(FR) Renaissance Faire - Traditional One Shot

>Be Anon.
>Wake up in comfortable home.
>Perform morning routine.
>Make breakfast.
>Awww yiss.
>Oatmeal.
>Fuck cereal.
>Hear loud horns from outside
>What the hell?
>Go outside.
>There is a fucking renaissance fair.
>On your front lawn.
>You could bitch and try and kick everypony off or you could just try to enjoy it.
>The latter seems like the better option.
>Begin to explore.
>Ponka is playing all the crazy horns.
>At the same time.
>How does she even do that?
>Whatever.
>That's when you see it.
>A jousting arena.
>Wait.
>How would that even work?
>Now you have to check it out.
>Walk inside.
>Guard pulls you aside.
>They want you to joust.
>Fine by you.
>Wearing armor and stabbing things is cool.
>They get you fitted in specially made armor and give you a lance.
>As you are escorted to the jousting arena, you wonder how they got armor in your size.
>Better yet, how did they get it in human size?
>The gate closes behind you and you stand against the yellow knight.
>Her lance is a completely over-sized dildo.
>Nope.
>Thats it.
>Not worth it.
>Toss off your armor and throw down your lance.
>Climb into the bleachers and nope out of the stadium.
>Nope all the way back into your house and sit yourself back down at your table.
>You take a bite of your oatmeal.
>It's as cold as ice.
>Today was a terrible day.