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- Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?
- Let's face it
- English is a stupid language.
- There is no egg in the eggplant
- No ham in the hamburger
- And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
- English muffins were not invented in England
- French fries were not invented in France.
- We sometimes take English for granted
- But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
- Quicksand takes you down slowly
- Boxing rings are square
- And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
- If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
- If the plural of tooth is teeth
- Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
- If the teacher taught,
- Why didn't the preacher praught.
- If a vegetarian eats vegetables
- What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
- Why do people recite at a play
- Yet play at a recital?
- Park on driveways and
- Drive on parkways
- You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
- Of a language where a house can burn up as
- It burns down
- And in which you fill in a form
- By filling it out
- And a bell is only heard once it goes!
- English was invented by people, not computers
- And it reflects the creativity of the human race
- (Which of course isn't a race at all)
- That is why
- When the stars are out they are visible
- But when the lights are out they are invisible
- And why it is that when I wind up my watch
- It starts
- But when I wind up this observation,
- It ends.
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