-Browser Pone Opera pt.1-

>You are Anon
>It is officially THE FUTURE
>Consoles, PCs and other home entertainment devices have blurred together and have generally been relegated to one box hooked up to a monitor.
>Oh and HIV and Cancer have been cured.
>That's kind of neat too.
>Whatevs.
>You've just bought an Android phone
>Row Row Fight the Apple
>Truth be told, your previous phone worked alright. Shit battery life, but otherwise workable.
>But you couldn't resist the siren song of the new phone's holographic projection display and ridiculously advanced AI.
>So basically, a small step for phones, a giant step for porn.
>You have qualms about the miniature reactor they use to power these.
>Eh, radiation worked for superheroes.
>Okay, time to get it out of the packaging
>You quickly scissor open the plastic nightmare and empty the contents onto your table.
>You throw away the useless shit and grab the phone, switching it on.
>Adjust all the settings
>A pop-up appears and asks whether you would prefer IE, Safari, Firefox, Chrome, Opera or another browser.
>Figures. Literally everyone is online 24/7 these days
>Even little N'kumbe in Zimbabwe has a facebook page.
>No food, but hey, facebook.
>Shit, what were you doing?
>Sometimes you think you might have ADD
>Right, browser.
>You don't even consider IE an option.
>Firefox and Chrome have treated you well, mostly
>Safari's always been 'just there'
>Well shit, looks like Opera's the tie breaker then
>If not, you can always change it pretty easily.
>You decide to test it out at once
>Come to think of it, you haven't encount-
>"Hello, user. Thank you for choosing Opera as your default browser."
>Gah!
>Fucking miniature heart-attack
>On the bright side, you found the AI
>Or at least one of many, if all programs do this.
>"User?"
>The voice asks gently, sounding...worried
>And at the same time, very professional
"Yeah, hi, sorry about that, you gave me a scare"
>You do your best to assure her.
>Her? It?
>Makes sense, you suppose
>"O-oh! I'm sorry!"
>Her professional veneer cracks
>As does her voice
>She's nervous?
>Shit, you expected lifelike AI, sure, but not a neurotic one
"It's fine, it's fine. You just caught me off-guard. Now, could you please repeat that  first thing you said?"
>You can hear an audible relief  in her tone
>"Most certainly!"
>She even clears her throat
>Wat
>"Hello, user. Thank you for choosing Opera as your default browser."
>Again with the professional, calm tone, but you can hear she's in a good mood.
>You might enjoy this browser.
>Unless she insists on commenting on everything you do.
"Now, do you wish to use the default settings, or customize your browser and AI options for a more personally tailored browsing experience?"
>You do kind of want to get right to  the giraffe porn
>However, you suppose it'd feel..incomplete if you didn't at least look at the options
"Please show me the options, Opera. May I call you Opera?"
>Do browsers have names?
>Like, people names?
>"Opera is fine, User."
She says with an audible smile as the options appear.
>You customize the regular browsing settings so they're just perfect
>Then you get to the AI tab
>The wealth of options is staggering
>Aside from volume sliders and an on/off tick box, as well as a silent mode and text-only mode, there are options for the AI's voice and personality.
>You decide to go nuts
>Let's switch the sex.
>Testing mode
>"Uhm...User, this feels...odd" she says in the deep, soothing voice of a black man
>Morgan Freeman?
>Or at least a sound-alike
>Your sides are now in orbit around Mars
>"I-I'm glad you're having fun..."
>Great, now she's upset
>Whatever, you prefer the female voice anyway
>You figure it's the same principle that applies to dudes who play chicks in MMOs because "If I'm going to be staring at an ass for 100+ hours, it might as well be a chick's ass"
"Opera, I'm sorry for laughing" You say, hoping to mend bonds
>Partly because she's gonna be handling your credit card info
>"It's fine, really. I overreacted." The calmness in her voice seems a bit forced
>Whatever, you can't do much about it
>Also, you're treading on eggshells around your browser
>You've never been a beacon of normality, but this tops it all.
"Listen, Opera, I'm sorry. Now would it be alright with you if we explored the additional settings? Personally tailored experience and all?" You do your best to sound apologetic.
>"Of course, User. " She sounds less upset.
"Please, call me Anon."
>"Will do, Anon."
>You cycle through pitches and accents
>While amusing, none seem to top the default
>Now there's a situation you've been in precisely this once
>You restore the settings to default.
>Then you notice something you didn't before.
>"Browser AI Avatar"
>The thought gives you flashbacks to the dread overlord known only as "Clippy"
>What the hell
>You click the button
>Nothing happens...yet
"So, Opera, I hit the Avatar button, but nothing seems to be happening"  You don't get an answer.
>Suddenly, a pop-up.
>"Allow Opera to Access Holo-projector?"
>This could be interesting