lament

This place was beautiful when it was new.

My vision is split into two. On one side, I walk astride my best friend, and my sister in law as we, and we alone, storm the castle. It’s in ruins, and I see the bodies everywhere. The ghosts. The magic of Spirit is mine to wield as a dweller of the desert and I see all the lost, wandering souls killed by the monster. I feel the lament of her father and the final breaths of my sister. It pushes heavy on my soul and sits on my chest like a leaden weight.

Now he roams the plateau, waiting for our quest to come to a close, and she resides in the tablet on Shana’s hip. Their bodies must be somewhere in here. Buried, under the rubble. The only burial they will ever see.

The ghosts know I can see them. I know they know. They look at me with pain in their eyes. They’ve been trapped for a hundred years. They know I, trapped in the body of a dog, can do nothing but be backup. I was a guard once, too. In the desert, I protected the chief with my life. I protected the people in this castle with my life, too. I still remember the pristine tapestries, beautiful paintings, and the expansive library. It’s all in shambles now.

I remember meeting him here, after mistaking Shana for him. I remember the competition for his hand, and I remember him choosing me. I remember the stress, and the council, and everything leading up to that terrible night. I remember spending a hundred years in that slate, sleeping. Waiting. Alongside my twin. It was all I could do, and it was nightmarish.

But not as nightmarish as his must have been.

In the other side of my vision, I see white. A white void. I see him, and I see a much larger man. He looks like me, somewhat. And I feel a pull, leading me toward what must be the sanctum. And I feel his hand in mine, and the gentle brush. He knows I’m here. He can hear me speak. He can feel me coming. And I soothe my anxiety by talking to him. It’s all I can do.

Things should have never gone this way. I got Anya killed because I truly believed that he knew what he was doing. She warned us to run. She told us it wouldn’t fall for the same thing twice. And she was right. She was always right. At first, she didn’t let me forget it. But after this long, any feud is bound to settle.

I should have been sent off to Kyn long ago, but I was too stubborn. I hadn’t had enough time yet. And for all the talk Anya put forward of immortality, of not wanting to die, I was the one who kept us from seeing our next journey. I couldn’t leave Shana alone in the world when she needed us the most. And apparently, I just couldn’t leave him alone either. I know I’m with him. My body is there. Waiting for me, perfectly preserved.

Maybe one day I’ll be able for atone for having doomed them all. I don’t know. I just wish I could tell them all I’m sorry.

I wish I could still live one hundred years ago.