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- Here's every Dark souls one shot I've written while taking a break from my main story, will continue to update if I make more.
- 1. Anon in Lordran.
- >You are...
- >Wait, who are you?
- >Opening your eyes you hear something from above.
- >Some guy in armor drops a key through a hole.
- >A few memories come back.
- >Your name is Anon, and this is not your quiet home in Ponyville.
- >This is a cell.
- >Was this the key to it?
- >You try to pick it up by swinging at the air 5 feet above it.
- >It appears in your inventory you somehow know how to open.
- >You walk up to the door slowly and try to push it open.
- >The words 'Key used' pop up out of nowhere.
- "What in the fuck?"
- >Walking out, some weird undead things were praising the walls or something as you pass by.
- >They didn't stop their ritual to say 'hi' to you though.
- >Best not to bother them.
- >You walk until you find a long hallway, and another one of those undead things at the other ends.
- >This one wasn't praising the wall though, he was just standing their with a bow equipped.
- >There was another item in the middle of the hallway.
- >You walk up towards it.
- >The undead thing starts shooting arrows at you.
- >He nearly misses your head, you grab the item.
- >It was a battleaxe.
- >Another arrow is coming straight at you, you roll and somehow it just passes through you.
- "What the fuck? Am I Tobi from Naruto or some shit?"
- >You walk circles around the archer undead for a while and backstab the fuck out of him, taunt, and tell him to git gud.
- >After killing a few more enemies, you reach a white fog.
- >The white fog covers a door, how the hell does it stay up?
- >You press A to pass through and now you're on a balcony or some shit.
- >Standing there, you are confused.
- >A few more seconds of looking around and your feet come out from under you.
- >Or, as you notice, it was actually the whole balcony coming down.
- >You see some giant fucking monster thing.
- "OH JESUS WHAT IS THAT WHAT IS THAT WHAT IS THAT!"
- >You fall about 15 feet and don't feel much pain.
- >A red bar at the top of your vision depleted a little though.
- >You look up at the monster, it looks down at you.
- >It swings the giant hammer it was holding and knocks you the fuck out.
- >When you wake up again, you are back in the cell.
- "Fucking really, I have to do all of that again?"
- >After 15 attempts, you make it past what was named 'The Asylum demon.'
- "I feel like I'm actually getting kind of good at this now!"
- >Walking out, all you see is a giant cliff.
- >You make it up to the edge, and a giant bird drops in and grabs you.
- "WHAT IN OBLIVION IS THAT?!"
- >It drops you next to a fire, there is a man sitting about 5 feet away.
- >You walk up to him.
- >He doesn't seem to notice you until you press the A button.
- >What is this A button you keep talking about?
- >You shrug it off as he smirks and says "Heh, you must be a new arrival."
- >He goes on to tell you about a bunch of crap and bells and stuff, you don't listen much.
- >You start attacking him and he kills you, you respawn only to be killed again.
- >This cycle goes on for a while till you say fuck it and repeatedly kick him toward the edge on off of it.
- On to the bells or whatever the fuck that retard was talking about.
- >This should be as easy as Skyrim was right?
- >20 minutes later...
- >Where the fuck am I?
- >This giant fuck with god armor and a giant dragon dildo keeps one hitting you.
- >Red phantom 'Theonlyafro' has invaded.
- >Look at this scrub taunting, he steps forward and puts his arms out...
- >As he does this, air horns go off and he starts spinning and some dancing black guy appears out of nowhere.
- >You run up to him and start pressing buttons.
- >R1 R1 R1 R1 R1 R1 R1 R1.
- >He walks backwards and spins around you and backstabs you.
- >Before this, the world starts moving in slow motion and you hear 'Initiate phase one.. Power up the bass canon.'
- >And as he stabs his chaos +5 zhwiehander through your chest cavity you hear 'Fire'.
- >You die, and respawn back at the undead burg bonfire.
- >He sends you a message saying 'THE LEGEND NEVER DIES.'
- >You don't know how the fuck you got it or how you can see it, but you don't give a shit.
- >Getting past Havel the rock, you enter through the door.
- >Some nice guy came into your game and one hit him for you with some crystal weapon that did 5000 damage.
- >Passing through the door you walk about ten feet, turn to the right and see a Hydra.
- >Yeah, a fucking Hydra.
- "I'm done, I'm fucking done..." you say turning the game off.
- >You wake up in some tube.
- >Stepping out Twilight trots up to you.
- >"So, how was the simulation?"
- >You backstab her, taunt and tell her to git gud, then you ascend into the heavens to find Celestia and do some jolly co-operation.
- >The fucking end.
- 2. Anon plays Dark souls.
- >Be Anon.
- >You are depressed.
- >Dark souls 2: Scholar of the first sin just came out.
- >You don’t have the money to afford it.
- >Turn on your dying 360.
- >It comes back from the dead, making sounds no Xbox should ever be making.
- >Start up Dark souls 2.
- >Pick the wrong storage device.
- >Fack.
- >Start up Dark souls 2.
- >Pick the wrong storage device again.
- >FACK.
- >Start up Dark souls 2.
- >You’re getting a little scared now.
- >Unable to remember what you did with your save, you have nothing to do but look to see if you have it on the final one.
- >It’s there.
- >Good, don’t need this anymore.
- >You close the tab on your laptop that had To Zanarkand from Final Hallway X on it.
- >You start up the save.
- >Going into new game plus 3, you decide to start from the beginning on your old beloved character who you have so many memories with.
- >You killing the Last Giant.
- >Dying to every boss six thousand times the amount you’ve killed any of them.
- >Getting killed by ‘Havel monster fags’.
- >You walk down the grim and no rhyme intended, slim path.
- >Your controller jerks to the right and throws you off.
- >Piece of shit.
- >You walk back up to the patch, having the same luck getting across.
- >Later down the road.
- >’Some faggot has invaded you’.
- >Fuck, time to kill this OP.
- >He walks up to you and lets you backstab him; taking no damage.
- >Fucking cheaters.
- >He kills you in one hit using a broken ladle.
- >At that moment, you remember.
- >You used a modded save once, and were put into a ‘cheater only’ server.
- >You can’t play with legit players.
- >Turning off the Xbox, you ball up into a corner on your bed and cry because you can’t play Scholar of the first sin.
- >Why even live?
- >This game has been your sole existence for two years!
- >You have 1100 hours on Dark souls, the first and second combined!
- >’Anon, Anon?’ your mother calls to you through the locked door.
- >You don’t respond, why even bother.
- >’I know you’re not happy right now, but please come out!’
- ‘No. All that time wasted, being killed by Giant Dad’s and cheaters, just to never be able to play again?!’
- >’I know, but it’s just a game, isn’t it?’
- >She doesn’t know how it feels to spend 1100 hours on something that means nothing.
- >All those bosses, going through both games hundreds of times.
- >Learning every little possible trick.
- >Every secret.
- >Getting nearly every achievement but having one simple thing block you.
- >Getting thrown off every cliff from Lordran to Drangleic.
- >Being trolled by Anal bruising rodeo Londo.
- >Being Gravelorded.
- >Things you may never be able to experience again…
- >You’d never get to call some kid a faggot for using a katana again, or get called a faggot for using one.
- >Never do the speed glitch with the binoculars in Dark souls 2, never glitch souls with the Dragon headstone in the first.
- >Never do the glitch to fly, or the one to duplicate souls and humanity.
- >You would never be ganked again, or gank spank.
- >You would never gank again.
- >Why even live?
- >Why live in a world without Dark souls?
- >Why live in a world without being the cursed undead?
- >Your mom breaks down the door with her magic and puts a game on your pillow you were crying into.
- ‘CALL OF DUTY TWELVE?!?!?’
- >You immediately pick it up and put it in your disk tray.
- ‘Thanks mom!’
- >Just kidding.
- >You go to pick it up, but another hand grabs it first.
- >It is Solaire.
- >He throws it out the window and starts hurling lightning spears at it.
- >You only have hexes, so you start shooting great resonant souls at it.
- >’It’s not ganking, it’s jolly co-operation!’ He says as he puts his hand out for a high five.
- >Filthy hex user end.
- 3. Wog is life. (Never finished this, might have to)
- I was only 12 years old.
- I had all the variatations of force in my inventory.
- WOG is love I say, WOG is life.
- My dad hears me and calls me a dirty havel monster.
- He wreks me and sends me off to bed.
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