Unspecified Date

I never thought I'd ever do this, but it looks like I've not much of a choice.  Actually, that's a lie -- I have plenty of choices, but most of which either have the consequence of suffering or are too unorthodox or frightening to even consider.  Though this certainly isn't the safest route, it's likely the best, in my opinion.

It's not every day I get a job offer, though I couldn't be happier I did.  With augmentation picking up so much, people stop by mechanics more than they do actual doctors nowadays.  It's enough to pinch out and keep by, and then some, but not much more.  That extra always goes to Leale and his constant fuck-ups, though.  He's a lot like his father, in that regard.  Not that he'd ever know that.

He didn't seem too happy with my decision.  But, then again, he isn't really happy with much anything.  He's the biggest pessimist I know.  I can't help but think he might have gotten that from me when he was young.  Either way, he finally agreed to come with.  And, as ashamed as I am, I'm actually glad.  I don't think I could handle going without him.  He's been by my side, and he's been completely devoted to helping me since he could carry a garbage bag.  I couldn't be more thankful.

The train departs in the morning.  Here's to hoping I can fix this.  Maybe then I'll be able to hold up the Cuore family name.



Unspecified Date

They called him 'Lunacy' for a reason, apparently.

I'd comment, but I really didn't know what to expect when I met him.  And now, I'm even more clueless as to what will be.  He wasn't consistent at all, and trying to understand him is a far-fetched hope.  Either way, I'm glad that that cowboy was right in saying I could get a job.

Though, I should note.  Spare all of the metal jammed onto his body, the resemblance was striking.  His colors were similar, he was the same size, and even some of the facial features were the same.  It's likely just me and my endless wishful thinking, though.  Who knows how much time I've spent hoping for him to just come back.

The Pisshole sure is a pisshole, but at least it's a place to stay.



Unspecified Date

It hasn't even been a week here, and already things are going down the drain.  Or has even it been a week?  I'm not sure.

Leale already ran off.  But I know he'll be back.  He's done this before a few times.  This time will be no different than the last, knowing his temper.  He'll cool down, in time.  My biggest worry is just him being out there, in Canterlot.  I don't doubt he has the wits and the power to make it out there, at least for a few days.  He's a strong, smart young stallion.  Usually.

He'll be back, soon enough.  Might as well use this time to have a drink or three.  He'd never let me drink again if he was home.



Unspecified Date

I'd never have guessed the underground would have been so hospitable.  When I came here, I expected to be treated rough, like a runt of the litter, even by my teammates.  That isn't the case at all.  Most all are actually...  Well, they're not friendly, but they're certainly not aggressive or abrasive.  They haven't given me much trouble.

And Dominic.  Dominic is another story of his own.  He shares his food, his home, and his time with someone he only just met.  Why?  Pff.  I have a couple of guesses.  But I can't help but be thankful.  He makes me feel safe.

Leale still hasn't come back yet.  Maybe the boy's gotten homesick and headed back west.  That really wouldn't surprise me.  I just hope he calls his poor mother soon to let me know he's all right.  And I know he will.  He'd never let me worry about him for long.



Unspecified Date

If I could afford rehab, I would go back.  Our...  Assassination, on Helter Skelter...  Didn't go as planned.  At all.  Son of a bitch.  I can bathe, but I'll never feel clean again.

I really don't care what happens.  I'm just going to curl up into a ball on Dom's couch and just drink the horror away.  I've done some nasty shit, but that was something else entirely.  The fact Sparkplug was there made it at least thrice as worse.



Unspecified Date

I never thought I'd have sex with a robot.  Since when do they make detachable dicks?  I mean, if it belonged to a more adept owner, it would be unbelievably useful.  I'll have to look into it.

The whole 'sniffing-out' job didn't go well, but we got the job done, at least.  Though I doubt the competency of some of my teammates, they can at least finish the job.  I'd like to work on some things, though.  It's a shame I don't know where to start.

Leale hasn't called me yet.  At this point, I'm almost humoring the thought of him flying over to Neighpoli to go to his grandfather.  It's been that long, and he hasn't contacted me at all.  That has to be what he did.  Why else would he just leave his mother in the dust?

If only padre would knew where I was now.  He might even be more ashamed.



Unspecified Date

That dumb blue bastard.

I don't think he can keep his mouth shut for more than five seconds, and every time he speaks he always manages to say something stupid and fuck something up.  If it were any worse, I'd pin it down as a curse from the gods, or maybe he's just trying to be this horrible.  Whatever the cause, he's impossible to tolerate.

He's probably the reason my son left me, too.  He hasn't made contact since he left, and it's been almost a month.  And he was so mad when he left.  Mad at Lunacy, mostly, for the phone call.  And the failure.  And a lot of things.  Calling him a sore loser would be a ridiculous understatement.  And I wish he knew how much this was tearing me apart.

Though, as much as he needed a stern talking to, things got a bit extreme.  I knew I had to fix him up.  He's important.  That, and with how much he looks and acts like Breeze, I couldn't bear to end him.  And I thought doing the operation without anesthetics would be good enough punishment, just to remind him that he isn't to fear his injuries -- he's to fear the doctor that's meant to heal him.  But damn, things got out of control fast.  Just all of the anger, the rage, and the emotions I've held back for damn near seventeen years finally caught up to me.  And, when I was there, the thought occurred to me -- he might have even taken care of Leale himself.  It would explain his very sudden disappearance.  Perhaps a bit extreme, but definitely viable, knowing how Leale would have spoken to Lunacy after the whole incident.

It must've been horrifying for Dominic.  The screaming, all of the blood, the torturing -- all the way up to scooping his eye out.  I can't believe I put Dom through that.  But, for me, it was just...  Elating.  It's scary how much this got me going.  It's like some sort of glee that's been suppressed for over a decade finally came out once again.  My heart was pounding, and I just felt so alive.  I haven't felt like this since I was a teenager.

Thankfully the rest of the operation was a success.  I fixed up the parts I could -- the organic ones -- and sewed him back up.  I was tempted to sew the ballgag onto his face, and sew the harness onto his Ascender (and, consequently, his neck) just to shut him up.  But if I did that, not only would it be tasteless and completely overkill, but it'd ruin any chance of me trying to deny  my doings.  Luna knows what would happen if my friends found out about this.

Until then, I'll just hope Dominic doesn't have any second thoughts.  I know he understands, even though he doesn't know the finer details.  And I'm glad.

I put Lunacy's eye right next to Breeze's in my collection.  They're surprisingly similar, but just different enough for there to lose any immersion I'd hoped for when I stared into them.  A shame.



Unspecified Date

I was wrong.

How could I be so wrong?

I thought I was at least a mature and responsible adult until now.  And now I realize that I've just been blaming everything on someone that's completely undeserving.  --Well, perhaps not completely, since he's still an irredeemable fuckwit whenever he opens his mouth, but I know for a fact Lunacy didn't deserve anything I did to him.  I just feel like some sort of...  Monster, now.  And I really don't think what I told him said quite enough.

I know Leale must be long gone by now.  If I haven't gotten word, I know he's either ran off for good, or he's gone forever.  And I honestly don't know which is worse.

Until a resolution presents itself, or I find Leale, I'm just going to hide in Dom's apartment with a drink.  I'm not going to show myself after that mess.



Unspecified Date

I want to quit.