Magic Mayhem Chapter 1: Apprentice

> The city of Canterlot is, daresay, a most remarkable place to be.
> Built by ponies thousands upon thousands of years ago, what once was simply an eccentric looking tower built into a mountain eventually became the inspiring capital it is today.
> Ever since the sound re-imprisonment of the evil ruler of chaos Discord two years ago, six particular mares known for his personal demise drifted down their own paths of career;
> Fluttershy, once a caretaker of the local creatures, has become trained in the art of medicine and other sorts of hospital oriented work, and henceforth was a nurse and eventually a doctor; that isn’t to say she would turn away an innocent and hurt creature.
> Rainbow Dash, aspiring to join the celebrated team of athletic fliers known as the Wonderbolts, was unfortunately rejected originally due to her questionable personality, only to be recruited as a rookie in training, and soon got her chance to be in the spotlight she dreamed of.
> Applejack, overtaking Sweet Apple Acres with her big brother Big Mac, oversees the continuous production of the many forms of food that their savory apples produce. Having formed a second and even a third farm in different parts of the country of Equestria, money has done her and her family quite well.
> Rarity, having finally hitting it big in her dream of creating fashion that others may adore, has worked under a name brand company in Canterlot that paid her well for her work. She eventually was driven off by the label that wasn’t hers, and upon splitting with the money she made, became a commercial success with the introduction of new clothing wares.
> Pinkie Pie still lives in Ponyville, having grown up with Mr. and Mrs. Cake’s children, who both become fine fillies. She now runs most of the bakery business in town, and has managed to make even more friends somehow in the next two years.
> As for Twilight, well…
> She’s in a bit of a rough pickle, you might say.
-----
> Spike: “A rough pickle, heha! You’re about to bomb the apprentice exam Celestia’s been preparing you for almost eighteen months, and you call this a rough pickle?”
> Twi: “Be quiet, Spike! I’ve been studying and working hard to learning the basic spells to advance from trainee to apprentice, and what you’re saying isn’t helping!”
> The two of them are traversing the halls of a particular institute known as Greybeard’s School for the Magically Gifted, a most prestigious school for the best of the best.
> Having a test in the next hour to ascertain her past two years of intense magical training’s progress, she is agitated that her long-time friend and assistant is bailing out on her like this.
> Spike: “Look, you know I’m just teasing, you’ll do just fine!”
> Twi: “You say that, and I know that, but… why don’t I feel like I’m going to do great?”
> A staff member appears, a gruff and rather old looking stallion in a well-dressed suit.
> “Ms. Sparkle, I presume?”
> Twilight recognizes the outfit almost immediately and begins to panic, having been confronted by an instructor, one of many whose lectures she’s dedicated her time to;
> Not that he recognizes her personally from the flood of unicorns that come and go, of course.
> Twi: “Ah, yes, Professor Barnshoof!”
> Prof. Barnshoof: “Your time for the Apprenticeship Exam has been rescheduled from an hour from this time to ten minutes. You’re to report to the exam room immediately.”
> Spike: “Awh, are you serious?!”
> Twi: “Spike, show your manners! I’m sorry, Professor, he’s still young.”
> The professor wrinkles his nose at Spike in distaste, apparently not the least found of a mouthy dragon.
> Prof. Barnshoof: “I, err, would like to also inform you that no other ponies, or creatures, are permitted to enter inside the exam room while you are being tested. ‘Spike’ here will have to wait outside.”
> Spike is almost ready to give a few choice words to the instructor, only to be visually silenced by one of Twilight’s menacing glares.
> Twi: “Of course! Spike, can you wait around here for me while I go do this? Wish me luck!”
> He makes his way to scope out any fine unicorns to ogle at, waving back lazily.
> Spike: “Yeah, yeah, good luck and all that.”
-----
> The two of them are making their way towards the lecture hall turned exam room, an aura of indistinguishable conversation meddled with noises of talk and chat of passing unicorns.
> Some ponies notice Twilight and give her winks of encouragement and bouts of wishing her good luck, the instructor slightly annoyed at the delays.
> Prof. Barnshoof: “You know, Ms. Sparkle, this school is only meant for the finest, the smartest. Have you ever considered that?”
> Twilight doesn’t know how to respond to this; is this a trick question, perhaps?
> Twi: “Well, err… yes, I knew that when I entered this school. Why do you ask?”
> Prof. Barnshoof: “Never ask such rude questions to your professor again, understand?”
> Twi: “Sorry… sir.”
> Prof. Barnshoof: “If I must answer it for the sake of saving face, I will do so by saying that while your skills are considered superb by all accounts, your techniques are extremely… lacking.”
> Twilight opts to remain quiet in response, something the professor takes kindly to.
> Prof Barnshoof: “You’re a diamond in the rough, Ms. Sparkle. You have the potential, there is no doubt to that; but to truly become enrolled her as an Apprentice is somehow far out of your reach for some time, until you properly improve yourself.”
> Twi: “…You’re wrong.”
> This catches the professor entirely by surprise, having never been talked back to for months.
> Prof. Barnshoof: “I do beg your pardon? Mind here what you say, you. From this day on until you leave this fine institute, which I daresay will be quite soon, I will be one of your many superiors, instructing only the best to use powerful and dangerous magic. Know your place here, and understand your position.”
> Twi: “Yes… sir.”
> It appears that Twilight is beyond agitated at this point, much to the amusement of the professor.
> Alas for him, his time with picking on enrollees has come to an end as they approach the room in question, where he gives a slight mocking bow.
> Prof. Barnshoof: “Here you are, Ms. Sparkle. I do hope you fare well; with the truth, anyhow.”
> Twilight gives a mandatory nod as the instructor takes his leave, having gotten slight satisfaction for hazing the supposed Princess Celestia’s “prized pupil”.
> Twi: “What a jerk.”
> And with that, she opens the door and prepares for the test that will decide everything.
-----
> Meanwhile, somewhere nearby, another similar event is occurring; however, it is not a test this time, but rather a trial of sorts.
> The guilty being you.
> You sit in the defendant’s chair of the office, with three other much, much older ponies scrutinizing your every movement;
> You’ve spent almost a year here, showing them the most excellent of work and accomplishing the impossible;
> Not only did you harness the different forms of Arcane magic, but you mastered them, perfected even.
> You surpassed even the teachers so quickly, that you spent a week talking with her royal majesty Princess Celestia herself, spending much enjoyable time in the castle of Canterlot.
> In Equestria, there are two types of magic; Arcane, and Shadow.
> To be blunt, Shadow Magic is strictly prohibited to be used, and only a select few may study it for the sake of knowledge and to know how to defend against it.
> Arcane breaks down into many subsections, the majority being Elemental, Transformation, and Mystical.
> This school focuses solely on the teachings of how to master elemental magic, and learn to control mystical spells, casts that no ordinary unicorn can perform.
> As mentioned, your hands somehow are able to harness the powers of magic, and with your keen intellect and seemingly infinite potential, you managed to complete and nearly ace every test they’ve given here.
> Being the first (and only, considering your sole existence here) human to have completed the courses in such an absurd way, her majesty made a request of you, a bizarre one in fact:
> To teach as one of the instructors here in Greybeard’s school.
> Of course you were both thrilled and confused, considering that most of the teachers were old coots that can barely lift a page to their twenty year old written lecture, let alone real magic.
> Her reasoning was that you are able to somehow learn and cast magic in a way that only a pony should, that it would spread knowledge through a new perspective;
> And with that, one year ago, you were inducted in as the youngest ever teacher, humbly and simply known as Professor Anon.
-----
> It’s hardly a catchy name, and the fact your students are just as young as you are is most troublesome.
> “Who would want to learn from a non-pony, even if he is a prodigy?” They say, scorning you and pushing your teachings aside.
> You work hard to put your name into the hat as a respectable teacher, but it appears vast knowledge and a good sense of spellcasting could get you so far-
> Oh wait, that’s right! The trial, how could you forget.
> The first of the three ponies in question, a dusty antique of a mare, is studiously moving her glasses to and fro to read the document before her.
> “Professor Anon.”
Yes, Professor?
> “As a fellow teacher and master of the arts, you understand that I can’t just let these charges against you vanish about, correct?”
If you gave me a few moments, I could show a rather interesting disappearing spell, if it tickled your fancy.
> The second pony, a middle aged stallion this time, gives a small chuckle to add with his response.
> “You always were one with splendid humor, but now isn’t the time for jokes-“
I’d like to point out that these ‘charges’ are a joke. Attempting to break into the Grandmaster’s room to steal a magical artifact? Defiling a statue of Greybeard, one that I am never near and, as far as I know, has not made any offending statements to make me not want to urinate on it. And finally, the classic and the kicker, the sexual harassment of our oldest mare teacher, Ms. Wrinkle Warts.
> You’d like to note that you feel terribly sorry for Ms. Wrinkle Warts, considering that she must have suffered a terrible childhood with such a name; this, of course is a bit muffled now that she has made the ridiculous claim that you somehow defiled her sexually.
> The first professor speaks up, prompting the continuation of this “trial”.
> “And under what grounds do you plea to each of these crimes, Anon?”
Innocent of those three, and guilty of the fourth.
> The third teacher in question pipes up at this, a somewhat old unicorn with graying hair.
“Whatzits, a fourth crime you’ve committed?”
Yes; I’m guilty of being charged with crimes by my fellow associates in a poor attempt to remove me from here.
> There’s no use skirting the frittery details here; it’s very true that your presence did not tickle them the right way, nor them you.
> They’ve been trying to convince an “amateur” like yourself to leave the hard work to the grown-ups, and go find a job more suitable your age.
> It wouldn’t be too harsh to say that while the salary pay here is phenomenal, the job itself is a horrifying drag, and you’re half tempted to walk out now and go for a most enlightening journey.
> Perhaps catch a dragon, turn it into a steed and fly the eternal skies. Or something like that, anyways.
> “Mr. Anon, are you listening to us? You have a large number of witnesses and proof that claim you have done this whilst expressing malicious intent, and considering your aloof behavior, you are not helping your position.”
> This is the part where you’re supposed to lick the senior’s boot if she wore one.
> You swear that she’s almost lifting her hoof forward in some way of tempting you to do so, how peculiar.
Look, I think we all can be clear that my students, no matter how well I teach them, are not fond of my species, even if my ways of teaching are both welcoming and effective.
> It appears to be the second pony’s turn to speak now.
> “Yes, yes, about your teaching methods. They’ve been called unorthodox, intimidating even by your students recently-“
> His words are cut as you have a miniscule ball of fire dancing on the tip of one your hands, the flame hopping from one finger to the next.
> Professor(1): “Professor Anon, do you seriously not realize how grave these accusations are?”
Oh, I do, most certainly. But it’s been obvious since day one that this school has a firm dislike for my presence here, not only as a student but as a teacher. This is obviously a ploy built by you and your ‘loyal students’ in an effort to try to retire me. What are you offering them, easy tests or something?
> “This has gone far enough. As the council in place of the currently absent Grandmaster-“
Yeah, how funny that you waited until he left for you to pull this one off, what impeccable timing, huh?
> You’d like to note that you still retain the passionate fire of youth, and as such you’re not well tempered to deal with such a corrupted system here.
> “Professor Anon, you are hereby suspended indefinitely fr-“
Why not fire me? With the ludicrous horseshit you’re pulling out of your ass to accuse me of, I’m sure you can make a good excuse to give me the-
> “ENOUGH, you filthy HUMAN.”
> That, that was the third one speaking.
> The flame you were fiddling with goes out, and you stare at the pony who decided to insult your race.
> “We are sick of an ape who thinks they can slide through the courses we’ve dedicated our lives to like a spring breeze, waltzing into this institute via her royal majesty, and trying to show just how wonderfully talent a fraud like you are.”
> He’s trying to antagonize you, but you’ve let your temper go far enough today; it appears you are in possession of an emergency supply of patience for these ponies ever since they called you in here.
Let’s be civil and discuss this in a more mature manner, shall we, my fair pony?
> For whatever reason, this sets the old one into a fury beyond any sound logic, wild slurs of manic words as he unleashes a sweltering spell upon you.
> Your eyes calculate with precision as you see him mouth random words of spite, the time of casting, all that fun stuff.
> A Level Two spell, Fire Element obviously. A simple burning magic missile destruction spell.
> You could work a reasonably complete cancellation cast to neutralize it, but you make it one step easier with a wave of a hand in front of you.
> Level Six, Ice Element; wall/shield category, duration of three seconds. A tad overkill, but it’s not like your life is in immediate danger or anything.
> The two spells take less than a second for each other to be  launched and hit each other, the next couple seconds leaving the first two ponies in shock of both the third attacking you, and you managing to counter a senior’s attack so effortlessly;
> Like you said before, they’re gifted teachers now, not magic wielders.
> Although perhaps even that might be over-estimating them.
> “Professor, why in Celestia’s name did you attack him?”
> “The little monkey thinks he can talk to me as an equal, is why!”
> “He is a teacher here, and we do not discriminate amongst the students or teachers of magic!”
> Don’t you love work? You spend most of this morning listening to three ponies, who are most likely detached from this school’s purpose, talk about how depraved you are.
> With a slight toss of salt to the wound, it appears they don’t even give a worry to the world that you could wreak havoc with the accusation of this old fart trying to scorch your face off; not that anyp0ny would believe you, anyways.
> Not even the regular teachers give you trouble like this; in fact, many befriended you and helped you throughout these past two months.
> It’s only the one or two students that causes problems, and they go so far as to do something like this out of prejudice.
> Perhaps it should be expected; you are the odd race out, after all, and one of a kind no less.
> In the end, it’ll likely take years for them to trust your skill, time they don’t have any interest of surrendering to you.
Alright, so I’m being suspended for something ludicrous, because you don’t like me. How long?
> “Professor Anon, it’s not that we, err… don’t like you,”
Come now, it’s just us in the room, unless someone’s hiding in that closet. There’s eight other teachers here, the three of you included, and it just so happens that you three are the only ones who dislike me; and oh hey! Guess what? You three are also the ones who are in charge of staff, the only higher power is the Grand-daddy himself who, on the dot, occurs to be out on business.
> “You will not talk that way about the Grandmaster; I don’t care how well you scored on the Magical Aptitude test, somep0ny like you-“
Like me. Can we stop with the petty insults and get on with the punishment?
> They pause, somewhat glad that they’re agreeing to be rid of you. The one who decided to try charring you is giving a toothy grin.
> The old git.
> “Like I said, it’s indefinite, until we see improvement from a reevaluation in about six months.”
Six months?!
> “For a reevaluation. I would strongly recommend attempting to find a job in the meantime.”
> “Perhaps you should avoid using the Princess to force your way into another one, as well.”
> These conceited teachers are just taking shots at you now; this is pure malice at this point.
Fine, but rest assured the Grand-Daddy will hear about this, along with her Majesty.
> “Good luck with that. Now if you excuse us, we need to proctor an enrollee that shows actual potential, unlike yourself. Please pack up and leave as soon as you can.”
Will do. Tell your suck up students that they got what they wanted.
-----
> Twilight’s in the right room, supposedly; the nostalgia is over taking her.
> Twi: “This is the same room I hatched Spike; it hasn’t changed a bit…”
> Still observing her history in this room, it was with sudden vigor that the three teachers walk through a separate door, giving her a slight case of the jumps.
> Professor(1): “Hello, Ms. Twilight Sparkle I presume?”
> Twi: “Uhm, yes, ma’am.”
> Professor(2): “Excellent, and on time too no less. We apologize for being late, there was a slight complication of sorts that we had to attend to.”
> Professor(3): “Hmph. Slight one, alright.”
> Twi: “I’m ready to show that I am capable of joining, if I may.”
> Professor(1): “Very well, let us see what Princess Celestia’s other ‘chosen one’ is proficient of. From this point forward the test will be in effect, and we’ll be having you demonstrate each branch of elementary arcane magic as we make proper judgements.”
> Twilight gulps considerably at this, anxiety working its way into her.
> Twi: “Yes, ma’am.”
> “If you could, take the stage and show us your highest fire level spell on the target given to you.”
> The elderly pony motions towards a scarecrow like figure that is now on the site, one which Twilight is ogling profusely.
> Twi: “Uhm, alright…”
> She stands ready, her horn glowing with an awesome power that impresses the teachers.
> “Oh, wow, that is most certainly commendable, but can the theory be put in the form of technique?”
> Twilight scrutinizes in focus, trying to remember the properly laid algorithms for the magic to materialize into the form of flames.
> She has worked so dearly to cast a level 3 spell, Fire Element, flame plume style; when she does manage to work it properly, the mixture of a fuel source combines with an intense heat, forming into a very potent sight and spell altogether.
> Unfortunately, the most she’s managing is a flame smaller than one you’d find in a lighter, not that neither she nor the teachers would understand the reference.
> This is not going to end well.
-----
> The magic aptitude test consists of many points of focus, each one with a maximum rank of 100.
> Twilight’s averaged scores are as followed:
> Arcane Magic:
- Elemental:
Fire: 15
Water: 27
Earth: 65 (She may have snuck in some kinesis to add some flair here. The judges ignored this)
Air: 76
- Transformation
Transformation (General): 7
Transfiguration (Other): 35
Reconfiguration (Other): 23
- Mystical
Mystical Spells (Low): 0
Mystical Spells (Medium): 0
Mystical Spells (High): 0
> Shadow Magic:
-Shadow Magic (General): 0 (Is is expected, and is only applied as a buffer in later levels of education.)
-Shadow Magic (Demonic/Chaotic): 0
-----
> Twilight is left outside of the classroom in dismay, after having been properly and utterly ridiculed with a score of 248 points out of 1000 (1200 if you consider Shadow Magic in later tests), and she remembers the cold words those three were so willingly to share with her.
> “This is an utter disgrace, failure beyond measure. A score of 400 must be achieved if you could ever hope to be enrolled. This is one of the lowest scores I have ever seen an enrollee apply with!”
> “No mystical knowledge of any sort, poor elemental standings, and your transformation magic is abysmal. Get out of my sight, and never disgrace me with this ‘magic’ again.”
> “I have nothing to say; your amateur skills, despite the ‘studying’ here, has proven that you’re not yet ready for apprenticeship just yet. Perhaps next semester you’ll do better.”
> These hollow words echo in her head as she exits the school in a whirlwind of confusion, rejection of the highest level rattling her to the bone.
> Twi: “I… I failed you, Princess.”
> She doesn’t even bother looking for Spike; she would rather settle herself down in front of the center fountain’s local bench and cry.
> And cry she does; her dreams, her ambition, her hard work was not nearly enough to become what she wanted anymore.
> What should she do now? Go home and read her misery away? Go on a journey of self-discovery and try to understand why she failed so horribly?
> Twi: “I’m such a failure…”
That’s no way to talk about yourself, bucko. Mind if I take a seat?
> You had just finished packing and emptying your office of what little you had there, teleporting it to your home in the outskirts of Canterlot.
> Just like her, it seems you too are lost, unsure in regards of where to go now.
> Twi: “Probably. If you sit too close, you might catch my poor magic skills. I apparently can’t even light a candle… Professor.”
> She recognizes your clothes and you in general; however, you can be certain that you never had this mare in any of your classes, and so you have a lack of knowledge on this pony in particular.
Nah, not professor anymore, I pretty much just got the can until I can prove I’m useful to them. Guess I need classes on how to suck up to the higher-ups or something.
> Twi: “You got kicked out too? Guess today isn’t the luckiest day, huh?”
Nope.
> You’re too busy focusing on the clouds, counting them, to notice originally that the unicorn beside you is ready to cry again.
What’s your name, by the way? Just call me Anon.
> Twi: “I’m Twilight Sparkle, sir, but I suppose you should call me ‘Failure Sparkle’.”
First off, it’s not “sir”, it’s “Anon”, try to work on the “Ey” part of my name and the rest will follow nicely.
> This earns you a weak grin from Twilight as you venture on.
Second off, you’re not allowed to continue humiliating yourself like this, understand?
> Twi: “I thought you weren’t a professor anymore, s- I mean… Ey-non?”
Anon, and it doesn’t mean I can’t tell you to shape up! Show me that fire spell, what kind were you casting?
> Both her ears and her mood drop a notch in response to this.
> Twi: “I think… I think I’ll pass on that.”
That wasn’t an offer, hurry up.
> She’s slightly annoyed that you’re being this pushy, but she does her best to keep herself from snapping at you.
> Twi: “I was trying to do a Level 3, Fire Element offensive.”
Hm. Considering your level of entry, I’m guessing either a fireball or a stream.
> Twi: “I was trying for the plume style.”
Oh wow, trying to impress, eh? Let’s see it, then.
> Twi: “Right here, are you crazy?”
Nahhhh, they wouldn’t complain if they see me here. Might call for the guards if you go too wild, though.
-----
> Twilight and you stand up, and after a few seconds of hesitation she takes a pose once again, trying to rear her courage to summon the monstrous flame she remembers creating before.
> She concentrates effortlessly, the patterns and spells fixated in her mind.
> Twi: “Beginning it in three, two, one…”
> She unleashes her magic in the form she depicted, and the spell is casted-
> And just like before, only a small sprouting of fire appears.
Now, hold it just like that, let me look at this to see what’s wrong.
> Twilight focuses vividly, thinking and holding the spell firm; at the very least, she can clench the flicker in place, she reminds herself morosely.
Open your eyes, and look at your horn.
> She does so, seeing the pathetic sight.
> Twi: “Ugh, why am I…?”
Listen to me, and focus. You’re calculating the energy wrong, and the output is being so small that when you cast the spell, it’s coming out as a trickle. If you were to add the fuel you needed to it…
> You place your arm on her forehead, your hand just behind her horn. With a subtle motion your fingers begin to glow gently.
> Twi: “Wha…?”
It would look something like this.
> Arcane Spell, Level 3; Fire Element, Plume Style.
> You focus easily as the spell is summoned, and the magic fuel you cast from your hand propels past her horn and into the flame, sparking it to life.
> A titanic flame erupts from her horn, a writhing plume of fire shooting to the sky.
> Twi: “That’s! That’s it! You did it!”
You did it, I just corrected it for you. Rework the amount of energy you put into it, and recalibrate the central air that you feed through to give it some oomph. If you stream the air powerfully enough but cut its range, it’ll do what you see and plume out just fine. Oh, and be careful-
> Twilight’s horn stops glowing along with her own spell, and she falls onto a knee. The fire gives its final display before it puffs into a ball of smoke.
> Twi: “Tch… I used it for too long.”
Looks like you have plenty of magic to use the big guns, but not the stamina to keep it up. Exercise a bit more before and after you practice, and your physical strength will help add to your magical fortitude.
> Twi: “Thanks, the way you explained it… it made so much sense that I feel like an idiot now for not realizing it sooner.”
> You stand up and raise your arms to the sky sardonically.
Hear that, mother fuckers? I can teach shit! Eat your heart out, Wrinkle Warts!
> Twilight, surprised at your sudden outburst of revelation, can’t help but start laughing.
> Why not join her? You give a hearty laugh for antagonizing anyone who could hear you after sending a giant trail of fire into the middle of the school’s courtyard.
-----
> It takes a few well-deserved moments for the two you to finishing sharing joyous cries, to lift your moods, and leaving a tear forming in your eye.
That kind of helped with my sour mood of getting kicked out of the educational institute I learned and studied under, thanks for that chance.
> Twi: “No, thank you for teaching me how to do that spell properly! It’s nice to know that there are teachers that know how to do things besides preach from a book.”
Was, anyways, I’m off to head home and set my house on fire for the arson insurance.
> Twi: “Wait, are you serious?”
No, I don’t think they’d trust a ‘suspicious human’ sorcerer pyromaniac with a reasonable insurance rate. I’ll probably pack up and find somewhere else in the world to teach what I learned here, where they won’t discriminate against me for my race.
> Twi: “Back where I lived, there was a huge commotion of a zebra who was a witchdoctor long ago, and we thought she was dangerous. Obviously we learned our mistakes.”
> You sit back down alongside her, stretching your legs and pressing your hands behind your head.
Eh, I would like to say that the difference between a zebra and ponies versus a human is monumental in comparison, but in all respects that point is quite moot. Anyways-
> Spike: “There you are, I’ve been looking EVERYWHERE for you!”
> You watch with interest as a medium sized dragon, a youngling no less, joins up with the now somber unicorn.
> Twi: “Oh, Spike! I’m so sorry, when I failed the aptitude test, I-“
> Spike: “You WHAT! Oh man, I knew it!”
Charming personality, huh? You two dating?
> They look at you with perilous eyes, and you realize that perhaps you should reconsider how you say things.
That is, to say, you two must be good friends, at the very least.
> Spike: “I’m her assistant, Spike!”
Ah, pleasure’s mine.
> Twi: “Spike, meet Professor Anon, my new teacher who’ll be staying with us from now on.”
Look, I told you that it’s just A-WHAT?! That’s irrational, ridiculous! Why would I become a tutor?
> Twi: “Just think about it! Celestia has been paying for almost everything I do, and she knows I have the potential; I just need someone who knows what I need to learn, and you already proved that you can teach me how to become a great magic user!”
Still, I was kind of hoping to tame a dragon and… fly, hey Spike, how much would it cost for me to have you as an assistant, and when do dragons learn to fly?
> Spike: “Too much, and I don’t know bud.”
> Twi: “You’re side-tracking from the point! If you can turn this ‘failure enrollee’ into a master spellcaster, they’ll have to take you back, Princess Celestia would ensure it!”
Look, boss, please. I got into this joint at the splendid age of  nineteen just because of A.) I apparently am the paragon of magic-learning, and B.) Celestia granted me to be in here to teach. I really don’t like how it works here, and the both the pay and the food was pretty darn good to suddenly give it up to become a lowly tutor.
> Twi: “What if I told you that the Princess would pay 20% more than as a professor here, and you would get free room and board?”
I would say that you better hurry up and let’s go, because I’m ready to get the hell out of here.
> Twi: “Pardon?”
I said what I said; c’mon, let’s go!
> You’re now up and walking and she hurries to your side, Spike in tow.
> Twi: “Does that mean you’ll teach me?”
You better cook like a fucking goddess, Twilight Sparkle.
> She grins with a glow that could outshine the sun itself.
> Twi: “Yes! Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes~! With you by my side, there’s no way I can fail that test next time!”
> You whistle, unaffected by her sudden change of attitude or your shifting to a more direct career path. It appears that you’re going to be tutoring the Princess’s pet, joy.
> Twi: “By the way, Anon… are you as smart as they say?”
I don’t know what you mean by ‘smart’, but I’m book savvy and wise in the arts of magic, I guess. Don’t think I’m a genius just because I know how to pop a few spells.
> Twi: “Well, there were rumors that you cheated on the Aptitude Test somehow.”
Pfft, they made me retest it three times before I graduated, and each time they were stricter, and each time I got a better score. Hell, the last one they had me do, they almost kicked my ass out for sneezing.
> Twilight giggles in reply to your anecdote, trying to gauge just how honest you’re being.
Don’t be eyeballing your teacher like that. I also know what you’re going to ask next.
> They always have to hear it to believe it, your final score.
> Some rumors say it was a negative number that caused an error in the system, forcing them to take you in and study you.
> Others say that you got higher than a perfect score, creating spells that could disrupt the entity of time and space itself for some extra credit.
> Neither are true, of course.
> Spike: “What are you gonna ask him, Twilight?”
> Twi: “Well, if he knows the question, why not just tell us, Anon? What was your score on the Aptitude Test?”
I’d like to first state that the test is purely subjective, and that such a score system can be entirely skewed if you find the wrong set of ponies-
> Twi: “Just tell us!”
My last score was an 1157, alright?
> Twilight freezes midwalk, trying to cram facts together in order to make logic out of what you just said; upon finding nothing but erratic responses, she begins to sputter.
> Twi: “But, that’s… that’s impossible! In order to get past the 1000 mark, you’d have to-“
I don’t enjoy using it, but I have shown the capable powers of Shadow Magic, and I only used it once for them to make a score on it.
> Spike: “Wow… that’s some cool stuff!”
Shadow Magic is commonly and strictly forbidden everywhere, and so it was learned only to understand it, not to be used.
> Twi: “You’re going to be a great teacher~!”
> She’s jumping in joy with these words now, keeping in stride with your pace.
You’re going to be a great chef, or you damn well better learn.
> And that, my friends, is how Twilight and Anon embarked on a chaotic story of magical mayhem.
> The End.