Ass-lesbians

	It was a cold winter day in Equestria.  The land was still recovering from the recent war between the Royal Ponies, led by the Princesses, and the Townsponies, who's main fighters were the Pegasi.  They were led by Rainbow Dash, and her second-in-command was Derpy Hooves.  She never seemed it, but Derpy was a master tactician, while RD was just all-around awesome.  Anyways, the war was over, and the townsponies won and tried to make Twilight Sparkle their leader.  She denied, because the Princesses taught her, and she was sad.  Trixie wouldn't be bothered with it, Rarity is a bitch, Fluttershy died, fuck Spike, nopony could understand Applejack's accent, and Pinkie Pie left during the war and traveled to different dimensions looking for some guy named Quinn.  So they picked the ones who led them to victory instead, RD and Derpy.

	It was quite the adjustment, being Queens.  Yeah, Queens, because they did not want to deal with the whole Princess bullshit.  In order to be Queens, though, they had to get married.  RD complained about not being a lesbian, and not wanting to marry Derpy, who was obviously a lesbian.  But, she got over it and married Derpy anyway, because she cannot pay attention to anything for more than five seconds, and probably thought she had agreed to be a part of some race or something.  So they were sitting in the castle with nothing to do, except run the country or whatever you want to call Equestria, but that was too boring for RD.  Derpy proposed that they validate their marriage, and RD agreed, not really knowing what that meant, or really even listening.  Derpy led her to the bedroom, and started talking sexy, and RD just sat there smiling, not paying attention, probably thinking about clouds or something.

	Then the sex happened, Derpy just dove right into the Skittle-flavored taco, and RD just sat there in shock about how good sex felt, because she usually just handed out blow-jobs to random stallions in exchange for a cup of coffee behind the local Starbucks.  She had no idea that you could have sex without a penis, but here she was!  Suddenly, the sex stopped as Derpy tried to look into RD's eyes, but ended up looking at a lamp and RD's left hoof.  Derpy looked annoyed at RD, who just sat on her ass there.

	"Come on all ready, roll over..." said Derpy, trying to put RD on her back.  She just complied, not knowing where this was heading.  RD just laid there, ass hunched slightly in the air.  Derpy then sat down on her ass, and began to rub asses with her, back and forth.  "W-what are you doing, Derpy?" she asked, not knowing what to make of this new sensation.  "Silly Dashie," replied Derpy, "didn't you know I was an ass-lesbian?  This is ass sex!"  Of course, RD had heard about ass-sex before!  So this is what normal mares did to feel good....

	They continued with this all night, then the next day, then for two weeks.  Their asses were red and chapped at the end, still rubbing against each other's.  Derpy finally said "Dash... I'm... I'm cumming!"  RD didn't know what this meant for ass-sex, but she felt something odd inside, so she said "M-me too!"  There was a loud rumbling sound, and they simultaneously seeped excrement into each other's anuses, while letting out loud moans.  A smell filled the air, somewhat like rotted cabbage and sewage, that drove their senses wild.  Derpy was panting, and said, "That... That was the best ass-sex I've ever had..."  RD did not reply, however.  She came so hard from it she got dehydrated and died.  Derpy just looked down at her, and muttered "I just don't know what went wrong..."

	And then a skeleton popped out of the closet and gave Derpy $5.