hello operater txt adv UNCENSOR'D 001

<jon> Welcome to the best thing you will ever experience in your life.
* AJ slaps AJ around a bit with a large trout
<Tetroz>  COLORS
<Tetroz>  EVERYWHERE
<jon> First thing we will do is pick a name. What do you want your character to be?
<SirPwn> Oops how do I colour on the Espernet site?
<jon> YOu can't
<Tetroz> ctrl k
<jon> you need mirc
<SirPwn> My trial ran out :c
<jon> You have to wait
<jon> and then the countinue button will show up soon
<Tateos> oh god
<Tateos> brb
<Tateos> you guys go ahead and start
<Tetroz> w/e let's just do this
<AJ> Okay, so, is the guy russian?
<jon> First thing we will do is pick a name. What do you want your character to be?
<Tateos> I have to declare war on my toilet
<jon> Please note that ridiculous names are not allowed under the Ridiculous Name Act of 1972.
<Tetroz> Define "ridiculous names"
<AJ> Kirill Petrovichi
<AJ> is a suitably russian name, I believe
<J-Rizzle> I don't know how to do anything
<jon> Examples include Fagballs, Lolboobs, Dicks A. Vaginas, etc.
<J-Rizzle> Can I be Atticus Finch?
<jon>  YOu are choosing the name of one character.
<Tetroz> I originally thought that said "Licks A. Vaginas"
<SirPwn> Rhaegar Targaryen
<jon> You*
<J-Rizzle> oh
<Tetroz> My character's name is
<Tetroz> um
<Tetroz> shit i'm not good at ames
<Tetroz> names
<jon> That's fine
<jon> we have enough names for the ONE character we will be playing as
<jon> I will choose a name at random.
<Tetroz> wait we're playing as only one character what is this
<jon> yeah more characters will be introduced
<AJ> Thats usually how text adventures go
<Tetroz> Oh
<Tetroz> Okay choose a name
<jon> With a random number generator I have chosen...
* AJ slaps AJ around a bit with a large trout
<jon> Atticus Finch!
<jon> So now we can start the game.
<J-Rizzle> fuckyes
<AJ> Every time something dramatic is going to happen I'm going to slap myself
<SirPwn> >Start
<jon> Welcome to IRCRPG. You are Atticus Finch, and you have just woken up. You feel like today you should go on an adventure. What do you want to do?
<Tetroz> >Go on an adventure
<AJ> >Get ye inventory
<SirPwn> >Draw ye blade
<jon> That's really vague, Tetroz.
<Tetroz> Well excuse me princess
<jon> In ye inventory ye have:
<jon> Pockets
<jon> (Empty)
<jon> Also, you cannot draw ye blade.
<Tetroz> >Make a mental note to find a so for ye drawing
<AJ> >go outside
<jon> Noted.
<Tetroz> blade for ye drawing*
<SirPwn> Look at your surroundings
<jon> As you go outside, you find that the sky is a different color than usual, and that there are no houses like there should be.
<jon> You seem to be in space.
<jon> And you're dying.
<AJ> >Aw fuck how the hell do you screw up that badly already
<Tetroz> >Question how you will eat or breathe
<jon> I don't know.
<SirPwn> > Fly!'
<jon>  As you wonder how you'll eat or breathe, you realize that you probably have something that will help you inside the house
<jon> .
<Tetroz> >Go the fuck back inside and get that something
<SirPwn> > Go back inside
<AJ> >Get back inside, at least try to close the door
<jon> You go the fuck back inside and you see the fishbowl that belongs to your fish, Lt. Captain.
<jon> Would you risk your fish's life you save your own? (y or n)
<SirPwn> > N
<Tetroz> >N
<SirPwn> > Find something else to put the fish in
<SirPwn> > THEN use the bowl
<jon> You frantically look around the house for something to put your fish in, despite having plenty of time.
<jon> You remember that your toilet is full of water.
<Tetroz> oh lawdy
<AJ> >If you're in space, how does your toilet have proper plumbing?
<jon> Even though you seem to lack plumbing now, would you stick your fish in the toilet? (y/n)
<jon> wow that was weird
<SirPwn> > Yeah why not
<SirPwn> > Just don't flush it
<Tetroz> >As long as I can use SUMMON LT. CAPTAIN, go for it
<jon> The fish in now in the toilet. You write a note saying "DO NOT USE" and you get Lt. Captain's fishbowl
<Tetroz> >Wear bowl and go back outside
<jon> Bowl equipped. YOu are now back in space.
<jon> You* wtf
<Tetroz> >Investigate space
<jon> It's dark.
<Tetroz> >Investigate darkness
<AJ> >Is there anything in space that you can see besides your home and you
<jon> It's even darker.
<SirPwn> > Space dance
<jon> As you look around space to see if there is anything, you find another person in space
<jon> What is her name?
<Tetroz> >Go chat with the person
<jon> You ask for her name, but apparently she forgot it.
<jon> Maybe give her one?
<SirPwn> > Arya Stark
<jon> Ok. You tell her her name and even though she has her doubts, she's fine with being known as Arya Stark.
<AJ> >Okay, so how the hell are you both in space?
<Tetroz> >Now that that silliness is out of the way, ask why da fuq she's in space
<jon> You ask Arya "Bitch why da fuq we in space" but in a kinder way.
<jon> She doesn't seem to know either.
<Tetroz> >Investigate this mystery
<SirPwn> >Investigate while dancing
<jon> You try to look for cluse as to why you could both be in space.
<jon> You start to dance, but Arya starts looking at you like you're crazy and you soon stop.
<jon> CHAPTER 1: THE MYSTERY
<jon> well how was that so far
<Tetroz> So far so good I'd say
<Tetroz> wait did we finish chapter 1 or are we on chapter 1 now
<jon> we started it
<Tetroz> ok
<jon> all that was prologue as i determined just now
<jon> i am surprisingly good at making shit up
<Tetroz> you are
<SirPwn> Awesome
<jon> ok i'm probably gonna take a small break after chapter 1
<jon> that'll hopefully be enough time for you guys to make your own stuff
<Tetroz> define small. cause during that break i could take a quick shower for my neck
<jon> like 10-15 minutes
<Tetroz> okay, yeah i'll take a quick shower then
<J-Rizzle> oh sheet I missed it
<J-Rizzle> :CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCc
<Tetroz> okay level, to recap:
<J-Rizzle> was too busy getting my ass kicked my gym leader
<jon> pokemawnz
<J-Rizzle> kicked by*
<Tetroz> >you're atticus fetch
<jon> fitch*
<Tetroz> >you're in space
<Tetroz> w/e
<Tetroz> >arya stark is the name of a girl who is also in space
<Tetroz> >Your fish LT. CAPTAIN is in a toilet
<J-Rizzle> Arya is a pretty name
<Tetroz> that's it
<Tetroz> I'm thinking of names for future characters
<jon> but yeah
<J-Rizzle> ERAGON SHADESLAYER
<Tetroz> so we don't spend fifty years on a character being named
<jon> should we start chapter 1 now?
<jon> Resuming...
<Tetroz> sure
<jon> CHAPTER 1: THE MYSTERY
<jon> As you look around, you see a tiny blue dot which may be Earth.
<Tetroz> >Investigate tiny blue dot which may be Earth
<Tateos> That toilet will rue the day it messed with my bowels.
<jon> It is a tiny blue dot which may be Earth.
<jon> It's trillions of miles away.
<Tetroz> tat scroll up a tiny bit and read my prologue recap
<jon> <Tetroz> >you're atticus fetch
<jon> <jon> fitch*
<jon> <Tetroz> >you're in space
<jon> <Tetroz> w/e
<jon> <Tetroz> >arya stark is the name of a girl who is also in space
<jon> <Tetroz> >Your fish LT. CAPTAIN is in a toilet
<Tetroz> >devise plan to return to earth
<jon> You toss ideas for returning to Earth back and forth with Arya, when you see a strange floating building that neither of you recognize.
<SirPwn> > Float building-wards
<jon> You somehow gain enough control in space to float towards the building.
<Tetroz> >Enter and investigate building
<jon> As you enter the building, a man jumps out with a knife and screams "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?"
<jon> So you have no time to investigate the building.
<jon> The paint job looks good, though.
<Tetroz> >Investigate your mind to see if you have time to investigate the man with a knife
<jon> All you know is he has a knife and sees you as an intruder.
<jon> What should you do?
<SirPwn> > Atticus Finch, and who would you be good sir?
<jon> You say that.
<SirPwn> ^ Say that
<jon> You say "You say that".
<jon> He looks at you funny.
<SirPwn> But it had a ^ not a > D:<
<jon> But he introduces himself.
<jon> What is his name?
<Tetroz> Martin Ambrose
<SirPwn> Robert Baratheon
<jon> Deciding...
<Tetroz> www.random.org
<jon> yeah thats what im doing
<jon> Name chosen: Martin Ambrose
<Tetroz> yeeeeeaaaaaa boyyyyeeeeee
<Tateos> wait
<jon> "My name is Martin Ambrose," he says.
<jon> yes?
<SirPwn> > Ask him if he knows why he's in space
<Tateos> why is one of the characters the father from to kill a mockingbird
<jon> idk
<Tateos> nevermind, i won't question it
<Tetroz> wait which character
<Tateos> Atticus Finch
<SirPwn> Level suggested it I think
<Tetroz> oh
<jon> "Mind telling us where we are since you've calmed down?" you ask.
<jon> "We're just outside the Milky Way."
<jon> "Umm, what? The Milky Way?"
<SirPwn> > "Would you happen to know why?"
<jon> "No shit, I just said that."
<jon> You say that.
<Tetroz> >Investigate building
<jon> "I'm not sure. It seems that a few people are being jettisoned off the face of the Earth."
<jon> AF: "That's strange. Mind if we have a look around to see if there's any info about it here?"
<Tateos> > [jetsons reference]
<jon> MA:"Sure you can."
<Tetroz> We should have a color for each character
<Tetroz> or something
<jon> initials are fine for now i think
<Tetroz> oh i didn't notice initials
<jon> DIS AINT PESTERCHUM
<Tateos> that might get confusing
<jon> i just added them just now
<jon> yeah i'll do colors
<Tetroz> but w/e INVESTIGATE THE FUCK OUT OF DIS SHIT
<jon> You invetigate the fuck out of this shit.
<Tateos> i mean the colors over initials
<Tateos> it would be easy to forget who is who
<jon> You see a letter that reads "122112"
<jon> With some scribblings that seem to be in a foreign language.
<SirPwn> > Oh shit 21st of December 2012
<jon> You remember this date from some stupid Mayan bullshit.
<jon> Just in case, you check your watch.
<Tateos> >tell the foreign language that it can fuck off, and that here in America we speak american only.
<jon> The date reads: July 9, 2013.
<jon> You find that strange, because you thought that just yesterday it was Decenmber 20, 2012.
<jon> December*
<jon> fuck
<SirPwn> > Aww shiiiiit son you dead!
<jon> You feel your pulse and the fact that it exists lets you know that you are indeed Still Alive.
<Tateos> >"The days go by so quickly now. I could have sworn decenmber was a real month"
<Tetroz> >yfw the end of the world is crazy dudes with weird names being jettisonned to somewhere near the milky day
<jon> :(
<jon> Arya and Martin wonder why you've suddenly shut up.
<Tateos> >Ask Martin Ambrose if he comes here often
<jon> You start talking again and they don't seem surprised.
<jon> AF: Do you come here often?
<jon> MA: Yeah, I live here. I think I would.
<Tateos> >"How long have you been here"
<SirPwn> ^ That
<Tateos> +question mark
<jon> AF: How long have you lived here?
<jon> MA: Sixteen years.
<jon> AF: Did you ever notice this piece of paper?
<jon> You hand the piece of paper with the foreign writing to Martin.
<SirPwn> > "How long have you been in space?"
<jon> While Martin looks over it, you ask:
<Tateos> >"How long have I been in space?"
<jon> AF: How long have you been in space?
<jon> MA: Oh, about six or seven months.
<jon> AF: I think I've been here for about the same time.
<SirPwn> > Were you awake when you were jettisoned?
<Tetroz> >Ask Martin how he knows how much time has gone by with no sunlight or any other way of telling time
<jon> You say that.
<jon> AF: Were you awake when you were shot out? And also, how do you know how much time has passed?
<jon> MA: Why are you harassing me with all these questions man?
<jon> AF: I just want to know what the hell is going on.
<jon> MA: Well, I guess that's fine.
<jon> MA:I remember waking up a few months ago with a strange feeling in my gut that something was wrong.
<jon> MA: When I looked out my window, I noticed I was in space, for some stupid and possibly made-up reason.
<Tetroz> >Propose an adventure to return to Earth
<jon> MA: I'm talking!
<Tateos> >"how can we breathe out here?"
<Tetroz> Well excuse me princess
<jon> MA: The only way I knew how much time had passed was because of this clock.
<jon> tateos: fishbowls
<jon> duhuhuhuhuhuh
<jon> it was in the prologue
<jon> AF: Want to help me find my way back to Earth?
<SirPwn> > Propose an adventure to find a new planet
<jon> MA: SUre, I guess. I wonder what's happened since then. First we need to find something that makes sense, unlike any of this.
<jon> oops no color :(
<jon> MA: Sure, I guess. I wonder what's happened since then. First we need to find something that makes sense, unlike any of this.
<jon> CHAPTER OVER
<jon> COMING IN 15 MINUTES OR SO:
<jon> CHAPTER 2: THE PLAN
<jon> so what do you guys think of it now before i go eat some more
<Tetroz> okay i'm gonna go shower
<Tateos> soz, haven't read yet
<SirPwn> It's awesome
<Tateos> the prologue that is
<SirPwn> But 1 thing
<jon> what's that?
--- You are no longer marked as being away
<SirPwn> Earth needs to be overrun with mutant zombie monkeys when we get back
<jon> idk if that'll happen or not
<Tateos> I'll brb, going to go get my speakers
<SirPwn> :c
<jon> ok
<jon> i'll be back
<jon> at some point
<Tateos> I might do a little intermission adventure during these breaks
<SirPwn> Yessss
<Tateos> back
<Tateos> You guys remember Obesity Quest?
<SirPwn> Yes it was amazing
<Tateos> Let's do it.
<SirPwn> Yes yes yes
<Tateos> I don't feel like drawing
<Tateos> But I would be more than happy to finish the story
<SirPwn> That would be awesome
<Tateos> You are JOSEPH McCARRY, age 22, and you are not fat. Your just a little overweight, or at least that's what you say to your mom. Anyways, you have reached a major dilemma, you have dropped your bag of COOL RANCH DORITOS. You would get up to get them, but you can't seem to get up. Your ass seems to have morphed into the chair. You are one with the chair. Ying and Yang, as you tell your online friends. You must get those Doritos. Top pri
<Tateos> you must devise another way to escape the specially made, Swiss, titanium-reinforced seat. Inside your NUMEROUS FAT ROLLS(inventory) you find a CHEWED UP PENCIL, a BENT PAPERCLIP, an ORANGE FRISBEE, a SKATEBOARD WHEEL, and a HALF-EATEN BICYCLE. What do you do?
<SirPwn> Hmm
<SirPwn> > Vomit
<Tateos> -->You vomit, releasing numerous objects from the grand prison that is your digestive system.
<Tateos> ->These items include:
<Tateos> ->1 CROBAR
<Tateos> ->10 POUNDS OF URANIUM-235
<Tateos> ->1 DVD OF THE FIRST SEASON OF STAR TREK
<Tateos> ->and 1 AMERICAN FLAG
<Tateos> ->What do you do?
<SirPwn> > Use CROBAR to retrieve DORITOS
<Tateos> -->You attempt to lift the crobar, but you lack any form of muscle to do so. During your attempt at lifting said crobar, you realized that crowbar is spelled with a w. You also knock it off of your stomach, and it falls to the floor.
<Tateos> ->Now what?
* AJ slaps AJ around a bit with a large trout
<SirPwn> > Eat URANIUM-235 to gain superpowers
<Tateos> -->While trying to eat the URANIUM-235, your teeth crumble into a rotting pound of flesh. Damn you, hygene.
<SirPwn> brb
<-- SirPwn (webchat@r125-63-130-177.cpe.unwired.net.au) has left #hello-operator
<Tateos> ->Your FAT ROLLS contain: 1 CHEWED UP PENCIL, 1 BENT PAPERCLIP, 1 ORANGE FRISBEE, 1 SKATEBOARD WHEEL, 1 HALF-EATEN BICYCLE, 1 DVD OF THE FIRST SEASON OF STAR TREK, 1 AMERICAN FLAG, AND 10 POUNDS OF URANIUM-235.
--> SerPwn (SirPwn@r125-63-130-177.cpe.unwired.net.au) has joined #hello-operator
<Tateos> ->Your FAT ROLLS contain: 1 CHEWED UP PENCIL, 1 BENT PAPERCLIP, 1 ORANGE FRISBEE, 1 SKATEBOARD WHEEL, 1 HALF-EATEN BICYCLE, 1 DVD OF THE FIRST SEASON OF STAR TREK, 1 AMERICAN FLAG, AND 10 POUNDS OF URANIUM-235.
 Already marked back.
<jon> hey
<SerPwn> Back
<SerPwn> On mIRC
<Tateos> Are you going to resume hectic?
--- #hello-operator :No such nick/channel
--- SirPwn #hello-operator :They aren't on that channel
<jon> yeah sure
<jon> Resuming...
<jon> CHAPTER 2: THE PLAN
--- SerPwn is now known as SirPwn
<jon> Ok, so what will you do to get back to Earth? It's very far away, so you're gonna have to think big.
<jon> also you guys should register your nicknames like i said you should in that post i made about irc
<SirPwn> > Look around for another planet
<SirPwn> Also I will, 1sec
<jon> But you want to go back to Earth. How will this help you?
<SirPwn> > There might be spaceships
<jon> Oh, OK.
<Tetroz> bk
<jon> AF: Let's try going to a different planet first. Maybe they have better transportation than we do?
<jon> AS: Actually, that's a good idea.
<jon> MA: One problem.
<jon> AS: What's that?
<jon> MA: Are there any planets close enough for us to go to?
<jon> Well, are there?
<Tetroz> >Investigate space
<jon> You go back out to space to look for planets. You helmet-palm in stupidity as you realize that you were in a solar system the entire time
<jon> lol retconning
<Tetroz> Fair enough lol
<jon> You go back into Martin's house.
<jon> AF: Umm, did anyone else notice that we're in a solar system?
<jon> MA: We weren't 15 minutes ago. I guess we must have floated into one.
<jon> AS: Well then we can just pick a planet and hope for the best.
<jon> Is that what you want to do?
* AJ slaps AJ around a bit with a large trout
<jon> y/n
<Tetroz> OHHHH THE TROUT SLAPPING IS THE DRAMA SIGNAL
<SirPwn> >y
<Tetroz> y
<jon> You decide to lead Arya and Martin into the closest plant to you.
<jon> Pick a name for the planet.
<jon> planet not plant wtf
<Tateos> >Urectum
<Tateos> uranus is so overrated
<Tetroz> >SR388
<jon> Any other suggestions?
<Tateos> >Zeus
<SirPwn> One sec
<SirPwn> > New Ghis
<jon> OK.
<Tateos> >Apollo
<Tateos> >Intercourse A
<jon> We have enough choices now, thank you.
<jon> Choosing:
<jon> Zeus!
<SirPwn> > Float Zues-ward!
<jon> As you arrive on the planet, you see a sign that looks a little bit like "Bienvenidos a Zeus"
<jon> You only know enough Spanish to get you to the bathroom, so you're not sure what this means.
<Tateos> >say something about dirty mexican immagrants
<SirPwn> > IN your head, not out loud
<jon> You think of saying something insulting, but you think your party members may verbally reprimand you.
<Tateos> oh shit, april fools is tomorrow
<jon> yeah it is
<Tetroz> >Engage sign in heated combat
<Tateos> i have to go do stuff completely unrelated to the website
<jon> You try to punch the sign, but there seems to be a force feild around it.
<jon> YOu end up pun ching yourself in the face.
<jon> punching*
<SirPwn> It's April 1st already silly americans
<jon> Arya laughs at you.
<jon> You ignore her, and you say:
<jon> AF: With technology like this, maybe they have spaceships.
<jon> You see an alien of some sort.
<jon> What will you say to it?
<SirPwn> > Wave at yonder alien
<SirPwn> > ME GUSTA
<jon> You wave to the alien, and it gets its weapon ready. Maybe that's not a good thing to do.
<Tetroz> >Engage the alien in heated combat
<jon> That doesn't seem like a good idea.
<SirPwn> > "Me gusta, senior!"
<Tetroz> >Do the star trek hand thing where you separate your fingers into a V shape thing
<jon> AF: Uhh, hola. Soy un tourist... umm, how do you say tourist in Spanish again?
<jon> MA: toristico or something?
<jon> AF: Soy un turistico y no habla espanol. Donde esta el bano?
<jon> AF: Wait, aren't there "ny" sounds in Spanish?
<SirPwn> > Speak to it through interpretive dance
<Tetroz> >Use the GOOGLE TRANSLATE spell
<jon> The alien looks confused.
<jon> You use GOOGLE TRANSLATE and you say "Take me to your technology expert!"
<SirPwn> > INTERPRETIVE DANCE
<jon> Then you do an interpretive dance to see if it'll react to that.
<jon> Your party members wonder about your sanity.
<jon> However, the alien responds positively!
<Tetroz> Hurray!
<jon> Using your GOOGLE TRANSLATE spell, you interpret it as "What do you need?"
<jon> You tell it that you need a way to get to a planet called Earth.
<jon> The alien tells you that he knows a thing that works on spaceships and spaceship accesories.
<jon> Name, please
<Tetroz> name for the alien or the thing
<jon> the thing
<SirPwn> > -->
<jon> which is an alien
<Tetroz> >Joe Smith
<jon> You look to your right, forgetting that we're choosing names.
<SirPwn> Skrillex
<SirPwn> >
<jon> Ok! Choosing...
<jon> Joe Smith!
<Tetroz> Awwww, yeah, it's appropriate because this is a space adventure.
<jon> The alien tells you that the thing's name is Joe Smith, a very strange and unique name for the Zeusians.
<SirPwn> Boopbopboop
<jon> Now what
<SirPwn> > His nickname is Skrillex, a common Zeusian name
<Tetroz> >Have him make a spaceship or something
<SirPwn> > Aks him to lead you to Joe "Skrillex" Smith
<jon> Alien: First, before you ask him to make a spaceship, you have to find him.
<SirPwn> *Ask
<Tetroz> >ask the alien where Joe Smith is
<jon> Alien: Sorry, I don't really know where he is. I guess you're on your own.
<jon> CHAPTER OVER