Correct Captions for http://youtube.com/watch?v=qCfIHUpF7

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Mush Man: Hello and welcome to Let's Play Jet Force Gemini.

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I'm Mush Man and today I'm joined by some very special guests.

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Introduce yourselves.

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Some Strange Flea: Hello.

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Deep Friar: Say it!

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Toddy: Hi, I'm Toddy.

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Deep Friar: Uhh, hi.

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Deep Friar: Deep Friar.

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Some Strange Flea: I'm Tony Hawk, the pro skater.

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MM: So what are your guys' experience with Jet Force Gemini?

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Td: It's a widescreen game!

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MM: Yeah! One of the few widescreen games for the Nintendo 64.

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I didn't resize this like a moron.

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Td: Gotta get all that YouTube cred.

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Fl: Welcome to space.

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MM: Welcome to space.

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This actually isn't where the story starts.

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Story actually starts in the manual.

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There's this guy called Mizar who's been taking over some planets and stuff.

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And the Galactic Federation was like ‘Yeah, let him do that’,

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until he completely wiped out

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the only form of galactic defense, which was the Jet Force Gemini

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...except for this ship.

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We've got our three protagonists:

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Juno, sipping on some coffee;

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Vela...

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...whose hair is blue, I guess—

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Td: She's pretending to work.

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MM: And Lupus, who's just fucking awesome.

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Td: He's chill as hell.

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DF: The suicidal dog.

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MM: Gun right to the back of his head.

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But, oh no! Shit's going down...

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Td: ‘Oh no, the X-Alert.’

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Fl: ‘The grid! THE GRID!’

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Td: ‘The X-Alert! This could mean any arbitrary thing!’

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DF: ‘The grid's moving away!’

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Td: ‘Better throw my coffee!’

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*laughter*

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DF: Destroy a mug.

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MM: ‘This is of real importance!’

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Td: Damn, them some big fuzzy dice.

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DF: I was also noticing that his view out into space is very low and very small.

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He can't actually see directly in front of him.

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Td: Fuck you man! He's low-ridin'.

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Also, genocide!

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MM: So the ants have been...

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Well they're supposed to be enslaving the tribals, but it doesn't really look like that...

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Td: Ehh, put their corpses to work!

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MM: They're going into manure.

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I mean, um, fertiliser.

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Td: Eh, same thing.

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They both smell like poop.

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MM: Turns out that Mizar's troops have caught up with us and now we're gonna try and escape

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...but oh no!

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Fl: Aaaaah...

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MM: Turns out that wasn't a problem.

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DF: Delicious gibs.

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Td: I dunno, it sort of looks more like phlegm than blood.

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Fl: And the body's twitching.

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‘Kill me!’

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DF: ‘Finish the job!’

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MM: This game's graphic, man.

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Td: What was this rated? Like, PG?

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Fl: Dog powered—!

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MM: It was rated M15+.

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Td: Ooh.

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You know we're getting serious, Nintendo.

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It's like, what, this, Goldeneye and Perfect Dark—

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MM: M, by the way, is the Australian equivalent to T over in America.

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Also notice—this is something interesting:

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Juno is holding the Machine Gun.

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This is going to become very apparent in a few moments, but just keep that in mind.

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Td: I don't get the treadmills!

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DF: They're fat! Okay?

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MM: Look at that fucking skeleton!

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Td: This is even better!

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Fl: ‘We need EVERY SINGLE POSSIBLE SECOND of exercise.’

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DF: You wanna destroy their self-esteem any more?

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MM: Juno doesn't even have a fucking skull!

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I like to think that his helmet's the skull.

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Td: He has a brain the size of a fucking suitcase!

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DF: His parents were related before they were married.

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MM & Td: *laughter*

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MM: Alright, we're going to check out this whole invasion thing that's going on.

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Perhaps we can do something about it...

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Fl: Forgot about that.

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MM: With all the shenanigans.

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Td: Too busy getting ramped off coffee to give a fuck.

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MM: Juno also has no respect for public property.

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MM: Settin' bridges on fire.

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DF: Set fire to a bridge.

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Td: ‘Burn BURN!’

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Fl: ‘I'm fuckin' buzzed!’

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MM: Alright. Welcome to the actual game!

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Jet Force Gemini is a third-person shooter.

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We'll be getting into the actual third-person shooting in a moment, but it looks like someone's here to meet us.

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Td: Oh, it's Yoda.

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DF: It's koala Yoda.

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MM: This is Magnus. He's the Goldwood ambassador.

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Apparently this involves taking care of Tribals or something...

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...which sounds like a pretty shitty job...

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He pretty much says:

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‘Hey, your friends, they ran off without you,

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‘and you should probably talk to the king.’

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MM: ‘The king tribal man.’

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Td: So when do we kill him?

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MM: Now!

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Td: *laughter* Wow.

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That wasn't scripted by the way!

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DF: 'Cause nothing says "peaceful" like a bullet in the back of the head.

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Td: You call it "peaceful", I call it "order"...

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...ehh banana pot— bleugh—

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Banana potato? Sure, we'll go with that.

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MM: Inconsequential violence is amazing.

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Right now we're going to get a few secrets in the game.

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This little area is pretty easy to miss on your first way through

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unless you're like me and do a lot of exploring, OCD-like.

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These coins: they have a purpose but not in the immediate future.

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There's a totem at the bottom of that lake: that is also not going to come into play for a while,

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so just keep that in mind.

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In the meantime we're going to get our first weapon of the game.

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Well...kind of...

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Td: Have to make violence to get violence:

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gotta shoot those fuckin' chests open.

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Wait that's not a fuckin' weapon!

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Fl: That's not a gun!

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Td: What?!

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DF: It's a weapon if you hate fish.

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MM: Well...no...

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Td: The Fish Food contains asnic.

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MM: But the Fish Food, it—

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All it does is it makes the fish follow the little particle.

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I've been trying to get— The fish'll kinda follow it. I think I finally get one to do that.

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But it doesn't work like the Bug Bait or anything in Half-Life 2.

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~Star wipe!~

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It's just the fish food.

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Td: You have learnt well.

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Fl: It's like we're actually watching Star Wars!

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Td: It's just a design motif throughout.

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Fl: Oh no. This old guy's gonna do a thing.

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MM: I dunno. He's wearing a dead ant as a hat.

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Td: Skull of his enemies.

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MM: This is Jeff, king of all the Tribals.

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He doesn't really have much to say.

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He says ‘Hey. If you see some of the Tribals out there could you save them. My brother's missing.’

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but probably most importantly he's going to show us a timeloop of the events that happened.

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The actual invasion.

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Td: ‘Let me show you Mumbo Magic.’

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Is this the part where we get turned into a bee?

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DF: [Mumbo chant] ‘Eekum pokum.’

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Td: Get to see the arse end of a ship; the old-fashioned way.

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Fl: What's wrong with tapes? Can you not just use a video tape?

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‘No. We have to have magical fucking flashbacks.’

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Td: I don't think recordable media was invented in this universe.

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Td: I haven't seen it yet...

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DF: But magic was?

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DF: Magic and space travel and laser guns were;

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Td: Sure!

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DF: tapes were not.

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Fl: Coming soon on Blu-ray!

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MM: I should probably point out that

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Jet Force Gemini took a lot of inspiration from a lot of other science-fiction works.

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From Star Wars, Star Trek, Aliens...

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Td: ...Starship Troopers.

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MM: Yeah.

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So you might be able to pick out a few little motifs here and there.

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DF: Neil Patrick Harris makes a cameo at some point.

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MM: Yeah...

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Td: And just breaks everyone's brain.

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MM: I like it how the one tribal's dancing and the rest are like ‘Ehhh...’

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Td: ‘BOO! You suck!’

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DF: It's just awkward.

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DF: He's the village drunk; leave him alone.

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Fl: Well that's the end of that!

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MM: That ant there just kinda looks bewildered.

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It's like ‘Aw, shit. I'm not going to get a parking ticket for that, am I?’

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DF: ‘I'm sorry, I just wasn't watching the road! God!’

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MM: It's gonna be like one of those TAC ads.

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Fl: ‘I'm sorry officer. I have no idea how fast I was going.’

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Td: The last remaining...

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...thing.

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Td: What were they again?

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DF: Koala.

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Td: Tribals?

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MM: Tribals.

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MM: They're kinda like koalas. I don't know.

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Td: Okay.

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MM: Enough of that bollocks.

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We're going to get our first collectable of the game.

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Oh boy!

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This is a Gemini Holder. It increases our gemini capacity. Gemini in this game is our health.

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You see that little symbol in the bottom left?

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You've got all those bars. Each bar represents a single unit of health.

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However...

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if you lose all the bars, one of the lights in the little symbol will go out.

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Pretty much the idea is that if all the lights go out and all the bars go out, you're dead.

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MM: Please try again.

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Td: So do we have five or six health bars?

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MM: Five health bars.

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Td: Okay.

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MM: This is a door. We can't open it. We need a yellow key. So, um...

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I guess if you've played Doom you know how to solve this puzzle.

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Fl: Does it involve keys...

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Td: The key looked red. It had a red gem on it...

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MM: Oh. The lock is the outside colour.

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Td: Eh, I dunno.

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MM: H-Hey, Magnus, we over here— There we go.

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DF: You shot him in the back of the head! He's disoriented!

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Td: No. It's early-onset Alzheimers; there was no violence involved.

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I don't know what you're talking about.

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MM: We've done all we need to do in this area.

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We're going to get a cool little briefing about the basic game mechanics after we do some basic target practice.

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All Magnus is saying right now is ‘Shoot the guys behind me.’

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Td: Uh, wait...

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Uhh, okay. They're back.

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I thought they just gave up. They were waiting too long for the old fart to finish talking.

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MM: He walked in front of my gun! That wasn't me that time!

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Td: He wants you to kill him! Just wants you to finish the job.

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Voice-over: Goldwood, The Forest World.

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Liberate this once peaceful planet

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from Mizar and his evil Drones.

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Colored gems can be collected.

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These will increase your health.

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Beware of Mizar's Soldier Drones.

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They remain on Goldwood in great numbers.

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Though weak, they often travel in groups.

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Don't be caught off guard by Sniper Drones.

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They use the treetops as ambush points.

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Pick them off using manual targeting.

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These crates contain ammunition.

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Collect them to increase your supplies.

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Across the level you will find the Tribals.

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This bear-like race has been enslaved by Mizar.

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Free as many Tribals as you possibly can.

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When you have completed your objectives,

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find the take-off pad, where your ship awaits.

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You are now one step closer to Mizar's lair.

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MM: Alright. Now it's time to get started with the actual game.

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Td: A-A-Actual— Actual game.

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Fl: Yesss!

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MM: Yes! It involves murder.

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Td: Oh! I'm cool with murder.

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MM: A little clever thing about this game is that

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if you headshot an enemy their head will drop off and you can collect it.

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Heads do something pretty cool but we won't be seeing that for a while.

247
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They also drop a gun and sometimes get dismembered. It's pretty great.

248
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Td: Oh my god!

249
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MM: And one of them's even given up!

250
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Td: *laughter* Did he throw down his gun?!

251
00:12:35,300 --> 00:12:37,600
MM: Yeah! He's given up!

252
00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:42,100
MM: Enemies will just randomly surrender.

253
00:12:41,500 --> 00:12:42,400
Fl: ‘Spare me.’

254
00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:50,600
Td: I guess the most humane thing to do is just let him go!

255
00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:53,800
You better not fuckin' let him go.

256
00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:55,400
I'll be disappointed if you let him go.

257
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:58,300
MM: I must just let him go. I don't know...

258
00:12:58,300 --> 00:13:00,000
He might just have a family or something...

259
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:02,500
Well...

260
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:04,500
Td: Fuckin' knew it!

261
00:13:04,500 --> 00:13:08,700
MM: I'm going to be trying to save as many of the Tribals as possible because video game logic says that

262
00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:14,500
it makes far more sense to try and complete something than it is to half-arse it or just not do it at all.

263
00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:17,500
I should also explain the doors there:

264
00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:22,800
They will only unlock if you've killed all the enemies in an area.

265
00:13:25,100 --> 00:13:26,300
MM: Even if they've surrendered!

266
00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:28,000
Fl: Even the ones that have surrendered? Yeah?

267
00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:30,700
DF: Especially the ones that've surrendered.

268
00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:34,400
There is no honour in surrender; only in death.

269
00:13:35,100 --> 00:13:38,000
Fl: You pose no threat to me but I need your head to open this door.

270
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:41,600
MM: I just shot the grenade out of that ant's hand!

271
00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:43,100
Td: That was pretty clutch, yeah.

272
00:13:43,100 --> 00:13:44,800
MM: This game has pretty generous auto-aim

273
00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:48,900
'cause you can pretty much run around everywhere and shoot stuff without aiming at all.

274
00:13:48,900 --> 00:13:55,200
What they wanted to do is make this fast and as precise as a first-person shooter

275
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,000
...and it generally works pretty well

276
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:04,800
but if you've played any console shooter since the Xbox with dual-analog control

277
00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:08,300
you'll realise that dual-analog's a whole lot better than this

278
00:14:08,300 --> 00:14:11.700
and we'll be seeing why very shortly.

279
00:14:11,700 --> 00:14:16,200
In the meantime we're just clearing up the rest of the Tribals who are kinda conveniently located here

280
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:20,700
...and getting a little secret that is not immediately obvious.

281
00:14:21,300 --> 00:14:22,500
It's this box.

282
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,000
That yellow key? It was in the box.

283
00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:33,700
Now we're finished here we'll run on to the end of the level.

284
00:14:34,500 --> 00:14:36,400
Here what I'm doing here is manual-targeting mode.

285
00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:39,300
You can move in manual-targetting mode which is pretty cool.

286
00:14:39,300 --> 00:14:42,300
I was doing this because I though there were enemies around but there wasn't.

287
00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:44,800
It works pretty well...

288
00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,900
...but there's a bit of a problem with it.

289
00:14:47,900 --> 00:14:53,400
What happens is that there's a certain threshold where the screen doesn't move—

290
00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:57,800
You'll see here as I desperately try to shoot these proximity mines...

291
00:14:58,500 --> 00:14:59,400
Td: God...

292
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:04,900
MM: There's a cursor threshold where the screen won't move and once you pass it the screen will move...

293
00:15:04,900 --> 00:15:09,300
It makes precision shooting really kinda difficult because

294
00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:14,000
you're expecting it to only move over a little bit but it doesn't...

295
00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:17,700
Td: Why would they do that though?

296
00:15:17,700 --> 00:15:21,300
I mean, the Nintendo 64's joystick was pretty terrible...

297
00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:32,500
MM: I dunno. I guess it was the best they thought they could do with the hardware available.

298
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:36,000
Td: They do similar stuff with Goldeneye and Perfect Dark

299
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:37,500
but...I dunno...

300
00:15:37,500 --> 00:15:39,100
MM: Yeah. But frankly

301
00:15:39,100 --> 00:15:43,700
it won't hinder us too much 'cause I'm playing with an actual controller.

302
00:15:43,700 --> 00:15:46,200
Playing this with a keyboard is kinda bad.

303
00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:49,400
We're back to the start of the area so we're going to go down the waterfall here.

304
00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:51,900
This is not really a secret.

305
00:15:51,900 --> 00:15:54,600
Both of these exits go to the next area:

306
00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:58,700
the area we would've gone into if we went into that other Life Force door

307
00:15:58,700 --> 00:16:00,700
so...there you go.

308
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:07,000
We get another Gemini Holder for our trouble.

309
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,400
I guess you could miss that if you took the direct exit.

310
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:11,000
But we're pretty much done here!

311
00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:13,300
Td: Are they permanent or what?

312
00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:13,700
MM: Yep!

313
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:16,700
Additions to your health are permanent.

314
00:16:16,700 --> 00:16:20,400
There's six health pickups for each character in the whole game.

315
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,600
Join us next time where we might kill a Tribal.

316
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:24,700
See ya then!