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- >Bring your fluffy pony to the park.
- >Sit on bench as it runs around.
- >Fluffy pony rolls in grass. "Fwuffy wuv gwassies! Feew nice!"
- >Fluffy pony eats some flowers. "Fwuffy wuv nummies! Nummies smew pwetty, daddy!"
- >Wave to fluffy. God you're bored.
- >Fluffy pony wanders toward bush.
- >Suddenly, garden snake lunges out of bush and bites Fluffy's face
- >"AHHH!! Munstah! Hewp! Owies!!"
- >Fluffy screams and limps toward you as snake refuses to let go.
- >"Daddy, hewp! Munstah! Hewp! Fwuffy haf' owies! No feew good!"
- >OH MY GOD......
- >
- >SNAKES ARE FUCKING AWESOME!
- >How come you don't own a snake?!?!
- >Get up and hurry to car.
- >"Daddy, no weave fwuffy! Hewp! Munstah huwt! Daddy!"
- >Start engine.
- >"Daddy?"
- >Fluffy cries as you back out of lot.
- >Speed to pet store.
- >Cute girl at counter.
- "I want your biggest, most kickass snake."
- >Girl brings you to back room to a massive tank.
- >Inside's a huge fucking snake.
- >"He's a six-foot-long boa constrictor."
- "I'll take him!! And the tank. And some food for him."
- >"He doesn't eat a lot. Three fluffy foals should keep him full for a month."
- "Neat!"
- >Girl leads you to pen.
- >A dozen fluffy mares are nursing their foals, or grooming them fondly.
- >A few foals are playing. "Tag! Wuv pway tag! Wuv fwend!"
- >The mares all panic as the girl reaches in.
- >Tears break out instantly.
- >"NO! No take babehs!" "Mummah wuv babehs, no take!" "No, pwese!"
- >Some mares try laying on top of their foals to hide them.
- >Others scoop them into the far corner, as if that will help.
- >Girl reaches in and just snatches a blue foal by its tail.
- >It thrases its tiny legs helplessly.
- >Its mother grabs her foal's front legs and sobs hysterically.
- >"NO! PWESE! NO TAKE BABEH! BABEH TOO WIDDLE! NEED MUMMAH! PWESE!"
- >You and pet store girl share a laugh. So cute.
- >Hear a slight snapping sound as foal is finally pulled from mother's grip.
- >"Owie!" the foal cries as girl lifts him up. "Weggies ouchie! Hewp! Mummah! Mummah!"
- "I think she broke its legs. Holy crap."
- >"It happens," girl shrugs. "Tastes the same to the snake."
- >If every mare wasn't panicking before, they all burst into hysterics now.
- >"NO WIKE SNAKE MUNSTAH!" "NO! NO FEED BABEHS TO SNAKEY MUNSTAH!" "BABEHS NO NUMMIES! PWESE WEAVE BABEHS AWONE!"
- >Every single fluffy is now crying and whimpering in terror.
- >Girl quickly snatches up two more foals from sobbing mares.
- >Throws each foal into a zip-lock bag, and puts them in a shopper bag.
- >Head home with your new snake.
- >Set him up in the living room. The tank's as big as your couch.
- >Looks happy enough. Feeding time!
- >Pull out a zip-locked fluffy foal.
- >The blue one. Its fluff is drenched in poop and urine, sloshed around in its hopeless attempt to escape.
- >Gross.
- >Put on a glove and open bag.
- >Fluffy foal gasps for air, but is still sobbing.
- >"No smeww pwetty! Mummah! Whew mummah! Wan' mummah! Weggies ouchies! Need huggies!"
- >No longer cute at all.
- >Drop the food into the tank and close the lid.
- >Hear another feint snap. Now his back legs have broke from the fall.
- >"Owies! Weggies owies! Hewp!"
- >Foal looks around, unable to stand anymore.
- >Doesn't see massive boa constictor coming up behind it.
- "This is gonna be awesome!!"
- >Foal manages to huff itself around and sees the snake.
- >It sniffs. "New... new fwend?"
- >In the blink of an eye, the foal's gone. Snake swallowed it whole like lightning.
- >.... crap. You wanted to see it get constricted...
- >Guess you'll need bigger fluffies for that.
- >... You do have two foals left. Came damn cheap. They'll be fully grown in three weeks.
- >Seeing them slowly suffocate and swallowed whole would be well worth the wait.
- >TO BE CONTINUED!
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