-Browser Pone Safari pt.1-

>You are anon
>You spend most of your time on the computer
>Gaming, browsing, all those fun things
>You take breaks only to eat, sleep and poop
>Just as well
>The outside world sucks
>Hard
>All those braindead extroverted types do nothing but inject more botox into every extremity they own and piss you off
>Having a job as a dead-end wage slave with a psychotic boss does not help
>Well, did
>You quit
>Now you're earning money in other ways, better suited to your talents
>But a magician never reveals his tricks
>A shame you don't know any real magic though
>You could probably magic up some friends
>Maybe a girlfriend
>Or at least a way to be less miserable
>Your only solace is you're not living in your mother's basement
>Rather, you saved up money and bought a cheap-ish apartment
>You got your entertainment for free anywho, and subsisting on noodles wasn't that hard
>You had considered getting a partner AI - the third generation of physical AIs after the initial incident where they materialized out of thin air
>But some twisted sense of pride has this far kept you from getting one
>As much as you needed a gf or a pet or at least something to keep you company, you couldn't help but get associations to those crazy fuckers who tulpamanced
>Besides, who knows, they are progressive, adaptive AIs, even if you started one out as quiet, restrained and not fucking annoying, it might eventually grow to be so
>But hell, one can only take a joyless existence for so long
>And you were only happy when you were in your misery, as your friend liked to say before he eventually ditched you
>Just like everyone else
>Even your cunting WoW guild kicked you out
>You have to admit, you've considered that it might be you, not them
>Pft
>INTJ master race
>Everyone else are goddamn tards
>Right?
>They just don't get your brilliance
>It's lonely at the top
>And you're the cherry on the humanity sundae
>A thought crosses your mind
>You could probably mould an AI to however you wished - either altering some base code in a sentient one, or getting what amounted to a living, breathing realdoll that could *mimick* human responses well, but was, at the end of the day, merely a puppet
>Actually, when you put it like that, you sound like a creepy control freak
>So you put it wrong
>Still...
>You decide to download an AI program
>The vanilla, unmodded one for your first time, so you can work out preferences and points where it could be improved
>After it downloads, there's a prompt on your screen.
>You click it, and the AI setup appears
>So many tabs
>so many options
>This could very well be the start of something beautiful
>You decide that since, let's face it, you're gonna fuck it, it might as well be physical
>And not text only, you suppose
>How are you supposed to fuck text
>You decide on a pleasant female voice with a bit of a scratchy quality to it
>In honor of your first waifu
>You haven't decided on an appearance yet, but they can change post-projection too, so eh
>You finish up and click 'done'
>A pop-up appears
>'Viva le browser pone!'
>What the actual fuck
>You were sure there was no virus there
>You shrug and click it away, as materialization takes it course
>Darn script kiddies
>You shield your eyes from the bright light
>"Pee-yew, what's that rancid smell?!"
>What the actual fuck
>That is the voice you selected
>Coming out of an off-white unicorn with a blue and orange mane and tail
>Also, she's rude
>Wait, shit, off-white, blue and ora-
>Safari
>Now the message made sense
>The pony turned towards you
>You noticed a horn protruding from her forehead, although her mane almost covered it entirely
>"I presume you're my user?"
"Uh...yeah...and why are you a pony?"
>"Beats me, my code was executed this way."
"Well...uh..can ya be a little more humanoid? This is a bit too surreal for me to handle at the moment."
>She heaves a massive sigh
>"Sure."
>She closes her eyes and concentrates, her horn even lighting up a bit
>She opens them again
>"Did it work?"
>You shake your head
>"Then...I'm out of ideas. Sorry, bro, you'll have to deal with me the way I am, at least until this gets fixed.
>You're already not liking her attitude
>You sigh
"Alright, alright. So...I kind of downloaded a program for a general partner AI, but if I've got this right, you're-"
>"Safari, the browser, yeah, nice to meet'cha mister perceptive. Ya got a name?"
>You grumble
>This is going to be a long day, week, whatever
"You can call me Anon. And ease off on the attitude, will ya? You're like sonic the fucking hedgehog."
>That does not sit well with her
>Her scarlet eyes narrow
>She takes a decisive step towards you
>"Oh, I'm sorry, am I not enough of a submissive doll for you to play with, you fat autistic neckbeard? Not enough of a hot, wet pussy who constantly goes on about how great 'master' is? Bud, I got two words for ya - Fuck. You."
>She turns around and stamps out of the room
>What a cunt
>And yet, her words cut deeper than they had any right to
>You're not some creepy fucko who only wants a submissive little personality-deficient puppet...are you?
>Of course not, she's just a bitch who got mad for no reason
>You hear the sound of your fridge being opened
>The fuck
>You shrug
>Less you gotta deal with her, the happier you'll be, even if that means sacrificing some food
>Although, an AI without the one who called them into the real world might end up homeless, starving, depressed etc.
>You're not gonna apologize tho
>She trots back in, sipping on a red bull that she's holding via...levitation?
>What the..
>Well whatever
>"Sigh. Okay, so I figure both of us didn't entirely expect this, and reacted thusly, yeah? So, well, I figure we could try this again. Hello, Anon, I'm safari, and I'm apparently a browser pony. Fair warning, I will not put up with bullshit, 'kay?"
>You shrug and nod
>You don't like taking shit from others either, after all
"Okay. And yeah, I guess I introduced myself. I suppose I'm your user. I apologize for insulting you, although you did hurt my feelings too."
>"Yeah..sorry about that. First time here and whatnot, I guess I'm a bit stressed out or something."
>She's pacing
>Which annoys you to no end
"Mind not doing that? It's a bit annoying."
>"Well soh-ree, I'm just incredibly eager to do things. Like, something at all. Preferably go outside, even. I'm great for browsing on the go,"
>She looks at you
>"But I guess I ended up in a situation where there'll be little of that."
"Hey, a little more browsing and a little less meddling in how I conduct my fucking life, please."
>She snorts, but does comply
>You browse gaming news, regular news, scientific news and so forth
>Turns out the US found oil on Mars and decided to launch a full-scale invasion
>As they do
>Eventually you can't think of more stuff to browse
"That's enough for now, close all tabs."
>She does so, although she's not really looking happy
>Not your concern
>You get to gaming CodBlopsXIIII

-You are Safari pony-

>Well, shit, first day of your life and you got stuck with a smartass neckbeard with serious hygiene issues.
>Just your lucky day, isn't it
>Though...
>He wanted you here for a reason
>Looks like that little courage of his faltered, though, or something
>Makes sense, he said he was aiming for a partner AI, then whatever happened, happened
>You figure you can just as well be a partner AI as just a browser