remorse

I was a slut in high school and regret it.


[Remorse]: If you feel bad
I grew up and was home schooled as an only child in North Dakota until I was 14. We moved to Los Angeles when I started high school and it was a culture shock. To compound matters, I started to blossom into an attractive young girl. I remember the school being very polarized. All the white, pretty rich people ran the school and the school kissed their asses. The rest (maybe 30%) were ignored. I was immediately hounded by a bunch of guys only to be rescued by the pretty girl crowd.
The pretty people crowd boosted my self-esteem and I felt safe and secured around them. They came from really good families too. I started to like guys but hadn't even kissed one. One of my friends told me that they had sex with guys all the time. I was shocked (yes I was that sheltered that I thought people were still virgins in high school).
I ended up losing my virginity to a guy I really cared about. He taught me a lot about sex and was cool about my being inexperienced. I learned that not only was I great at sex but I liked it. So I started having sex with all the cute guys in my clique. I always left them wanting more because I thought they wouldn't treat me like a slut. After high school, our clique fell a part and it didn't help that I fucked my friends' boyfriends LOL. The whole falling from grace after high school really affected me for a lot of reasons and I really wished that I could still be friends with the friends that I hurt.

Every now and then when I run into one of my former frenemies, I wonder if they feel awkward knowing that I fucked their high school boyfriend. Probably so because they all became friends again while excluding me.
I sort of regret it because at age 33, I realized that I was very insecure and could have handled myself with more tact. It doesn't matter that I just finished my MBA and law degree or that I'm still pretty good-looking or whatever. When I look at high schoolers, I get sad to think that they might behave the way that I behaved especially when they have potential to do so much better and hurting good people.