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- >Be a father. Daughter just turned six.
- >Begs you every day for a "Fluffy Pony" since she saw the commercial.
- >Finally cave in and buy one from the Hasbro store.
- >Dark blue pegasus mare. Came with a Fluffy Pony Owner's Manual.
- >Daughter is thrilled beyond belief.
- >Both daughter and fluffy pony spend hours telling you they love you more than anything.
- >feelsgoodman.jpg
- >Daughter spends every waking moment with her fluffy pony.
- >Tea parties. Fluffy pony chews on plastic cups and daughter giggles.
- >Hide and Seek. Fluffy hides by covering her eyes with her hooves.
- >TV. Daughter and Fluffy both giggle hysterically at MLP:FIM.
- >Two weeks go by. Notice how fat fluffy is getting.
- >Owners Manual specific how much to feed them.
- >Accuse daughter of sneaking her too many sweets.
- >Daughter cries, insisting she's not.
- >Another few days, fluffy pony is too fat to stand. Teats are swollen.
- >Owners manual says this is normal... for pregnant mares.
- >Goddamn Hasbro sold you a pregnant mare!
- >Daughter begs you to let her keep the babies.
- >Mare is confused by the conversation. "Daddeh take babehs? No!! No take babehs!"
- >Fluffy starts sobbing, tries to run away. Legs don't touch ground.
- >The stress puts her into labor.
- >Lock daughter in room as you deal with the horrifying mess that is fluffy pony birth.
- >Fluffy cries and whimpers as you help her. "Pwese no take babehs. Fwuffy good mummah, pwomise! Pwese!"
- >Pet her and tell her to calm down.
- >Only one light-blue foal comes out. Fluffy mare deflates and coos in exhaustion as the foal suckles on her.
- >"Fwuffy wuv babeh.... pwetty babeh... wuv babeh..."
- >She looks up at you. "Wuv babeh, daddeh? Am good mummah."
- >Uhu. Let daughter in. Tell her only one baby is easy enough, and they can both stay.
- >Happy ending.
- >Kind of.
- >A few days go by. Newborn foal is cleaned up and getting its fluff.
- >A light-blue fluff with a rainbow mane. A light-blue pegasus with a perfect rainbow mane...
- >Daughter names her "Rainbow."
- >You're daughter's obsessed with MLP, and you know the foal looks exactly like Rainbow Dash.
- >Maybe Hasbro designed fluffies to frequently look like the mane six?
- >As daughter, fluffy and Rainbow play hugs in the living room, check internet for details.
- >HOLY CRAP! Turns out even Hasbro couldn't get a consistant results with color and race.
- >Collectors offer upwards of $10,000 for any fluffy identical to the mane six.
- >Then see the Rainbow Dash fluffy listings.
- >$25,000. 25K for a perfect match of Rainbow Dash. Rainbow manes are that rare.
- >Pick up your jaw from the floor and stare into living room.
- >Daughter is gently petting Rainbow. Both Fluffy and Rainbow are cooing and flapping their tiny wings in bliss.
- >"Fwuffy wuv mummah! Mummah make babeh happy! Wuv babeh. Wainbow pwetty."
- >Rainbow has learned some words. "Wuv mummah! Wingies! Wuv wingies! Hungy!"
- >That fluff ball is worth $25,000. You call the collector immediately.
- >Sneak into daughter's room when they're sleeping.
- >Daughter's asleep under her MLP blanket. Fluffy is snoozing in her pile of blankets.
- >Rainbow is nestled so deep in her mother's fluff you almost don't find her.
- >Gently pick up Rainbow without waking her, put her in a tupperware bin, speed her to the collector.
- >One transaction later, you have $25,000 sitting in your savings account.
- >But naturally.... "Whewe babeh?!" Fluffy sobs hysterically, looking everywhere for Rainbow.
- >Daughter is crying too. Rainbow Dash is her favorite character...
- >Don't have the heart to break the news to her, but you know you did the right thing.
- >That fucking fluffy pony is paying for her college tuition, dammit.
- >Fluffy mare cries and sobs for days. Daughter cries with her. Mindlessly depressing sight.
- >Daughter eventually gets over the missing foal. Fluffy doesn't.
- >"Let's have a tea party!"
- >"Fwuffy no wan' pawty! Wan' babeh! Whewe Wainbow! Wan' Wainbow!"
- >Daughter can't watch MLP without fluffy wailing in agony whenever Rainbow Dash is on screen.
- >Fluffy Owner's Manual says mares aren't likely to get over losing a foal unless they saw it die with their own eyes.
- >If it just vanished, they'll spend their short lifetime looking for it.
- >Daughter tells you Fluffy is no fun anymore.
- >Kiss her on the forehead, tell her you love her, and will find a good home for fluffy.
- >The local fluffy pound is a depressing sight. Thousands of fluffy ponies, three crammed into cages that barely accomadate one. All of them beg and cry for a new daddy as you talk to the clerk.
- >"Why scawy pwace, daddeh?" Fluffy cries. "Wainbow hewe? Pwese, fwuffy wan' Wainbow!"
- >Roll your eyes. "Yeah, fluffy. These people will help you find Rainbow."
- >Clerk raises an eyebrow at you as your fluffy cheers eagerly.
- >Just shrug and acccept the trade.
- >Driving home with two fluffy ponies in a kennel. One is a red unicorn, the other's a purple earth pony.
- >They're hugging each other and can't seem to stop saying how much they love you.
- >Your old fluffy will probably spend the rest of her life in a filthy cage, desperately crying for her missing foal.
- >Who knows what will happen to Rainbow. What do collectors do with valuable fluffy ponies anyway? Give them to spoiled rich kids? Have them stuffed? Fuck them?
- >Decide not to overthink it.
- >Daughter is more than thrilled when you get home.
- >Two new fluffy ponies who are more loveable than that old one.
- >Daughter tells you a thousand times she loves you and you're the best daddy in the world.
- >Life is good.
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