My year

Alright. So I started (quite literally. It was 01/01/2014) this year off by getting hit, as a pedestrian, by a semi truck on the highway. I was in a coma for a week, ICU for two after that, standard care another, and inpatient physical rehabilitation two weeks more. When I got home, I was in a wheelchair for a month. (Hit on new years, home on Valentine's Day, out of the chair on April Fool's. Ironic, huh?)
I am very perfectly sure that my survival is a miracle. After having had so many doctors tell me that they have no idea how I could have possibly lived, it's hard to see it as anything else.
From there, my view on life started to change. I felt like life was far too short and fragile to do anything other than act for my happiness in God's plan. So I started to live that. Which I felt my Dad wouldn't agree with. I hid things from him. Online I met a transgirl who I dated for awhile. Rose showed me that anyone, even if you don't have money, can be trans, and that anything is possible with the desire and willpower to make it happen. This is when I first seriously thought of "who am I?" and after many, many hours, I determined that I wasn't who I thought I was. All this while telling my dad little lies and hiding things from him.
I came out to him on October 16th. He said many barely coherent things that almost sounded like he wanted me to be genderfluid. The next week, we were robbed. He blamed me, and as far as I know, still does. The night after we were robbed, he took me outside and talked to me for a good hour about how I am a liar, and that I don't love or respect anyone. He also told me that I am, by "being something you aren't; a woman," I was spoiling the gift of life God had given me. He also spoke about the end of the world, and my potentially being a prophet. None of it much made sense, and about a third of what he said about me were accurate. The parts about me lying to him were. The parts about me not loving or caring for anyone, the parts about me not being a woman, the parts about me having stolen out tools; were all false.
On Friday, October 24, I told him I was at the library studying, when what I was truly doing was looking at a place to rent with my friends. When he called me out and showed up at that library, I knew I had to leave that day. When I returned to the house, he didn't even let me so much as enter the house. He had told me that all he wanted was the truth. I was, and still am, too afraid to tell him the truth. Most any truth. It was amazing that I had the courage to come out to him as trans, as much as I was shut down. I don't know still why I live in fear of him, but I do. I feel like if I were to tell him, even over the phone or facebook, how I really feel and what I really want, that something bad would happen.
Since then, I have been living from couch to couch, and trying to keep fed. I have given up a job, opting instead to leave the state and maybe free myself so I can find out who I am without these bonds that I have made. I am hoping that when I'm freed of these expectations, I might grow to be the person God wants me to be. I plan once the semester ends to fly to Milwaukee to live with a fiend of mine until I am able to get on my feet and hopefully back in school.

This is my story of this year up to now.