Bob Goes On An Advencha, Session 4

<SubconsciousEye> LAST TIME
<DM> *LAST TIME ON ZERPYGEE!
<DM> *You all encountered some Gerudo, dealt w/ the darkness gimmick some more, only to find out that despite the darkness being the way to move forward, it also empowered the enemies, to the extent that one of them turned into a super Gerudoknuckle, or whatever the crap you called it.
<DM> *Anywhow, you guys managed to beat via a few lucky dodge rolls and some combo shenanigans, then moved on to the next fight, only to get frigin' pwned by Garo Master. Courtesies of Kirran managed to create a singularity in the middle of the fight, you guys escaped and ended the battle, but because MISTER SHEIKAH HERE FRIGIN' AUTO-DODGED, HE CAUSED A FRIGIN' PARTY SPLIT
<SubconsciousEye> *And this is why we can't have nice things
<DM> *Soooooooo now with Garo Master gone along w/ the rest of the party, you find yourself alone in this room, with the pillar completely toppled over and scattered around the place. Somehow, the doorway to the next room appears to be open.
<DM> -=QUEST CONTINUE, KIRRAN EDITION=-
<Kirran> Woo
<DM> *You no longer hear a deep droning sound or ominous voices of darkness from the darkness.
<DM> *It would appear both your party and Garo Master are genuinely gone.
<DM> *And you just cheered for it.
<DM> *You sinner.
* DM applauds.
<Kirran> Cheered?
<DM> *Well, you say 'Woo'
<DM> *So... yeah, I'd say that's a cheer.
<SubconsciousEye> It's not a cheer if there is no exclamation!
<DM> *Woo!
<SubconsciousEye> ... Wait why am I here
<Kirran> I'm still disappointed that I didn't impress said Garo Master with my ninjary.
<DM> *Raine suddenly breaks into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.
<DM> *Whoops, you're not a alone afterall, Raine escaped with you!
<Kirran> Alright, so what is there exactly to see at this point?
<DM> *That's it, I'm starting a counter. Each time an emoji is posted in the chat from now on, the counter goes up.
<DM> [Raine]: *calms down* Well, I don't hear "the voices", so the door ahead is safe.
<DM> *The fallen pillar above it starts to crack.
<Kirran> Guess we're getting out of here quick.
<DM> [Raine]: Well.. if we don't hurry and become cheesecake.
<Kirran> Out the door we go.
<SubconsciousEye> If he becomes a cheesecake, can I eat it?
<DM> *Okay, you head through the door before the room gives up entirely and just crashes behind you.
<DM> (Heck yes)
<DM> [Raine]: Ooooooh, check out thiiiiiiis messssss, yummy!
<DM> *In the next room you just entered appears to be a bloodbath of lots and lots of enemies.
* Kirran is hiding in the shadows.
<DM> *You can see Darknuts with deep slicing cuts in their armor, Moblins with their limbs sliced off, some Iron Knuckles that seem to have gotten crushed by some of the fallen ceiling, and a bunch of Gerudo, some of which have holes of darkness through their hearts. Garo Master was here, though it only caused a few of the deaths...
<DM> *Seems like there was an all-out war in here...
<DM> *Kirran, in your attempt to hide in the shadows, you bump into... a Red Darknut! And it's STILL ALIVE!
* SubconsciousEye silently takes a piece of Moblin meat and eats it, and then leaves the scene
<Kirran> How does that even work?
<Kirran> It's the size of a barn for cripes sake.
<DM> *Hey, it's your fault for subconsciously hiding in the shadows without actually checking the shadows.
<DM> *Blame the me that blames you, not me!
<DM> *Wait...
<DM> *But wait, THERE'S MORE!
<DM> *This is no ordinary Red Darknut...
<Kirran> I can't believe it's not Darknut.
<DM> *It's..... Kirran, your BS detector goes off as your mind fails to comprehend this beautiful mind-bending detail.
<DM> *... it has a tophat. A Tophat of Gentlemanliness.
<Kirran> (I thought that was an Amilena thing.)
<DM> (I think Kirran has gone through enough Dex & hooded figures to have his own BS Detector)
<Kirran> (true that.)
<DM> *Out from behind the Red Darknut appears.... Wolfgang, I'll let you do your own 70s style entrance sequence.
<DM> oh god dangit
<DM> frigirengoirtea7gire
<DM> ..........
<DM> whelp
<DM> this session is gone
<DM> SOOOOOOOOO gone
<Kirran> (The ten sided coin struck the DM on that one.)
* DM changes the time of day. There's  no longer sunlight coming in from the ceiling...... it's moonlight. You guys have been in this dungeon for quite some time it seems....... and regrets have taken form.
<SubconsciousEye> [Amazing]
<Dhoo> OBSERVE
<DM> *I take that back. It wasn't Wolfgang. It's........... *sighs*
<Kirran> Oh, heya Dhoo.
<Dhoo> NOTHING UP DHOO'S SLEEVES BECAUSE DHOO ISN'T WEARING ANY
<DM> *Hang on, lemme find the mariach- wait, Kirran hasn't met Dhoo, what the fsteak.
* SubconsciousEye sips tea from behind the fourth wall
* Dhoo REACHES INTO DHOO'S TOP HAT.
<DM> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMflzX7MV8A
<Kefka> YouTube: StarWolf - Mariachi Entertainment System Cover - StarFox64 feat. Banjo Guy Ollie - Views: 8,848 - Length: 4:20 - Uploaded: 2016-11-12 - User: Mariachi Entertainment System - Likes: 767 - Dislikes: 1
* Dhoo PULLS OUT LA TUERCA OSCURA!
<Dhoo> TAA DAA!
<DM> *Wait wait wait wait
<Orithan> $recall
<DM> *So.... the Red Darknut..... was there..... and then got pulled out of Dhoo's tophat to- WHAT
<DM> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sHLumKX3L8
<Kefka> YouTube: Gerudo Valley (from "The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time") Mariachi Cover - Views: 168,776 - Length: 3:18 - Uploaded: 2015-07-27 - User: Mariachi Entertainment System - Likes: 5,217 - Dislikes: 32
<Dhoo> DO NOT QUESTION DHOO
<DM> *So Dhoo, how.... how the heck are you here?
<Dhoo> BECAUSE DHOO WISHES TO FIGHT!
<Kirran> Hey now, not me though.
<SubconsciousEye> Oh no
<SubconsciousEye> He's gone full on animal
* Kirran demonstrates his noodly arms.
<DM> *Well congrats Dhoo, you entered a room where all the fighting already occurred. Well, unless you'd like to stab some dead bodies...
<Kirran> Not even a fair fight big guy.
<Dhoo> DHOO WOULD NOT LOWER DHOO'S SELF TO SUCH AN ACT
<DM> *Indeed. YOU'RE LATE TO THE FIGHT, OLD DHOO GOOBER!
* SubconsciousEye pokes DM with a stick
* DM pokes SubconsciousEye with a shutup-and-eat-some-pockey.
<Kirran> Well, you missed a fight with a giant armored Gerudo Darkness thing and a ninja master.
<Kirran> But I'm sure at least one of those is going to show up again sooner or later.
<DM> *What? Another Gerudo of Darkness? In a Gerudo-themed quest? What could possibly ever trigger that again?
<Dhoo> AH IS THERE NO ONE HERE WHO CAN STAND UP TO THE MIGHTY DHOO?
<DM> *Jeez Kirran, you've got some low self-esteem and a lack of trustworthiness in the DM.
<Kirran> I've seen things man.
<DM> *Well Dhoo, this Kirran fellow is still standing.
<Kirran> I. Have seen. Some shit.
<Kirran> In some cases literally and internally...
<Dhoo> DHOO WILL NOT FIGHT ONE WHO LOOKS SO HONORABLE AND NOODLEY ARMED.
<DM> [Raine]: Ooh, noodles! Are they like spaghetti intestines? Those are some of my favorites!
<Kirran> Well, now that that's established, what the heck happened in here?
<DM> [Raine]: Especially if you add that ruby blood sauce, mmmmmm!
<DM> [Raine]: Well Kirran, let me tell you:
<DM> [Raine]: I was once a fluffly duckling that feasted on giant bears, and WHY THE HECK WOULD I KNOW?!
<Kirran> Well, you knew when Bloodwind was hanging around.
<DM> [Raine]: AND WHY IS THERE A FRIGIN' WOLFOS WITH A FRIGIN' MASK LIKE THAT?
<Kirran> Might as well ask.
<DM> [Raine]: I AIN'T NO FALCO, GET YER OWN WOMBO COMBO!
<DM> *Raine promptly seals herself back in the bottle for good.
<DM> *Wow, you actually ticked off Raine by attempting to ask for plot expo- wait
<DM> *Are..... are you asking for Bloodwind back, Kirran?
<Kirran> I'm currently in the room with two sets of split personalities Wind.
<Kirran> I'm not asking for three.
<Kirran> That would create some kind of weird mentalception.
<DM> *Too late, I helped design that quest-breaking Wolfos in the corner there, so that is three.
<Dhoo> DHOO DOES NOT BREAK QUESTS DHOO LIVENS THINGS UP
<DM> *Ahem...
<DM> *Anyhow, courtesies of your guys' commotion, you hear something in a different corner of the room. It sounds like a sword hitting stone, buried behind lots of rubble.
<Kirran> I mean, I guess I could do the Dark Epihany thing and make it four.
<DM> *God dangit Kirran, stop making things worse.
<DM> *You know what, I'mma fix that paradox of La Tuerca Oscura being out at the same time of being pulled out of a tophat.
<DM> *So the existence of two gentlemanly Darknuts has been causing too much of a spacial distortion and thus causes the quest to literally break for a moment, time skips a beat, annnnnnd both the Darknuts disappear. Oh yeah, annnnnnd IT'S BACK TO DAYTIME!
<Dhoo> AH IT IS THE END OF DHOO'S SHIFT
<Dhoo> GOODBYE SMALL AND WEAK FRIEND
* Kirran sits on a pillar and eats some bread.
<Kirran> Hey Raine, is this what your life is like every day?
<Wolfgang> Whoa man. I'm here. What's the haps cats?
<DM> [Raine]: It's-
<DM> *Raine sees Wolfgang in full on 70s-style cop get-up. There's also 70s-style music playing in the background.
<DM> [Raine]: .................
<DM> *Raine passes out completely.
<Kirran> 0_o
<Kirran> o_0
<Kirran> Hi?
<Wolfgang> Yo, what's the little bunny's problem man?
<DM> *Raine is now a little bunny, according to Wolfgang.
<Kirran> I think she couldn't handle the time warp again.
<Wolfgang> Anyway. Cool your jets dude. I'm with the fuzz.
<DM> *With th- what.
<DM> *........
<Kirran> I mean...what?
<Wolfgang> Nevermind man. Everything is copacetic.
<DM> *There is still a tinging sound coming from one of the corners. By the way, you've noticed there isn't actually a door into the next room either.
<Kirran> Anyone else hearing a Ping Box?
<DM> *Nah, it's actually more like the sound of a sword hitting a stone wall, buuut you don't see that so much as a pile of rubble in that direction.
<Wolfgang> Yeah dude. I'm hip to that groove. Let's scope the scene.
<DM> *Kirran, you're getting a tingling sound in your mind. It's called "too much 70s".
<Kirran> (Kooloo Limpah?)
<DM> *DON'T. YOU. DARE.
<Wolfgang> Is that anything like hippy lettuce dude? Cause we just met and you seem cool but I'll have to book you if you're peddling pot.
<DM> *You also hear what appears to be a-
<DM> .........
<DM> I'm sorry what
<DM> no
<DM> just
<DM> what
<DM> WHAT
<DM> *You also hear what appear to be the shouts of someone, though it's too muffled to make out any of it.
<DM> *I blame the rubble. You know, that thing that blocks things.
<DM> *So glad Dex isn't here. First thing he would've done is try to loot the bodies. ALL of the bodies.
<Kirran> Well, whatever is the haps, it's haps-ening over there.
<DM> *.....................
* DM walks out.
<DM> I'm done, I'm frigin' done, I can't, I just bloody can't, just....... NOPE
<DM> *You hear a massive crack as the fourth wall shatters, some shouting from the beyond the fourth wall, followed by some silence.
<Bloodwind> *Good lord, I know the first time was planned, but..... I'm taking over for the DM AGAIN?
<Bloodwind> *What in the world is WRONG with you guys?
<Bloodwind> *Whatever, there's uhhh... some chick stranded behind that pile of rubble in the corner. If it were me, hah, I'd let her bleed out and then add her blood to some soup. Raine would totally agree with me!
<Bloodwind> [Raine]: Ooh, that sounds yummy! Can we add the liver too?
<Bloodwind> *Heck yeah!
* Kirran has no idea what's even going on anymore.
* Bloodwind is known to be the one talking cause uhh....... he's taking over for DM. That's why.
<Bloodwind> *You hear another yell from the rubble:
<Bloodwind> [???]: HEY! IS ANYONE THERE?
<Bloodwind> *Voice sounds slightly familiar, not in a particular voice, but the accent...
<Kirran> Baegba?
<Bloodwind> *Nah, if that were the case, it'd be more like: "OI, ET THAR BE ET BE OINEEWUN THOIRE?
<Wolfgang> Sir are you ok?
<Wolfgang> We cannot see you. Where are you?
<Bloodwind> [???]: I'm uhh... I'm trapped. All this rubble.
<Bloodwind> [???]: I'll hit the rubble again with my sword so you can hear!
<Wolfgang> Alright. You just keep calm we're on our way.
<Bloodwind> *You hear the tinging noise again, from the corner of the room with all the rubble.
<Kirran> Too bad we don't have a hyper strong wolfos to help us dig you out.
<Kirran> I do have a shovel though.
<Wolfgang> Well dude let's get a shimmy on.
* Kirran begins technical application of shovel to the rubble.
<Bloodwind> *Kay, Kirran is gonna try to dig through stone rubble..... with a shovel! EXCELLENT IDEA MAN!
<Bloodwind> *Roll the shovel!
<Kirran> $19d10
<Navi> Kirran: You rolled 19 Dice with 10 Sides. Results: 8, 2, 3, 8, 8, 10, 9, 2, 3, 9, 8, 1, 8, 7, 6, 7, 9, 8 and 3. Total: 119. Successes: 14.
<Bloodwind> *Kirran, I don't know how, but...
<Bloodwind> *You're using a shovel to, not dig the rubble out, but whacking it repeatedly... and it's somehow digging the rubble out.
<Bloodwind> *...............
<Bloodwind> *I think the structural integrity of the room is just giving up against Mr. 70s Wolfgang over here.
<Bloodwind> *Kay, some more time of whacking the rubble away, annnnnd you free the survivor! It's..... a Gerudo Warrior! Oh no, NOT ANOTHER ONE, SHE'S TOTALLY GONNA TRY TO KILL YOU!
<Bloodwind> *Well, that's what I would think, but god dangit I gotta be a DM and can't manipulate you to kill everyone..... yet.
<Kirran> Hey there. Have you eaten any darkness today?
<Bloodwind> [Gerudo]: ... what the f-
<Bloodwind> [Gerud]: ......... what?
<Wolfgang> Are you alright miss? Do you need a doctor?
<Kirran> I don't know. Like, five of your sisters had frosted darkness flakes for breakfast earlier and killed each other before trying to kill me.
<Bloodwind> [Gerudo]: I'm fine, I just got trapped beneath this rubble and couldn't get out.
<Bloodwind> [Gerudo]: Ugh, Agahnim's been busy...
<Kirran> Figured I might as well ask up front.
<Bloodwind> *You notice this particular Gerudo wears peculiar black armor. It kinda looks familiar, though not due to visual memory...
<Bloodwind> [Gerudo]: I see. So a Sheikah and a.............
<Wolfgang> Cop.
<Bloodwind> [Gerudo]: ... a what?
<Kirran> (unless we're talking about non-named characters from this very quest, I have no idea what you're talking about?)
<Wolfgang> A policeman?
<Bloodwind> *There's technically no word for 'cop'. Traditionally, in ZURPG, a 'cop' or 'policeman' would actually be a 'guard'.
<Wolfgang> Specifically a detective.
<Bloodwind> [Gerudo]: So... you can detect magic sources of great power?
<Amilena> No, but I can!
<Bloodwind> *She tries to get up, but falters and coughs out a cloud of dust.
<Wolfgang> Ah no, I work with the Royal Guard to detect people who have done or are committing crimes.
<Bloodwind> *And- WHAT THE F-
<Bloodwind> *Kirran...... do that again and I'mma find a way to gut you. Ain't no auto-dodge helpin' ya outta that one.
<Bloodwind> *...... wait, crap, I can't, cause if I do, Wolfgang will be stupid enough to arrest me- GOD DANGIT
<Bloodwind> *IT'S A NEVERENDING LOOP!
<Bloodwind> [Gerudo]: I... see.
<Bloodwind> [Gerudo]: Are you here to take down Agahnim?
<Kirran> Well, I can't say I wouldn't shoot him in the face with a bomb arrow if given the chance, but...
<Kirran> to be honest, I have no idea why we're down here.
<Wolfgang> Well I'm investigating some disturbances. If this Agahnim fellow is responsible I'll be taking him downtown.
<Kirran> Except that I dodged a black hole.
<Bloodwind> [Gerudo]: Good enough. Name's Ahlma. What about you warriors?
<Wolfgang> On that subject; mind if my associate and I ask you a few questions about what's happened here?
<Bloodwind> [Gerudo]: Shoot.
<Wolfgang> So what can you tell us about all this rubble? Is Agahnim responsible for this?
<Kirran> Are there any Gerudo who didn't decide hanging out with a disreputable sorceror was a good idea?
<Bloodwind> [Gerudo]: Guess I'll start from the beginning...
<Bloodwind> *OH BOY FOLKS, IT'S A HEAP OF EXPOSITION, GET YOUR PLOT SHIELDS READY!
<Bloodwind> [Gerudo]: ... what's with that weird voice I keep- whatever
<Bloodwind> [Gerudo]: It was a few years ago. Not long after Ganondorf was defeated and we were trying to rebuild our society. Right as we tried to reach out to other races, Agahnim appeared with powerful magic and enslaved our race.
<Bloodwind> (wait, why am I still using [Gerudo] tag, she has a name now... god dangit
<Bloodwind> [Ahlma]: A few of us escaped to the Spirit Temple and have been fighting for our control since, but our numbers kept dwindling.
<Bloodwind> [Ahlma]: Just recently, Nabooru joined with us, and we attempted one last attempt at taking down Agahnim.
<Bloodwind> [Ahlma]: We were right at his shrine when HE showed up...
<Bloodwind> [Ahlma]: The Garo Master...
<Bloodwind> *Kirran, you receive sudden flashbacks of your team getting pwned by his sheer presence.
<Bloodwind> *HAH, YOU GOT OUT NINJA'D!
<Kirran> Well, the team did.
<Kirran> I didn't though.
<Bloodwind> [Ahlma]: I see you've fought it. Any chance... you defeated it?
<Kirran> Nope.
<Kirran> He bailed out after we missed each other back and forth for an hour.
<Kirran> Well, that and the black hole.
<Kirran> >_>
<Kirran> That I dodged.
<Kirran> <_<
<Bloodwind> [Ahlma]: Interesting... tricks?
<Bloodwind> [Ahlma]: I take it you couldn't actually hit it...
<Bloodwind> [Ahlma]: You're lucky to have survived. I'm not sure anyone else in my group lived...
<Bloodwind> [Ahlma]: We did manage to hit it just once, but by the time we figured out how, half our group was dead, and the other half was at death's door...
<Bloodwind> [Raine]: Pfft, here it comes. The bestest joke of bestest things evar!
<Bloodwind> *Dangit Raine, now I'M complaining about you. Kirran, how do you put up with that bipolar ball of fairy?
<Bloodwind> *One moment she's asleep, the next she's crackin' jokes.
<Kirran> Keeps things lively. I just feed her cakes when she's good.
<Bloodwind> *Oh boy.
<Bloodwind> [Ahlma]: As a last attack of desperation, we managed to attack the assassin from all sides at once. It defended the attacks on the front, but it couldn't do anything from the back-
<Bloodwind> [Raine]: AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHH!
<Bloodwind> [Raine]: Cause.... pffft.... you wouldn't expect to... pffhahahahh...... outninja the ultimate ninja, PHAHAHAHAHAH!
<Bloodwind> *Yeah, Raine's sense of humor is........ ..........
<Bloodwind> [Raine]: Come oooooon, just gotta do a ninja...... FROM BEHIND, PFFFFFHAGHAHAHAH
<Bloodwind> *Raine cries laughing herself to sleep.
<Bloodwind> [Ahlma]: ..... is that a fairy?
<Kirran> It's not not a fairy.
<Bloodwind> [Ahlma]: O... okay. She's... not wrong, just... please ask that she's not so distasteful, if you could please.
<Kirran> That's a bit of a tall order.
<Bloodwind> [Ahlma]: Does that answer you questions?
<Bloodwind> *Ahlma attempts to get up, leaning on one of her swords.
<Bloodwind> [Ahlma]: Ugh, darn fortress collapsing. I wish that'd kill Agahnim, but knowing our megabomb didn't kill him, I doubt that'd work...
<Bloodwind> [Ahlma]: I got trapped here, unable to move on. Do you know the way to reach Agahnim?
<Kirran> Nope. He pretty much bolted as soon as we rolled that boulder at him.
<Kirran> And the DM keeps making the doors disappear, so even if we wanted to follow him, we can't.
<Bloodwind> [Ahlma]: ... wait, you... you don't mean the boulder... at the entrance to the valley? ... that's impossible...
<Bloodwind> *Actually, that's more like the doors behind you keep disappearing, and the doors in front of you are either sealed or don't exist.
<Bloodwind> *DM had some seriously lazy design habits.
<Bloodwind> *Dude, once Ahlma finds the door in this room, she's seriously gonna kill the DM.... well, if she knew what a DM was.
<Bloodwind> *Speaking of doors Kirran, now that you've got a bunch of exposition out of this Gerudo, you notice a little something odd about the wall behind her....
<Bloodwind> *It looks a little bit like a frame...........
* Kirran points dramatically at the door.
<Kirran> And there it is now!
<Bloodwind> [Ahlma]: ...... wh-
<Bloodwind> *She squints at you for a moment in confusion, then turns around, then back at you, then back at the door, then at the floor.
<Bloodwind> [Ahlma]: .....................................
<Bloodwind> [Ahlma]:............. you gotta be frigin' kidding me
<Bloodwind> [Ahlma]: .................I frigin' hate my frigin' life.
<Bloodwind> *She opens the door and goes through it.
<Kirran> Well, she recovered quickly enough.
<Kirran> My work here is done.
<Bloodwind> *I hear there's cake on the other side of that open door.
<Bloodwind> [Raine]: CAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE?!
<Bloodwind> [Raine]: CAN I HAZ CAKE? PRETTY PLEASE PLEASE PRETTY PLEEEEEEAAAAAAAASE
<Kirran> Wait, Raine, you're listening to Blood now?
<Kirran> The circle is complete...
<Bloodwind> [Raine]: I HEARD CAKE, IF I DON'T GET CAKE, BLOOD WILL RAIN DOWN AND DEVOUR YOU WHOLE, NOW GIVE ME CAKE
<Bloodwind> *You hear from the other side...
<Bloodwind> [Ahlma]: Area is clear.
* Kirran gives Raine some cake.
<Bloodwind> *Raine eats the cake and passes out again.
* Kirran spot checks through the door.
<Bloodwind> *You spot check, annnd you see Ahlma in a hallway, with a sealed door on the other side, annnnd a big button in the middle of the hallway.
<Bloodwind> [Ahlma]: ... who designed this fortress, seriously.
<Kirran> Eh, might as well.
* Kirran heads cautiously into the hallway.
<Kirran> It's the most plot we've had all hour.
* Wolfgang follows.
<Bloodwind> *What, exposition doesn't count? ..... okay that was kinda just exposition and nothing else really.
<Bloodwind> [Ahlma]: I wanna say this button opens this door, but I'm weary of traps...
<Kirran> Yeah, traps are pretty exhausting.
<Bloodwind> [Ahlma]: ... I got nothin'.
<Bloodwind> *She suddenly floats upwards a bit, then she uses her sword and pokes the button.
<Bloodwind> [Ahlma]: Agahnim is goin' down, not scared of these stupid traps.
<Bloodwind> *Blood starts pouring out of the walls, darkness creeps in (my old friend), various swords poke out of the ceiling and- nah I'm kidding, it's all just an illusion. I didn't cast it, I swear!
<Bloodwind> *Instead, a floaty figure that you haven't seen in a long time appears in a poof of smoke, along with a shop.
<Bloodwind> [Shady]: Hello, little children! Welcome to my little shop of horrors! ...... wait, that's not how it goes.
<Kirran> Oh wow, Hi Shady.
<Bloodwind> [Shady]: Hello, little children! Welcome to Shady's Shop of Shady Things and- who am I kidding, it's Global Shop. Darn system rewrites.
<Kirran> It's been ages.
<Bloodwind> [Shady]: Whyyyyyyyy yes it has, my Sheekuh buddy!
<Kirran> You given any more thought to backing that artifact hunting shop I asked you about?
<Bloodwind> [Shady]: And you, my cop friend, and you my Gerudo friendy...... wait, who are you all again?
<Bloodwind> [Shady]: I did, but then Bloodwind stole all the artifacts and..... waaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiit.
<Bloodwind> [Shady]: Is that..... naaaaawwwwww, it can't be. ..... AM I GETTING NARRATED BY-
<Bloodwind> *WHATUP SHADY, I'M NARRATING!
<Bloodwind> [Shady]: ..... fsteak it.
<Bloodwind> *Shady flips a 10-sided coin- WAIT WHAT?!
<Bloodwind> $1d10
<Navi> Bloodwind: You rolled 1 Die with 10 Sides. Result: 7. Successes: 1.
<Bloodwind> ........ dangit.
<Bloodwind> Whelp, I'll see ya guys later, I'm getting forced out...
<DM> *Yay, normal non-kill-everything DM is back!
<Kirran> Wow, that's the second time in a row one of those has come up a 1.
<DM> [Shady]: Dude, result, not successes.
<DM> [Shady]: Oh hey, check out what I found...
<DM> *Shady gives you both a full recovery- oh wait, you guys weren't scratched, that's the other party......
<DM> *Whatever, close enough.
<DM> [Shady]: Annnnnnd one more thing to put up for all of DM's bullcrap...
<DM> *Both of you get 5 Stat Points!
<DM> [Shady]: Annnd openin' the next door fer ya guys! You may go through it when you're ready! In the meantime, if there's anything you need, you may shop at will!
<DM> *The next door opens, and beyond it, you see a loading screen await.
<DM> [Shady]: Yeah, nutshell you can shop between now and next session.
<Kirran> Sweet
<DM> [Shady]: Gonna go ahead and stick the notice here then....
<DM> -=SESSION END=-
<DM> [Shady]: Yyyyeah, DM really sucked on that session design, god that was worse than railroading.
<DM> [Shady]: Seriously DM, that was..... you suck. Let me DM next time, seriously.
<Kirran> If that was a railroad, I don't want to see how you run a starship.
<DM> [Shady]: ^_^