Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Gates to Mediocrity!

It all starts when you go to sleep one night after a day of divulging your time to ironically shitposting on the internet. On the contrary, however, this proves to be a vital mistake.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dPU38-4S1M

Within your sleep, the peaceful dream you're initially having soon transforms into a tragic nightmare beyond all possible imagination.

A Munna flies away as fast as it can from an initially unseen threat. The poor little fetus thing is crying, probably in concern for its own danger.

You cringe, the disturbing image discomforts you, and once the camera angle shifts to reveal the perpetrator for this heinous crime, you only get more uncomfortable.

It is a massive Hydreigon, its smaller heads chomping excessively, the main head attempts to use the smaller ones like arms, trying to get a grip on the Munna.

>"W-Wha..? Who is that?! Why is that Hydreigon chasing that Munna?!"

It almost looks like the Hydreigon has caught up to it, as one of its head seems too close to the Munna, but before the results can be shown, the dream fades away.

But you don't wake up. Instead, you see yourself, or what appears to be a vague shadow of your human body, floating away in a swirl of visual nonsense before disappearing.

>"H-Huh? Wait, come back! What happened to the Munna...was it just a dream?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_4WieOmMR0

[Right. Sure. It was a dream. Alright, let's go with that then.]

>"Huh? Who was that!? Who's there?!"

[Pfft. My identity is none of your concern. I am only here to ask you questions, for that is my ultimate purpose.]

>"Wha...? Purpose? What kind of questions?"

[Oh, just questions that'll probably set your life in stone for the rest of your life. Face it brohombre, you've been called by a higher authority to serve a higher purpose than the one you do now. Ain't that a jam in the jackpot?]

>"A jack in the...wha?"

[Enough talking! Let's get to the questionnaire! Although I'm sorry to say that you may not like the end result, due to some budget cuts we had to chop out a few selections...]

>"B-Budget cuts? Well, I can still pick Totodile, right?!"

[.......Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Anyhow, even more budget cuts have caused to cut out all of the metaphorical shit and just get us to skip straight to the point. So let's do that. First, we'll try to discern your personality...]

>Of these five Pokemon, which do you like the most?
A) The ever-jolly and famous Pikachu.
B) The calm, elegant yet friendly Snivy.
C) The bashful yet valiant Oshawott.
D) The tubby, nervous, approachable Tepig.
E) The gleeful, loud, yet brave Axew.

Your shadowy human body cranes its head.

>"But all of those Pokemon suck, not even joking either. Gen V has an ice cream cone, are they even trying anymore? Their personalities are too gimmicky and they're not even competitively viable."

The voice express a notable grumble.

[Ugh....Look. I give you a once in a lifetime opportunity, and you refuse to take it because what? You want to joke around? That's lame. The things you do are lame. Now choose something.

>"Uh..I guess Axew then. It's kinda shit but it's like, the least shit out of them all. Pikachu isn't cool anymore and you wouldn't catch me playing as a Unova starter any day of the week. At least Haxorus is usable."

[Alright, I can work with that.]

In seconds, your shadowy body dissolves into nothingness, and is quickly replaced by a colorful image of an Axew, complete with a sparkling shine of overkilling shiny effects.

[Congrats. You're now an Axew. Have fun with that. Now, here's my next question. And this one might sound awkward, especially since I can only talk to you via text box so just hang with me...]

>You are now an Axew. Although you are quite loud and over-cheerful when it comes to certain things, your vibrant optimism shifts into a brave demeanor whenever it's go-go battle time.

>Are you a boy or a girl?
A) "I'm a boy."
B) "I'm a girl."

>"I'm a boy. Why in the world would I ever be a girl?!"

[Excuse me asswipe, I couldn't hear you over your tears. Now, next question, we're just about halfway done. So if you haven't realized it until now, I'm about to send you into an alternate world or..dimension or something. Just like in the human world, you'll be lonely as fuck, so I've arranged for you to make a buddy there.]

>"A buddy...? Is it gong to be you?"

[Please, no. You've got to be kidding. I have much more important things to do with my time than romp around with the likes of you. That said, question three. You need a "dungeon-buddy" to roam the lands with, as the buddy system is and always shall-be, the best system. So take your pick out of the guys you ignored.]

>Who is your partner?
A) The ever-jolly and famous Pikachu.
B) The calm, elegant yet friendly Snivy.
C) The bashful yet valiant Oshawott.
D) The tubby, nervous, approachable Tepig.

>"I choose...Oshawott!"

As soon as you say that, an Oshawott appears in the colorful dream void in the exact same fashion as you. However, the otter disappears before you can talk to it.

>"Uhh, what happened?"

[Don't worry. I'm hex-editing the current civilian database within the Pokemon World. I am tampering with the memories of the current inhabitants. The Oshawott you have selected has now been given a certified backstory, personality, and memories of its own made-up past. Everyone that Oshawott knows prior to this adventure also is aware of this, whether it be by memories or in-general acknowledgement.]

>"W-Wha?! ARE YOU A GOD?!"

[I'm something, alright. Now, next question. Your little Oshawott buddy is lacking one final thing that I have purposefully not edited into his database. You are given that decision this time.]

>What is the gender of your Oshawott buddy?
A) "My partner is a boy."
B) "My partner is a girl."

You begin twiddling your little stubby dragon fingers.

>"Uh...w-well you know that thing where a girl likes to uh, pretend she's a guy but she's really a girl but everyone doesn't know that? C-Can he be that?"

The voice sighs.

[Whatever. Sure. A girl who's somewhat masculine in appearance. There you kou kinky fuck. Now, I regret to inform you that I've just lied to you. Your partner is missing something else other than its identity and gender but you'll get to that at a later time, not now. Our final question is: What is your name, brave Axew?]

>What is your name?

>"Uhh, well...I don't really nickname the Pokemon I catch in the games because it's kinda weird...Can I just be called "Axew"?"

[Huh. That's a first in all honesty. You wouldn't catch me dead with a name the same as my species though. Anyways this long questionnaire's starting to bore me, good thing we're all done. So now Axew, GO FORTH! ONWARD! HAVE ADVENTURES IN THE WORLD OF POKEMON!]

Instantly, you are thrust out from the dream rather forcefully, and it is here that you realize you're fucking freefalling in mid-air!

"W-Wha?! But what about the Munna? The Hydreigon?! Hello? VOICE!"

Nothing looks familiar. Nothing resembles home. Nothing looks like anything you've ever seen!

"H-Huh?...Oh. Uh-oh."

You try flapping your stubby arms to get some bird-flight, but it doesn't work.

"AAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!!!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEfYiTNam9s

For a few moments, your vision is blurry. But it clears up once you see what -appears- to be a "male" Oshawott. You're in the middle of some sort of forest. The otter looks down at you with a mix of confusion and curiosity.

She waves her hand over you, "Uh? Hello? Hello! Are you okay?"

"Ugh...M-My head..." the otter helps you up, "Who are you?"

"Me? I'm!....Um, oh dear..." the Oshawott blushes, "O-Oh my, I seem to have forgotten my name! Now, what was it again...? This'll only take a second..." reveals the otter as she enters a thinking stance

>What is your partner's name?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fj8yXrcQOko [Embed]

The Oshawott continues to tap into her mind until the answer finally comes, "Aha! I remember now, my name is Breaker! Or well, it's kind of a "codename" really. My real name is Oswald, b-but don't tell anyone that!"

You scratch your chin, "Huh? Breaker? I mean, that's not a bad name I guess, but why is that your codename?"

Breaker cocks her eyebrows in a scandalous way, "You really don't wanna know. Now that we're acquainted, do you mind telling me who you are?"

"Me? Oh well, I'm Axew! I...I. Gee, I can't seem to remember much of anything. All I remember was this dream, and this voice, and falling out of no where, ACK!"

You begin running around the clearing, "VOICE! VOOOOICE! WHERE ARE YOU!?"

Nobody comes to your rescue.

"Eh? Are you feeling okay?" asks Breaker.

You turn to face her, "Uh...No, no not really. See Breaker, I kinda fell outta the sky..."

Breaker cranes her head, "Ah, wha...? Fell out the sky? Are you sure you aren't just fibbing to me so you don't have to tell me the truth?"

"W-What? No! I really came out of the sky! It was the weirdest thing too, I can't remember a gosh darn thing!"

Breaker frowns, "Wow, that's awful! Well, if you are telling the truth, I guess you can bunk with me then for a while, at least until we find someone who knows who you are, I kinda had plans when I was going to Post Town."

"Post Town?"

Breaker does a double-take, "WHUZZAT?!! Y-You've never been to Post Town!? Oh my god, you're missing out! I was heading over there because my latest and greatest settlement is about to be perched near there. As my new honorary acquaintance, you HAVE to come see!"

"W-Wait, I'm n-not-!" you protest, but Breaker drags you along for the ride.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=upL6J-vd4Mc

Breaker drags you all the way out of the forest and to a small mountain.

>RAGGED MOUNTAIN - OUTSIDE; BASE.

Breaker intends on crossing the bridge with you to get to her new settlement, but a problem arises instantly, and it doesn't make her happy.

"Shoot! The bridge is out, that's just not good. Say Axew, how good are you at adventuring?"

You crane your head, "Uh, good enough?"

She grabs your hand again, "Excellent! Come on, Ragged Mountain is a mystery dungeon. If we enter the cave, we'll be thrown into a mysterious labyrinth filled with surprises and the like!"

"W-WHAT?"

"Have a better idea on crossing that bridge?"

"Well, no, but-"

"MYSTERY DUNGEON IT IS!"

>Ragged Mountain
>1F

"Now Axew, I'm still kind of a newbie at this whole mystery dungeon business, but don't worry. I'm sure if we newbies team-up, we'll deal with this a-okay! Just follow my lead!" Breaker puts your fears to rest with a pat and an assuring smile.

>"It's weird, her voice sounds like a girl, but she looks like a boy Oshawott...?"

You and Breaker travel through the dungeon, but it isn't long before another problem arises. This time in the form of combat incoming.

>There are three paths, one with a Woobat, one with a Klink, and one with a Gothita.
>Take which path?
A) Woo Woo Woobat Path
B) Klink Path
C) Gothita Path

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmJvO2ZSNBA

You head down the Woobat Path, which stays true to its namesake, it's a path with a Woobat in it.

"Alright Axew, you did it! Uh, next problem is though, sometimes there are some angsty guys in these dungeons, like this Woobat, he's not really moving it."

You scratch your head, "Oh...Well, I don't think I remember how to fight stuff yet, d-do you know how to fight?"

Breaker puts her hands on her otter-hips, "'Course I do, I'm Breaker! I know how to kick tushy! You stay here and watch me show you how it's done!"

With that, Breaker walks up to the Woobat, ready to kick its bat-ass.

>Breaker uses...
A) Tackle
B) Water Gun
C) Assurance

Breaker begins to contemplate her first move, "Alright...Woobat is a dual Psychic and Flying-type so..."

"ASSURANCE, GO GO!" Breaker hops into the air, and slaps the Woobat twice with each hand, squishing the bat together.

"W-Woob-bat..." the bat faints before it can even land a hit, let alone -try to-.

"Alright Breaker, you did it!"

Breaker falls back to the ground, "You're darn right I did, now let's keep going, this mystery dungeon's pretty small for a tutorial, so there's bound to be an exit nearby."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After defeating a few more enemies, you and Breaker make it outside the cave, but unfortunately not on the other -side- of the mountain.

"Dang! I thought for sure we had it in the clear once we were at 3F. O-Oh wait! I got an idea!"

Breaker turns to you, "Axew! Use your big head and ram that tree down, we'll use it as a bridge to cross!"

You jump, "W-What?! My head? I-It's not really that big, is it?"

Breaker turns you around so that you're facing the tree instead of her, "It's as big as you think it is, buddy, now go!~"

She pushes you, and you start to stumble, fortunately for that, you catch yourself. The stumble turns into running, which then becomes a full sprint.

You ram your big horned-head into the tree, knocking it down.

Breaker claps her hands, "Brilliant! Let's keep going!~"

A few more tutorial trials and tribulations are all that stand to oppose you in this dungeon. Quickly, you and Breaker make it out without any harm done. Unfortunately, all of the enemies were so piss-poor that you barely got any experience from it.

"'Kay Axew. We're somewhere near Post Town now, BUUUUT. Before that. I wanna take you to my new settlement! Follow me!"

Breaker runs down the North crossroad and heads to the East one, "Hurry hurry! It's down here, I got it for a steal!"

Curious, you follow her.

. . .
. . .
. . .

Only to find that her "settlement" is in the middle of a completely BARREN wasteland!

"'Tah-da-dah! My new home! What'd ya think?"

You're confused if anything, "Uh...It's nice I guess. But where's the HOUSE?!"

Breaker blushes, "Haha! That's just the thing, there ISN'T a house yet! That's why I wanted to go to Post Town, maybe there's a carpenter there who could help u-"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0r8B-oZWfQ [Embed]

"Hmm?"

The two of you turn around.

"Oh! It's you!" says Breaker.

"Hmm? Me? Yeah. It's me. I'm Quagsire. Hmm? I'm the guy who gave Breaker land."

You shrug, "Y'know the least you could have done was add a house to the deal, couldn't you?"

Quagsire keeps his blank expression on his face, "I could have. But I didn't. Hmm? I guess it just didn't cross my mind. Besides, the place would cost more. Hmm? Breaker used up all of her savings to buy it."

Breaker smiles, "All 64 of my P!"

You jump in shock, "64?! But that's barely nothing!"

Quagsire clicks his tongue, "Yeah. It's nothing. Hmm? See, I priced smart. Nothing price, for nothing land. It's a good business and marketing decision. Hmm?"

"Well Quagsire, I appreciate your generosity, but I have to ask, is there anywhere in Post Town where I might be able to track down a carpenter?"

"Hmm? Oh no. I don't. I don't keep track of that stuff. Hmm? But. I like you and that dragon. So I'll come back tomorrow and tell you what I find in town. It's kinda late. You should sleep. Hmm?"

With that, the big salamander walks off.

"Huh...Why was he so calm? I was expecting him to be a jolly fellow based on his looks."

Breaker prepares a dual pair of beds made out of hay, "Ah, that's just how Quagsire is. Now come on Axew, let's just head to bed. Quagsire will tell us about a carpenter in the morning!"

You nod, and the two of you retreat to the makeshift beds.

"Seems real odd for us to sleeping on hay in the wilderness.." you point out.

Breaker shivers, "Don't worry, I'm used to it. Once we build a house, then we'll have some real fun! And to make things even better... Axew, you say you don't know where you came from, right?"

"Yeah..?"

"Then clearly you have no purpose!"

"I-I guess that makes sense..."

Breaker smiles with a notable blush, "U-uh, brilliant! We'll be um, partners forever then! Since you don't have anywhere to go, I'll take you in, it's only the best I can do!"

"Whoa, really? Thanks a lot!"

"No problem!~"

You and your new partner fall asleep. . ..


You have another dream about the Munna and the Hydreigon..

But still, none of your questions are answered.

You and Breaker wake up at about the same time, while the two of you go on about what to do today, Quagsire shows up again, this time with some good news.

"Hey. It's um. Me. Quagsire, again. Hmm?"

Breaker hops up out of bed, "Oh! Quagsire, hey, how are you?"

"I'm, hmm? I'm fine. So last night I went around town, looking for a hmm? Carpenter. Yeah. I went around town looking for a carpenter for you guys, and I found one. He's a bit mean, hmm? But otherwise a good egg. Follow me, we're going to hmm? Post Town."

You and Breaker follow Quagsire as he lingers back out into the crossroads, and takes the West crossroad, "Hmm? Post Town. It's right here. You better hurry, the carpenter is impatient."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SSgDkpicSk

Post Town is just what you'd expect from any basic town, a civilization full of seemingly happy and joyful people, except for one thing.

THERE ARE POKEMON AND HOUSES SHAPED LIKE POKEMON!

As you and Breaker take in the sights, Quagsire approaches you.

"Hmm. I'm going to go check the carpenter, make sure he's in today and stuff. If he is, I'll give the go signal and let you guys come in. I'm a, hmm? Neutral party. So he'll understand me. Go ahead and kill time until I get back."

The two of you nod understandably while Quagsire heads to a nearby shop.

>Kill time!
A) Go to Rampardos' shop.
B) Go to Cincinno's shop.
C) Those three elemental monkeys look like interesting conversationalists!
D) There's seems to be a fight going on over there..

Oh boy, a Roggenrola seems to be going at it with a Ducklett!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9j6rhHitb4

"YO BRO! You just hit me on purpose, didn't you man!? That does not ROCK!" Roggenrola hops up and down, staring rocky daggers at the Ducklett.

Roggenrola hops up and down, "THAT HURT, YOU DUMMY, DUMB, DIM-WITTED, DOOFUS!"

Now Ducklett is infuriated, just seconds ago he was buying shit from Kecleon's store, now he has to deal with this? He expands his wings, "WHOA! All I did was brush you with my beak, and it was no accident! WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL!?"

Roggenrola pushes Ducklett, "My DEAL is that you don't go around BRUSHING PEOPLE WITH YOUR BIG MEATY BEAKS!"

Ducklett scoffs, "Well maybe YOU shouldn't go throwing a FIT over EVERY LITTLE BUMP!"

Breaker turns to you, "This seems serious, Axew! I wonder why the Patrat and Rufflet over there aren't helping out..."

>Come in-between the fight?
A) Stop the fight!
B) Don't be a hero, it's not worth it.

The Ducklett charges a Water Gun while Roggenrola charges a Smack Down.

Until you and Breaker intervene, disrupting the fight but causing the both of you to be hit by the attacks in the process.

"Ow!" you scratch your head, stupid Smack Down's got you all on the ground now.

Breaker merely shrugs, "Eh. I've seen worst." after all, she's only been sprayed with water.

However, the Roggenrola and Ducklett still don't quite see eye to eye. With a harrumph, they both turn their backs to each other, neither apologizing for how they have acted.

"HMPH!"

The duck and the rock buzz off in separate directions.

You frown, "Geez..What's their problem?"

A) Go to Rampardos' shop.
B) Go to Cincinno's shop.
C) Talk to Rufflet and Patrat
D) Go to Kecleon's shop
E) Talk to Lillipup and Herdier.

Breaker sighs, "The nerve of those guys, they didn't even bother helping those poor guys out with their fight!"

You and Breaker watch as the Rufflet takes off into the skies, while Patrat scurries away to keep clear of public eye.

You shake your head, "Geez, Breaker. You didn't tell me everyone in this town was had a strained relationship with everybody else."

Breaker stomps her foot, "I didn't know that!"

"Well, let's see if we can learn more about the other shops over here. Say, we can start out at that Cincinno's shop!"

The two of you make your way to the furry Cincinno, who smiles as soon as she sees you, "Ahh!~ Welcome to Cincinno's Gift Shop! Here I make gifts just like how my customers like them! But right now I'm kind of running low on material for wrapping paper, I only had enough to make three gifts today, you wouldn't happen to have any Poke, would you?"

You and Breaker look at each other, "Don't look at me, I spent my Poke on the land!"

You check your own pockets, finding only a small handful of Poke that was collected back at Ragged Mountain."

You place the Poke on Cincinno's table, "Uhh, will this be able to net us any gifts?"

Cincinno hums, counting each coin separately, "Um...Only one, sorry, but it's the best I can do. I do hope you enjoy whatever you get though!"

>Choose which of Cincinno's gifts?
A) The blue plain gift.
B) The striped green gift.
C) The pink polka-dot gift.

You choose the plain, blue gift and pay for it using the last of your money.

You open it inside to obtain...

>BANDANNAS GET!

"Oh neat, bandannas! This'll surely do us good in upcoming dungeons! We'll be able to let everyone know we're going around, cleaning up Post Town!" Breaker applies her red bandanna, and you don your own.

You and her bid Cincinno goodbye, and she immediately goes back to work on scavenging more material. Meanwhile, Quagsire has finally finished his rounds, he returns to you at his leisurely pace.

"Hey. Axew. Breaker. I see you saw that fight, hmm? Kinda weird, isn't it, hmm? Relationships haven't been working out in Post Town lately, hmm? Some say it's the Mystery Dungeons making everyone so tense, but it doesn't help that everyone's feelings are so, hmm? Strained. Everyone's all grumpy, grumpy and stuff."

Breaker nods, "Huh. That actually makes sense. A lot of Pokemon these days are only looking out for themselves, clearly they have their own problems in those Mystery Dungeons but are just too much of a coward to ask for help from these other butthurt Pokemon!"

Quagsire clicks his tongue, "Hmm? Seems reasonable. Anyhow, those guys over there," the salamander points to two Timburrs, "those guys. Those are the carpenter's apprentices. Y'know. You talk to them, get in the good word and stuff, and you'll be in business in no time, hmm?"

You're about to say something, when Quagsire one-ups you, "Actually. Better idea. I'll help you out, hmm? By starting things up."

Quagsire limbers over to the two working Pokemon, "Hey, lads."

The Timburrs turn around, "Wha?"

"Yeah. You, where's your master?"

The Timburrs frown, "Uh...Master? You mean boss right?" says one of them.

The other one points inside, "Because he's in the workshop, BUT he's kinda grumpy right now, or as we Timburrs say, "Gurrmpy"."

The first Timburr cocks an eyebrow, "Wait wait. Why do you want 'da boss again?"

Breaker steps in, "Your boss is the carpenter right?"

The first Timburr smacks his buddy around with his wood, "NO DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHH! Come on in, we'll show you to him!"

With that, the two Timburrs step into the shop, Quagsire steps aside, "Hmm? I'll stay right here. That carpenter is too "Eugh" to be around for too long. I'll keep watch."

Breaker nods, and you follow her inside.

"Is THAT your boss?" asks a clueless Breaker, she points at a nearby Swanna. One of the Timburrs turns around to give her an answer, accidentally donking the other Timburr in the process.

At the sight of the Swanna, the Timburr stammers, "W-Wha!? No way, holmes! Does THAT look like a boss to you? Nuh-uh, not in a BRAZILLION years! That's just Swanna, she owns the joint, I guess you could say we're sharin' space!"

You scratch one of your tusks, "Sharing space? What for? Shouldn't you guys have your own place?" you ask.

The Timburrs look at each other quizzically, before both give two different answers.

"Someone burned our place down!"
"We sold it for extra dough!"

They look at each other again, "Eh? Who do ya think you are, a wise guy?!" they both say in-sync.

"WISE GUY? Why I 'oughta!"
"AAAAWWWH SHAAATTUP!"

Breaker shakes her head, "Ugh, they're fighting like children! What's with all the arguing these days?"

A) Calm down the quarrel.
B) Is that "The Boss"? Talk to him.
C) Talk to Swanna. Let the Timburrs cool off.

"Enough!"

You pop in-between the quarrel, separating another fight once again. The Timburrs step back, truly offended.

One of them retaliates, "Hey! What do ya think you're doin', stoppin' our fight?"

The other one nods, "YEAH! Who do ya think you are, a wise guy? 'CAUSE I KNOW A THING OR TWO ABOUT WISE GU-"

"GURRRRRRRRRRRRRDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRR!"

Everyone in the room but Swanna jumps.

The two Timburrs are quick to recognize the menacing call, so they hastily run to the source of it, "ACK! Did you hear that? IT WAS THE BOSS!"

"No, it was your mum, 'COURSE IT WAS 'DA BOSS!"

Following the two Timburrs, you and Breaker come across the two's "boss", who is just a big, burly Gurdurr. Like most Gurdurrs, he doesn't appear to be in the mood to joke around, if at all.

"WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU TWO!?" Gurdurr shouts as loud as he can, causing his apprentices to cower in fright, "WHY ARE YOU FIGHTING!? Are you TRYING to be like the cultists? FIGHTING LEADS TO SEPARATION! In this world, you have to stick together to survive, STOP SCARING AWAY THE CUSTOMER!"

Gurdurr calms down moments after, "Right. Anyhow, howdy. What can I do for you two then?"

Unsure of what to say to the big lifter, you turn to Breaker, urging her to represent for the both of you. She catches the memo and explains her dilemma.

"Uh, Mr. Gurdurr, if it's not too much, can you please build my friend Axew and I a home to live in? We need somewhere to stay while we build our dream, and two beds made out of hay isn't going to cut it!"

At first, Gurdurr seems ticked off by Breaker's request, but he soothes himself before any rage can be expelled, "Hmm, alright then. Seems like a reasonable job, but eh, there's one problem."

"Huh? What?" asks Breaker.

"Eh, it isn't nothing really. It's just that recently I've been missing a lot of the materials I use for building schtick, I'm afraid I don't have anything to build your house with right now."

You and Breaker fall to the ground, absolutely taken by shock.

Gurdurr blinks, "Agh! Wait, don't give up just yet! I wasn't finished! I may not have any materials left, but that doesn't mean I can't get more, right?"

You get back up, and in return, gain some confidence to speak up, "Get more? W-Wait, we wouldn't want to push you through all that trouble!"

Gurdurr shrugs, "Good. Wasn't going to do it anyway. By "I", I mean you. You two want the house, you two get the materials."

You're about to deny his request, but Breaker speaks up, "Alrighty! We'll take you on your challenge, but...what do you want us to go get?"

>What materials does Gurdurr want for construction?
A) 5 Blue Gems
B) 5 Gold Harmonicas
C) 5 Crystal Babies

Gurdurr gives a hearty laugh, while his apprentices scuttle off, still cowering in fear of setting the boss off again.

"I want you two to go into the nearby Stony Cave Mystery Dungeon, and get me five Crystal Babies so that I can make your sweet house with them! Now that doesn't sound too hard, does it?"

Breaker shakes her head, "Given that we're not that far into the game, I'd say no."

The muscular lifter smiles, "GOOD! Then we have a deal!"

However, you're still confused to a certain extent, "Uh wait! Before Breaker and I leave, uh, I just wanted to know...what exactly IS a Crystal Baby?"

Gurdurr taps his chin, "CRYSTAL and BABY, what part do you not understand kid? Babies made out of crystals, they're useful for building houses with, find me and give them to me so that I can devour them, deal?"

Breaker nods, "Deal! Come on Axew, ADVENTURE AWAITS!"

"W-Wait, AAAH! I forgot to ask why he needs to EAT them!" you're dragged by Breaker.

Once outside, you and Breaker meet up with Quagsire again, who has been "keeping watch".

"Hmm? Are you two out already? Mm, what did Gurdurr say?"

You twiddle your stubby fingers, "Uh well, he said that he'd build a house for us, uh, just as soon as we gave him materials to build it with. We're heading to Stony Cave right now to go do that. [But what about that dream I had last night? How am I ever going to figure out the context of that?!]

Quagsire scratches his head, "Uh-oh, Stony Cave? That's a pretty tough beginner joint. Are you sure you two are ready for it?"

Breaker removes her bandanna and ties it around her head, "We're ready! BETTER THAN EVER IN FACT! We're not afraid of nothing, right Axew!?"

"Uh, ABOUT that...-"

Quagsire interrupts you, "Mm, I sure hope you two are. Regardless, mm, I feel like I should tell you to be careful in the cave. Hmm. It's pretty dangerous. Explorers who think they're tough enough to, mm, explore the dungeon, usually don't come back. Mm. Lots of rumors have been going around, mm, and eye-witness evidence suggests that some pretty bad things are in that cave."

You crane your head in curiosity, "Eh? Like what?"

>Quagsire warns the duo about...
A) The Crystal Onix
B) The Elitist Cult
C) The Crystal Mommies

Quagsire begins recalling the odd things he's been hearing about Post Town, "Mmm, it's not a proven rumor, just something I've been hearing out and about, so take it with, mmm, three grains of salt. Maybe four."

Quagsire points to the crossroads outside Post Town. He explains these rumors while the three of you stroll out of town, "Mm, yes. So there's rumors going around about this strange cult roaming the area, they don't really have an official name, but the rumors have it that they're a pretty lonely group that don't socialize much unless it's with each other, mm. They roam around Mystery Dungeons, mm. Looking for something. Mm. Those that, mm, claim to see them say they don't, mm, know what they're looking for. It's strange, mmm. Apparently they're suicidal."

"S-Suicidal!?" you begin hopping on alternating feet, "That's...THAT'S JUST BAZONKERS!"

"Mmm, yeah, it is. You shouldn't go around running into them, it could prove potentially dangerous. Mm. If you see them, mm, just don't get into, mm, a brawl. It'll most likely be your last, mm. With that, I'll be heading out, mm. Good luck with the Crystal Babies, I think. I don't know, mm."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=up0_8B64fHs [Embed]
You and Breaker watch Quagsire lazily depart back to Post Town, "Pfft! Does he honestly think a bunch of little suicide sissys are going to knock us off our keester, Axew?"

"Erm, I don't know, they're cultists, they sound pretty serious..."

Breaker shakes her head repeatedly, "NONSENSE. Cultists or not, we still have to search that Mystery Dungeon for CRYSTAL BABIES! Nothing's going to stop us, you and I are going to go all the way, all the way in dungeon history as the BEST explorers that ever roamed the Pokemon world!"

Breaker turns to you, "Doesn't that sound like a neat title?!"

"Well yes, of course it does, but you do realize you have to do hard work to gain that title, right? Hard work, all the time, in the dark no less?! Stuff like that just doesn't fall outta the sky y'know?"

Breaker merely pokes your head, "Which is why you need to get that skull of yours into shape if we're going to be cracking some! Come on, let's head to Stony Cave! I feel ready. Ready to take anything, WAHOO!~"

As gleefully as can be, Breaker skips down the North crossroad to Stony Cave. You trot down the road after her, like a nervous wreck.

"Oh no..."

>STONY CAVE [BABBIES FIRST DUNGEON]
>1F

Breaker starts clapping, "Alright! Our first dungeon, isn't this so cool?!"

You trudge after her, "It's something alright, but I'm really not sure "cool" is the world I would use to describe it..."

>Find the Crystal Babies!
A) There's always a staircase to the next floor in these places, look for it!
B) Explore the nearby aquifer. Crystal Babies LOVE water.
C) Perform a natural Crystal Baby mating call to attract the babies to you.
D) Crystal Babies like milk. Look for one of those cave-dwelling weaboo hermit Miltanks!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ex7cqaVdfMA
Mystery Dungeons are usually long, big, and hard to complete in a way that keeps the interest of a sane man for more than ten minutes. In order to try to speed things up in a way everyone can enjoy, you come up with a possibly deranged yet plausible idea.

"Say Breaker, do you know any ritual mating calls?"

"......To be honest? ...A few."

"Do any of them have anything to do with Crystal Babies?"

"Wouldn't hurt to try, now that you mention it. I'm up for it!"

You begin to make the sound of an attracting Crystal Baby, Breaker imitates this call by watching you. And soon the two of you are yapping your mouths off acting like retards.

It somehow successfully attracts one Crystal Baby.

"Woah! I can't believe that actually worked!" Breaker says, surprised. But it is not the only surprise to come out of the wonky plan. After quickly coming to terms with the fact that neither you nor Breaker is actually a Crystal Baby, the babby soars off in a quick escape. Breaker then hops repeatedly as she sees him escape.

"HEY! Come back here, SOME GUY NEEDS TO DEVOUR YOU! Come on Axew!

"R-Right!"

A) Follow that Crystal Baby!
B) Go in the opposite direction of the Crystal Baby to corner him!
C) Coax the Crystal Baby back with milk from a hermit Miltank.

You decide to briefly ignore the Crystal Baby in order to begin a small sidequest that is at the moment, completely unrelated to the task at hand. It takes a few moments to snap Breaker out of her hypnotic trance of wanting to mow down the Crystal Baby, but in the end, she regains balance of herself.

"Breaker, look! According to some signs on the cave walls by a past explorer, a Miltank was spotted here a while back! If we can find her, we can get her milk, and uh, coax the Crystal Baby to us!"

Breaker blinks, "Huh...That's not a bad idea now that I think about it. Good job buddy-boo! But, um, where do we start?"

You begin to think of a strategic maneuver when suddenly, the developers use the randomized dungeon system to cause a staircase to appear right in front of you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9hzxt8VKn4 [Embed]

You crane your head, "Well gee, that could work!"

>STONY CAVE
>2F [Seriously though, how the fuck can you have trouble here?]

You and Breaker enter the second floor, which is crowded with low-level Pokemon that in hindsight, seem like a pretty big damn deal to you considering you're just level 7 tops.

Joltik, Klink, Drilbur, and Gothita roam the premises, scouting out for anyone that isn't a Joltik, Klink, Drilbur, or Gothita so that they can kick that Pokemon's ass.

"Now, unless the developers are rusing us, that Miltank has to be up here.." you think aloud.

>Search for Miltank!
A) Get into a brawl with the enemy Pokemon
B) Sneak past them!
C) Take the only path they aren't guarding.

You and Breaker decide to sneak past the roaming enemies, and what better way to do that than to dig underground? No one EVER suspects the underground.

After successfully passing all of the Pokemon, and somehow the Drilbur, your attention is focused on the fork in the road that follows.

Said fork in the road diverges into three separate paths hat lead to a variety of places around Stony Cave. Problem is, one of the paths happens to be booby-trapped with a newfag "ethnic cleansing" device.

How do you know this?

Because the sign on the cave wall says so.

>Take which path?
A) The path to Kecleon's shop.
B) The path leading to a small camp.
C) The path with a glowing whatchamacallit at the end of it.

The next destination on your magical mystery tour through a cave that can only be perceived as malevolent by a pack of newfags?

The path leading to the small cave of course! You're getting rather hungry anyhow, even though y'know, by technical means your hunger is "non-existent".

You grab Breaker's hand, "Come on, m-maybe the camper over there has food!"

Since you're throwing ideas out of the box, Breaker joins in as well, "O-Or maybe a flute that summons Crystal Babies!"

"That too!"

You and Breaker indulge in the leftover camp heaven for as long as you can. There are signs of beauty everywhere, in the form of food, but signs of benevolence nonetheless. Pork. Beef. Ham. All that jazz. Meat of all kinds was everywhere.

Sausage hangs from the ceiling, tied up in funny-looking meat "nooses". However, this is when things start to get rather....out of place.

A lot of the meat is used to create religiously satanic images. Both of those words kinda contradict each other, but that's basically the point of the room.

The camper who has stayed here has taken a liking to these sadistic images, and seems to get a jolly out of hanging them all over the cave walls.

"Woah, Axew, what's this?" Breaker points to a satanic star made out of bacon, but before the two of you can get down to investigating it, someone appears at the campsite.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8x_EpOQddck [Embed]

"Hey! Who said you fellers can be in my campsite?" asks a Miltank, one with a Southern accent, no less.

Oh glory day, a Miltank!

You begin to panic, "U-Uh, n-no one, WE WERE JUST UH-"

She interrupts you, "Enough lyin'! Now, who are you fellers 'sposed to be, anyhow?"

>We're...
A) Mystery Dungeon explorers! You better get the hell out the way!
B) Meat Enthusiast Entrepreneurs!
C) Members of the cult!
D) An illusion, you're hallucinating! OOOOOoooOOOooooooOOOO!

"We're Meat Enthusiast Entrepreneurs, just like you ma'am!" you explain.

However, this excuse does not sit well with the Miltank.

"What? I'm not a-! That's CANNIBALISM! You hooligans have no right stepping onto my turf and looting through my stuff. What would the head honcho think if he found out kids were goin' through all willy mcnilly through my tilly billy all frilly jilly?"

Something about her words strike you, "Huh? Head honcho? Do you uh, mean boss?"

At -those- words, Miltank jumps up in fright, "AGH! Now you know, NOBODY IS SAFE, I'm gettin' out of here, YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA!"

Using her utters as a rocket, the cow propels herself through the cave ceiling, creating a giant hole where the bright sunlight shines through.

Breaker looks at where the cow once was moments ago, and then at you, "Well...That was certainly odd, but look what she left for us!"

With a skip and a hop, Breaker picks up the item the fat bitch of a cow dropped, it is a carton. A small one yes, but a carton nonetheless.

>MOOMOO MILK GET!

You begin cheering, "Alright! N-Now we can attract the Crystal Babies to us!"

Breaker nods, stuffing the milk carton in her invisible bottomless pocket attached to her skin, "You're right Axew. Let's not waste anymore time!"

A) Investigate the campsite!
B) Hoard Miltank's refrigerator.
C) Begin attracting Crystal Babies!

Once a crook from the south, ALWAYS a crook from the south, as they say.

You tap Breaker, "U-Um, let's not be TOO hasty now, Breaker. That Miltank gal got a bit too spooked that we made reference to her apparent boss, I'd be willing to wager that has something to do with the plot!"

Breaker removes a hamburger patty that has been impaled by a stake in the ground, and starts to nibble on it, "Ugh...Alright then. I guess you do make a point..."

And so, a brief run around the small campsite reveals a few things of interest.

>CALLING CARD GET!
>SUMMONING DANCE RITUAL GET!

You skim over the card, "Huh, that's weird...According to this card, that Miltank belongs to that religious cult Quagsir was telling us about earlier, it's all kinda making sense now.."

Breaker continues to nibble on the patty as she reads the ritual, "And this slip of paper talks about "awakening an unforetold evil", does that make any sense?"

"Probably not. But now I'm getting really nervous, just what are all these religious kooks doing in a place like this? Religion won't help calm all these arguing Pokemon down, it's useless!"

Breaker swallows the last piece of the patty, "I dunno, you seem a 'lil narrow-minded Axew. Maybe you're just over-thinking it, maybe these cult guys are actually pretty chill, contrary to popular belief, and they're just people trying to make the best of a bad situation, and y'know convert the fallen and whatnot."

"That sounds gross."

Breaker shrugs while she picks a few more "religious" hamburger patties off other stakes in the campsite, "Yeah well, that's religion for you, now let's get to the next floor and use that milk!"

"R-Right!"

>STONY CAVE
>3F [No but seriously Explorers of Sky was better amirite?]

Once on the third floor of the cave, Breaker retrieves the milk from her skin-pocket and opens it, allowing the coaxing fumes to cover the dungeon.

Your milky efforts do not go unrewarded, as a Crystal Baby ends up being coaxed into finding the source of the milk.

Ironically enough, it is the same Crystal Baby from earlier.

Too intoxicated by the milk to fly away, the Crystal Baby begins lapping at the milk in the carton with his long butterfly-like tongue.

"Aha! Got him, good job Breaker!" you say, congratulating your partner.

"Thanks! But, uh, Axew. One problem is still here. How do we get this baby to stay with us after he drinks up all the milk?"

A) Knock the baby unconscious!
B) Imprison the baby when he least expects it!
C) KILL THE CRYSTAL BABY.

Before Breaker can do anything she might regret, you imprison the Crystal Baby inside an empty jam jar. Y'know, to prevent from damaging merchandise and all that noise.

"SHABOOM!"

>CRYSTAL BABY GET!

Breaker pouts, "Cripes, I wanted to slap that guy silly, oh well.."

You screw the top on the jam jar shut, absolutely guaranteeing that Crystal Baby escape is impossible, "That's why I had to think ahead. Now we won't have any potential screw-ups, you can uh, thank me for that."

Breaker snatches the jar from you a second later, "Alrighty then, then allow me to take this to the next level! I'm going to talk to the Crystal Baby so he can tell me the location of four of his little friends, bet you didn't think of that, huh?"

"I'm pretty sure I would have if given enough time..."

And so, Breaker begins communication with the Crystal Baby, who ends up cooperating due to being but a mere child, and children are innocent and easy to work with.

The baby leads you to the fourth floor.

>STONY CAVE
>4F [I DON'T HAVE A JOKE FOR THIS FLOOR]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Q9TqMxmTJ4
Compared to the babby-tier labyrinth from earlier, this floor is quite the break from that. The fourth floor is nothing more than a narrow path leading to a small area.

And that's not the worst part.

The worst part is that you're not alone.

The Crystal Baby in your possession points you and Breaker towards the hidden hideout he and his homeboys live in, but two mysterious figures with an ambiguous alignment have beaten you to the punch.

Breaker grills the Crystal Baby to test the authenticity of his claims, and he insists that you and the otter have the right place.

"Well, if this is supposed to be a super secret hideout, then how come there are already people here?"

The crystallized fetus shrugs its tiny arms.

>What does Axew do next regarding these mysterious potential intruders?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkyoG4S-R6I

The next matter on the agenda regards the suspicious looking individuals at the end of the cave path, and just exactly what the hell to do with them. From far away, they seem to be pretty tough eggs, and being a Pokemon, you surely know your eggs.

Bad eggs are bad. Just like your human mother always told you, "Never hang out with bad eggs, because they're ROTTEN."

She'd then prod you over and over about eggs and puns and how "eggsellent" her puns were, and then she'd sigh, and tell you how egg-related puns and your mere existence is the only thing keeping her going after your father left you.

Now that you think about it, ever since you became a Pokemon, you haven't even thought about your family once since you disappeared.

And by family, you mean mother and father who vanished into the unknown. It's weird, really, you know for a fact that mom and dad never fought or had any marital problems, so why would he suddenly get up and leave?

Where did he go? Why didn't he say goodbye?

Is it your fault? Is it your fault he left? Is it your fault he left the family after your mere presence in his life drove the sexual tension from his life away?

No, impossible. You're thinking too hard and getting off-topic. But even then, without you to comfort your mother in the real-world, then....who knows what mess she'll get into...

Geez. This is a real weird time to be thinking about your parents. Even weirder to be thinking about it while you and Breaker are situated behind a rather heavy-duty rock, spying on the enigmatic evil-doers you spotted earlier.

You assume they're evil, because for whatever reason, the Crystal Baby does not seem to be reacting optimistically to them.

However, upon closer inspection, a few more things become evident. Either the villains you have come into contact with are rather low-brow in the business, or you have come across some more lackeys.

A Jigglypuff, Clefairy, a Chansey, and a Cherrim riding atop the Chansey's head.

None of the four appear to have happy faces on. They appear to be rather grim in fact.

To make matters worse, they appear to be hoarding the other four Crystal Babies! The homeboys of the one you have!

You frown at the sight of the grim pink Pokemon, "Uh oh..This doesn't look too good. They LOOK like friendly Pokemon, but I dunno Breaker, something about those four isn't sticking right with me...I think we should just bug off. Maybe the Crystal Baby was tricking you after all! L-Leading you into a trap or something!"

Breaker grits her teeth, "Grr...Nonsense Axew! Quiet being a baby, Oshawotts don't give up in a challenge, and neither should Axews! We're gettin' to the bottom of this! But you're right with one thing. Those dopes look really mean-spirited. Just walking up to them out of the blue could be seen as suspicious, yet we also have to get those babies from them. Those babies are meant only to be devoured by Gurdurr, we're not failing this mission!"

"Good. Come up with a substantial plan them, because I'm dried up!"

Breaker removes her scallop, tapping her chin with it lightly, "Hmm....I'll...I'll think of something, I promise."

>How do Axew and Breaker go about interacting with the four pinksters?

It appears that what you -thought- was two mysterious shadows was just Chansey's big profile concealing Jigglypuff and Clefairy, leaving the general eye to see only the fat pink-fuck and the small pink-fuck on her head.

All this pink...It's reminding you...of the nightmare. The Munna, the Munna in trouble!

You still can't figure out what that means.

"Aha! I think I got a plan!" says Breaker after taking a pause to think, but you shush her after her loud tone accidentally alerts the pinksters. They are cautious for a moment, but return to normal activities after a few minutes.

"Shh! Do you WANT them to find us?" you whisper, ironically loudly as well..

Breaker slaps you with her scallop, she begins to whisper too, "Hmph. Anyways. What I was GOING to say was, perhaps I can distract all four of them, while you go and steal the Babies?"

"That...sounds extremely risky. It maybe would have worked if there was only one guy there, but there's FOUR. FOUR!"

"Just follow my lead."

You have but two words to say.

"Oh, MY.~"
--------------------------------------------------------------
You expect Breaker to initiate some genius plan that'll distract the pink faggots, but in the end she completely blows it by doing the opposite.

She flails her scallop about and threatens to stab them if "they move any closer".

"OOGA BOOGA BOOGA!" she yelps out.

Even with such a shitty distraction, you would think they'd at least pay attention, if not give the threat some thought. But, nope, they don't. They simply return to what they were doing before she broke into their gig.

And when they see you hoarding the other four Crystal Babies, they become enraged.

>ALL CRYSTAL BABIES GET!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECyfX1OR_nk

The Jigglypuff of the group speaks up, "HEY! HEY MARTY! THAT OTTER AND HER DUMB DRAKE FRIEND SET US UP!" his voice is very gruff, with a Brooklyn accent no less.

The Clefairy of the group, on the other hand, holds a Southern redneck accent, "Oooooooooohhhhhhh, that does not sit well Johnson! HEY FAT AND FATTER! Why you stealin' and buggin our business huh? BOSS DON'T LIKE THAT. Don't he Clubthumpkin and Mc'Chapelhill?"

Clubthumpkin, the Chansey of the group, nods. He is silent and does not partake in the confrontation, in fact, his only real purpose seems to be carrying the real "puppeteer" of the duo, the Cherrim about."

The Cherrim has an emotionless accent. And whenever he speaks, the atmosphere around him tends to darken up, and grow a deathly reddish hue, a hue much like the cherries he shits out about every two minutes.

"Two trespassers the cave does find, interfering in the operation, their skin, we must un-twine." announces the Cherrim.

They're all males. Except maybe "Clubthumpkin", if that's even his (her?) real name. All Chanseys are female, but this one is honestly making you question that.

Marty, Johnson, Clubthumpkin, and Mc'Chapelhill proceed to block the exit, demanding by all means to know why you've interrupted their Crystal Baby-stealing operation, and even worse, why you dared to steal from them. (And succeed!)

Marty puts his stubby, jiggly hands on his hips, "Hmph. We don't take kindly to trespassers, holmes. Not us, or the cult. You's don't know who you's dealing with! So I suggest you and that girl otter scram off!"

Breaker fumbles around with the Rambo-esque bandanna over her head, "H-Huh? H-How did he guess I was a girl!?"

Johnson steps in to continue the confrontation, "He's right , give us those got-dang Crystal Babies. I don't know ya, and you don't know us, so I don't know why you think you can just steal from us, gronkers.."

Breaker fumes, "I am NOT a gronker! We need these Crystal Babies because we needa give 'em to a friend! Isn't that right, Axew?"

"Indeed!" you say, imitating her anger, with less-than-reasonable results.

Marty steps up to you, and holds up his stubby hand, "Don't make this hard on me, bro-guy. I'VE DONE LOTSA FISTICUFF TRAININ' BACK IN THE HOIME. Give us the babies and we'll let you and your sperm dumpster shove off scott-free!"

You cross your arms, "W-well, that's just not pleasant! But fine! ....I-I'll think about it.

You promptly whisper to Breaker, "What do we do now?"

>How does Axew deal with the pinksters?
A) Try to run over Clubthumpkin, run like hell!
B) Go into deeper detail about why you need the Crystal Babies. How do they know who Gurdurr is?
C) Start a fight!
D) Ask what they're doing with the Crystal Babies. Their reason for being here?

You and Breaker proceed to discuss possibilities that could turn the tables, or at the very least, give you a slight favor in the confrontation, anything that could help you escape from the blame being pinned on you.

Much like an autistic kid, you grab your bandanna and slap it harshly against your forehead. Because apparently THIS is the only way people can get ideas nowadays. However, what you come up with is less-than-favourable.

It works though.

You step up to them, "Hey! Now wait just a minute! Who says you four get to question us and we don't? How about YOU tell US about what YOU'RE doing in here! As far as I'm concerned, neither of you four is supposed to even be here!"

Mc'Chapelhill's eyes shift from left to right, "Right he is, our ruse has come, yet with their might it can't be undone."

Clubthumpkin merely nods.

Marty snaps his stubby fingers, "Listen, joe, if you MUST know. We're up 'tah some pretty important cult business. 'Da boss asked us to get these Crystal Babies, and not you's or 'dat ottah is goin' to stop us from completin' our mission. See, dem Crystal Babies are a key ingredient in the mission to fool the population into a trick so bad that it'll trick everyone into dyin'! Then WE'LL be the ones on top, says the boss himself!"

Breaker gasps, "W-Wha? That's insane! And stupid! Just who's behind this!?"

For some reason, your mind begins to drift back to the Hydreigon from earlier.

After realizing that his buddy may have spoken more than he should have, Johnson elbows Marty in the tummy, "Eh! You spoke too much, now's they partially know our inten-shuns! PARTIALLY! That's too much for me...CLUBTHUMPKIN!"

Mc'Chapelhill keeps a blank face as Clubthumpkin casually saunters in front of you and Breaker, "People have been beat down in the past, sure, but has any one ever been...beat up...?"

Johnson scowls, "Take those two out, this instant, and take those Crystal Babies back!"

You gulp, "Uh oh..."

>What does Axew do regarding Clubthumpkin!?

Clubthumpkin is about to pummel you to hell and back, when you suddenly think of a brilliant idea.

However, it has absolutely nothing to do with physical combat whatsoever. It's a riddle. Your theory is that puzzling him would probably confuse him long enough to make for a getaway.

"I am the beginning of the end, and the end of time and space. I am essential to creation, and I surround every place. What am I?"

Clubthumpkin does not respond in any way or form, nor does he even acknowledge thef act that you talked to him to start with. However, that isn't the end of the ordeal.

You may not have enchanted Clubthumpkin with your seemingly difficult riddle, but you have gotten the attention of Mc'Chapelhill, who is now deep in thought.

"Riddles, as puzzling as can be. Not a problem, for my GED."

This is where things get fucked up. Because while Clubthumpkin isn't puzzled and Mc'Chapelhill is, this causes a chain reaction that you aren't able to explain.

But it does give off the implication that the two foes are linked somehow.

Because Mc'Chapelhill is busy thinking of a question to the puzzle, Clubthumpkin stops an attack in progress, and freezes. It seems that he can't move at all, or at least, he's unable to move on his own unless Mc'Chapelhill is mentally commanding him.

Weird, right?

Breaker notices this, and attempts to exploit it to the fullest extent, "Axew, NOW! USE TACKLE OR SOMETHING!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPhReBYGQaI

Using the power of teamwork, you and Breaker headbutt Clubthumpkin in his egg-sack chest thing. Immediately, Mc'Chapelhill notices the misbalance, and attempts to correct himself.

But ultimately both pinksters end up toppling over to the ground, freeing up the path to escape! You and Breaker don't wait to see what the other members will do for this. With the Crystal Babies in your possession, you make a run for it!

>STONY CAVE
>3F

Marty and Johnson are quick on your dragon tail, the former yelling at you as you descend the steps to the third floor.

"GAAAAAAAGGGGH! GIVE US BACK THOSE CRYSTAL BABIES!!!!!"

>Think fast!
A) Hide! Confuse them!
B) Keep running! Get outta there!
C) Stop and start a dangerous fight! For fun!

>STONY CAVE
>2F
A raging run for the hills is what follows. A maddening descent down all of Stony Cave's floors in hopes that you'll be able to escape the pinkie meanies.

>STONY CAVE
>1F

Ultimately, things take a turn for the worst when you and Breaker find yourselves accidentally going in the wrong direction due to hasty decisions. You and your buddy reach a dead end. And before either of you can get out of it, Marty and Johnson appear, cockblocking yet another exit.

"Where do you think you're going, shorty?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYp20L4vw5g
At first, you feel compelled to run away, to hide, or maybe even cry and wish that you had never gone on this adventure in the first place. But then something in you snaps. Like a vital, bottled-up confidence that's been hidden deep within you, just waiting for the right opportunity for it to be unleashed as a MacGuffin to save the day.

"Enough!" you shout, loud enough that it surprises even Breaker, "I don't care what cult you lunatics are from, or whatever silly evil thing you're planning to do with these Crystal Babies! But my partner and I NEED them, and that's that! Either you find more, or we'll make you!"

At first, Marty seems intimidated, but he quickly regains courage with a puff of his jiggly cheeks, "FINE! If a fight is what ya want, then god damn, a FIGHT is what ya going to get! COME ON JOHNSON, LET'S PUMMEL THOSE TWO SO HARD, THEIR KIDS WILL INHERIT 'DA BRUISES!"

Johnson promptly holds a pitchfork over his head and shouts, "STEREOTYPE CALLBACK!"

The Jigglypuff and Clefairy stand in front of you, ready to kick your ass. That is, unless you have a back-up plan to kick theirs first..

>FIGHT!
>What move does Axew use on these two?

As you're still a tiny tot dragon and not quite the based Haxorus you've always dreamed of becoming in your re-occurring "draco-dreams", you don't have a lot of Dragon-type moves at your disposal.

You do however, have something for both Marty and Johnson.

Marty prepares to use Sing to lure you into an infernal slumber, but his voice is no where as cute as it should be, it's too low to get anyone tired, let alone woozy.

"DUAL CHOOOOOP!" your hands start glowing, emphasizing your sudden grow to power. With this temporary strength, you donk Marty in the head, followed by Johnson.

Two dual dupes done in a dozen by a dastardly Dual Chop.

Marty and Johnson are promptly smacked into the cave walls. Just before they can regain conscious, Breaker follows up by squirting both of them with Water Gun. It turns out they're not as tough as they seem.

Although, given the fact that they were assigned by their leader in the easiest Mystery Dungeon in the Pokemon world, this isn't all too surprising. Hey! Maybe you hold potential after all?

"OW! Hey! Now what was that for, pipsqueak! WHHHY I 'OUGHTA!"

Marty pops out of the comical indent he's made into the cave wall, and prepares for a literal Pound pounding. However, before he can, Clubthumpkin runs up to him, with Mc'Chapelhill on top.

They seem to have finally caught up.

"Marty friend, the boss wants us pronto, the pummeling must end." in return, Clubthumpkin adds to the conversation with a silent nod and a "hmph".

For a Chansey, he really doesn't look like the type to bring you luck.

Marty growls, teeth gritting roughly. He looks at the rest of his teammates, and then at you and Breaker, "FINE! Let's get the cruck outta here, my nubs are killin' me!"

Johnson gets up from his cave indent, "Ugh....I agree! Who wants STEWWW for lunch!?"

As three of the four members depart to the cave's exit, Marty shakes his stubby hand at you, "Listen here, pipsqueaks! This ain't over, hear? You's two may got 'da Crystal Babies, but 'DA BOSS knows what's up, huh! No mattah how much ya pummel us, he'll always treat our wounds! We's unstoppable, we's don't forget, and we WILL win!"

Once Marty notices that the rest of his troop is long-gone, he retreats, "W-WAIT UP HOLMES! I WANT TO ORDER SPINDA EXPRESS TODAY!"

You feel as if you've just lucked out if anything. You briefly untie your bandanna so that you can wipe your face with it, "Phew...Close call..."

Breaker nods, "You said it! But we finally got those Crystal Babies, come on! No luggin' around, we gotta deliver them to Gurdurr. PRONTO!"

Just outside Stony Cave, a mysterious, yet small individual perching atop the cave's entrance spies on both you and Breaker. Neither of you are able to recognize this though.

"Hmph... A potential problem," the fiend's eyes dart over to the retreating pinksters, fleeing from the scene.

"...and another problem already at hand..."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1fmteV1ES8
>STONY CAVE COMPLETE!
>Quest "I need to eat some babies man" COMPLETE!

So far, today has gone pretty well for your first real day as a Mystery Dungeon explorer. For the most part, Breaker seems to have your back, and despite a few troubles, has proven her worth. You'll definitely build a true Pokemon paradise soon! The only problem sees to be hose cultists.

That Miltank, Jigglypuff, Clefairy, Chansey, and Cherrim. You begin to think about them, ["Why were they even in the cave to begin with? What did they need those jewel fetuses for anyhow?"]

The only real thing they have in common is that they're all pink, and in a cult, ["Hm...Is it a cult for pink people? Was that what my dream was about? Wait a minute! Maybe they need the Crystal Babies to help fend off the Hydreigon from the Munna, like a ransom!"]

Or you could just be pulling things straight out of your dragon-ass.

The two of you return to Post Town, ready to meet up with Gurdurr for the big reward.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7ppkvXzTeM

That is...until you bump into a Scraggy on the way over.

"Hey! Watch where you're going!" Breaker spats aloud, unknowingly gathering the attention of everyone else in town. It's literally deja vu all over again.

The Scraggy in question jumps up, putting up a frightened expression, "W-Wha, m-me?! I-I-uh, oh dear, I'm so sorry! Please don't me! SKIDADDLES!"

The Scraggy quickly skidaddles off as quickly as he appeared. You may have misheard him, but you swear to the dickens you heard a few snickers as he ran off.

Breaker shakes her head in disapproval, "Ugh. The nerve of some people. Despicable. Anyways, let's get to Gurdurr's, Axew!"

You nod, prompting Breaker to run off,  but all the while, you can't help but wonder what that Scraggy was really up to...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1YZ4wofQWk
You and Breaker finally get back to Gurdurr, right in the middle of his lunch break. His girder is lying against the wall, and his expression seems stoic. With neither of his assistants around to scold you or make unsettling remarks, the both of you figure that this the perfect time to interact with him.

"Gurdurr! Mr. Gurdurr!" you call, getting his attention in the span of two seconds. Gurdurr turns around, and is honestly quite surprised to see that you're even still alive.

"W-Wha? You're back? Already?"

Breaker nods, and begins to search through her pocket inventory, "Yeah! And we have good news too, we found five Crystal Babies for you!"

Gurdurr cocks an eyebrow, "Huh? You did? I-I mean, uh, you DID! Well, color me surprised! Alright then. Just *give* me the Crystal Babies and we'll get right on it with construction."

Breaker frowns, "Uh-oh..."

You turn to her, "Huh? Uh-oh what? What is it?!"

"I...I can't find the Crystal Babies! I'm sure as heck that we had them when we left the cave, but they're not anywhere in my inventory! Axew, are you sure you don't have them!?" she shakes your shoulders constantly, demanding that you check yours.

You do, only to find that the fetuses aren't there either.

"O-oh no....." Breaker goes hysterical, "ALL THAT HARD WORK! GONE! IT'S BEEN ALL FOR NAUT! ZIP, NADA! NOTHING! WHY ARCEUS, WHY?!!?"

You turn to Gurdurr while your partner begins to panic, "Is something the matter?" he asks, even though he obviously would have heard the two of you discussing.

"Uh, Mr. Gurdurr...I'm awfully sorry but, we lost the Crystal Babies you asked us to go get! I'm so sorry!"

Gurdurr raises his fist, and you expect a good smacking, but he instead scratches his chin, "Are you sure you aren't just fibbing and you really didn't go out to get them?'

"W-Wha? Of course we did! Why would we lie? We have no benefit factor!"

Gurdurr narrows his eyes with a sly smile, something unnatural coming from him, "Hmm...I suppose you *could* be right. Alright then! For that, I am not mad!"

"Huh? What do you-"

"Nope! Not mad at all! You said you would get the Crystal Babies, and you did. And I believe you. Now, since you say you lost them, I'm afraid you'll just have to go back and get some more. Deal?"

You begin hopping frantically on alternating legs, "What?! We can't do that! We already spent ages looking for them, we can't just do it all over again!"

Gurdurr merely smiles, "Course ya can! Come back when you're ready, alright?"

With no other choice, you go outside, dragging a panicking Breaker along for the ride.

As soon as the two of you are outside, Breaker ceases to panic, and theories begin popping up regarding what might have happened to the Crystal Babies.

Yours aren't accepted well.

"Well, there IS a chance that we might have dropped them on the cave, or maybe we even dropped them at the crossroads. Y'know, I think we should just head back and see if we dropped them instead of getting ne-"

"SCRAGGY!" Breaker says loudly, much to the attention of the townsfolk again. You crane your head in confusion, "Huh? Scraggy?"

Breaker stomps her foot on the ground repetitively, signifying her anger, "IT WAS THAT SCRAGGY! That no-good shedding lizard thing! HE STOLE OUR CRYSTAL BABIES! I just know it! It makes so much sense, he bumped into us deliberately, apologized, put on a fake frightened expression, AND SKIDADDLED WITH OUR LOOT! We have to go catch him!"

"But where would he even be going? We don't even know him! WHERE THE HECK WOULD HE G- Aaaah!" this time, Breaker drags you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEf0h1PZ-54
Back at the crossroads, Breaker points at the north crossroad, "Aha! See? That stupid Scraggy opened up another Mystery Dungeon and probably fled off in there! And what's worse is that he left the path open!"

"Huh? What's so bad about that, exactly?"

"It means he purposefully let it open! Don't you see Axew? That scraggot WANTS US to go after him! He WANTS to be chased! And god darnit, if it's a chase he wants, it's a chase he'll get!"

"I-I'm not too sure about the logic in this..."

Breaker uses Water Gun in your face, "There is no logic! The only logic is beat him and take back what's rightfully ours! Now are you with me or not?"

"Uh, I guess. But won't it be dangerous?"

"I'm not scared in the least! You're by my side, aren't you? When we're together, we'll always find a way, no matter the situation! Remember, we'll be best friends and partners forever!"

["But what about my human life...?"] says you in your mind.

"...I guess you're right. I don't really like getting stolen from either, and we ARE a good team. Okay Breaker, let's get going!"

Without hesitation, the two of you depart into the wilderness to go into yet another Mystery Dungeon, only to become suddenly cockblocked by a "blockade fee" requirement of $35 USD.

>PLEASE INSERT $35 TO CONTINUE..

After being stopped by the blockade gate, you and Breaker look at each other, subtly chewing each other out until either can give into paying the full sum.

"How much Poke do you even have?" you ask.

"Around 120 thanks to our Stony Cave expedition. You?"

"80, but I don't think that translates well into American currency..."

Breaker holds up a hand, using the other to rummage through her skin-pocket. Out of all the Poke she has, she only takes out two coins.

"I'll have you know that $35 USD translates to 2 Poke in economic terms." she sticks the coins into the small slot in the blockade gate, unlocking it instantly.

>6/10 GAME PURCHASED. HAVE FUN WITHOUT MONEY THAT COULD HAVE GONE TO FIRE EMBLEM INSTEAD.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cB-1pqFu1io

Breaker then bows and motions for you to pass the gate, "Ladies first."

You scowl, "That's not funny."

Breaker sticks out her tongue before joining you on the way to Hazy Pass, a road leading to new friends, new adventures, and a new life in the vast, beautiful world of Pokemon!

However, not all things are bright and sunshiny in the Pokemon world. No matter where you are, what you're doing, or why you're doing it, there is always a Pokemon in need. And for each Pokemon in need, a new Mystery Dungeon will appear, and you and Breaker will trek through it with smiles and heads up high! Friends forever and ever, right?

But keep in mind, not all Pokemon are sweet, not all are nice.

Regardless, you and Breaker shall make sure that they do indeed pay the price. As she has assured you, together, there is no obstacle that can stop you, you can face any foe, triumph over any fear, and slowly work your way up to the mighty Haxorus you've always wanted to be!

A mighty Haxorus that will one day confront the malevolent hydra that continues to chase that Munna in your dream. The poor *pink* Munna who obviously needs your help!...Just as soon as you know where she's at.

And in the end, who knows? Maybe you'll go back to the human world, maybe you won't. But right now, does it really matter? You're in a new world, where you can start fresh all over again, make new first impressions, and have people that actually CARE about your thoughts, interests, and etc. Back in the real world, everyone that doesn't live under your roof hates you to hell and back, and for good reason. Back then you were a cynical husk who ironically shitposted on people for the love of doing it, because it gave you an authority that in all honesty, was everything you could have ever asked for you.

Now you're feeling giddy way too often, with a hidden strand of confidence lying deep inside, that only gets unleashed at the right time. Honestly, if things continue to go the way they are now, you'd be PERFECTLY content with staying here, forever!

Ah, but all of that right now is a mystery, and unimportant at the moment.

For now, a rather nasty scraggot thinks he can make away with what's rightfully yours!

"SCRAAAAAAGGY! I'M COMING FOR YOOOOOU!" yells Breaker as loud as she possibly can.

In the lurking shadows nearby, a Toxicroak takes the liberty of spying on you, but he doesn't seem to be the same person doing it earlier.

"Hmph..." he mutters, with a deep croak attached.

>Next Time. . . A New Beginning!