For Susan

What a great day. It was Saturday so school got out early. Now all there was to do was-

"HISAO! HISAO! OH GOD MAN YOU'VE GOT TO HELP!"

Oh God. It's Kenji. And he's- he's wearing Lilly's clothes.

"Kenji, what the hell are you doing? Why are you wearing Lilly's clothes?"

"I WAS UNDERCOVER. NO TIME TO EXPLAIN," he screams between gasps of air "COME ON!"

He grabs my hand and drags me forcefully back to the male dorms. I never would have thought he was so strong. He guides us to his room before opening the door and throwing me inside. He quickly locks a multitude of locks before running to the closet.

"This is bad, bro. Real bad. I need your help. Here, take these." Kenji tosses me a bundle of clothes. "I spent all year on this stuff. It's special tailored for you. You're going to need it to handle what's about to go down."

I shuffle through the clothes in my hands. A leather jacket, a white t-shirt, and some black jeans. I need some answers.

"Kenji, what's this all about?"

He ignores me and types some numbers into a metal box, which opens with a hiss and a puff of smoke. He gingerly reaches inside and withdraws what looks like a glove.

"I found out that Nurse and Mutou are in on the- What are you doing? Get dressed! We don't have time!"

I decide to play along with him. It's not like I have anything else to do today. Surprisingly, all of the clothes fit.

Kenji looks happy. "Excellent. I'm glad it all fits. Now for the finishing touch. Put this on." He holds that glove he grabbed earlier out to me. It looks like it came straight out of a Scifi novel, and it has a medley of buttons on the wrist. I slip it on and a red light starts to blink.

"Yes!" Kenji yells. "It fits! I knew those engineering books I snatched from the library would come in handy. Now, let's get moving. You have a job to do," he says as he starts to work through all of his locks. I need some answers.

"Kenji, please tell me what's going on."

His glasses glint as he opens the door and turns back to me. The light from the hallway illuminates his outline. He would look majestic if he weren't wearing women's clothing.

"I told you. Mutou and Nurse are in on the feminist regime. No doubt they've been promised rewards. I found out that they've been secretly conducting genetic splicing and artificial life experiments using samples that Nurse gets from his patients. I found out that they used your blood to create some sort of feminist juggernaut. That's why I need you. You're the only one that can take it down."

Oh wow. He's really gone off the deep en- wait.

"Artificial life? What does that even mean? If they make life then isn't it real?"

Kenji's determined face falters as he thinks about it. "Well, it's life, but it was made in a lab."

"That doesn't make it any less real though, does it?" I say. "So it isn't really artificial, because it's real, right?"

"This is a dangerous conversation, Hisao, and is better suited for a more peaceful time. Let's go! Time waits for no man!" Kenji yells. Before I know it he's taken off down the hall. I don't know what's happening, but at least it might be fun, so I run after him.

Kenji makes a dash to the back entrance to the dorms, and we soon find ourselves in the forest surrounding Yamaku. How he manages to run in a dress, I'll never know.

"They've got a big compound out here in the middle of the forest!" He yells at me as we sprint. "It's the perfect crime. They get their genetic samples and Mutou gets his funding for teaching cripples! It's dangerous now that the feminists have male cunning and intelligence! There! We're coming up on it now! KIAAA!!"

Kenji launches a flying jump kick at the metal door of a large rectangular building and cleanly breaks it down with a large clang. Without missing a beat, he continues on down the long hallway that's awash in red lights. Rows of metal doors line each side of the hallway. They all have nameplates that I struggle to read as we sprint past them.

"Hey, Kenji, what are these names? Oliver, Mekki, Hayley..."

Kenji skids to a stop and I plow into him. We collapse into a pile on the floor, but Kenji deftly jumps to his feet and helps me up. He turns to the door in front of us. "We're here."

The door in front of us reads 'Caprice'. An involuntary shiver runs down my back. "Kenji, what's going on?"

He turns to me. Is that a hint of pity in his eyes? "Hisao, I'm sorry it's come to this. You have to know that I never foresaw you getting so involved." He claps a hand on my shoulder. "No matter what, I've got your back. Now, even my spying wasn't enough to see what's behind this door. But I know you're the only one that can handle it. Are you ready, man?"

I force myself to swallow the buildup of saliva in my throat and offer a weak nod. Kenji squeezes my shoulder and pulls out a hat and goggles. "Cover your eyes, Hisao. This could get messy." He takes a stance and begins to chant in some language I can't recognize. I squeeze my eyes shut tight.

"HmmwlasdfitehmmmYAAAAH!!" With a deafening crash, Kenji knocks down the door. "HISAO, GO!"

I rush into the room with a battle cry and immediately trip over something sharp. "OW, what the hell is-"

Nothing has prepared me for this. Before my eyes lies a large field of cacti. No, not cacti.

Cripple cacti.

My eyes take in the scene, but my brain can't comprehend it. Each cactus has features that I can vaguely recognize from the halls of Yamaku. Emi's green eyes here, Rin's auburn hair over there, my God, even Misha's pink drills. As I observe more and more, my brain tries harder and harder to reject what I'm seeing. My eyes travel around the room and I notice something even more horrifying: Each cactus has a penis. A full blown cock and balls.

Futa cripple cacti.

"Kenji, what in the name of God is-"

"ROOOOOARRRRRR"

A loud and feral cry shatters my thoughts. I snap my head towards the back of the room and see something that I'm sure will give me nightmares for years. Assuming I survive, of course.

A large hairy gorilla. A VERY large hairy gorilla. Wearing a top hat. It sits against the wall on a large toilet, and appears to be trying to pleasure itself with the bidet. The futa cripple cacti are densely packed around that corner of the room, and appear to be taking turns inserting themselves into the gorilla's urethra. Oh God, they're all cumming. Liters and liters of semen are flowing from the cripple futa cacti into this large gorilla. I can see the gorilla's stomach slowly growing after each cactus finishes its gruesome deed.

At this point, I'm completely shell-shocked. The room slowly spins around me and my heart begins to pound in my chest. Is this real life?

The gorilla turns its eyes to me. I can see little swirls in its pupils. It's mouth begins to move, but I can't tell what its saying. I'm beginning to lose it. Everything is going dark. I...can't...do..-

"HISAO!"

A rough shake slams me back to the present.

"HISAO!"

Kenji! Like a wave, everything comes crashing back to me.

"HISAO! ANSWER ITS QUESTION!" Kenji screams into my ear.

Question? I focus my ears and realize that the gorilla is speaking. No, not speaking. Singing.

"DO YOU KNOW THE MUFFIN MAN, THE MUFFIN MAN, THE MUFFIN MAN? DO YOU KNOW THE MUFFIN MAN WHO LIVES ON DRURY LANE?"

Kenji yanks me up and pushes me towards the futa cacti gorilla cumflating corner. "Go Hisao! You can do it! I'll cheer you on from here! GO!"

Kenji's support gives me strength. It's time to do my job. May history remember this day, for it is the day Hisao Nakai met his destiny.

I take a step towards the wild gorilla in the top hat.

One step becomes two.

Two steps become a jog.

A jog becomes a sprint.

The red light on the power glove I'm wearing begins to blink faster, and I pull my fist back to get ready for a punch. No matter what happens, I swear that this gorilla is going down. I launch my fist forward and feel a satisfying shock as the punch connects solidly with the gorilla's jaw.

May history remember this day, for it is the day Hisao Nakai meets his destiny.