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GONZALO TALKS ABOUT MELONS

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Jul 29th, 2012
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  1. GRACE
  2. Trip, when are you going to get rid of this?
  3.  
  4. TRIP
  5. What, Grace... this?
  6.  
  7. GRACE
  8. Yes, you know how I feel about it --
  9.  
  10. TRIP
  11. I know I know I'll do it right now, alright?!
  12.  
  13. GRACE
  14. You know I've had to ask you about this several --
  15.  
  16. TRIP
  17. Get off my back! I'll get rid of it in just a minute!
  18.  
  19. (Gonzalo knocks on the front door.)
  20.  
  21. (Gonzalo knocks on the front door.)
  22.  
  23. TRIP
  24. Oh, he's here!
  25.  
  26. GRACE
  27. What?! You said he's coming an hour from now!
  28.  
  29. TRIP
  30. No, he's right on time!
  31.  
  32. GRACE
  33. Trip...!
  34.  
  35. (Trip opens the front door.)
  36.  
  37. TRIP
  38. Gonzalo!!
  39.  
  40. TRIP
  41. Ah I'm so happy you could make it! We haven't seen you in so long, how's it going, man?
  42.  
  43. GONZALO
  44. Hey! I brought the melons!
  45.  
  46. (Trip closes the front door BUT I FUCKING NINJA HIM.)
  47.  
  48. TRIP
  49. Uh... well you're in some kind of weird mood tonight...
  50.  
  51. GRACE
  52. No, no, here we are!
  53.  
  54. GRACE
  55. Gonzalo,
  56.  
  57. GRACE
  58. Hi! How are you? Oh it's so nice to see you, it feels like it's been forever!
  59.  
  60. TRIP
  61. Yeah, it's been too long.
  62.  
  63. GRACE
  64. By the way, you look wonderful!
  65.  
  66. GONZALO
  67. So do you
  68.  
  69. GRACE
  70. Uh...
  71.  
  72. GRACE
  73. Well, come in, make yourself at home...
  74.  
  75. GONZALO
  76. Alright
  77.  
  78. GRACE
  79. Oh, H-mmm (happy smile sound)
  80.  
  81. (GONZALO sits on the couch.)
  82.  
  83. GRACE
  84. Gonzalo, seeing you again makes me remember the wonderful times we all used to have.
  85.  
  86. GRACE
  87. H-mmm (happy smile sound)
  88.  
  89. TRIP
  90. Ye -- yeah...
  91.  
  92. GONZALO
  93. We used to have so much fun
  94.  
  95. (GONZALO gets up from the couch.)
  96.  
  97. GRACE
  98. Y -- yeah, I've -- I've missed you.
  99.  
  100. TRIP
  101. Huh, I just thought of something.
  102.  
  103. GRACE
  104. What...
  105.  
  106. TRIP
  107. There's something we need to celebrate.
  108.  
  109. GRACE
  110. What do you mean?
  111.  
  112. TRIP
  113. Gonzalo, remember, it was almost exactly ten years ago, tonight, that you introduced us.
  114.  
  115. TRIP
  116. Senior year of college.
  117.  
  118. GRACE
  119. Oh... god...
  120.  
  121. GONZALO
  122. Wow, that's right!
  123.  
  124. TRIP
  125. Ha ha! So we really want to thank you for years and years of...
  126.  
  127. GRACE
  128. Pain.
  129.  
  130. TRIP
  131. Heh heh heh... Agony.
  132.  
  133. GRACE
  134. Love.
  135.  
  136. TRIP
  137. Uh, yeah, love, yeah, love.
  138.  
  139. TRIP
  140. Gonzalo, let me get you a drink.
  141.  
  142. TRIP
  143. Good news, I just fully loaded the bar, with the real quality stuff... only the best for my guests.
  144.  
  145. GONZALO
  146. Sounds good
  147.  
  148. TRIP
  149. What would you like?
  150.  
  151. TRIP
  152. We should have something fun,
  153.  
  154. TRIP
  155. like margaritas?
  156.  
  157. TRIP
  158. Ah margaritas! Yum yum!
  159.  
  160. GONZALO
  161. Sounds good
  162.  
  163. GRACE
  164. No no,
  165.  
  166. GRACE
  167. Gonzalo, maybe you'd like some juice, or a mineral water?
  168.  
  169. GRACE
  170. Okay! Trip, you heard him!
  171.  
  172. TRIP
  173. Okay, okay...
  174.  
  175. GONZALO
  176. I'd like the margaritas
  177.  
  178. TRIP
  179. Oh, yeah, you know, I think I should fix you a real drink in not too long...
  180.  
  181. TRIP
  182. In terms of drinks...
  183.  
  184. TRIP
  185. Grace, you don't want to drink anything special tonight either, am I right?
  186.  
  187. GRACE
  188. I'm happy to just have what our guest is having.
  189.  
  190. TRIP
  191. Alright...
  192.  
  193. GRACE
  194. Okay, well, you and I are getting along better tonight than I first thought!
  195.  
  196. GONZALO
  197. Yeah
  198.  
  199. TRIP
  200. Y -- yeah, yeah, n - no no no, wait, uh, w - what's wrong, Grace?
  201.  
  202. (GONZALO hugs grace.)
  203.  
  204. TRIP
  205. Alright Grace, yours is ready.
  206.  
  207. GRACE
  208. Thank you.
  209.  
  210. GRACE
  211. Oh! you're hugging me, ha ha ha...
  212.  
  213. TRIP
  214. Oh that's nice Grace, our friend seems happy to see you again after so long.
  215.  
  216. GRACE
  217. (clears throat)
  218.  
  219. TRIP
  220. Anyway...
  221.  
  222. TRIP
  223. Grace, come on, that kind of statement is not helpful...
  224.  
  225. GRACE
  226. Trip, there's nothing wrong with disagreeing in front of our friend --
  227.  
  228. TRIP
  229. Disagreeing?! We're NOT disagreeing. We're, we're not.
  230.  
  231. TRIP
  232. (frustrated sigh) Sheejus.
  233.  
  234. TRIP
  235. Gonzalo, I -- I want you to look at this photo from our recent trip to Italy...
  236.  
  237. GRACE
  238. (impatient sigh) Trip, maybe our friend would prefer --
  239.  
  240. TRIP
  241. Grace, just because you don't like it, doesn't mean our friend won't...
  242.  
  243. TRIP
  244. Here's yours.
  245.  
  246. GRACE
  247. It's good.
  248.  
  249. GRACE
  250. Gonzalo, come over here and sit on the couch with me.
  251.  
  252. (Grace sips her Grace's drink.)
  253.  
  254. (GONZALO picks up a player's drink.)
  255.  
  256. TRIP
  257. Grace...!!!
  258.  
  259. TRIP
  260. Now, now, Gonzalo, in one word, what does this picture make you think of?
  261.  
  262. GRACE
  263. Oh, please, Trip, don't put our friend on the spot like that.
  264.  
  265. GONZALO
  266. Romance?
  267.  
  268. TRIP
  269. Well, the thing is, you see, this trip to Italy... it was our second honeymoon!
  270.  
  271. GRACE
  272. What? Gonzalo, Trip is absolutely exaggerating, it was simply a weekend getaway, that's all.
  273.  
  274. (GONZALO sips his player's drink.)
  275.  
  276. TRIP
  277. Goddammit, I was trying to find a way for us to spend some time together!
  278.  
  279. (GONZALO sips his player's drink.)
  280.  
  281. TRIP
  282. (frustrated sigh) So! In a word, this says...
  283.  
  284. TRIP
  285. Grace wasn't with me when I took this picture, she was sulking in the hotel room.
  286.  
  287. GRACE
  288. Gonzalo, come over here, you'll be more comfortable --
  289.  
  290. TRIP
  291. In a -- in a -- in a word, a single word, what does this say to you?
  292.  
  293. GONZALO
  294. Romance
  295.  
  296. TRIP
  297. Yes, that's it! Love! Romance! I knew you'd guess it!
  298.  
  299. (GONZALO sips his player's drink.)
  300.  
  301. GRACE
  302. (short petulant sigh)
  303.  
  304. TRIP
  305. Uh! Everything in Italy was so romantic... the scenery, the food, the wine... oh, and the art! The art! Isn't that right Grace?
  306.  
  307. (GONZALO sips his player's drink.)
  308.  
  309. (GONZALO sits on the couch.)
  310.  
  311. GRACE
  312. (little sigh) Gonzalo, I liked your answer better.
  313.  
  314. (GONZALO sips his player's drink.)
  315.  
  316. TRIP
  317. Dammit, Grace, I was trying to give us a romantic weekend in Europe together!
  318.  
  319. (GONZALO sips his player's drink.)
  320.  
  321. (GONZALO sips his player's drink.)
  322.  
  323. GRACE
  324. What is it with you and your obsession with Europe? You take enough goddamn business trips there as it is!
  325.  
  326. (GONZALO sips his player's drink.)
  327.  
  328. TRIP
  329. I'm not obsessed with Europe... I --
  330.  
  331. GRACE
  332. You want to be seen as this sophisticated traveler.
  333.  
  334. (GONZALO puts down a player's drink.)
  335.  
  336. GONZALO
  337. I have no input.
  338.  
  339. TRIP
  340. N - no -- uhh, see -- she wouldn't leave the hotel room!
  341.  
  342. GRACE
  343. (frustrated sigh)
  344.  
  345. GRACE
  346. You know, ever since we got married, Trip is forever trying to get me to buy new furniture, and redecorate,
  347.  
  348. GRACE
  349. and -- and it's true, I kind of enjoy it but...
  350.  
  351. (Grace sips her Grace's drink.)
  352.  
  353. TRIP
  354. Well, yeah, it's great, everybody loves it when they come in and see our latest decoration scheme!
  355.  
  356. (Trip sips his Trip's drink.)
  357.  
  358. GONZALO
  359. You should redecorate.
  360.  
  361. GRACE
  362. But, -- (interrupted)
  363.  
  364. GRACE
  365. Oh, well...
  366.  
  367. GRACE
  368. You know at work I waste all day designing ads for stylish objects, like this armoire,
  369.  
  370. (GONZALO gets up from the couch.)
  371.  
  372. GRACE
  373. and then it makes me think, I want to design it into my apartment...
  374.  
  375. TRIP
  376. This is a really exclusive armoire, very few people own this armoire.
  377.  
  378. (GONZALO picks up a trinket 1.)
  379.  
  380. GRACE
  381. Yeah I just had to have these damn sculptures...
  382.  
  383. GRACE
  384. but... dammit, now I can't take the sight of them! They're revolting!
  385.  
  386. TRIP
  387. Revolting...? what? -- (interrupted)
  388.  
  389. GONZALO
  390. Is this a dildo?
  391.  
  392. GRACE
  393. What?
  394.  
  395. TRIP
  396. Aha, I knew it, I was right Grace, you're the only one unhappy with your decorating --
  397.  
  398. GRACE
  399. But, uhh, no, decorating is not... not...
  400.  
  401. TRIP
  402. Grace, come on, you're so good at it!
  403.  
  404. TRIP
  405. Just like you're good at your job -- you design great magazine ads! Can't you see that?
  406.  
  407. (GONZALO puts down a trinket 1.)
  408.  
  409. TRIP
  410. Ahh, this is bullshit!
  411.  
  412. GRACE
  413. Ahh, no, you're full of shit!
  414.  
  415. GRACE
  416. Obsessed with Europe...
  417.  
  418. GRACE
  419. You never... call me when you're on your business trips! You never call me, you know that?
  420.  
  421. TRIP
  422. (little impatient sigh) Gonzalo, I...
  423.  
  424. TRIP
  425. (frustrated sigh) -- (interrupted)
  426.  
  427. GONZALO
  428. You should really call her
  429.  
  430. GRACE
  431. What, what's that, what are you saying?
  432.  
  433. TRIP
  434. Goddamn italy...
  435.  
  436. TRIP
  437. I try to reach out to you, I try to be romantic with you, but you're cold, and distant! I do, I really try!
  438.  
  439. GRACE
  440. Oh, sure, yeah!
  441.  
  442. GRACE
  443. Obsessed with Europe...
  444.  
  445. GRACE
  446. You so desperately want to be high class! So badly!
  447.  
  448. TRIP
  449. Oh, god...!
  450.  
  451. GRACE
  452. Okay, you know what, Gonzalo,
  453.  
  454. GRACE
  455. I need to ask you something.
  456.  
  457. TRIP
  458. Grace --
  459.  
  460. GRACE
  461. Trip, let me ask our guest a question.
  462.  
  463. GRACE
  464. Gonzalo, yes or no...
  465.  
  466. GRACE
  467. In a marriage, shouldn't one person try to make their spouse a better person, even if they don't want it?
  468.  
  469. TRIP
  470. What?
  471.  
  472. GRACE
  473. I mean, even if they don't actually want it, shouldn't you help your spouse understand a better way to be?
  474.  
  475. GRACE
  476. Yes or no.
  477.  
  478. GONZALO
  479. They should
  480.  
  481. GRACE
  482. What...?!
  483.  
  484. GRACE
  485. Oh, alright... yes...
  486.  
  487. GRACE
  488. Don't you see, Trip?! Our marriage... is a sham, Trip! Don't you see that? It's all fake, all pretend...
  489.  
  490. TRIP
  491. Oh, god...!
  492.  
  493. TRIP
  494. Yeah, go on, get out of my face!
  495.  
  496. GONZALO
  497. Guys, calm down
  498.  
  499. TRIP
  500. I can't stand frigging looking at you!
  501.  
  502. TRIP
  503. What the... goddammit!
  504.  
  505. TRIP
  506. uhh!
  507.  
  508. GONZALO
  509. Calm down you two
  510.  
  511. TRIP
  512. What?! What are you saying to me?
  513.  
  514. GRACE
  515. What, I can't hear you, are you talking to me?
  516.  
  517. TRIP
  518. What's it to you?
  519.  
  520. TRIP
  521. Gonzalo, this is not normal, this has never happened. -- (interrupted)
  522.  
  523. GONZALO
  524. This was supposed to be a fun tim
  525.  
  526. GRACE
  527. Gonzalo, (annoyed sigh) Trip is sometimes so...
  528.  
  529. TRIP
  530. Oh ho, so we're talking about me, are we?
  531.  
  532. GRACE
  533. What?
  534.  
  535. GRACE
  536. Damn it, Trip, you and my parents are always planning these stupid trips I have to go on.. -- (interrupted)
  537.  
  538. (GONZALO picks up the advice ball.)
  539.  
  540. GRACE
  541. All this stuff... mmm... Having all this money makes us so happy. We're so happy, aren't we Trip?
  542.  
  543. (The advice ball reads, "Maybe Later")
  544.  
  545. (GONZALO shakes the advice ball.)
  546.  
  547. (The advice ball reads, "Could Be")
  548.  
  549. (GONZALO shakes the advice ball.)
  550.  
  551. TRIP
  552. Jesus, what do you want! Now you're unhappy because we're too well off?
  553.  
  554. (The advice ball reads, "It's Definite")
  555.  
  556. (GONZALO shakes the advice ball.)
  557.  
  558. (The advice ball reads, "Who Knows")
  559.  
  560. TRIP
  561. Gonzalo, isn't it -- isn't that ridiculous?
  562.  
  563. (GONZALO puts down the advice ball.)
  564.  
  565. GONZALO
  566. No
  567.  
  568. GRACE
  569. No?
  570.  
  571. GRACE
  572. Gonzalo, thank you. That helps me. Trip, see, I don't want all this stuff!
  573.  
  574. TRIP
  575. (annoyed sigh)
  576.  
  577. GRACE
  578. No let's -- let's focus on us, our relationship.
  579.  
  580. GRACE
  581. Trip, you just pretend to like all this stuff... fancy cigars, and fine wine...
  582.  
  583. (GONZALO sits on the couch.)
  584.  
  585. (GONZALO gets up from the couch.)
  586.  
  587. TRIP
  588. You think I'm not good enough...!
  589.  
  590. GRACE
  591. I never said that! I'm saying there's more to you than all this...
  592.  
  593. (GONZALO sits on the couch.)
  594.  
  595. GONZALO
  596. Happiness is not being rich
  597.  
  598. GRACE
  599. Let's talk some more about us, our relationship.
  600.  
  601. GRACE
  602. You know what's so annoying, is when you pretend to be all 'romantic'!
  603.  
  604. TRIP
  605. What...?
  606.  
  607. GRACE
  608. Trip, it is such an act!
  609.  
  610. TRIP
  611. Oh my God... Gonzalo, what... uhh...
  612.  
  613. (GONZALO gets up from the couch.)
  614.  
  615. GRACE
  616. Gonzalo, it's time that Trip finally just admits that our marriage --
  617.  
  618. TRIP
  619. Grace, don't, no, you don't need to --
  620.  
  621. GRACE
  622. Admits that our marriage is not --
  623.  
  624. TRIP
  625. Stop it, stop it! (annoyed sigh)
  626.  
  627. GONZALO
  628. You two were meant to be together
  629.  
  630. GRACE
  631. Uhh...! God...!
  632.  
  633. TRIP
  634. No, let's switch to talking about Grace.
  635.  
  636. GRACE
  637. You know, Trip, whenever I really try to talk honestly about things, you...
  638.  
  639. GRACE
  640. you don't want to hear it!
  641.  
  642. TRIP
  643. What?
  644.  
  645. GRACE
  646. Gonzalo, I think I'm the only one who is trying to be the most honest here.
  647.  
  648. TRIP
  649. Uhh...
  650.  
  651. GONZALO
  652. Grace is being more honest
  653.  
  654. GRACE
  655. Ah!
  656.  
  657. TRIP
  658. Gonzalo, you're saying I'm lying?
  659.  
  660. TRIP
  661. Gonzalo, you're saying I'm lying?
  662.  
  663. GRACE
  664. See, you lied to me when you said I'd be able to take time off from work at some point, to start painting again.
  665.  
  666. GONZALO
  667. She doesn't want these things
  668.  
  669. TRIP
  670. I never -- (interrupted)
  671.  
  672. GRACE
  673. No?
  674.  
  675. TRIP
  676. Thank you, saying that might just help her understand! Anyhow, it's true -- if you really wanted to paint art, which I don't think you do,
  677.  
  678. TRIP
  679. you could do it on the weekends, instead of obsessively redecorating our apartment.
  680.  
  681. GRACE
  682. Uhh...
  683.  
  684. TRIP
  685. Gonzalo, if there's something about me, just tell me what it is!
  686.  
  687. (GONZALO sits on the couch.)
  688.  
  689. TRIP
  690. Grace, even though you're now a creative director at work,
  691.  
  692. TRIP
  693. the truth is... you're not an artist.
  694.  
  695. GRACE
  696. Uhh...!
  697.  
  698. TRIP
  699. I'm sorry, you're not.
  700.  
  701. GRACE
  702. Gonzalo, uhh...
  703.  
  704. GONZALO
  705. The decorating here is bad
  706.  
  707. GRACE
  708. Gonzalo, you see, this is what I've had to put up with, for ten goddamn years.
  709.  
  710. GRACE
  711. Look, let's not focus on just me or you, let's talk about us.
  712.  
  713. GRACE
  714. Trip, can't you see, it's the way you speak, the way you talk to me...!
  715.  
  716. TRIP
  717. What, I'm not allowed to be angry?
  718.  
  719. GRACE
  720. You tell me what to do, you don't listen.
  721.  
  722. TRIP
  723. Gonzalo, I'm not telling her what to do, I'm trying to help her!
  724.  
  725. GONZALO
  726. You're telling her what to do.
  727.  
  728. TRIP
  729. What?
  730.  
  731. TRIP
  732. See, I'm the one trying to reach out to you, Grace...
  733.  
  734. GRACE
  735. Uhh...
  736.  
  737. TRIP
  738. Gonzalo, if there's something about me, just tell me what it is!
  739.  
  740. (GONZALO picks up a player's drink.)
  741.  
  742. (GONZALO puts down a player's drink.)
  743.  
  744. GRACE
  745. Let's keep the focus on us, our relationship.
  746.  
  747. TRIP
  748. It's so annoying... Grace, why is it that anytime I want to do something nice for you, you resist it?
  749.  
  750. GRACE
  751. Trip...
  752.  
  753. GONZALO
  754. You're not being honest, Trip
  755.  
  756. TRIP
  757. Ah!
  758.  
  759. GRACE
  760. Gonzalo, you're saying I'm lying?
  761.  
  762. TRIP
  763. See, Grace, you exaggerate, you pretend you're more unhappy -- (interrupted)
  764.  
  765. GONZALO
  766. No
  767.  
  768. GRACE
  769. No?
  770.  
  771. GRACE
  772. Oh, thank God you disagree, that helps...
  773.  
  774. GRACE
  775. Trip, don't tell me I'm pretending about any of this!
  776.  
  777. GRACE
  778.  
  779.  
  780. GRACE
  781. No let's -- let's focus on us, our relationship.
  782.  
  783. TRIP
  784. No, Gonzalo, I -- I know, deep down, Gr -- Grace and I...
  785.  
  786. TRIP
  787. Heh... I mean... I -- I just think back to that Christmas Eve I proposed to her...
  788.  
  789. GRACE
  790. Trip...
  791.  
  792. GRACE
  793. Gonzalo, we... uhh...
  794.  
  795. GONZALO
  796. Is that melon flavored wine?
  797.  
  798. (GONZALO gets up from the couch.)
  799.  
  800. TRIP
  801. You know what, Gonzalo, that's it, you need to leave.
  802.  
  803. TRIP
  804. We invited you over, but this is just not working out.
  805.  
  806. (GONZALO knocks on the front door.)
  807.  
  808. (GONZALO opens the front door.)
  809.  
  810. (Trip opens the front door.)
  811.  
  812. TRIP
  813. We'll be fine -- you should just go.
  814.  
  815. (Trip closes the front door.)
  816.  
  817. (GONZALO knocks on the front door.)
  818.  
  819. (GONZALO knocks on the front door.)
  820.  
  821. (GONZALO knocks on the front door.)
  822.  
  823. (GONZALO knocks on the front door.)
  824.  
  825. (GONZALO knocks on the front door.)
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