Headphones: I currently have the Logitech G430. This is a blue headset, with symbols on the sides that contain the letter 'C' and a disfigured under case letter 'r.' I do not know why Logitech chose to use such mysterious and seemingly ambiguous symbols on the headset. Why couldn't Logitech just use their usual symbol "G"? What is this symbol that appears to be demonic or perhaps even devil-related? Whatever the symbols represent, it won't really make difference as I'm preparing to get a new headset. My wife (For clarification purposes, I will use the words wife, slave, and maid interchangeably as they all match the description) whom I had purchased from Sri Lanka about 5 years ago, stumbled over the wires of my headset, resulting in them breaking. Being the kind and righteous man my father raised me to be, I forgave my slave. However, I did limit her only meal of the day which usually consisted of black beans and carrots, and this deprivation of food effectively limited the amount of clumsy actions she made. Perhaps this apparent inability in her to recognize the obvious can be attributed to the shape of her eyes, which were surprisingly similar to the food she ate; Small, circular, and black in color like the black beans, while also wide in size like the carrots. According to Fred Goudel, expert biologist and professor, during his annual gathering (which was as an event that saw the consumption of large amounts of alcohol) with other intelligent and prominent figures such as Eric Petersonsburg, Edward Jefferson, Sir Justin Isaiah of Lumbridge, and Kembe Xavier, "Perhaps that bitch's eyes were so fucking small that she couldn't see shit. Not to mention she's as ugly as Kembe's mother, so her small eyes may probably fuckin' did her more good than harm." Fred Goudel did make a good point. Maybe my slave benefited from being nearly blind. Who knows what would happen if she had normal eyes, and not, in the words of Fred, "fucking bitchy ass small ass fucking eyes." What if one day she looked in the mirror and fell victim to her own repulsive appearance? Citing a recent publication released by Tristin Kranz, residing warlord of Corrupt Pures, "Females tend to commit suicide if eminence of their ugliness is perpetuated. My mother, sister, and almost every female in the family with our seemingly ugly genes has committed suicide. This, however, is not to say that such unwise actions are also apparent in the men of the family. Taking myself as an example, while I may or may not be ugly, I refuge in confidence by creating an illusion where people are led to believe that I possess the physical and mental traits that are held favorable. I attained the title Warlord of Corrupt Pures (though keep in mind I achieved this title during a time that saw no other options), began wearing snap back hats, imposed ludicrous insults and statements I had learned from the Internet and television, and went so far to claim that I received a full scholarship to play football at a major university. You can see how my genius deception made some people almost entirely ignorant to my stupidity and repulsive nature? The strength of such illusions were so real that I almost convinced myself of the lies I have told others, such as being smart and attractive." Tristin Kranz than began laughing as to purposely remove all doubt both for a potential spectator and for himself. Putting this in context with my Sri Lankan slave, who was indeed unattractive and stupid alike Tristin, I lessened the severity of punishment for my slave. She is obviously unable to impose any sort of illusion or deception on me, as she is a slave and I am her owner. I wouldn't want her to commit suicide because she was ugly like the majority of Tristin's family, as that would prove to be an ineffective and rather bad investment for my own purpose. I planned to enslave my beloved Sri Lankian girl until Jesus wanted her up in the heavens. She would, as long as she lived, do what I required of her. She will continue to remove the shit from my grandchild's rear end and wipe my asshole clean until her last breath. Later that day, I called Logitech customer support and was received by what sounded like an underpaid and overworked Indian female. Being knowledge of the realms of India, it is commonly held that the Indian women has an elongated and rather thickened clitoris. Modern terminology refers to this particular characteristic as "Roast Beef Pussy." Perhaps the ban of eating cow meat in the Indian Hindu religion can be attributed to Roast Beef Pussy, as roast beef is made from cow meat. According to Dave Al-Khafaji, "Roast Beef Pussy has origin with the Hindu goddess Lakshmi. Lakshmi was often in a state of depression as even the most respected males of India refused to engage in sexual activity that consisted of licking and sucking Lakshmi's clitoris. Eating Pussy, as modern American culture would describe it. As such, in anger, Lakshmi, disliking of her Roast Beef Pussy, forbid the consumption of cows." Perhaps the Indian customer support lady also has a case of Roast Beef Pussy. After calming requesting a replacement as the headset was still under warranty, the customer support lady was unwilling to provide a replacement due to the headset being broken which apparently voided the warranty. After trying to reason with the lady for nearly 30 minutes, I became quite angry. At this point I was nearly convinced, citing the studies of Dave Al-Khafaji, that Roast Beef Pussy made women angry, depressed, and difficult. Even more so, it may even be improper to refer to the customer service representative as "Lady" given her Roast Beef Pussy, as that would be equivalent to calling a person a "Man" if he suffered from micro penis syndrome, and that would be unjustified as it is common knowledge that men aren't men if they have a micro penis. According to Jeffrey Von Klompenburg, a renowned philosopher, a more proper term for a person who suffers from micro penis syndrome is "shrimp dick faggot ass bitch. This phrase can be used in conjunction with the terms rich, smart, and successful. This is because nearly anyone who is either rich, smart, or successful, essentially suffers from micro penis syndrome and is a shrimp dick faggot ass bitch." It was obvious that the customer service representative was unwilling to assess a situation that was quite evidently beyond her own intellectual abilities. As such, infuriated at this point, I requested to be transferred to Logitech's American customer support, and if she was unable to fulfill this request in a matter of twenty seconds, I would resort to photo-shopping a picture of her alleged Roast Beef Pussy and pairing it with a negligible pair of testicles, more commonly referred to as a "manlet nutsack", and would send this picture to her boss, and would show it to homeless and orphaned Hindu children in order to discredit their god- as a god who is content with a human having both a Roast Beef Pussy and a Manlet Nutsack simultaneously can certainly be discredited. Moments later, I was transferred to a fellow American Logitech customer support agent and was assisted graciously in resorting my issue. In about a weeks time, I received the headset in the mail. Contrary to what might be believed, I was more interested in the manual that came with the headset than the actual headset itself. This is because for many years I have mastered the art of manipulation, particularly in children. As such, in dire need of profit, I sold the manual on ebay for $100 to a rather unintelligent child who thought I was selling the headset. The boy obviously failed to scroll down to the very bottom of the description where "manual only" was hidden in between a large body of text. I am currently satisfied with the headset, and will post updates if needed.