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  1. RFC Headers:
  2.  
  3.    From: Hasak, Reuven
  4.      To: Adams, Ray
  5.    Date: 12/7/2000 1:06:22 AM
  6. Subject: RE: letter
  7. -----------------------------
  8. No doubt---depressed and confused and crazy.......
  9. Still there is a big gap between him claimingnto be an honest person
  10. (and this was OUR impression aswell) and the fact that he gets miney
  11. for doing nothing..... Good way to make a living :-).
  12. If would not be crazy I would kick his ass.
  13. I hope he'll find his way with Alex. If notnwen should find a way for
  14. the future.
  15.  
  16. -----Original Message-----
  17. From: Adams, Ray
  18. Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 2:45 PM
  19. To: Hasak, Reuven
  20. Subject: FW: letter
  21.  
  22.  
  23. To see.   I have not sent this to Zvi.   Things could change in the
  24. New Year if it is possible for P to work part time with Alex in the
  25. JV.
  26.  
  27. This man is clearly depressed.
  28.  
  29. Ray
  30.  
  31. -----Original Message-----
  32. From:   Alien [mailto:alien@engineer.com]
  33. Sent:   06 December 2000 06:26
  34. To:     Ray Adams
  35. Subject:        letter
  36.  
  37. Hello Ray,
  38.  
  39. I have decided to write to you now, I couldn't sleep anyway...
  40. I have had too many problems since I got married. It changed
  41. everything at once! I love my daughter very much, but her presence
  42. around me (at her age) disables me of doing my job. She awakes in the
  43. middle of the night and starts screaming, if I work at night I
  44. couldn't sleep during the day by the same reason... Even when she
  45. wasn't born yet, my present home became smaller. It's not intended for
  46. more than one person. Now there are three of us... It's not a big
  47. problem, but it doesn't allow me to concentrate on anything. That's
  48. why I gave the highest priority to the building of my new home. The
  49. schedule was to move in the new home in June (when I expected my
  50. daughter's birth), then it became clear that I couldn't move before
  51. September, then the deadline became the end of the year and now (but
  52. not finally, considering my past experience) it is February 2001... I
  53. really have to finish it and move there, where I could work in peace.
  54. Your next question could be: "Why you didn't hire someone to do your
  55. job at the building?" The answer is simple - here is Bulgaria! If you
  56. hire someone here to defend your interests, he takes you for a fool
  57. and starts defending his own interests using your money, not giving a
  58. shit about your interests, at the end even stealing your money! I have
  59. tried it twice and as a result, the whole process was delayed for
  60. months. At some point I freaked totally and said: "Fuck you all, I'm
  61. going to do it myself!". Well, now I am well informed about
  62. construction technologies, something I never was interested in... I am
  63. dealing with the workers personally, I am supplying materials
  64. personally, I am controlling the quality personally, I am building the
  65. electrical and the air-conditioning systems myself, I am accountant,
  66. administrator, negotiator, designer and god knows what else... It is
  67. taking all of my energy, all of my time. At the same time, I am trying
  68. to be a husband and a father, and not just that, but a good one...
  69. Probably I should have given up long time ago, but I am not used to
  70. give up on anything! I'm asking myself frequently: "Why is it
  71. happening particularly to me, at this particular time, by this
  72. particular way?". The only useful thing about it is "that what
  73. couldn't kill you, makes you stronger". (Actually, I just hope it
  74. wouldn't kill me :)). In resume - I am tired of this building but I
  75. need it badly in short time because I have job to do and I couldn't do
  76. my job without it.
  77. Another problem is the dissatisfaction of my job. I have to explain
  78. thoroughly what kind of dissatisfaction I am talking about in order to
  79. understand what I mean. It is very good job - good salary, very good
  80. conditions, chance for development in the position, small
  81. responsibilities as to keep your mouth shut, and NO CHANCE for
  82. development of your skills. I always liked the challenges but the job
  83. offered by the company is not a challenge to my skills, it is
  84. challenge to my patience. It is BORING me to the point of screaming.
  85. The first project was to get out some code, to look at it and to
  86. explain some part of the program inside. Everything was well
  87. documented, the code was not protected and the CPU architecture was
  88. well known. Where is the challenge in this? Nothing is unknown! It's
  89. just a matter of time to do it. You don't need brilliant ideas; you
  90. don't need to solve some puzzle, you just have to sit at the computer
  91. knowing what has to be done, knowing how to do it, even knowing what
  92. result you can expect. The second project was to construct DDT having
  93. only FEW BYTES of code, boring again! I could have accepted the first
  94. project as a test, but the second was not a test. Someone really
  95. thought it was a challenge or he was simply bored to do it himself and
  96. said "The fucking Bulgarian has to do it for a lesson". I did my best
  97. and I found something challenging in it, leaving a trap, just a small
  98. detail inserting random element in its behavior. I was surprised when
  99. Zvi asked for my opinion and sent me another DDT made by someone else
  100. using the same method and having the SAME detail UNTOUCHED! It meant
  101. the person constructed the new ECM has not taken even a look at the
  102. kill packet, he has not even tried to understand what it does, he just
  103. used it literally knowing what it should do because I claimed that it
  104. should work and someone tested it and said it works. I made the
  105. conclusion that nobody is interested in my work exactly as me. The
  106. next project is to give a LECTURE to some guys on the subject "How to
  107. write better protected software for our products - the confession of
  108. one ex-hacker..." I apologize for the irony but I couldn't keep it. It
  109. could be used as a title for a book! Nobody even thought to say:
  110. "Listen Plamen, could you write better protected software for our
  111. products?". Who had the silly idea that I can give a lecture giving
  112. explanation on EVERY detail about hacking? How can I give any
  113. suggestions to the software developers how to write their software for
  114. some architecture I have never seen? The only way to do it is to write
  115. it while trying to hack it. I don't know what approach I will try
  116. myself, before I really try it. I have been constantly explaining to
  117. everyone the first and the one rule for successful hacking - you just
  118. keep trying until you get it! Many are asking me: "What should I try
  119. first, what next, and then what? ...". That's the silliest question
  120. I've ever heard. The answer is: ANYTHING, EVERYTHING! Now someone
  121. wishes to have similar handbook for the protection: "Could you please
  122. tell us how to protect us from being hacked. Give us your experience,
  123. preferably synthesized in two lists: 1:what we should do. 2:what we
  124. shouldn't do." The experience DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING because in this
  125. field, every project is a new, completely different experience, and I
  126. swear, this is the ONLY TRUTH to be learned from experience!  I don't
  127. have the slightest idea what to speak about at this lecture. I can
  128. give answers on specific questions and this would be only my opinion -
  129. someone could give different answers on the same questions and they
  130. could be as rightful as mines. The next project will be writing of a
  131. 'secure' C compiler for internal use in the company. I keep telling
  132. Zvi that the difference between this 'secure' compiler and ordinary
  133. one is so small that it tends to none. It could be interesting if I
  134. get all of the necessary information, but I am not expecting it. In
  135. order to write useful compiler I need to know the target architecture
  136. in DETAILS. I feel that someone is trying to limit my knowledge about
  137. the company's technology to the knowledge I already have. So, it's not
  138. wrong to give Pluto information about DTV P2 or Sky P10, but when
  139. we're talking about something he doesn't know - there's no way, it
  140. could be dangerous! I don't mind, probably I deserve it, but what else
  141. could I do in order to help and feel useful and happy that I'm
  142. helping? I feel useless! It's not just my feeling - I AM REALLY
  143. USELESS! Why should I do things that I have done in the past?  Once
  144. done, a project is not interesting anymore but someone obviously
  145. thinks that I'm not able to do anything that I haven't done in the
  146. past. It's my fault, I shouldn't have expected to be paid for work I
  147. could have done just for fun. If someone pays, it's because the job is
  148. boring, otherwise he would have done it himself... Another explanation
  149. is that, what I've been afraid of from the very beginning - you're
  150. paying me just not to do what I have been doing in the past...
  151. Ray, why don't you give me an impossible problem to solve? There could
  152. be only two results: either it's impossible or I'll solve it. I have
  153. another idea. Why don't you let me hack some of your competitor's
  154. products? It will be fun for me and profitable for the company.
  155. Oliver is starting to disappoint me. He keeps talking about working
  156. together, new exciting projects, and blah blah blah... He never made
  157. any step toward uniting our capabilities. I feel useless for him too.
  158. Actually, I realize that I am useless even for myself... I'm just
  159. talking instead of taking actions. How could I then imagine that I
  160. could be useful for something great as the global human knowledge?
  161. Probably I'm just a monomaniacal fool having only GREAT
  162. stubbornness...
  163. I am not apologizing and I am not whining, I'm just trying to explain
  164. the reasons for my recent ineffectiveness. I hope you'll forgive my
  165. language and keep it between you and me. This letter is not something
  166. I could send to anybody else except to you.
  167. Sincerely your
  168. Plamen
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