fez

FULL STORY
The Familiar Fez awoke to the opening of Offline's backpack. It had been sitting in there for some time recently, and the bright light burned his eyes despite his sunglasses.
"Come with me, Fez. We're going on an adventure." Offline said.
The Fez was elated. He hadn't been outside in sometime. Tucked beneath Offline's arm, The Fez chatted incessantly.
"I'm a fez, aren't fezzes cool! Heh heh! That joke's still funny, right!"
Offline walked on in silence, looking slightly morose. He walked to a large pit in the ground. Suddenly Fez panicked. He knew what was in that pit. Offline walked to the edge of the craft pile, and threw Fez in. But Fez managed to grab the side of the craft pit, and the once mighty hat began pleading for mercy.
"NO NO NO NO NO NO GOD NO! PLEASE DON'T PUT ME IN THERE! PLEASE SAVE ME! NO I DON'T WANT TO BECOME ONE OF THEM! I CAN STILL TAUNT, IT'S COOL, RIGHT! PLEASE NO!!!!"
And Offline looked down at the now pathetic and blubbering Fez, and with contempt in his voice said only,
"God has no place in Team Fortress. It is Gaben that has forsaken you."
With a swift kick Offline knocked Fez into the craft pile, while it screamed and screamed. It lived there for the rest of its days, cursing how it had fallen. It would catch a glimpse of daylight from time to time, and found itself wishing it had been born an Unusual.
The Fez knew one thing though. If it ever got out, this "Gaben" would meet vengeance.
A month after Fez had been thrown into the craft pit, he came across Genuine Ketche. An old friend; another mighty hat that had fallen to the bottom dredge of the craft pile.
"Oh, bonjour! Tis been many days since I have seen you, Fez!" Ketche said, a coy grin in his eye.
Fez only looked upward, back to the sunlight; the warming glow of Dustbowl that he missed so dearly. He silently cursed under his breath. One day. He had sworn one day he would rise, and with a bloody vengeance.
Fez shuddered. He knew what he must do.
"Hey, Genuine Ketche, take a walk with me. I want to show you something over on the side of the pit."
Genuine Ketche was happy. He asked excitedly "Where are we going?"
"You'll see when we get there, Ketche," is all that Fez could say, choking back emotion.
Ketche walked to the side of the craft hat pit, and said "What are we doing over here?"
Abruptly, with tears in his sunglasses, Fez jumped behind and throttled Ketche. As Fez strangled the life out of him, he thought of how Offline and Gaben had cursed this existence. But he would survive. Fez would rise again.
The last word Fez heard from Genuine Ketche was "Why?"
In Ketche's dying breath, Fez said "So that I may survive and thrive once more."
Fez then began to search for other Genuines left in the pit. There must be others. They had been his friends once. The once mighty hat knew that with their bodies; their unwilling sacrifice; he might begin to make a ladder with which to climb, to rise from the ashes of the pit.
And when he did, this "Gaben" would know vengeance.