans over my shoulder, her hair brushing my arm. I swallow a little nervously as she does.
At least she's comfortable being this close to me, I think.

Her eyes look up and down the page of the open article, taking in the detailed pictures and cross sections, her eyes wide and uncomprehending.
“I've n-never seen a m-magazine like this. It looks r-really complicated.“

“I admit, I don't understand half of it, but it's still amazing.“

“Well, Hisao, what is it about?”

I feel a little stupid now having rambled on about how interesting the subject is without informing Lilly what it actually was. Maybe her question was a subtle prod to satisfy her curiosity at my silence.

“Oh, sorry, Lilly! I guess I got a little carried away.”

My first impulse is to pass it to her, but then I set the magazine down on the table, thankful I didn't do something as embarrassing as that.

I'm still getting used to Yamaku, I guess. I don't really feel like I belong here at all yet.

“It's 'The Augmentation Journal'. This month they're doing an article about the newest demilitarized augments that Tai-Yong Medical is releasing next month.“

Lilly's smile lessens and then disappears. “Oh. It's about human augmentation, then?”

I'm surprised by the tone she takes when she says it. “Well, yes. Like I said, Tai-Yong is starting to release military augments that have been re-engineered for people like us.“

“'Like us'?“ Lilly lays her hands over each other on the table in front of her, a disappointed frown on her lips. “I honestly didn't think you would be interested in that sort of thing, Hisao.“

“Well, why not?” I say eagerly. “Augmentation technology is the amazing! It combines engineering, chemistry, medical science and microtechnology in one scientific discipline! I've always liked science and this is such a wide field of study, it's going to be absolutely necessary for me to learn as much as I can about it. They're saying that soon human augmentation is going to become so common that everyone will be able to afford it. Can you imagine? Soon everyone will be able to have access to whatever augments they want! The work that Sarif Industries alone has done has made augments more affordable and readily available to anyone who wants them.“

I may be getting carried away, and I admit I'm borrowing selling lines from the article, but I'm genuinely excited about the prospects that augmentation holds for the future.

Lilly doesn't look nearly as pleased as I am, her face becoming more reserved as I excitedly talk.
She takes a moment in silent thought before speaking again.
“And what about those people who don't want to be augmented, Hisao?“

I'm a little surprised by her reaction. “Well, no one is going to force people to get augments, Lilly. If someone doesn't want to be augmented, they don't have to be.“

“Then what are those people supposed to do when everyone around them has augments which make them stronger and faster than them, better able to do the jobs those people once had? Are they supposed to be left behind while everyone else moves into their own vision of the future?“

I've heard this argument presented before and I'm surprised to hear it coming from someone like Lilly. “Lilly, are you an anti-aug?”

Her eyebrows narrow and it's the first time I've ever seen Lilly with a frown. “I don't like that term, Hisao. I just think people have a right to be safe and happy.“

“I don't understand.”

Lilly rubs the tips of her fingers together, thinking on her words.

“How are we supposed to be safe when there are people out there who can smash walls with their bare hands or who can shrug off bullets? Or run faster than cars can drive? Augmentation makes people able to do things so far beyond the capabilities of the un-augmented, it's an unfair advantage. I just think certain augmentations would too dangerous in the wrong hands.“

I chuckle a little bit at Lilly's explanation. “Lilly, that sort of thing isn't nearly as common as the news makes it seem.“

“That's only because we live in Japan, Hisao. The laws here are very strict about human augmentation. In America and China, though, augmentation is becoming so common that it's almost an epidemic. I've heard that it's so prevalent with criminals in those places, that the police aren't able to keep up and stop them.“

“That's an extreme situation, Lilly,” I argue. “I'm not saying that augments should be handed to people on the street corner.“

Hanako's eyes dart back and forth between me and Lilly, her hands wrapped tightly around her tea cup.

Lilly shakes her head. “That is exactly what is happening, Hisao. Laws are in place to prevent them, but people are still getting augmented, people who shouldn't have them, people who are using them to hurt other people! How are un-augmented individuals supposed to be safe when people like that are around?“

“If everyone had augments, that wouldn't be a problem,” I shoot back.

Lilly sighs. “Now we're back to the first point I made. Not everyone wants to be augmented, Hisao. Why can't you understand that?“

I sigh in annoyance as well, still not understanding Lilly's point. I turn towards Hanako to try and recruit her to my side. “What do you think about augmentation, Hanako?“

Hanako looks a bit on the spot, her eyes hopping back and forth between me and Lilly, trying to determine if she should take one of our sides in the disagreement. “Um... well, I th-think people should be able t-to do whatever they w-want. It's their own b-bodies, right?“

I nod, pleased I won a point.

“B-but...” Hanako continues, her eyes downcast, “Lilly is r-right too. Thinking about it makes me a little scared about what people can do with aug-augmentations. I think that people shouldn't be allowed to have whatever augments they want. I m-mean, you can't drive without a license, why shouldn't you have one for augments?“

I'm a little disappointed Hanako doesn't agree with me on the matter. She must read my disapproval, because she looks away bashfully. “I'm s-sorry.”

“No, no, it's okay, Hanako. That's your opinion, don't apologize for it. I don't want you to agree with me just because I'm the one saying it.“

She looks up and nods slightly.

“But wouldn't you....”

I'm about to open my mouth and ask Hanako if, given the chance, she would she get augmentations. That leads to the obvious realization that some of Hanako's problems have nothing to do with what's physically wrong with her. On top of that, I know about skin augments that would make it as if her scars never existed and I'm sure she does too.
Then again, that's not something I should be talking about.
I see a stern look on Lilly's face, a warning line to her mouth and I back off on the subject, turning my question instead to Lilly.

“So, Lilly, you're saying that if you had the chance, you wouldn't get augmented?“

Her eyes open in surprise at my personal query, her cloudy blues staring ahead. She must not have expected me to continue the conversation after Hanako seemed to agree with her. When she closes them again, she gives a long sigh, patiently dealing with my continued query. “As a matter of fact, I already have made that choice, Hisao.”

I'm floored by her answer. “You... you turned down augmentation?”

She nods with a firm cast. “Yes, I did. Does that surprise you?”

Now I have a whole slew of questions to ask Lilly, but I don't feel very comfortable asking them.

“I would have thought.... I mean, I imagined that if anyone would want....“

“To have their vision?” she finishes for me.

I can feel her sightless eyes bore into me and I think I see a little hint of razor sharp pride behind them.

I hesitate. “Y-yeah.”

Lilly nods and sips at her cooled tea. “My father works for nProTech. I'm sure you've heard of them?“

I'm stunned. “He does? That's one of the largest augment firms in Europe! They're... they're top of the line! Lilly, if your father works for nProTech, why aren't you augmented?“ I quickly realize the questions was put too frankly and I curse myself for asking it.

Lilly smiles, setting her cup down, forgiving my bluntness. “I may not agree with my father on many things, but one thing I am very grateful for is that he did not have me augmented when I was born. I grew up being unable to see, I've never had sight and I've always lived in the world this way. Several years ago on my birthday, he and I talked about having me undergo augmentation surgery to replace my eyes. Both he and mother encouraged me to have the surgery while Akira was satisfied with whatever decision I came to on my own. I decided against being augmented.“

“So then, Akira works for nProTech as well?”

Lilly nods. “Yes, and to be perfectly honest, she's been augmented much like my father.“

I'm surprised by that bit of news. “I never saw anything that suggested Akira was an augment.“
Lilly smiles slightly like it was a secret she just told. “Well, Akira may not want me to say this, but she has a vain streak to her that she tries to hide. All of her augments are internalized and rather subtle. She has an infolink and augments to her hand-eye coordination and reaction time. Have you never noticed how fast she drives?“

“Well, yeah, but I though that was just her style. Driving fast sounds like something Akira would do normally”

Lilly giggles. “Well, it was, but it only got worse after she had the surgery. In fact, Akira also has a C.A.S.I.E. augment as well for her job.“

I'm amazed that Akira would have such a high end augment. The Computer Assisted Social Interaction Enhancer is something not everyone can get their hands on and is highly controlled, even in countries with more lenient laws on augmentation than Japan. Then again, it makes sense Akira would have such an augment, her being a lawyer. It would give her a clear advantage in legal matters.

I think back to the times I've met Akira and spoken to her. I have an uneasy feeling creeping up my spine, wondering if she's ever used her augments on me. I start to think about the unease and uncertainty I felt about her when we first met, how it felt like she was interrogating me or how she regarded me with a rather reserved and cool stare. If she has a C.A.S.I.E then she very well may have been interrogating me.

If Akira has such top of the line augments, it makes me even more surprised that Lilly would turn down the opportunity to have her sight. All she would have to do is go through one or two simple operations and she'd be able to see!

I blink several times, trying to wrap my head around her choice. “Lilly, if your sister has augments like that and your father does as well, why don't you? Why wouldn't you want to have your vision?“

Lily laces her hands together in front of her, taking my question in stride. “I am perfectly fine without it and I wouldn't want it at the cost that augments would bring. I believe augmentation is wrong, Hisao. To manipulate the way we were born, to change to such a drastic degree the circumstances of our birth. The idea scares me and it frightens me to think that people are so willing to tamper with their own bodies. There are some things humans just weren't meant to do and shouldn't be capable of! Besides, I don't need to see to live a full life. I am more than capable of taking care of myself and I do not need to be augmented to be anyone's idea of 'normal'!“

I'm a little pissed with her reasoning. “Shouldn't everyone have the opportunity to be augmented if they want? Not everyone has the advantages you and Akira do, Lilly! Some of our family's aren't as rich or open-minded like yours is. You had an opportunity some of us would kill to have! How many students here at Yamaku would jump at the chance you went and threw away!?“

Lilly is silent for some time, her hands clasped in front of her, her cheeks reddened and mouth tightly drawn. I realize my volume and that I'm leaning forward in my chair. I sit back, embarrassed and ashamed by the raised tone I took with her.

I just yelled at a blind girl.

Next to me, Hanako stirs nervously. “P-please... please, don't fight....”

I peek at Hanako sitting next to me, hunched down in her chair, eyes darting back and forth between me and Lilly.

Both of us hesitate and take a moment to collect ourselves.

I feel like a real tool for a few minutes before I speak. “I'm sorry, Lilly. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that.“

Lilly nods, relaxing her tensed shoulders and clenched fingers. “I am... sorry as well, Hisao. And I'm sorry to you, Hanako,” Lilly says quietly. “I didn't mean to lose my temper, either.”

“Yeah,” I reply, putting a hand over Hanako's. “I'm sorry. I got carried away.”

Hanako flinches slightly at the touch of my fingers, but then she grips my hand and gives it a squeeze, smiling at the two of us.

“I'm sorry, Hisao,” Lilly haltingly continues after a moment. “I'm very sensitive with this issue. I'm used to having to defend my opinions very vigorously to my father.“

“Same here, Lilly. I shouldn't have said what I did.“

Lilly hesitates, her hands nervously dancing in front of her, slightly adjusting the placement of her teacup. “Hisao, you seem to have a personal investment in the matter. If you don't mind me asking, and please don't if you're not comfortable with it, do you...  do you wish you had been augmented?“

I take my teacup in both of my hands, sipping so I don't have to answer at first, holding the comforting warmth in my palm.
“I'm... I'm not sure. When I....”
I stop for a minute, trying to gather my words in a proper order.
“When I had my heart attack, the doctors said that I was perfectly suited for heart and pericardium implant augmentation. They told me that I would only need a few surgeries and a couple weeks of recovery and I'd be back on my feet. They said the augment would be even better than a normal, healthy heart, that I'd be able to run for miles without any training, that my heart would never grow old or weak. I thought about it a lot and I was looking forward to it. It meant that I'd get to go back to my old school and see all my friends again.“

And Iwanoko.
I choke back the bitterness in my throat.

“My parents....”

I feel a spike of anger towards them drive though my chest.

“They turned it down. They told the doctors they didn't want their son to be augmented. My mother is really old fashioned that way and she has the same views on human augmentation as you do. So instead of a couple weeks of rest and then going back to my old school, they made me recover for four months in a hospital all by myself, forcing me to leave everything I had before and come here to Yamaku.“

Lilly and Hanako are silent for a while, Lilly in deep sympathy and Hanako looking at me sadly.

“So yeah, I guess I do have a personal investment. I was angry at them. Furious, even. For a while I hated them for doing that to me. They made me give up everything I had before because of their own narrow minded beliefs, without any concern for what I thought. I argued with them so much, but they never gave me the opportunity. That's not what I wanted. It wasn't my choice.“ I look down into my tea and sigh. “I never asked for this.”

Lilly and Hanako don't say anything to me for a while. They quietly sip their tea and remain silent, letting the room fall into an awkward slump.
Then, Hanako looks up and gently places her hand on my arm like I did for her. “Th-there's one good thing about you not being aug-augmented.“

I look up at Hanako and she's smiling at me.

“Y-you never would have m-met us!” she says cheerfully.

My cheeks turn warm, and I'm very aware of the feeling of her fingers against the back of my hand.
Lilly smiles and puts her cup down. “That is very true, Hanako. You may not agree, Hisao, but I for one am glad your parents chose Yamaku over augmentation. It gave me the opportunity to meet you and I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world.“

I tear my eyes away from Hanako's hand and look at Lilly as she smiles at me, her honesty touching me and flattering me at the same time. I smile back and nod. “Yeah, I guess you're right. I wouldn't want to miss out on that either.”

We finish our tea in silence, but I can't help but think what other people at Yamaku think of human augmentation or what my real feelings on the subject really are.

----------------------------------------

I have a hard time falling asleep that night and the next day I get up almost an half hour later than usual. I slept straight through my alarm.

Emi's gonna kill me.

I throw the covers off me and grab a glass of water, tossing back the pills I need to stay alive, miserable as I do. I swallow each one slowly and each time I think about how simpler it would be if I never needed to take medication again. All I'd have to do is have one or two surgeries and my life would be changed for the better. I'd get rid of this weak, defective heart and replace it with something stronger, something sterner, cold iron pumping away eternally.

The pills are bitter and I try to rush forcing them down my throat to get the trial over with.

Once that's done, I quickly change into my running clothes and head out as silently as possible to avoid Kenji in the next room. Outside, the crisp morning air wakes me up fully and the breeze and sunlight make me feel marginally better about my situation. I even jog a little to help me warm up and forget about the thoughts running around in my head.

The track is abandoned except for one tiny sparkler who runs up to me on squeaking legs.

“You are late, buster!” she says, pointing a finger in my face. “You are horrible! Keeping a girl waiting is a terrible thing to do. I've been here for almost an hour waiting for you to show up! What's your excuse this time?“

“Sorry, Emi,” I shrug. “Rough morning. Have you gotten your runs in yet?”

She looks at me with narrowed eyes, discerning whether I'm trying to lie to her or not. She seems to come to the conclusion my tardiness was an innocent oversight and shrugs. “No, I've been waiting for you! If this keeps happening, I'm gonna make it my business to wake you up myself and force you to get out of bed so you'll show up at a decent time!“

“You couldn't carry me.”

“I could if I tied you up and dragged you here!“

“Sounds kinky.”

She sticks her finger in my face again. “Don't try to get on my good side, mister! I'm serious about this and so should you! This is your health we're talking about. This isn't something you can just make go away with magic!“

I turn away from Emi and grumble under my breath. “Wouldn't need to use magic,” I say, thinking of Mutou's magazine.

“What are you whispering about? Stop mumbling!”

I groan, turning back to her. “Never mind. Are we going to run or not?”

That makes her mood lighten up. From berating me like a drill sergeant to smiling and bouncing in no time flat. “I thought you'd never ask!”

Emi and I stretch before our run, but I can't help but steal a few glances at her running legs when she's not looking. I've always wondered why she hasn't gotten augments and why she uses an old prosthetic instead of new, easier and more efficient legs. She wouldn't have to change back and forth between her running and walking legs, she'd never need to worry about infection or breaking one of them accidentally and she'd never need to be fitted with a new pair of legs if she just got some augments. I've never had the courage to ask her about her legs, but now I can't get my mind off of them.

Emi catches me watching her stretch and she smiles like the cat who just caught the mouse. “Whatcha' looking at, Hisao?” she purrs.

My face turns red and I jump to my feet, taking off down the track without looking back.

Emi is furious, hobbling to her legs and running after me. “Cheater! Filthy, filthy cheater!”

The two of us run a few times around the track, but I soon lose steam and begin slowing down, Emi blasting off in front of me. I get tired after only taking a few short laps, huffing and puffing for air as I do. Emi keeps going, taking the track with long, graceful strides, a look of exultation on her face.

I watch her and I feel jealousy burn in my chest.

After the run, she and I cool down and head to the Nurse's office for my check-up and for her to get her legs switched and inspected. The long hall is empty when I knock on the door.

“Come in, come in!” I hear a cheerful voice say from the other side.

I politely open the door for Emi and she smiles at me in thanks as she enters.
The small office has only one person inside, the Nurse, turning in an office chair away from a computer to face the door.

He smiles widely when he sees to pair of us, his eyes glinting with a pleased look.

Then I remind myself that good nature isn't the only thing that lights them up.

Nurse's eyes have a thin sheen of silver over them which blinks with a few tiny, rapid lights. His eyelids have several thin wires running through the skin, which curve back into his temples, lights floating back and forth through the fiber optic implants. He holds in his left hand a file filled with sheets of paper and his right hand is an augment, covered in a layer of synthetic skin on top with bare metal below, several rounds pads on the tips of his fingers and palm.

“Emi, Hisao. I've been expecting you. Did you have a good run?“

Emi smiles and nods, then peers at me from the side. “Yeah, but Hisao was late again.”

I tear my eyes away from Nurse and look at her, glaring slightly. “Traitor...”

She sticks her tongue out at me and giggles.
Nurse is less pleased. “Hisao, I hope you're not starting to go soft on your exercise routine now. You've got a good thing going here with Emi, I'd hate to see you fall back on bad habits.“

“I'm not slacking off. I just had a rough time falling asleep last night. I got a late start this morning.“

Nurse nods, watching me carefully. “Insomnia? It's possible with your medication.”

I shake my head. “No, just had a lot on my mind lately.”

He rubs his chin a little, still watching me carefully, his eyes blinking with colored lights. “I see. Well, Emi, let's get those legs off and get you to class. I'll have to run a few tests on Hisao that could take longer than usual. Sorry, I can't let you watch.“

Nurse quickly helps Emi behind a curtain with her legs and I wait in a chair for my turn, head down and in deep thought.

Emi quickly returns, her walking legs on. She gives me a playful shove on the arm when she sees me. “What's up with you, today? You're being really gloomy, it's bringing me down!“

I fake a smile. “I'm all right. I'll see you later, okay?”

She looks a little disappointed when I dismiss her so quickly. “Well, all right...” She perks up suddenly. “Why don't you join me and Rin for lunch on the roof! That should cheer you up!“

I smile, this time for real, grateful for her effots. “Okay, sure. I could use a good lunch.”
She winks at me and rubs my head, messing up my hair before she bounces off out of the room and I hear her clicking down the hall.

Nurse smiles as she leaves and then turns towards me. “So, Hisao, what's up? Emi's right, you look a little down.“

I think about it for a while before looking up at Nurse. “Can I ask you a question?”

Nurse pulls up a chair and sits down casually, letting one leg rest against his knee, a folder of papers resting on his lap. “Of course, Hisao! I'm not just here for your physical health! If you have something on your mind, please share it!“

I hesitate for a minute before speaking. “I've been doing a lot of thinking recently.”

“What about?”

I shrug. “Augmentation.”

Nurse looks at me very seriously. “I see. I remember that your file says that even though you were a perfect candidate for surgery, your parents turned down the procedure for personal beliefs.“

I nod slowly. “Yeah, but that's not what I was wondering about. I've been wondering about other people and their reasons. What I wanted to know was why did you get augmented?“

Nurse looks surprised by my question. He recovers and thinks for a moment, face scrunched up, thumb and forefinger clutching his chin in contemplation, humming to himself. “Well, to be perfectly honest, it's a bland reason, but I got my augments so I would be better at my job.“

“You didn't need them?”

“No, no, not at all. My eyes were perfectly fine, but I wanted to be the best at what I do. If there's an advantage to be had that makes me more capable at helping my patients, then I'll use it, augmentation or not.“ He shrugs with a grin. ”Truth is, I can probably thank my augments for getting me this job.“

I'm a little confused by his meaning. “What do you mean? You were hired because you're augmented?“

Nurse laughs, rubbing the back of his head bashfully. “Well, not exactly. You see, when Emi started attending Yamaku, I followed to stay close to her. I applied for the job and was eventually hired, but I almost wasn't. There were a lot of person hoping for this job. I can tell you honestly, I thought the Yamaku Foundation was going to hire someone else, one person in particular. I thought she was a lot smarter than I was and would be a better choice for the job, but they chose me. I later found out they did so because they thought my augments would give me an advantage over her, that they would help me better care for the students. I don't like thinking that they're the sole reason I got hired, but I'll admit, they make my job a lot easier. I think if I wasn't augmented, you'd have a pretty young lady taking care of you right now instead of me!“

I laugh, taking kindly to the idea. “Not that I don't like you, Nurse, but I kind of like that idea more.“

Nurse's smile is wide. “I won't hold it against you.”

“But what do you mean, 'make your job easier'? What kind of augments do you have?“

Nurse thinks for a minute. Then he snaps his fingers, the ones on his organic hand. “Here, let me show you! Let's take care of your physical in the mean time.“

I take my shirt off and Nurse begins the familiar and practiced steps of checking my heart rate, blood pressure, taking samples of blood and checking all the other things that have to be done to ensure my continued survival. This time though he dispenses with any medical tools or devices. He waves his hand over the computer and it springs to life, numbers flowing past the screen. He checks my pulse with his augmented hand, pressing once to my chest and to my neck, the hand beeping each time in a steady pulse like a heart monitor. He grips my wrist gently and my blood pressure appears on screen, information being compiled and organized automatically. He stares at my chest intently for a few minutes and I get a little worried by the expression on his face. Then I realize he must be using his ocular implants to gather data on my heart, looking straight into my body like an x-ray. It's a weird feeling and I get a little self conscious.

“It's all right, Hisao. I'm just checking you for any signs of wear and tear.“
“You... you can do that?”
“Oh yes. I can also see you're a little nervous. Your heart spiked a bit. Don't worry, I like the ladies. Hold your breath, please.“

I follow his instructions and in record time my checkup is finished.

I put my shirt back on a few minutes later. “Everything all right?”

Nurse holds his hand over the computer, his fingers twitching, typing in mid air. He then turns back towards me with a winning smile. “Perfectly fine! I even ran some tests I had been meaning to get out of the way.“

I'm amazed by the speed at which he worked. I usually have to be here twice as long as this and he worked extra today. “If it's so much faster, why don't you use your augments all the time?“

Nurse shrugs, hands open helplessly. “Not everyone is comfortable with them, Hisao. I do things the old fashioned way unless it's an emergency and I need to help a student as fast as possible. A lot of the students attending Yamaku have their own reasons for not being augmented and I don't want them to be uncomfortable around me. It's bad enough being a doctor, some of them don't like me for that reason alone, poking and prodding them with my creepy robot parts would only make it worse.“

I chuckle as I stand from the examining table. “Well, you can go ahead and use your augments from now on for me. Anything that gets me out of here as fast as possible is all right in my book.“

Nurse laughs and his eyes gleam like polished chrome. “I'll remember that. But Hisao, what brought this about? Why the sudden interest in augmentation? Are you considering having implants?“

I give a half shrug. “Sort of an extra credit project from Mutou. I was just curious, that's all. I've been wondering why people get augmented and why they don't. It's not as common at Yamaku as you would think.“

Nurse sits back down in his chair, knee propped up once again. "Well, like I said, most the students who come here have their own reasons for not being augmented. Japan is a very traditional country! Augmentation, especially on children and young adults, isn't something that many people are ready to accept. They need a place like Yamaku for an alternative. I wouldn't be surprised though if a lot of the students here didn't get themselves augmented once they graduate and are on their own. I have plenty of students just like you who ask me about them." Nurse nods sagely. “It seems to me, though, that the real thing you should be wondering about isn't what other people think of augmentation, but what you think of it. It sounds like you've got some soul searching to do. It's not a simple question, far from it. It's something that can change your life forever.“

“I know, but for the better, right? It's better than having to take pills and live my life in fear that my heart will give out at any moment.“

“Maybe, but remember; you may not need to keep taking your medication, but you'll spend the rest of your life taking neuropozyne or you'll develop Darrow Deficiency Syndrome and your augments will be rejected! And to be brutally honest, it's a horrible thing to watch, let alone go through. I've seen how easily our technologies turn on us. The more power you think you have, the more quickly it slips from your hands. On top of that, instead of coming here, you'll need to visit a LIMB Clinic regularly to make sure your augments are in working order. It's not a perfect cure for all your problems, Hisao. No matter what route you go, augmentation or medication, your heart is something that you can't ignore. Either way, like it or not, it's a major part of shaping your future from here on."

I nod, discouraged. “I know that. I guess.”

Nurse nods back. “Whatever you decide, you can come back and talk to me about it. Maybe we can set up a meeting with your parents and I'll try to explain your wishes to them.“

“You'd do that?”

“Of course, Hisao, if it's what you really want!”

I walk to the door to leave. “Thanks, Nurse. I appreciate it.”

He gives me a wave as I leave and I head down the hall back towards my room to get a shower in before class.
I can't help but be preoccupied by the thought of being augmented, about how it would change my life. I keep seeing Nurse's eyes in my mind, except that this time, I'm not looking at them, but through them.

----------------------------------------

Class goes by quickly and I barely pay the teacher any attention. It's a good thing Mutou is in charge of my home room, since his laid back attitude towards teaching is the same as my attitude towards learning.

With classes for the morning finished and the classroom empty, he asks me what about the articles he told me to read and what I think of augmentation in general. I tell him I haven't made an opinion yet. He nods and tells me to take my time, that augmentation has perplexed mankind for years and that he doesn't expect me to come up with a solution in a couple of days.

A couple days, huh? At this rate, I may need more time than that.

I feel bad letting him down and I think he was hoping for some discussion on the topic, but I have nothing to give. Considering how confused I am about augments right now, I'd be a poor conversation partner no matter what side of the debate I come down on.

The bell rings and I head towards the roof through the abandoned stairway for the lunch Emi promised me. I'm glad for it, hopefully a full stomach will set my mind at ease. The door at the top of the stairs screeches in protest as I push against it, finding Emi and Rin sitting on a bench, just beginning to take out their boxed lunches and starting their lunch. Emi looks up and excitedly waves at me. “Hey, you made it! See, Rin, I told you he'd show up!“

Rin looks up, a pair of chopsticks between her toes. She notices me and nods before turning back to her food with a hungry gleam in her murky eyes. I get the idea she wouldn't be all that concerned whether I showed up or not.

I glance at the lunches already halfway unpacked. "Were you going to start eating without me?"
"No, not at all! We would have left your box for you."
"If he doesn't want it, I'll eat it." Rin mumbles, a tasty morsel already between her teeth.

I thank Emi for the food and take it before Rin has any bright ideas. Looking at it, though, the sticky mess looks anything but appetizing and I briefly consider letting her have it "This doesn't look like your normal lunches. Did you really make this?”

Emi giggles, twirling her chopsticks around. "Yes, but it's all I could get together in such a short time. Be grateful! Don't worry, it's healthy."

“It doesn't look like it....”

She puts a pair of sticks forcefully in my hand and closes my fingers around them. “Eat! The worse food looks, the better it is for you.“
“That sounds like something Nurse would say to me. Did you get that out of the cafeteria menu”
“Eat!” she urges again before digging in herself.

I hesitate at first but then reluctantly try the food. I'm surprised, and very relieved to find how tasty it is. It's actually fairly delicious and it brightens my mood considerably. Soon I'm digging in, surprised by how hungry I am.

The three of us don't engage in any conversation, merely enjoying the presence of each other on the rooftop and the relative silence away from the busy school down below. It's a nice change of pace for me, an opprotunity to clear my head of all these issues and push them to the side for a little while. Once the food has been thoroughly consumed, the three of us end the lunch hour on our backs, watching the clouds float by while we sip on juice boxes.

Despite the relaxed atmosphere, with nothing to occupy my mind, I find myself inevitably coming back to the issue of augmentation, the thoughts digging their way back into the forfront of my mind.

“Whatcha' thinking about?”

Emi leans over me a few inches away, blocking out the clouds above. Our noses almost touching, a curious smile blossoming on her face as she looms over me on her hands and knees.

I blink a few times. “Stuff,“ I cryptically respond.

“What kinda stuff?” she pesters.

I pause, cautious of her optimistic questioning. “Personal stuff.”

Emi's face scrunches up in thought, annoyed by my evasiveness. “Is that what was bothering you before?”
I nod.
“Well, come on!” she says. “Tell me! Maybe I can help?”

I think about it for a while before I speak. Augments are at touchy subject under the best circumstances, but at Yamaku the topic seems almost taboo. I learned as much when Lilly and I nearly blew up at each other. “You promise me you won't get mad?”
Emi blinks a couple times, unsure. “Um, well, okay.”

I sigh and brace myself. “I was wondering... why haven't you gotten augmented, Emi?”

She looks surprised by my question and pulls away, lying back on the gravel roof of the school, staring up at the sky again. “That's a weird question, Hisao. Why would I want to be augmented?“

I lean up on my arms and look at her. “Because then you wouldn't have to bother with your prosthetic legs anymore. You'd be able to walk and run whenever you wanted and never have to worry about infection or getting hurt. You'd be able to even feel your toes, if you care about something like that.“

Emi looks up at the sky for a long time, as if testing out the idea on the tip of her tongue. Then she closes her eyes and shakes her head adamantly. “No, thanks. I'm fine.”

I'm surprised to find she has the same opinion as Lilly on the subject, in far less words. Emi dismisses the idea so casually and thoroughly. With her drive and determination, I would have thought that if anyone at Yamaku approved of augmentation, it would have been Emi. “How come? Why don't you want to be augmented? If you were, you'd be even faster than you are now. Just think about it; with augmentations, you'd be faster than anyone else at Yamaku!"
"I already am."
"You know what I mean. Doesn't it bother you that people with augments will always be faster than you?"

Emi lays on her back with her legs moving slightly, heels clicking against the gravel rooftop, as if she were running in midair with tiny little strides. She smiles and tilts her head at me, sticking her tongue out. "You can't compare the two, Hisao! Why should I feel bad about not being as fast as someone with augmentations? That's like being sad about losing a race to a guy on a motorcycle. It's cheating!"

"You think augmentation is cheating? Is that why you don't want augments?
"Yeah, but my mom made that choice for me."
"Why did she do that?"

Emi blinks at me and remains silent for a long time, turning her eyes to focus on the clouds above. “When I lost....” she stops and then reconsiders her words. “When I lost my legs, my mom decided to get me prosthetics and not augmentations. She used to know someone who had augments and he had a hard time with neuropozyne addiction.“

I shake my head. “It's not an addiction, Emi. People with augments need neuropozyne, but they're not addicted. I need my heart medication, but I'm not addicted to it. I can stop anytime I want.“

She turns her head towards me sharply. “Then you'd be dead. So would someone who needs neuropozyne. Do you know anyone who needs that stuff, Hisao? Do you know someone who can't live without it?“

She shuts me down with her glare. “No,” I reply curtly.

“Then you wouldn't understand.” She goes back to the clouds. “My mom decided she didn't want that for me and I'm glad she didn't have me augmented. I don't want that junk in my body for the rest of my life. Every day, a new injection? Every day looking to get the next fix? No thanks. Let other people destroy themselves that way. They don't even really know what neuropozyne does to you in the long run, so I'd rather have a little trouble with my legs now than deal with that stuff in my body. I don't like the idea of being controlled by a drug. I can always take my legs off or use a wheelchair. If I was on neiropozyne, it would be every day for the rest of my life. I don't want that holding me down.“

"What about me? I need my heart medication to live, does that make me nothing more than a junky?"

I think I came off more angry than I meant because Emi looks slightly hurt by my tone. "You didn't choose to be born like this, Hisao. I didn't choose to lose my legs, but I can choose how I deal with it and how we live our lives is up to us."

"Okay, I can get that, I guess. What about Nurse? He has augments and the two of you are pretty much best friends. Do you see him as an 'addict'? He seems pretty well adjusted and he just got done using his augments for my checkup. Don't you think, in his case at least, that augmentation is worth it?"

Emi shrugs as if Nurse had no bearing on the subject. "Nurse and I don't agree with each other on everything, Hisao. He's my friend but knows not to bring up the subject of me getting augments. As for him... well, I can make sure you eat right and exercise, but what other people do to themselves... it upsets me, yeah. I don't like to see my friends do things that I think will hurt them, but Nurse is an adult. He had those things attached to him before we ever met, so there isn't much I can do about that. That doesn't mean I have to like it. He and I can get pretty nasty when we start arguing about augmentation, so we usually try to avoid the subject. He knows how I feel about it." She shrugs. “Augments... I don't know. Like I said, somehow it'd feel like cheating.“

“What do you mean by cheating, though?”

Emi blinks, her eyes distant, and she doesn't talk for a while. “It'd be like I was letting someone important down because I took the easy way out. Like I was trying to forget and make it seem like it never happened.“

I'm about to ask who she'd be letting down, but Rin suddenly speaks up, never taking her murky green eyes off the sky.

“Nomiya introduced me to an artist with augmented eyes once. He looked like he had headlights in his face, like he was a car pretending to be a person. It was very creepy. He was nice, but I didn't like him.“

Distracted, I turn my head to face Rin. Am I totally outnumbered here in Yamaku on this issue? “You mean you wouldn't want to be augmented either, Rin?“

Rin tilts her head and catches the long straw from the juice box set next to her between her lips, taking a few slow sips before turning back towards the sky. She blinks carefully a few times. “If I had fake arms, would I have to teach them how to paint or would they already know how to do stuff? Like, would they be programmed to paint like me or like someone else? Or would I have to teach them myself?“

“Um, no. You'd be able to use them just fine. Then again, you wouldn't have to stop painting with your feet just because you had arms.“

“What would I need them for, then?”

“Well, normal stuff. Picking up things, dressing yourself, eating. You wouldn't need other people to help you all the time.“

She looks confused by my answer. “I can do all of that right now. Well, except for the dressing part, I have trouble with that. Emi helps me, so I don't see the big deal.“

Emi smiles and gives Rin a playful nudge.

“It would make everything simpler" I say. "Think about it; how would things be different if you had arms?“

Rin looks in deep thought, her face a million miles away. She goes perfectly still for a long time, still enough that I start to get worried. Somehow, Rin has the ability to just... be, I guess is what I'm trying to describe. When she gets like that it's the facial equivalent of walking out of the room mid-conversation.

I'm afraid I just broke her.

For a while, Rin simply exists and nothing more.

Then she suddenly looks very distressed and shivers all over, shaking her head, her hair flopping around. “No. No, no, no, I don't like it. It'd be weird. Too much of a change. I... I've never had arms. Emi had legs once, so it'd be fine if she wanted them back. You have a heart, but you just need one that works better. How can I get something back if I never had in the first place? They wouldn't even be my arms, they'd be arms someone made for me. They'd be their arms and I'd feel like I was wearing them all the time. Like when you wear a shirt and you know it's not your shirt and you spend all day wondering whose shirt am I wearing? I once got my laundry mixed in with Emi's and it was hard to breathe all day. Would they even listen to what I told them to do or would they argue with me?“

“They'd be your arms, Rin. I'm sure you would get used to them. Wouldn't they make your life better?”

Rin looks up at me and her eyes focus for a fleeting moment. “Better? I don't think so. I don't think it would make life better at all, just make it easier. Those aren't the same thing. Having an easy life doesn't mean it's a better life, right?“

Me and Emi look at Rin, both of us a little astounded. “Rin,” Emi says, “that's really... um, that makes a lot of sense, actually.”
"Yeah, that was pretty profound for you."

“Was it?” Rin asks curiously. “It didn't sound like it to me in my head. Then again, nothing ever does. I'll trust you that it was.”

----------------------------------------

The school day continues and I still haven't come to a real conclusion on how I feel about human augmentation. I used to be so excited about the idea and willing to do anything to have augments, but now I have all these doubts and conflicting opinions running through my mind. Maybe it's just peer pressure, but if all my friends are opposed to it, maybe I'm on the wrong side of the debate. The students at Yamaku have lived with their disabilities their whole lives or close to it. I'm still new to this game so maybe I am just looking for the easy way out instead of learning to live my life in a way where I accept what I'm going through rather than trying to cover it up or ignore it.

Home room is a breeze as always. Everyone splits off into groups for work, pushing our desks together. I ask Hanako if she'd like to join Shizune, Misha and myself in our group, but she takes one look at Shizune and backs off, shaking her head slolwy. I tell her that it's all right and that I'd be happy to help with her work if she needs any. She smiles and thanks me, going back to her own desk and her solitary task. I feel bad but sometimes she just wants her space, so I let her have it.

With Shizune and Misha alongside me, we begin our group assignment. I've learned better than to talk or get distracted while working with Shizune, but I keep finding myself looking out the window and wondering about how much better things would be if I were augmented. I try to imagine being handed a golden ticket that would give me all the augmentations I ever wanted. I could run faster than Emi for hours and never get tired, I would have ears that could hear a cat stalking three rooms away, eyes that let me see through fog and smoke and that are sharper than a hawk's and muscles that would let me lift trucks over my head. I bet I'd look cooler as well and have a pretty girlfriend. Most importantly, I'd have a heart that would do what it was supposed to and wouldn't try and kill me all the time.

*SNAP!*

My eyes shoot open and I jerk in my chair, waking up from my daydream with a panicked start. Shizune is glaring at me, her fingers just next to my ear, having delivered the mother of all finger snaps, jarring me back to awareness. Misha laughs, that strange warbling sound she makes filling the classroom and attracting unwanted attention from students and Mutou alike. He flashes us a stern look and we hunker down to avoid his disapproval.

[What is wrong with you?] Shizune signs.

I'm not very good at signing yet; Misha has only just started teaching me in our free time, but I'm getting the hang of it.

[Nothing. Just thinking,] I sign, my movements slow. I watch Misha to see if she gives me any corrections or prompts.

Misha lifts her hands and animatedly begins signing. [What are you thinking about, Hichan? Is it about a girl?]

I glare at Misha for a moment, then look up towards Mutou. He doesn't seem to notice us and I doubt he would know we weren't talking about the project anyway.

I turn back to Misha and shrug, shaking my head.

[Well, maybe if you were working on our assigned task and not daydreaming, thus wasting all of our time, you'd have more free time to figure out exactly what is bothering you,] Shizune responds, tapping her pencil on the papers before us, her eyes narrowed and an eyebrow raised.

[I me know what thinking about,] I respond quickly.
Damn it, I missed something there.

Misha smiles and signs the proper pattern to me and I nod in thanks.
[I know what's bothering me.]

[Well? Then tell us!] Misha urges me on.

Shizune rolls hers eyes and sighs in frustration, trying to focus on the work in front of her.

I pause and think for a moment, my hands dancing uncertainly. [Mutou asked me a question and I've been trying to figure it out for myself.]

[What was it? What was it?] Misha excitedly returns.

[He asked me what I thought about....] I stop in mid sign.
I have no idea what the sign for augmentation is. I don't even know if there is one!

I take my pencil and write the word in a margin and pass it to Misha. She takes it and reads the word, her eyes going a little wide. She flips the paper over without answering me, shaking her head 'no'.
I'm not sure how to take her reaction, but Shizune glances up and sees her change in attitude.

[What? What is it?]

Misha waves her hands around, very flustered. [Nothing! Nothing, Shichan!]

Shizune grabs the piece of paper from Misha, the two struggling for a little while before Shizune wins the tug of war with a smug grin. She holds the paper in front of her face and reads, not moving or making any sign of reaction.

Shizune takes a long pause and breathes in deeply, letting it out very slowly. I'm not sure whether she looks angry, upset or just annoyed.

She sets the paper down and looks at me very crossly. [Why are you interested in augmentation?] she asks.

[Mutou wanted my opinion for science club.]

Her eyes begin glowing with a feral light. [You joined a club!?]
[Well, no, it's just sort of a fun thing we've been doing. Nothing official.]

She looks a little relieved, her shoulders slumping. Then she shrugs and adjust her glasses, twisting the arms a little back and forth. [Well, an assignment is still an assignment, even if it's just an informal one. Is he asking because you've been augmented?]

I'm not surprised she'd come right out and ask that sort of question. Most people would think twice before digging into someone's personal business, but that sort of thing never seems to bother Shizune.

[Well,] she continues when I don't answer, [are you?]
She leans towards me and I automatically scoot back. I'm not sure how to take her sudden interest in me and the way she looks at me up and down is making me nervous. [No, not yet. But I like the idea of augments.]

Shizune smirks, adjusting her glasses again, looking disappointed with my answer. [Considering you hang out with Lilly so much, I would have thought you would agree with her backwards opinions on the matter!]

I grimace slightly at Shizune's treatment of Lilly, even if she's not around. [Well, we had a little argument about it.]

Shizune perks up, her eyes glowing with interest and she leans towards me again. [Really? What happened!? Tell me everything!]

I do my best to recall the argument Lilly and I had to Shizune with Misha's help now and then. I have to resort to writing at several points, but it seems Shizune has heard it all before. When I finish recounting the incident, she seems disappointed that the two of us made up after the argument, but she shrugs and seems to brush it off.

[You should be careful, Hisao! Letting yourself associate with someone as stuck in the past as Lilly could have detrimental effects on your future.]

[I take it you're pro-augmentation then, Shizune?] I lamely return.

She chuckles, her teeth bared excitedly. [I should hope so. My family is very closely involved with augmentation technology in Japan. In fact,] she proudly states, [my father has over 60% of his body replaced with augmentation prosthesis!]

I'm shocked and a little appalled by her statement and how casually she says it. “What?” I say out loud.
Misha smirks and snickers into her hands to cover her laugh. I keep my head low to avoid Mutou's curious glance. Pretty soon he's going to catch on to us if I don't keep it down.

[What?] I repeat. [What happened to him? Was he in an accident?]

Shizune waves her hand, dismissing me. [Of course not! All of his augments are elective.]

[Well, are they for his job or something?]

Again, Shizune signs in the negative.

I'm stunned by the revelation. I heard there were people who got augmented when they didn't really need it, but I never thought someone would go to such great lengths!

[But that's....] I hesitate, trying to find the right sign to express my meaning.
I give up and write on a piece of paper, 'But that's like self-mutilation!'

Shizune glares at me and rolls her eyes. [No, it isn't! My father is augmented because he wants to be! Who has the right to tell him what he can and can't do with his own body and money? It's his own business and it doesn't concern anyone else.]

[Isn't that taking it too far? What kind of augments would he need anyway?]

Shizune begins signing, ticking them off one by one. [Both legs, retinal prosthesis, infolink, artificial rib cage, synthetic skin grafts, spinal column reinforcement and his left hand and right arm. He even has an imbedded ceramic blade augment, although that one to me is a bit immature.]

Shizune's father sounds like a psychopath! Who would do that to themselves without a good reason? [So he had augmentations for...what? For the fun of it?]

Shizune shakes her finger in denial. [It's not about what's fun! It's about the future! My father firmly believes that human augmentation will eventually become the normal state for mankind. He believes that with all his heart, and while he and I don't get along very well, I believe it as well. If there is an advantage, any advantage at all, in work, in school or in life, it should be exploited to it's fullest potential. To do anything else would be to deny our own human evolution and send us back to the stone age right alongside the cavemen. That may be fine for someone like Lilly, but I for one refuse to be left behind!]

Shizune becomes more excited as she goes, signing faster than I can follow. Misha has to help me at several points to understand what Shizune is trying to get across. Translation done, I'm taken aback by Shizune's statement, by the cocky and confident smirk she has on while saying it. Playing devil's advocate, I start to see things from Lilly's side of the argument a little bit. Shizune's zeal for augmentation puts me to shame and makes me even a little fearful. [What about people who don't want to be augmented or can't afford it?]

Shizune glares at me, her cheeks flushing. [You're beginning to sound like Lilly,] she accuses me. [She turned down augmentation. That was her choice. A stupid, foolish choice, I should add! If people like her don't want to become augmented, they need to accept the fact that they will be forgotten. As for those who can't afford it, eventually augmentation will become inexpensive enough that it will be available to everyone. At that point, if they still won't accept augmentation, then they will have to ask themselves what side they belong to concerning the issue. Every war is the result of a difference of opinion! Maybe the biggest questions can only be answered by the greatest of conflicts!]

I don't like it when Shizune talks about Lilly like that and her treatment of people who won't get augmented seems hypocritical of her. [Yeah, well,] I shoot back, [you're not augmented! You seem so eager to push it on other people and sing it's praises, what's your excuse?]

Shizune looks stunned, her eyes wide behind her frames. Misha, who has been watching the conversation unfold nervously, looks away and shrinks from the two of us.
Shizune's face turns red as she stares at me, her lip twisting into a tiny, conflicted grimace.

Shizune picks up her work from the desk and drags her chair away from the two of us, facing away from me and towards an empty table where she begins working again, her back straight and movements ridged with suppressed anger, indignantly ignoring me.

What the hell did I do this time?

I'm confused at first before I turn towards Misha. I give Mutou a glance before speaking. "What's wrong with her?"

Misha looks back and forth between me and Shizune, conflicted emotions all over her face. She raises her hand several times to begin signing, but puts them back down slowly. Eventually she works up the nerve to answer in a whisper.

"Shiichan can't have augments, Hichan."
"Well, why not?"
"She has neuropozyne allergies. It would kill her."

Wow, I am really, really bad at talking to people about this stuff!

I remember reading that there are people out there who have an adverse reaction to neuropozyne. Everyone who has augments needs neuropozyne to keep their body from rejecting the implants. For those people who can't handle the drugs, augmentation is impossible until something comes along to replace it.

I look over at Shizune and quickly realize that, having a father who is so absorbed by augmentation, it must be a heavy burden to be unable to be augmented yourself. I imagine it's not something Shizune likes to be reminded of, that no matter how far technology goes, she may never be able to have augmentation surgery for herself.
Her words about people being left behind seems to apply to her as well. She must be afraid of being left out and alone.

"Is it bad?" I ask Misha.

Misha looks over at Shizune silently working on her papers, bent over them and ignoring the world around her diligently.
"Shichan says that her father gives her a real hard time about it. He tried to have her augmented for her hearing when she was really young and she almost died. Since then, he's kept pushing to find some way to have her augmented, but it never works. It's one of the reasons they don't get along very well. Shichan's father is... very intimidating."

"I bet he is with all those augments."

Misha shrugs. "Maybe, but he's also really rough on Shizune about it. She doesn't like to talk about it a lot and that's why I really didn't want you to ask her about augmentation."

I think for a while about what Misha says and about Shizune's problem. Some people could be augmented and don't want it like Lilly. Others, like Shizune, want it more than anything in the world, but can't, whether it's because of their own health or money.

Or because their parents don't believe in augmentation, I remember.

I turn towards Misha. "What about you, Misha? What do you think about augmentation?"

Misha shrugs. "I don't really have an opinion one way or another, Hichan. I don't need them and I don't see why I should get them. I have bigger problems to worry about than augments."

Misha looks over at Shizune and then back at me, a pleading look in her eyes.

"It's okay," I whisper, "you can go over to her. I can finish my work on my own."

Misha smiles and nods in thanks, joining Shizune at her little table. Shizune looks surprised, but smiles when she sees it's Misha, the two sitting very close together and working at their task.

I move over and ask Hanako if I can work with her. She seems very pleased to see me and we spend the rest of the afternoon working in companionable silence. I don't say anything to her, though. I'm not in the mood and every time I open my mouth it seems to open up old wounds, both for myself and others.

----------------------------------------

School is over, thank God, and I make my way towards the dormitory, avoiding anyone else as best I can. Seems to be the last few days I've been nothing but trouble to all my friends since I keep bringing up this augmentation nonsense. It's obviously a very delicate subject for a place like Yamaku. I consider dropping the topic of augmentation altogether and telling Mutou I don't have an opinion on it either way. That comes off as being a weak excuse though and I'd hate to disappoint him, but I just don't know how I should approach the subject anymore. I've tried different ways, but none of them seem to fit. Hearing what other people think only makes me more confused.

Just a few days ago I would have wanted to be augmented at the drop of a hat. Now... I'm not so sure.
If I was augmented, how would people see me? Would they judge me based on my augments and not on the kind of person I really was? Would they only see the machine parts and not the true me? At that point, what would the true me be; flesh or machine?

Being judged because of the augments you have seems to be just as bad as being judged or pitied because you're blind, or you're missing limbs or you can't hear.

Or because you've got a bad heart.

If I was augmented, would people treat me differently? Would Lilly be my friend if I had augmentation, would Hanako be afraid of me, would Emi think I was taking the easy way out of my problems or would Rin think I was creepy? Would Shizune treat me better just because I was augmented?

I don't want to be regarded as anything except who I really am. Would augmentation change that, make me into a different person?
Rin's words come back to me; would it really even be my heart? Or would I be totally heartless, running on nothing but a cold, indifferent engine?

Where would I end and the augments begin? Would I end up like Nurse, finding a healthy balance between the two, or like Shizune's father, lost within the machine? What's the difference between that and being hooked up to a heart monitor the rest of my life? It may be smaller, but it would still be a tether to my condition, reminding me every day of my shortcomings.

Would I be able to look myself in the mirror every day and see plates of steel and plastic riveted to my chest, reminding me of the heart that was no longer there? I don't even like to think about my condition or take at my pills. To see the obvious reminder every day and for other people to see it as well... I don't know how I would handle that.

Is it better to learn to accept my flaws or could I live having them staring back at me for the rest of my life?

I arrive at the dorms, evening beginning to wane. The common room is empty and I'm glad for it. I just want to pass unseen and be by myself.
When I reach the dorms, though, I'm greeted by a confusing sight.

Kenji is in the hall, a huge roll of aluminum foil on his hands with several boxes of the material nearby. With rolls of duct tape, he is wallpapering the hallway with the stuff, shiny side out. His door is completely enclosed in the reflective material and he is currently duct taping more to my door.

“What the hell are you doing!?” I shout.

Kenji squawks loudly, dropping the roll to the ground and hunching over in what looks to be some sort of fighting stance, leg hovering over the ground and arms akimbo. “Who the hell was that!? Show yourself!”

“Kenji...damn it, it's me, Hisao. What the hell are you doing to my door?“

Kenji relaxes, dropping the fighting pose. “Oh! Good! You're a lucky man, Hisao! I almost unleashed the Crane on your ass! You need to be more careful! You could end up dead if you surprise a guy when he's not expecting you. What are you doing back so early? You usually hang out with one of those wretched females after school.“

I sigh and calm myself down, my heart already beginning to race. “I'm not in the mood right now, Kenji, what are you doing to my door?“

Kenji fumbles a bit on the ground, looking for the roll of foil. He finds it and stands back up. “Protection! I've been having some really weird dreams lately, so I think the enemy is using some sort of dream control device to manipulate my sleep patterns. Feminists won't even let a guy get a decent night's sleep! So, I'm lining the hall with this signal dampening reflective sheet to prevent them from getting inside my head. Don't worry, I was just about to move onto your room. I was going to get the door first. I thought it would be rude to pick the lock and walk right in! A man needs his privacy, right?“

“Kenji....” I smother my temper. “I'm not in the mood to deal with this right now, okay?“

“What's up? You seem pretty bent out of shape. What can I do to help?“

I sigh. He could start by by not plastering that stuff all over my door. “Thanks for the offer, Kenji, but I don't think it's something you can help me with.“
He mulls over it for a little while, then shoves the roll of aluminum into my hands. “Well, all right. Take this, just in case. Line your pillow with it and it should be enough protection to keep the signals out. I'm not taking any chances, though!“

Kenji wraps a long sheet of the stuff around his head, making a crinkly hat, complete with a pair of aluminum horns. “Anyway, if you ever want to talk, I'm right next door.“

Kenji goes back to lining the hallway with long sheets of metal. I drop the roll next to my door and am about to unlock my room when I pause in thought.

Don't do it, Nakai. It's not worth it.

Damn it, I'm going to regret this....

“Kenji?”

He turns around from his work. “Sup?”

I shudder a little. “What do you think about augmentation?”

The cat's out of the bag, now.

Kenji stops for a moment. “Augmentation? Man, that stuff is whack! Don't you know that's how they get you!?“
“What do you mean?”

Kenji drops the roll to the ground, the tube bouncing around his feet. “I mean, you go under for a little surgery and BAM!” he shouts, clapping his hands together violently, “they got you for the rest of your life! You think dream control is bad, you just wait until they start beaming information into your head straight from their moon bases and stuff!“

"Moon bases? What are you talking about?”

“Man, don't you know!?“ Kenji starts waving his arms all around in a panic. “I can accept you did't know about the feminists, that's some deep level cover-up, but not knowing about the New World Order, man?! I thought you were a pretty smart guy! They work for the feminists, all of them! The Illuminati, The bBilderburgs, The G20, Freemasons, Knights Templar, Skull and Bones, my God man, what are you blind!? Augmentation is all about control! Controlling people! You can hack a computer but you can't hack a person! So what did they do? They put computers inside the people! They can hack you anytime they want and make you do things!“

This is a little out there, even for Kenji's usually spaced out rants. “I don't think augmentation works that way....“

Kenji makes a rude sound, dismissing my lack of concern. “Yeah, well, when they start beaming the kill command into your brain and you go all rage zombie on me, don't blame me if I have to use a shovel to put you down.“

“Wow, thanks, Kenji, that makes me feel a lot better.“

“No problem, man. I would never want you to suffer like that. I'll be quick about it and put you out of your misery.“

I sigh, already seeing the outcome of this talk. “So you're anti-augmentation, then?”

Kenji looks at me like I just sprouted wings and began speaking in tongues. “What? No, didn't you hear a word I said? Augmentations aren't the problem, it's the people controlling them! Tinfoil isn't enough! If I could find a way to block out their signals, I would totally get augmented in a second.“

He chuckles, grinning with all his teeth. “Man, it would be wicked cool! I'd get like, a howitzer on my arm and a chain saw hand! With a drill attachment! Yeah, I'd never be caught off guard then! Or like, spider legs that let me walk on walls and arm blades that shoot out of my elbows! Then no one would mess with me."

He looks confused for a moment.

“Might be hard to go to the bathroom, right?”

“I'm not sure, but Kenji, wouldn't you want to, you know, get your eyes fixed?“

Kenji quirks an eyebrow, broken out of his train of thought concerning awesome augmentation options and the difficulty of bathroom functions along with them. “My eyes? What's wrong with my eyes?”

“Well... wouldn't you want to be able to see like a normal person?“

Kenji pauses for a moment, staring bleakly at me. “Why would I want to go and do something stupid like that? 'See like a normal person'? What's the point? That's boring, man! Give me, like, eyes that can see through walls and stuff. X-ray vision, man, that's where it's at!“

He hesitates for a moment. “Do they make augmented eyes that shoot lasers? Because if they do, I would get those! I would get those! Then I could just stare my enemies to death! Bzaak!"

I'm a little stunned by both Kenji's comment and his outburst. “So you wouldn't fix yourself?”

Kenji looks at me, a suddenly serious look on his face. “'Fix myself'? What kind of friend are you? I don't need to be fixed! I'm fine the way I am! If I get augmented, it's because I want to be, not because there's something wrong with the person I am. I like who I am! I like me. Don't you?“
He pauses.
“Like yourself, I mean. Not me. That would be weird. Just as a friend."
Kenjis shrugs. “I don't need to fix myself. There's nothing wrong with the person I am. You should like yourself too."

I think about what Kenji says.
'Nothing wrong with the person you've become?'
Kenji is fine with the way he is.
Kenji!
Why aren't I?
Is my problem not augmentation but the belief that I'm not satisfied with the person who I am? Am I using augmentation as an excuse to deny who I've become because I'm dissatisfied with my life? Would fixing my heart really make me happy if I wasn't the person I wanted to be?

I ponder for a moment Kenji's words, then shrug and unlock my door. “Thanks, Kenji. I need to think about what you said. It's got me wondering about some stuff.“

Kenji nods, fishing out a huge wad of foil from his pocket and shoving it into my hands. “Not a problem! What are friends for? Just remember, wrap this around your pillow, or even better, your head! You can't be too careful! I'd hate to see something bad happen to you!“

----------------------------------------

The next day, school passes by in a blur and I find myself in the classroom again, the magazine open in front of me, Mutou sitting behind his own desk with his face in another magazine. This is our science club, we spend most of the time in silence, only speaking when something interests us, looking for that topic both of us feel comfortable enough to discuss openly. The sun is starting to come down and makes everything look gold and sleepy, The two of us are silent for some time, before he looks up over the pages at me. “How are you coming on that assignment I gave you, Nakai?“

Mutou's sudden words spook me, but I've been preparing my thoughts for this and I'm ready. “I think I'm all set, sir.”

Mutou seems surprised yet pleased by my response. “Well, good. I was worried you weren't taking it seriously.“
“No, it's just... well, I thought at first it was no big deal. Maybe I wasn't taking it seriously. Asking for someone's opinion is usually a basic thing, but this is a lot more complicated.“ I pull up a chair and sit across from him, placing the magazine between the two of us.

“It may seem like a simple question to ask a person, but don't think it doesn't deserve all the serious thought in the world. Humanity stands at a turning point concerning human augmentation and evolution. I asked you this question because of your personal interest in science and your current... situation," he awkwardly states. "It's going to become impossible in the coming years not to be well aware of the impact that augmentation will have on scientific pursuit and your life. I wanted to make sure you appreciated the change that was coming.“

I hesitate, but then nod reluctantly. “I do. I'm also scared of it.”

Mutou seems surprised. “Explain?”

I shrug, taking a few moments to collect my errant thoughts into a form I can share. The last few days have not been good for me when I share my opinions with others and the last thing I want to do is make myself look like a fool in front of Mutou. “There are so many different opinions concerning human augmentation. Some people see it as humanity finally taking control of our own evolution and guiding mankind's future. They see that as a good thing and that it will lead to a new and better world. I'm inclined to agree with them. Yet others, they see it as dangerous or frightening. They look to the past and see what mankind has done when they've tried to tamper with the natural order of things, what dangerous people have used leaps in technology to do. They see this change as potentially disastrous and that it could lead to our own self destruction. I understand what they're trying to say, as well.“

“I didn't ask what other people thought about augmentation, Hisao, I asked you what you thought about it."

I pause and wonder for a moment. “I'm still not really sure. I understand why people think it's morally wrong. Others think it's scary. Still others see it as taking the easy way out or simply strange. Some people think it's wondrous and others don't care about it one way or another. As for me....“ I mull for a long time. “I think it's wonderful. I think it's as wonderful as anything mankind has created or discovered in all it's history. It's as wonderful as the car or the airplane or fire or nuclear power. It's awesome! That's the problem, though. I can use a car to travel or it can kill if used irresponsibly. An airplane can connect the world or be driven into a building full of people. Fire can protect and warm us or destroy lives. You can make a nuclear plant to power a country or lose control and poison it.“  I shake my head.  “I don't know. I want to be augmented, that's for sure. I want to be healthy, to be 'normal'. But at what cost? I guess what I'm saying is I approve of augmentation but... I'm not ready for it. I'm not responsible enough yet. If I was augmented right now, I don't think I could accept it. Not because of the augmentation itself, but because of why I wanted it. I would only be trying to fix my problems without accepting them. I'd be covering up the issue and it would remain unresolved. I'd be lying to myself about who I was.“

I nod, satisfied with the way I've put my words.

“I approve of augmentation, but as for myself, I'm not ready yet. Maybe one day I will be, but until then, I need to learn how to accept myself and my heart. I'm not ready to take the next step. If I did, I don't think I would make the right choice. I don't trust myself with that choice yet. I need to be Hisao Nakai first before I try to make myself into something I'm not.“

Mutou listens to me, thinking about my words. A small smile of approval shows on his face. “I'm very glad to hear you say that, Nakai. That's a very mature way to look at it. And you are right, augmentation is a wonderful and awesome creation.“

Mutou stands and looks out the window, the sun glaring over his shoulder, blotting his expression out of my sight. He takes a deep breathe and his shoulders slump just slightly. “I wish humanity could see things the way you do. You're a lot wiser than most people twice your age. Mankind sees augmentation out of context. They don't want to accept the moral responsibility along with the scientific advances. They want Pandora's Box and to throw the lid open. Doing that has never benefited us; the hurled stone, the sharpened stick, the bow and arrow, the sword, the crossbow, gunpowder, firearms, bombs, nuclear power and now augmentation. Everyone tries to attach morality to the invention when in truth it is the person who uses the invention and not the invention itself that determines morality. Now though the invention and the person are one and the same. Who can determine what is right or wrong anymore? Where does morality starts and personnel freedom and choice begin? Always scientists have struggled with this idea; whether to push the boundaries for a better tomorrow or to be satisfied with the beliefs of today.“ Mutou sighs, leaning his shoulder against the windowsill. “No one takes the time to think anymore. Always forward, never left or right. They never consider their actions. They dump out the doomsday box and all it contains, the good and bad all together.“

Mutou turns towards me and I've never seen him so serious about anything before, his jaw tightened harshly. “If mankind doesn't alter it's priorities, there will be a change unlike any other our world has ever known.“ Mutou looks worried, I see it in his eyes. “And that scares me.”

My heart pounds in my chest.
I guess it scares me too.

----------------------------------------

Epilogue

A darkened office looks out over an unknown, expansive cityscape, glittering towers and buildings piercing the night sky. A man stands before the city, his eyes glowing the same color as the heavy cigar he languidly holds in his hand.

Behind him, a screen suddenly flickers to light, displaying the face of his subordinate. “Jigoro, what a pleasant surprise! Early as usual, I see.“

The man on the screen has been heavily augmented, his eyes a red bar of lights and his wild mane of hair tucked back. At his side is a fine blade emerging from his arm and his shirt is casually opened to reveal a metallic, muscular chest. “Sir, I've always felt it was best to be punctual. Anything else would be disrespectful to you, this company and our goals.“

“A good lesson! I wish more men had your sense of duty to the cause.“

Several minutes pass in silence between the two men, neither one in any hurry to start.
Another pair of screens flash into life, one of them showing an impossibly muscular, but relatively un-augmented man of advanced years sitting behind a fine and very large desk. His dark hair is snowy white at the sides and his posture is that of a man used to being obeyed and never questioned.
“Sir,” is all he says.

Jigoro laughs derisively. “Late again as usual, Sakaki. How pathetic!”
Mr. Satou turns to face Jigoro, not a muscle twitching on his face out of annoyance. “I am on the other side of the planet, Jigoro. Perhaps a small window of opportunity is in order?“ Mr. Satou peers closely at the screen. ”Do you have a new augment already?“

Jigoro smiles widely and lifts his hand to be seen clearly. “Do you like it? Embedded datalink prosthesis. It even has a few offensive augments of my own design as well.“

Mr. Satou shakes his head. “Some would call you obsessed, brother.”
Jigoro grins like a wildcat. “Others would call you ashamed.”
“I am as dedicated to this company as you are. Just because I do not mutilate my own body needlessly....“

“Enough.”

Both men go silent when the man with the cigar speaks, his voice calm but his face twisted in anger. "Enough bickering. Deal with your pettiness on your own time. It has no place here in our great work.“

The two men go silent, their eyes downcast.

The gentlemen with the cigar smiles again, his face clear of any of that previously shown, malign wrath. “Now, can I expect both of you have been working diligently on your end of the bargain?“

Jigoro has a wide grin on his face, his sword hand eagerly tightening over and over again. "My Tyrants are almost complete with their training. That new pharmaceutical data you sent drastically reduced recovery time after their augmentation. Japan will soon have a new wetworks team ready to deploy."

"I'm glad to hear that, Jigoro. We need all the boots on the ground we can get. I'll send you your next mission packet over the standard channels. I hope you enjoy the weather in Russia." He turns towards Mr. Satou. "What about your end?"
Satou hesitates.
“What's wrong, Satou? You seem a bit reluctant.”

Mr Satou swallows the lump in his throat. “Tai-Yong is moving into my territory and I don't like it. I was told I'd be given full control over the European market and you've had them buying up resources left and right. They're buying up shares in order to take control of my company!“

“Heh,” Jigoro laughs derisively. “Nervous?”

Satou glares at his brother-in-law, but ignores the jab.

The gentleman waves the cigar about, tracing a line of red through the air. “No need to worry. Tai-Yong is under our foot and acting on my orders. They will do everything we say. Wheels are spinning, gentlemen. Trust in the system, please. It has so benefited you before, hasn't it?“

The third man has remained silent the entire time, listening to the conversation, unused to being in the presence of such important figures. The man in the office turns towards him now and smiles. “How have you been, old friend? I trust everything is going smoothly?”

The young man in the screen nods nervously. “Everything is... fine, sir. I'll have a new round of data ready to deliver to you in just a few days.“

Jigoro looks at his screen closely, scrutinizing the unknown party. “Who is this? I've never seen him before!”

The gentleman laughs. “How clumsy of me! Jigoro, Mr. Satou, I'd like to introduce my friend here! I can't give you his real identity, but I'm sure he'll be more than pleased to be known by his codename, The Nurse.“

Nurse nods nervously towards the two men. "	Gentlemen. It's an honor to finally meet you."

“He works at Yamaku gathering information for us," the cigar man says. "You can thank him, Jigoro, for that data I sent you. His work is absolutely vital to our goals.“

Mr. Satou's eyes light up for a moment and he leans forward in his chair. "You work at Yamaku?"
"Yes, sir."
Satou hesitates, an unfamiliar gesture on his part. "Have you... met my daughter? Lillian?"
Nurse looks unsure for a moment on what to say. "Yes, sir, but Ms. Satou doesn't visit the clinic very often. Though a young man who is a friend of hers does and last I heard your daughter is doing very well here."
Satou leans back in his leather chair, a small smile on his face. "Good. That's good," he says, almost to himself. "If there's anything you need help with, Nurse, please don't hesitate to ask."
"Thank you, sir, I appreciate that."
Satou looks over at Jigoro for a moment. "Well, brother, will you be asking about your own daughter's well being?"
Jigoro shrugs casually. "Why? Last I checked she was fine."
Mr. Satou has a look of annoyance on his face and turns back towards the man with the cigar. "I'm ready to report, sir."

The man casually sits down behind a huge glass desk, the skyline behind him, his leg propped comfortably up. “Let's get the details over with, shall we?”

The meeting passes on, information and ideas passed between the four men. After an hour passes, Mr. Satou and Jigoro log out, leaving the gentleman and the Nurse alone.

“What's wrong? You seemed upset during the meeting, Nurse.“ he asks.

Nurse looks downcast from the screen. “I just... I just don't know what it is we're doing here anymore, sir.“

“I hope you're not losing your drive.”

“No, sir. I just....” Nurse sighs. “I had a young man who I like ask me a question today and I lied through my teeth to him. I told him I wanted to help the people at Yamaku. The truth is all I'm doing is spying on them, sharing their personal information and breaking their trust.“

The man behind the desk shakes his head. “You know how important Yamaku is to our research. People need an option beyond augmentation for now, otherwise they'll rebel against us. So long as they can send their children away to someplace to be helped, what does it matter if they don't become augmented? Eventually the world will come around to our way of thinking, but for now they need to be placated. Besides, everything we compile on the students there is being used for good purposes! Nurse, it's not like we're not experimenting on children! We are not monsters! We are merely gathering information on the nature of human disability in order to be better prepared for the future. One day, such things will no longer trouble mankind! You understand that we are trying to create a world where these children will no longer need to suffer from these abnormalities correct? A world where they can be healthy and happy?“

Nurse nods reluctantly. “I know, but it still feel like an invasion.”

The gentleman sighs and puts the cigar into an expensive ashtray. “I hope you are not having second thoughts, Nurse. You have been a valuable asset to our goals and you were chosen because of your dedication and drive. I would hate to have to replace you with someone more pliable.“

The word 'replace' hangs in the air and Nurse's eyes widen slightly. “No, sir. No second thoughts at all.”

“Good, good! I consider you a friend. I would hate for something untoward to happen to you. I'm glad to see your dedication is unwavering."

Nurse seems to whither before the presence of the man in front of him. “Thank you, Mr. Page.”

Mr. Page smirks. “Nonsense! Please, call me Bob.”

THE END