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- >The rain covers this foreign land in sheets, providing nourishment to the parched landscape.
- >Looking outside your closed window, the water beats against the glass.
- >Fall was never your favorite season, you hated the rain and watching everything die.
- >It's just another part of life that we all have to endure.
- >In the dark of night in your bedroom, lit by a single candle, you hold a pen in hand and stare blankly at a sheet of paper that mimics your gaze.
- >You take out your pen, and begin to write.
- >When you were on Earth, you wrote all the time. In fact, you did your best to make a living off of your writing.
- >Everything changed when you appeared in Equestria.
- >While the multicolored inhabitants of this land accepted you with open arms, you missed your family.
- >Especially your son, Michael.
- >He was your inspiration and your drive.
- >Even when the world came crashing down around you, he was the reason to keep going.
- "Happy fifth birthday, son."
- >You hold your head in your hands.
- >Now, after several long years and countless nights of hoping, there was no way back to Earth.
- >You wished there was some form of sign or message you could send to them, to tell them everything would be okay as well as what happened.
- >Yet, Equestria was now your home, and he won't be able to grow up without his father.
- >You just hope his mother doesn't make him hate you.
- >The candle extinguishes itself, and the only light in the room comes from the radiant moon.
- >Another night of writer's block.
- >It infuriated you to the core.
- >If you can't write, what are you good for?
- >Exasperated, you say to no one in particular.
- "What is my purpose here?"
- >The room provides no answer for you.
- >Basic tasks were becoming harder everyday.
- >It was a rare occasion when you would leave your house.
- >Simply because you wanted to be alone.
- >At the same time, you just wished someone here would understand your pain.
- >Mr. Cake couldn't begin to imagine a life without his son.
- >Caramel couldn't imagine a life outside of Ponyville.
- >The only person who would listen was your therapist, Twilight.
- >She wasn't professionally trained by any means, but she had an ear and knew how to use it.
- >Shuffling to the bed, too tired to change out of your clothes, you lay on top of the covers.
- >Even though you've done nothing all day, your will isn't quite what it used to be.
- >You aren't even sure if you ate anything.
- >You aren't even sure if you have food in the house.
- >Closing your eyes, you pray the one solitude in your life comes to you quickly.
- >You wake up to the brilliant shine of light through your open window.
- >Birds are singing outside and the trees are beginning to turn a bright orange.
- >To any other human, this surely would be a beauty to behold.
- >All you feel is pain.
- >All you feel is tired.
- >All you feel is guilt.
- >You turn over underneath your covers, and ball yourself for self-comfort.
- "It's just another day. One more day."
- >Today you had to go talk to Twilight.
- >You haven't been filling out your journal like she asked.
- >She wanted you to write down every good thing that happened in a day.
- >Every night before you try to write, you would do your best to write down your successes.
- >Over time, successes in your life became harder and harder to find.
- >I wrote a short story.
- >I made a cake.
- >I watered my flowers.
- >I went outside.
- >I answered the door.
- >Today's success would have to be 'I got out of bed'.
- >You haven't really been able to work up the desire to do anything.
- >Starting the shower, you give yourself a good hard look in the mirror.
- >Your eyes were bloodshot, and you haven't shaved in days.
- >You have to make yourself look nice for Twilight, or else she might get upset.
- >Looking down, you see the orange bottle that keeps you half as sane as you currently are.
- >After taking one pill, you get into the shower and wash yourself.
- >You take a moment to let the warm water wash over you, staring at the ground.
- >The shower was the only safe place that you could cry.
- >Sitting down, you hold your head in your hands.
- >Another day.
- >One more day.
- >It gets better, just one more day.
- >After nearly 500 days, things only feel like they have gotten worse.
- >Shutting off the water, you step out into the cold air and shave the hair off your face.
- >After getting dressed in your favorite shirt and jeans, you head downstairs.
- >Looking in the kitchen, and weighing all your options, you choose to drink water for breakfast.
- >One positive thing about your depression is that you were finally able to lose all that excess body fat.
- >Now you are as skinny as a rail.
- >That's improvement!
- >Right?
- >... Right?
- >You sit in your living room and stare out the main window at the wilderness around you.
- >The bunnies hopped around so gracefully with their children, while squirrels began to gather nuts for the winter.
- >You wish you could be like them.
- >To be with their family.
- >Knowing exactly what their purpose is in life.
- >Here in Equestria there was nothing.
- >You hear a knock at the door.
- >Just like every other morning, you ignore it.
- >One of these days Fluttershy will just have to learn that her efforts are in vain.
- >She opens the door quietly.
- >"Uhm... Anon? I-it's me. I'm... I'm coming in." She says timidly.
- >Entering the house, she finds you on the couch and she seats herself next to you.
- >You never shift your eyes from outside.
- >"Good morning Anon!" she says in the most positive tone she can muster.
- "Hey." You reply meekly.
- >"Um... D-did you sleep well last night?" She asks with a hopeful smile.
- "I guess so."
- >"That's good."
- >You don't understand this mare.
- >For the longest time, she just wanted to figure out your fetish was in the hopes of winning you over.
- >Now, things feel different.
- >"Did you have anything for breakfast this morning?"
- >You shake your head.
- >She sighs. "Anon, you really need to take care of yourself. You look almost sickly. Let me go get you a bowl of cereal."
- >Watching her flutter into the kitchen, you almost wish that she would go back to guessing.
- >You hated being babied by her.
- >You're positive she thinks you can't live on your own.
- >She returns with a bowl of cereal, with cut up pieces of fruit mixed in.
- >"I-I brought the fruit today as a present." She smiles widely and squeaks.
- "Thanks, but I'm not really hungry I guess."
- >She looks at you exasperated. "Please? Just a few bites? For me Anon?"
- >You look into her eyes.
- >Fluttershy was always the motherly type, considering how well she took care of all of her animal friends, but when she was with you, her eyes told a different story.
- "Okay, I suppose."
- >She smiles and gently hands you the spoon with her hoof.
- >The cereal goes down your throat like sandpaper, and every bite feels like choking.
- >Just eating felt like a tiresome chore that nearly winded you.
- >The warm smile on her face pressured you to eat on.
- >When you would cough up the larger pieces, she rubbed your back to make sure you were alright.
- >Finishing the bowl, you put the spoon back in the bowl and stare at the floor.
- "Thanks." You say somberly.
- >"It was nothing!" She smiles widely. "When is your meeting with Twilight?"
- "In about 15 minutes."
- >"Oh! Well you better get going then! You don't wanna be late."
- >You think over her words.
- "Yeah... I guess."
- >Standing up, you make your way to the door.
- >"Um... Anon?"
- >Stopping in the doorway, without turning yourself, you wait for her to speak.
- >"Um.. W-would you mind if... if I stayed here for a while?"
- "I don't care."
- >Walking out of your home, you knew you couldn't stop her.
- >What was the point?
- >She broke into your home several times before, and the doors in this world didn't have locks.
- >You make your way into town. Counting the number of times you can kick the pebble in front of you.
- >About 5, before you lost track of it.
- >Your feet knew the way to Twilight's place instinctively, so you didn't look up as you passed through the marketplace.
- >"Howdy there Anon! How ya doin today!"
- >You walk by without acknowledgment. Unable to see Applejack's concerned eyes.
- >"Hey! Come on back tomorrow and I'll be sure to give you some fresh cider now ya hear? On me!"
- >Her eyes watch you until you are out of sight.
- >Passing by Carousel Boutique, Rarity places some new dresses and suits in the display window until she sees you.
- >She smiles and waves as hard as she can, but ultimately in vain, as you began counting the pieces of stray grass.
- >Reaching the front door of the Ponyville Library, you look at the door with a feeling of hopelessness.
- >How long do you need to keep coming here?
- >When were you going to begin to start feeling better?
- >Shouldn't the pills be helping?
- >You raise your hand to knock, when Twilight answers the door.
- >"Anon! Come on in! I was getting worried. You aren't normally late."
- >The hopelessness sets in.
- "Sorry."
- >She recoils. "No! That wasn't what I meant. Well, come on in. I'm sure we got lot's to talk about."
- >The two of you sit down in opposite chairs as you fill her in on everything you did this week.
- >You told her that you kept trying to write, but ultimately you failed.
- >Tried to nurse your dying garden back to life, but even that was unsuccessful.
- >Even fed her a lie and said you tried to bake a cake, and succeeded.
- >The smoke smell still isn't completely gone.
- >"Well thats good! How is your journal coming?"
- >You look at the ground, unsure how to answer.
- "I haven't been doing it."
- >"Huh? Why?"
- "Nothing really great has happened this week, so what's the point?"
- >"That's not true. I'm sure lots of wonderful things happened around you today. You just need to look out into the world and see what's happening."
- >It's true. The ground has recently became your best friend.
- "I suppose you're right."
- >Hours pass as the two of you talk about writing, about your time on Earth, your son.
- >You simply bottle up all of the pain, to try and convince Twilight that she is helping to cure you.
- >She always was so proud of herself when she thought she was doing a great job.
- >You didn't want to take that from her.
- >"Well, I think that's about all the time we have for today. It's almost dinner time.
- "Thanks Twilight."
- >You step up and begin to walk out of the room.
- >Then turning back, you decide to ask one final question.
- "Twilight?"
- >"Yeah Anon?" She's organizing her notes into her 'good session' folder.
- >You know she liked to keep organized, but labeling her folders made it obvious when she thought you were healing and when you weren't
- >She had the one good folder, and the cabinet of bad folders.
- "When... When does everything stop being so... hard?"
- >She looks at you, and gives you the signature answer that you repeat yourself every morning.
- >"Just take it a step at a time Anon. It'll all get better. You just have to give it time."
- >Looking back to the door, tears well up in your eyes.
- "Thanks."
- >You probably didn't do a good job at convincing her that you were fine today.
- >Blowing your cover on way out the door like that causes Twilight to pause.
- >After you move outside, Twilight takes her notes out of her good folder, and makes her way over to the file cabinet with a disappointed sigh.
- >"What am I going to do with him?"
- >Slowly dragging yourself back towards your home, the cork on your bottle feels like it's reached its limit.
- >Everything is seething to the surface.
- >Your old life.
- >The time when all of the ponies loved you.
- >When talking with Twilight left her with a feeling of pride and joy on her face.
- >A time when everything wasn't so hard.
- >Your slow walk manages to get you home at sundown.
- >All you want to do is go to sleep.
- >You are tired.
- >Tired of everything.
- >Tired of the talks with Twilight.
- >Tired of trying to find a reason to get up in the morning.
- >Tired of all the pain.
- >You enter your dimly lit home.
- >You head straight up to your room, failing to notice the freshly swept floors.
- >Unable to see the spotless kitchen, or homemade meal waiting for you inside it with a concerned yellow pegasus.
- >You move into your bathroom, tears streaming down your face.
- >Tearing off your shirt, you wash your face.
- >The things you've kept bottled up inside all break open, as you become inconsolable.
- >Why did this have to happen to you?
- >Why did everything have to be so hard?
- >Every day was the same feeling of hope that tomorrow things might be better.
- >Yet, tomorrow never came.
- >Taking it a day at a time wasn't working anymore.
- >Maybe it never really worked to begin with.
- >You grab the bottle of pills sitting on your sink.
- >Staring at the bottle you wonder how long it would take.
- >Ten minutes?
- >Fifteen minutes?
- >An hour?
- >The pain of living from day to day would be gone.
- >It would be just like falling asleep.
- >The only thing that would ease your pain every day.
- >You open the cap, staring down at the pink pills.
- >The medication that was made to cure your depression.
- >You were just ready for your cure.
- >Downing the whole bottle, you swallow to let every bit of your saving grace reach your stomach.
- >You bring your hands down to your side, and smile.
- >Leaning back against your sink, and closing your tired eyes.
- >You pray the last solitude of your life comes to you quickly.
- >You are Fluttershy
- >You probably shouldn't have came in the storm last night to see if he was okay, but you were happy you did. He was so cold.
- >You shift in your seat, wondering if you did everything you needed to tonight.
- >Washed Anon's clothes for tomorrow? Check.
- >Meal? Check.
- >Made his bed? Check.
- >Maybe he isn't sleeping well again. You should offer to stay the night tonight.
- >You wonder to yourself as you wait for him in the kitchen.
- >Maybe having someone there for him is what he needs. He talks about missing his family... maybe he just needs someone help him not be so alone.
- >You keep trying to convince yourself that what you were doing is helping Anon.
- >Seeing him like this all the time hurts more than anything.
- >You knew he didn't like the fetish guesses, but you saw it as your only option at first.
- >Soon, you saw that Anon was feeling sadder every day, so you stopped.
- >You even stopped reading his journal since you began to feel guilty.
- >Now you would simply settle just to see him smile.
- >He went upstairs to the bathroom about 10 minutes ago.
- >Maybe you should check on him.
- >Just to see if everything is okay.
- >Your eyes open, dazed.
- >"Stay awake for me Anon! Please!"
- >Her right hoof hits you in the face, but you barely feel it.
- >Fluttershy has tears falling from her eyes in sheets, as if looking outside during a fall storm.
- >"Stay awake!"
- >She pulls you over to the toilet and forces you to throw up everything you could.
- >"Help is coming Anon just stay awake! You can't leave me!"
- >Medical stallions grab you and pull you into a carriage with flashing blue and red lights.
- >Their conversation blends together into chaos as they hook you up to various machines to get the drug out of your system.
- >Fluttershy sits in the back with them, holding your hand.
- >Every ounce of sadness, hate, guilt and suffering comes out in one large breakdown.
- >It would be a long night in Ponyville Emergency.
- >When you wake up, clean of the poison inside you, you look around the room to see Fluttershy asleep, hunched over your bed.
- >The clock on the wall says 5am.
- >Her mane is ruffled and you feel that your right hand is wet.
- >Holding your hand to her face, you identify the source.
- >Tears.
- >It was hard to imagine someone who would have cared if you left this world.
- >You knew that Fluttershy really liked you, but... not like this.
- >Yet here she was, glued to your side.
- >She really wasn't so bad.
- >She helped make the little challenges of everyday not seem so tough for a little while.
- >Sometimes she even made you push your limits and try for more.
- >You stroke her mane with your right hand.
- >"...uhnn.. Anon?"
- >She gradually stirs from her slumber.
- >You look into her tired eyes, and worried face.
- >As you stroke her mane, you realize your face begins to feel tight.
- >Almost as if you've never spoke before, and suddenly began to give a world-changing speech.
- >As if you've been stuck in a wheelchair for years, and finally decided to stand up.
- >She looks into your eyes and begins to shed more tears.
- >These aren't tears of sorrow, but rather tears of joy.
- >For the first time, in a long time, you had a natural smile.
- >After that night, you moved in with Fluttershy.
- >You decided to let her into your life permanently.
- >You still aren't sure why you didn't consider it sooner.
- >For a while your meetings with Twilight became more frequent, out of concern for your well being, but soon she decided you didn't need help anymore.
- >The doctors eventually took you off of the pills for the sheer lack of need for them.
- >Every day was a fresh new adventure, with fresh new reasons to explore the world.
- >Every day there was something beautiful to be had around every corner.
- >Every day there was a beautiful smiling face to greet you in the morning, that wouldn't need to ask if you slept well last night.
- >She knew you haven't slept this well in years.
- >All you knew was that every evening you crawled into bed with your tender yellow pegasus, and before you closed your eyes, you reminded yourself.
- >There is always a reason to look forward to the next day.
- >You sit back in your chair and look down upon your new literary creation. Depicting the story of the last few months of your life.
- >Looking behind you, the mare of your dreams rests peacefully.
- >Before you join her, you decide there is one last thing you need to do for yourself.
- >Pulling out your journal that Twilight wanted you to write in, you move to the final page.
- >You left this page blank on purpose for this very reason.
- >You begin your final entry.
- "Dear Journal. My success for today, is that I finally found tomorrow. It was really today all along."
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