class Seba {

    private $hasBathtub;
    public function __construct() {
        $this->hasBathtub = false;
    }

    public function checkForBathtub() {
        return $this->hasBathtub;
    }

    public static function isFaggot() {
        return true;
    }

}

$seba = new Seba;

$czyWanna = $seba->checkForBathtub();

echo('Seba to '.(Seba::isFaggot ? 'pedał' : 'heteroseksualista'));