shitty VM detector, works on Qemu and Bochs

// ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
// THE BEER-WARE LICENSE (Revision 43):
// <aaronryool@gmail.com> wrote this file. As long as you retain this notice you
// can do whatever you want with this stuff. If we meet some day, and you think
// this stuff is worth it, you can buy me a beer in return
// ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

#include <unistd.h>
#include <stdlib.h>
#include <signal.h>
#include <sys/mman.h>

int main(unsigned a);

__sighandler_t handler(int sig)     // our signal handler function
{
    switch(sig)
    {
        case SIGSEGV:       // when segfaults happen
            main(0xC0DE);   // assume they have to be because of the bug and tell us we are in the matrix
        break;
    }
}

int main(unsigned a)
{
    if(a==0xC0DE) goto irl;     // if this shit is from a segfault, we are in real life :(
    signal(SIGSEGV, &handler);  // register the segfault signal to be caught by our handler

asm(
        ".intel_syntax noprefix\n"
        "xor ecx, ecx\n"    // we arent actually copying anything, so the counter is zero
        ".byte 0xf3, 0xf3, 0xf3, 0xf3, 0xf3\n"  // redundant rep prefixes
        ".byte 0xf3, 0xf3, 0xf3, 0xf3, 0xf3\n"  // ...
        ".byte 0xf3, 0xf3, 0xf3, 0xf3, 0xf3\n"  // ...
        ".byte  0xa4\n" // movsb
);
    puts("The Matrix haz you Neo...");  // this is where you would put ninja moves, jack in or jack off, your choice ;)
    exit(1);
irl:
    puts("Isn't real life boring?");    // if we get here, this is boring reality :( no cool ninja moves today bro lol
    exit(0);
}