Pete One-Shots

Date Night
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>Be Pete
>Chilling at home with Brad and Axel
"So, Brad, any new ladies you're after?"
>"You mean besides everyone's waifu?"
>cheap laughter to rip off Sitcom Anon
>"You know something, Pete? There's something I don't get. How come I never see you with any girls?"
>You try not to stutter
"What? Girls? I mean--Why would I be around some snooty girl when I'm trying to keep all my blood upstairs... in my brain... where my musical ideas come."
>"You know what, Pete? I'm gonna set you up on a date right now."
>He whips out his phone and starts texting someone
"No, really! That's OK!"
>"Too late. She already said yes."
"What?! Who?!"
>"You'd better get ready, bro. She'll be waiting for you at cafe l'amour in an hour."
>You forget to ask questions in your rush to take a shower, put on a nice outfit and race over to the restaurant
>Once you get to the host, you remember that you have no idea who your date is supposed to be
>Maybe you should just go home instead
>Girls like guys who blow them off, right?
>"Pete! Over here!"
>You look over and see Pinkie Pie waving at you from her table
>Wheredidmyswaggo.jpg
>you join her and immediately pick up the menu, too nervous to make eye contact with her
>"Brad told me that you've been meaning to ask me on a date, but your phone lost service. How did you know this was like my faaavorite place?"
>Sweating bullets
"I guess I just know how to pleasure girls in the stomach."
>"What?"
"This place has some great food! I'm gonna look at all the food they have!"
>Waiter comes over
>"Are you ready to order?"
>"Yeah! Oooo! You know what looks super yummy? I'll have the filet mignon. What about you, Pete?"
"S-s-s-s..."
>Your eye is literally twitching
>"I'm sorry, sir?"
"Suspg-g-g..."
>"I don't see that anywhere on the menu, Pete."
"SPAGHETTIIIIII!"
>The whole restaurant turns to look at your table
>Pinkie Pie shifts her eyes around the room, wearing an embarrassed smile and shrinking in her chair

---
Science Small-Talk
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>Be Pete
>In science lab, working on a partner assignment with Patricia
>Haven't spoken hardly a word since you both started
>Her eyes are straight focused on the chemicals she's mixing
"So uh... How you liking science class?"
>"It's pretty boring, to be honest. I kinda just want to get this project over with."
"Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. I mean, when we got this project, I was all like 'Seriously? Another science project?' You know what I mean?"
>Patricia doesn't even look you in the eye
>She stirs the chemicals and records the results
>Crap. How do people make small talk?
>It'll be OK. Just think if something she likes.
"So, you like music?"
>"I like silence just as much."
>Shoot. That didn't work either.
>C'mon, man! Time to break out of your shell!
"You know what's funny? I totally popped a boner the first time I saw you. I mean, I don't anymore, but I totally had a thing for--uh, Patricia? I don't think you're supposed to be drinking that."
>Suddenly, Patricia falls to the floor
>Everyone's suddenly staring at you
>What's someone supposed to say in a situation like this
"I uh... I guess she was dying to get out of class today."
>She starts foaming at the mouth
>You got a D on the assignment