Kaio's letter

Dear Mother Monster,
It’s been some time already since I last saw you! I’ve been going to all your shows, following you through all the UK, and throwing letters, crowns and roses at your stage. I’ve been to 6 (including this one) artRAVE’s shows in Europe so far, and sadly, this is the last one. I won’t be able to see you until next year, oh well, I’m gonna miss you, Gaga. I’ve been going to all your shows writing you different letters and dressing in different ways, but my person remains the same. The same freaky kid who is crazy about you since ever. Well, this is my last letter in 2014, so I want to tell you everything (or almost everything, actually, there are some things are I would like to say in person).
I’m a member of the LGBT community and I got depression. It’s been really tough for me to keep on living. I’ve been suffering for being a queer child for a long time. I remember every little thing. Everyone mocking me and threatening me for being who I am. People calling me a freak. People longing for my death and even trying to make that happen… I was really insecure and sad. Then… I met you and your wonderful work. I remember the first time I heard ‘Born This Way’, it felt like someone finally told me everything I needed to hear to get better. All I ever wanted was to be loved and appreciated by people, but how could I ever be loved when I was a freak? A weirdo? It’s so hard for someone to love the queer kid, the LGBT child… I was afraid of everything and everyone, I didn’t feel like I could be myself. This fear of mine increased and became a disease.
You taught me that it’s perfectly okay to be different. It’s something so simple yet so powerful to teach to someone. I remember when my father was beating me to death in front of my while family, I couldn’t think of anyone besides you, Gaga. I remember I was shouting your name inside of my head, hoping that you could somehow hear it. Every time I’m nearly dying I yell your name in silence… Not gonna lie, I’ve tried to kill myself a few times this year. And if I’m still living it’s because of all the people that I love and care about, including you, my Queen.
It’s so hard to get through every year… Whenever I think things can’t get any worse, life surprises me. It’s like the destiny doesn’t want me to be happy, it’s like I don’t deserve it, it’s like people like me doesn’t deserve it. It’s like life takes away from me everything that makes me happy. But I got tired. I got tired of being treated like shit. The world wants me to fall down. Well, I got bad news for those people: I won’t. I won’t gonna cry anymore. I won’t gonna fell hopeless and alone anymore. And you know why? Because my dream came true.
When I was younger I thought that if I could find some people who truly loved me for who I am I would be the happiest person on Earth. And I could find them thanks to you, Gaga. I could hug, kiss and treasure all of them. And it’s all thanks to you, Mother. You and your songs taught me to love myself, to be confident, that I was born to survive and to be brave. I’m no longer the weak crybaby that the world one knew, now I’m strong. I’ve become unstoppable.
I used to think that I was cursed for being part of the LGBT community, but I’m not. Being queer is the source of my power. And I won’t allow my people to me mistreated by anyone no more. I will change that miserable fate of mine, this destiny that says that I can’t be happy and loved. I will live on being strong, fierce and kind just like you, my idol. Once again, I’ve realized that thanks to you. I won’t be that person the world wants me to be, I will overcome hate and be brave.
On my first artRAVE show, in Dublin, I was feeling down that week. I thought happiness and love weren’t meant for me. That I would never ever get the things that I want. But after watching your show I’ve felt blessed. I felt like I could make any of my wildest fantasies and dreams come true, that they souldn’t be only wandering in my head. I think I’ve never felt so powerful in my entire life. I’ve learned that love could make anything come true.
Whatever may be the path you choose in your career or in your life, we little monsters are here to support and love you. I hate to see you cry Gaga, I don’t want you to ever feel sad again. I want your life to be full of joy and happiness. I can never repay you for everything you’ve done to me. So at least, I have to watch you here, following you and trying to see all the shows that I can. That way I can feel you next to me and support you in my way… Yearning for the way when you will finally notice me in the crowd. Whenever you feel sad, alone and powerless, remember that you and your marvelous work helped thousands of people, you saved a lot of lives up until now, including mine.
I want to meet you in person someday. So I can show you my drawings, sing to you, hug you tight, and tell you my dearest secrets. Gaga told me when I was young, we all born superstars.
Sometimes I fell sad even for being alive, I feel sad to have been born. I used to wonder if I have lived an unhappy life and now I’ve found the answer: I didn’t. I’m glad I got to meet all of these wonderful people who protected and love me when in the worst times. I’m glad I had all these precious moments with them. I’m glad I could watch you, even from afar,
even if you do now recognize me or even if we never meet in person.
Even if you eventually read this letter and forget about me. I just have to thank you, for everything. I’ve lived a happy life because I could meet you and all my loved ones, all my friends and siblings.
Thank you for bringing love to my life in all different ways.
Thank you for believing in me when when no one else did.
Thank you for being an amazing and inspiring woman.
Love,
Kaio