Clairelogs

<Mask{Steve}> so claire >_> are we going to have that meeting today?
<Claire> it was tomorrow :o
<Claire> we agreed sunday
<Mask{Steve}> Ah. I see. Sorry, I have today off >_>
<Claire> :c
<Claire> well I don't have time today
<Claire> I'm sorry
<Mask{Steve}> Hmm >_> sorry
<Claire> I literally just got back from a 12 hour train ride, and a 1 week vacation, I'm really worn out
<Claire> it's ok
<Claire> relax
<Claire> it's nothing bad :o
<Claire> right?
<Mask{Steve}> Euuugh >.> I don't want to cause problems
<Claire> what do you mean?
<Claire> I'm calm, I'd like for you to be calm too and just talk to me, tell me what you mean
<Mask{Steve}> mm >_> I dunno if I have tomorrow off...
<Claire> that's ok
<Claire> well
<Claire> we'll see
<Claire> it's not the end of the world if we need to postpone it a little longer
<Claire> but I can't do it tonight, I'm sorry :c
<Claire> I'm not in the right mind for it
<Mask{Steve}> okay :c
<Claire> I'm sorry to be disappointing
<Claire> I want to get this over with a lot
<Claire> I feel bad about the whole thing and would just like for it to be resolved and over
<Claire> so I swear I'm not intentionally posponing it, I really am too tired tonight :c
<Mask{Steve}> okay :( sorry if I postpone it longer >_> corgs has things going on >.<
<Claire> I understand
<Claire> I'm just worried that I'll have a reputation in anthro now, and people will be afraid to talk to me or make friends with me :c
<Claire> that idea scares me a lot
<Claire> especially considering I'm so set on improving
<Mask{Steve}> well :/ I tried to help you >.< I didn't mean to drive you away >_>
<Claire> It's ok
<Claire> I accept responsibility for parts of it :c
<Claire> I was afraid to get help because I was afraid changing myself would alientate my close friends
<Claire> I know it sounds silly
<Mask{Steve}> no >_> I shouldn't have pushed change on you :(
<Claire> but I hope you at least understand :c
<Claire> it's alright, I want to be better
<Claire> I met an new person today
<Claire> I tried my best to be good
<Claire> I didn't frown when I didn't need to
<Claire> and I was very considerate, I think it went well c:
<Mask{Steve}> oh? :D who was it?
<Claire> umm
<Claire> let me look :o
<Claire> Archailect
<Claire> c:
<Mask{Steve}> cool :D do you have any logs? If that's okay, I mean >_> it's easier to help point out what went well
<Claire> umm
<Claire> sorry :c
<Claire> it was on my phone on the train home
<Claire> not on the pc
<Claire> I would if I could
<Claire> I don't think my phone keeps logs
<Mask{Steve}> oh x3 that's okay
<Claire> anyway
<Claire> I just tried to be calm
<Claire> and not overly emotional
<Claire> that's mostly where people think I'm being manipualative or guilt trippy
<Claire> when I get over emotional :c
<Claire> I'm just an emotional person I guess, but I'm working to try and fix it
<Claire> I think anyway, from my self reflection
<Mask{Steve}> no :U being emotional is okay. It's making people feel bad and not like you that we want to change ^^
<Claire> I see
<Claire> I don't try to make people feel bad :s
<Claire> see
<Mask{Steve}> I know ^^
<Claire> I'm kinda self depreciative
<Claire> :c
<Claire> so when I feel bad about myself, people feel bad
<Claire> which isn't good
<Claire> but it's genuinely me just... being not happy with myself
<Claire> not trying to do anything else
<Mask{Steve}> I know you're not trying to. That's why I want to help :D
<Mask{Steve}> okay, look at what's been said here. Now, I'm not insulting you, I'm just trying to help ^^
<Claire> I see, thank you
<Claire> umm
<Claire> well, it's ok I think
<Claire> I just hope nobody hates me too much :s
<Claire> like
<Claire> ireparably so
<Claire> I know silver hates me
<Claire> but I don't like silver either so, that's ok I guess
<Mask{Steve}> silver hates 90% of humanity :u
<Claire> why do you guys put up with him?
<Mask{Steve}> eh :U I like him. I just understand that he's abrasive and exaggerates, but I like him :3
<Claire> :c
<Mask{Steve}> hmm?
<Claire> he laughed at me in public and told me to deal with it
<Claire> he hates me even though we only talked twice and it was like, really neutral conversation
<Mask{Steve}> well, yeah. That's silver. He is abrasive :U
<Claire> I know a lot of other people who don't like him too, but nobody ever says anything
<Claire> like, really don't like him :v
<Claire> anyway
<Claire> enough about that
<Mask{Steve}> yeh :u
<Claire> as long as he stays away from me that's not a problem
<Mask{Steve}> wait
<Mask{Steve}> :u
<Mask{Steve}> who else doesn't like silver?
<Claire> :P
<Claire> I'm not saying
<Claire> sorry
<Mask{Steve}> hmm. :c okay
<Claire> I know but
<Claire> nobody tells me who said what about me :<
<Claire> so it hardly seems fair for me to say things about people myself
<Mask{Steve}> Well, I can name names. I just don't because it's shitty to do that in a public chat :c I  just want to know who said bad things about my friend...
<Claire> I'm not
<Claire> the person who said it is a close friend and I refuse to incrimate them in any way
<Claire> sorry
<Claire> we should move on
<Mask{Steve}> wait, it was just one person?
<Claire> well
<Claire> persons :/
<Claire> I'm trying to be non-specific here
<Claire> please stop chasing me down over it
<Claire> ok?
<Mask{Steve}> I don't like people talking bad about my friends :c it really bothers me.
<Claire> well it really bothers me that he said bad things about me :/
<Claire> and I'm choosing not to pursue that because I know it won't help anything
<Mask{Steve}> well, pursuing this will help me :c I want to know who doesn't like silver...
* Claire shakes her head
<Claire> I'm not telling you, if you ask again I'm not replying
<Claire> can we talk about something else please?
<Claire> :c
<Claire> please?
<Mask{Steve}> I want to know that you're not lying to me :c I haven't heard anything about this before, and this is important to me...
<Claire> ugh
<Claire> Mask you're really pinning me in a corner here
<Claire> this is making me intensely uncomfortable
<Mask{Steve}> well, I'm sorry, but I look after my good friends. :c I'm not going to drop the topic.
<Claire> I look after my good friends too
<Claire> so we're at a crossroads :/
<Claire> this isn't healthy
<Mask{Steve}> :/ we can handle this at the meeting tomorrow?
<Claire> no
* Notify: karolek is online (Tulpa.info)
* Notify: karolek is offline (Tulpa.info)
<Claire> it's got nothing to do with it
* Notify: karolek is online (Tulpa.info)
* Notify: karolek is offline (Tulpa.info)
<Claire> silver is banned from the meeting anyway
<Claire> it has nothing to do with him
<Mask{Steve}> Well, I think it has to do with him. Trying to turn me against my friend does have something to do with the issue :/
<Claire> I'm not trying to turn you against anyone
<Claire> I don't care that you like him
<Claire> if you can't handle that someone doesn't like your friend, that's your own fault
<Mask{Steve}> "why do you put up with him"
<Claire> it was just a general question
<Claire> you answered it
<Claire> you said he's just abrasive
<Mask{Steve}> that sounds a lot like an insinuation that I shouldn't.
<Claire> I accept that that's how you feel, and that's how he can be your friend
<Claire> :s
<Claire> he's a real asshole to me
<Claire> I wanted to know how you could like him
<Claire> you told me
<Claire> that's it
<Claire> you can infer all you like
<Claire> it's no dirt on me
<Mask{Steve}> Hmm. I'm going to have to bring this up tomorrow >_> this is an issue for me.
<Claire> no
<Claire> it's not
<Mask{Steve}> it is!
<Claire> you're making an issue out of nothing
<Claire> if you involve this in the meeting I'm not coming :/
<Claire> it's not what I agreed to
<Claire> I agreed to come to a meeting to help resolve my unintentional manipulativeness, not squabble about friends
<Claire> You like Silver, I and some of my friends don't, I wanted to know why you did, you said
<Claire> that's all there is to it :c
<Claire> it's not a big deal
<Claire> This isn't helping anyone
<Claire> please? :<
<Mask{Steve}> well, you're the one who's been accused, and you put off the meeting. It's an unintentional manipulation, and it needs to be addressed
<Claire> what!!!
<Claire> the meeting was always on sunday
<Claire> that's what we agreed to!
<Claire> how dare you!
<Mask{Steve}> no, the meeting was when we first moved to anthro :c
<Claire> and I said
<Mask{Steve}> what?
<Claire> can we postpone this to when I've had a good rest and have access to a keyboard
<Claire> because I was on a fucking. phone!
<Claire> with 10% battery
<Mask{Steve}> okay :c I'll see you tomorrow...
<Claire> they said yes, we talked a date
<Claire> we said sunday
<Claire> why is this a big deal :c
<Mask{Steve}> I'm sorry :c I didn't mean to cause any issues.
* Claire sighs
<Claire> are you doing this on purpose?
<Claire> I think you are
<Claire> I think you're just trying to get back at me and that's no way to fix this :c
<Mask{Steve}> because silver is my friend, and I want to make sure and accusations about him are true :c
<Mask{Steve}> I'm not doing anything on purpose :c
<Claire> :/
<Mask{Steve}> :/
* Notify: karolek is online (Tulpa.info)
<Claire> ok
<Claire> to me
* Notify: karolek is offline (Tulpa.info)
<Claire> ugh
<Claire> whatever, just
<Claire> give me a minute to calm down
* Claire takes a deep breath
<Mask{Steve}> I'm not doing anything o purpose! :c
<Claire> ok, I accept that
<Claire> I accept that, and I apologize for getting emotional
<Claire> just allow me a minute to calm myself
<Claire> I understand that you want to look out for your friend, even though that friend is someone who dislikes me, and I dislike them
<Claire> but, the friend/s who have revealed to me that they don't like him, did so on good faith that it would stay between me and them, so as not to make anyone think differently of them for their feelings on silver
<Claire> thus, I cannot tell you their names, and I apologize
<Mask{Steve}> okay :c I think we should put this on hold. I'll speak with you later.
<Claire> this is not an issue for the meeting
<Claire> it is not concerned with the meeting
<Claire> this is between us
<Claire> and only us
<Claire> if you drag anyone else in, I refuse to speak about it
* Claire sighs
<Claire> I like you mask :c
<Claire> I want to be your friend
<Claire> I don't want anyone to dislike anyone
<Mask{Steve}> okay :c I have to bring it up though. I want you to be there to defend yourself, but it's an issue, and it has to happen even if you're not there
<Mask{Steve}> I'm sorry :c
<Claire> why is it an issue between anyone but us?
<Claire> I don't understand that
<Mask{Steve}> because I don't know if it's true or not, and I felt like you were trying to turn me against my friend :c that's the entire problem. You've lied to me before, so I can't be sure...
<Claire> I'm not trying to turn you against silver
<Claire> I've told you before, and I've told you now
<Claire> I don't mind that he's your friend
<Claire> that's your business
<Claire> just as my dealings with my friends is my business :c
<Mask{Steve}> but the way you asked my why I put up with him made it seem like you wanted me to not like him :c
<Claire> I apologize
<Claire> but that was not what I was trying to imply
<Claire> you infered it
<Claire> nothing more
<Claire> and you infering something from a straightfoward question is not unintentional manipulation
<Claire> it's you reading into things :c
<Mask{Steve}> yes it is :c you inferred it by the way you said it...
<Claire> umm
<Claire> no, I don't inferr
<Claire> that's what the word means
<Claire> infer means that you gained something from it
<Claire> imply means that I provided something
<Claire> if you infered but I didn't imply, that means you read something when there wasn't anything
<Mask{Steve}> maybe this is me over reacting. That will be decided tomorrow :c This is a problem. I'm sorry...
<Claire> it's not a problem mask :c
<Claire> it's you reading into everything I say
<Claire> how am I meant to try and help myself if you just read into everything I say like it's a lie
<Claire> it is you over reacting >.<
<Claire> and if you mention that we had this conversation in a pm it'll invalidate the whole thing :/
<Claire> you're wrong, mask, you're looking for a lie where there is none
<Claire> I came to try and mend whatever strife was between us
<Mask{Steve}> I'm sorry :/ I have to bring this up regardless. If it's truly an overreaction, people will call me out on it.
<Claire> :c
<Claire> Mask
<Claire> please
<Claire> I'm so tired out
<Claire> I just want this all to end and you're adding to it >_<
<Claire> can't you just leave me alone
<Claire> have you not done enough?
<Mask{Steve}> okay :c I'm sorry... I didn't mean to hurt you >.< I'll see you tomorrow.
<Claire> if you really didn't mean to hurt me
<Claire> you'd just forget all this :/<Claire> it wasa simple chain of conversation that you turned into an issue
<Claire> but no, you can't accept that
<Claire> I'm claire
<Claire> everything I do has to be a trick
* Claire sighs
<Claire> ok then :c