The Paleo diet can burn in Hell.

A few years ago, I joined a website called CavemanForum.com, which at the time was one of the most active paleo nutrition forums on the internet. Academically I studied biochemistry at a UC school, and on the side I am an NSCA certified strength and conditioning specialist. I went in with a pretty solid background in the kind of science required to understand a nutritional theory.

On that forum, I had a few key items practically pounded into my head, backed up with study after study and dozens of fairly coherent evolutionary explanations for why this or that facet of paleonutrition was true. In short, what this website preached as paleonutrition taught me that the ideal diet is composed of meat, roots, leafy greens and occasionally nuts and seeds. This diet, touted as the most biochemically suitable for human consumption above all others, is what nearly put me in a coffin.

What I didn't know at the time was that fat soluble nutrients bioaccumulate and that the fat of wild animals is vastly different from the fat of normal grain fed animals in feed lots. The fat of wild animals is allegedly close in nutritional value to fish oil, while the fat of feedlot animals is essentially crisco. This critical piece of information was not emphasized or commonly talked about on this website. The general theme was a ketogenic or nearly ketogenic diet where animal fat was the sole fuel source, so that's exactly what I did - as diligently as humanly possible.

In keeping with the theme of the site and its assertion that animal fat is good for you, I pretty much lived on nothing but store meat, whipping cream and cod liver oil for most of a year. I got rave reviews on that website and was generally regarded as one of the most committed and disciplined people in terms of dietary purity. The fact that the meat was poor quality was never really stressed or mentioned, I was simply told that I was doing a good job by consuming a high animal fat, high protein, low to no carbohydrate diet and that because of this I would have a host of health benefits including clearer arteries, better skin, better hormone levels, better strength and better insulin sensitivity.

They were right of course, and I did - especially since my family is genetically predisposed to be strong and healthy on both sides. It all caught up to me though when I began participating in a volunteer study at my school measuring blood pressure as a function of dosage of some hormone administered in pill form. The first step in the study was to measure blood pressure before the pill was given. I pulled a 145/70 on the first measurement. I thought it was a misread or because of stress or something, so I continued to measure my own blood pressure at little pharmacy machines and realized that I often would pull blood pressure in the 150-160/80 range.

I learned soon that the difference between systolic and diastolic blood pressure is known as your "pulse pressure," and is a measure of arterial stiffness. My blood pressure indicated that my arteries were pretty well screwed. I was 23 years old. I went on to learn many things about how nutrients and the body interact. I ran some home brew experiments to conclude that I was not suffering from uncontrolled diabetes, which may have been unnecessary since I had lived without a gram of carbohydrate for months at a time and still scored high blood pressure.

I finally ended up reading up on the Weston A. Price Foundation and reading its primary work, Nutrition and Physical Degeneration, in which I learned what ecological factors are responsible for producing healthy or dangerous fats. That doesn't even become that important until I finally learned about cardiovascular inflammation. To make a long story really really short, if you consume more omega 6 than omega 3, your arteries harden and your crap gets ruined. If you eat exclusively omega 3 somehow (i.e. ketogenic diet of fish) then your arteries clear up at warp speed, you lean out and all kinds of other good things happen to you. I also revisited the knowledge that certain foods and activities selectively raise your HDL cholesterol, which as far as modern science is aware is responsible for actively cleaning out your arteries by dissolving arterial plaques and shuttling the fatty acids to the liver for safe metabolism.

Chief on the list of ways to raise your HDL cholesterol are consumption of olive oil, certain spices and apple cider vinegar, avoiding sugar and doing endurance cardio. I didn't mention it before, but the whole "paleo fitness" crowd strongly frowns upon regular endurance cardio and instead advocates interval training, which although it raises VO2max does not have the same health benefits as endurance cardio.

So to solve my problem, I ended up consuming my current diet of almost nothing but poultry, olive oil and strongly antiinflammatory spices and condiments like garlic, turmeric and apple cider vinegar, and taking cod liver oil on the side (itself a potent antiinflammatory & antiatherogenic agent). I also began doing old fashioned endurance cardio - on bikes, on ellipticals, even with weights as my recent logs suggest. The last time I took my blood pressure was several months ago, and it was about 135/70, representing a nearly 30 point drop in systolic blood pressure.I was hoping to get down to my original pre-"paleo" blood pressure of 110-120/70 or so. I haven't tested it in a while, but frankly I'm a little afraid of blood pressure testing because of the scary news I used to receive.

I also developed a personal method for checking blood pressure simply based on feeling the strength of my own pulse, and after checking it enough times by machine and with my own pulse as a comparison I can now guestimate it with some accuracy, and I doubt at this point that my blood pressure is anywhere near the starting point of 160 - I could feel it pounding in my throat, now it's a gentle throb unless I'm upset over something or exercising.

Sometime I'll man up and get it checked again, but my expectations are higher than they were. The point is, the trash quality info present on paleo communities is a true danger to anybody willing to listen. I now know what mechanisms cause their theories to look supportable, but their claims are part of a larger evolving picture including ecology and much of the knowledge contributed by the rest of the nutritional community, even vegetarians.

Feedlot animal fat will kill you, no matter how many people in Vibrams say otherwise. What they prescribe as the "paleo diet" is simply not healthy for any reason other than being low sugar/high protein. Most of them for the things they put in their food logs get crap for nutrients and ALL the fat they eat is of the kind scientifically known to inflame, harden and close arteries. Listening to the paleo community is writing your own death warrant.

Almond milk and coconut milk are just grocery store whipping cream from arboreal sources. Agave nectar is just HFCS from a non-corn plant. Peanuts will fuck you up. Omega 6 and omega 3 fatty acids compete directly for enzymes that convert them into signaling molecules leading to either inflammation (omega 6) or perfect health (omega 3), and if you do not get a MAJORITY of antiinflammatory fatty acids in your diet it's all wasted.

What I want you to know, Richard, is that the reason I joined the paleo group to troll it wasn't because I'm just an asshole or a troublemaker, but because the crap they preach almost took my life. Only a narrow cohort of their gurus have the slightest idea what they're talking about, while comparison of my own in depth study of the material to the advice of paleo forumites has shown me that FUCKING NOBODY in those groups has the requisite knowledge to give nutritional advice.

I nearly killed myself on their advice and then almost completely reversed what is widely construed to be an irreversible condition without a single doctor's visit just by doing my own research and figuring out more than any of them know. After what mass human ignorance and stupidity did to me, I feel pretty well justified in poking some fun at paleotards and pointing out the HUGE GLARING FLAWS in both their knowledge and their application of what little they really know.

I just felt you and everyone else should have an explanation. The paleo diet can burn in Hell, I'm healthier than I've ever been in my life by doing the exact opposite of what they recommend. I just hopeit goes down in flames before other people less skilled at nutrition than me get themselves into a spot that even modern medicine can't fix.