again with this shit

The sharp, cold December air stung against her cheek as she stared down at the parking lot from the roof of the morgue. If there were any good place to die, this would be it. After spending the rest of the night and half the morning in a bathroom stall, she certainly felt like it.

Another jagged slice across her arm. Not harmful, but enough to sting and bleed. The snow soaked up the droplets that fell down to the ground below, staining it crimson. The sting lifted the crushing pressure bearing down on her chest, at least a little. It was so tight, it felt like her heart would just pop any minute now.

She hadn't slept at all. She had waited. And waited and waited, but her sister never came. She just left her there to suffer, when she needed her. And she knew it was stupid to have expected her in the first place, but any sign that she cared, any at all...

It was sure feeling like she didn't. Right now it felt like she wouldn't care at all if she jumped. She was asleep right now, she wouldn't be here to stop her, anyway. She wanted to be angry, she wanted to be able to chew her out, but... like always, and even stronger now, she felt that invisible hand pulling her back. She couldn't be angry. She could only be heartbroken, even if it was for a stupid reason.

Everything was stupid.

People went in and out. Mourning families, doctors... she wondered which of them belonged to that kid in the dumpster. She wondered where his friend had run off to. That boy that her sister had tried to bite, the one they forced to lie to save his own skin. She should have been better at keeping him in check. Should have shifted before the dead whore had thrown the dumpster. Should have done a lot of things. But she didn't. She sat there afraid like a little bitch.

She was worthless. Why did anyone like her? Not even her own sister cared.

...No. No, that's a lie you're telling yourself to make you feel better, she thought. You know she cares, she does everything she can for you. She's wonderful. Up here, alone, she could let herself think that. What anyone thought about that wouldn't matter. She was just... angry. And she had reason to be...

In the back of her mind, she figured she shouldn't be trying to defend that display. But she still wondered. Should she jump? Would she actually care at all?

Don't be stupid, of course she would. And she'd be devastated that she wasn't there to stop it. And she didn't want that. She didn't want her to be crushed. And she'd never make friends or find someone if she jumped. She'd never get to see that augmented reality Pokemon game, she'd never get to travel. Maybe this was a stupid idea.

She got up off the ledge after a long, quiet think. She was just going to go to the shelter and find a cat instead.