[8/25/2013 2:45:35 PM] cory: i have a tradition of writing things nobody else wants to read here, so if you don't mind i'll do it again and explain what happened.  i guess i was going to try to be completely silent, but i like talking and nick already told people the bulk of it anyway so i had might as well make my voice heard
[8/25/2013 2:45:53 PM] cory: i dont want it to be some big stupid war cause that'd be stupid and not make any sense, but i do feel like typing it all out at least once
[8/25/2013 2:47:58 PM] cory: okay.  before i came here, we talked about rent.  mostly nick and i.  the conclusion of the talks was me saying: look, i want to pay 1/3 of w/e it is, i don't care how you two split the rest.
[8/25/2013 2:48:36 PM] cory: then we move in.  i have a pretty good idea about what the # is going to be, but don't know exactly.  on like day 2 i ask chance exactly what the # is.  he says 750, i say ok.
[8/25/2013 2:50:07 PM] cory: no, whine was wright
[8/25/2013 2:50:08 PM] cory: right
[8/25/2013 2:50:50 PM] cory: comes to the end of june, the 25th maybe.  i go and ask him where i'm supposed to send the money.  at first he tries to just say idk, but i persist and get him to give me a bank account to wire it to.  ok, i send for june and set it up to send every month.
[8/25/2013 2:51:53 PM] cory: fast forward to the beginning of august.  i actually look at my bank and i see two returned $750s.  i go to chance and i ask why.  he says he doesn't know.
[8/25/2013 2:53:08 PM] cory: nick reads that private conversation and says to me--the reason they were returned is because you're not going to pay rent here.  i tell him i don't like it.  i go to doug, because i'm running out of people to go to
[8/25/2013 2:54:24 PM] cory: and doug says to me that it's his job to protect chance's reputation, and it would look horrible to have me pay rent for living there while doing what i do.  i hang up on skype with doug by telling him "look, the grocery store closes in 15 minutes, i'm out of liquor and i'd really like to get drunk.  bye."
[8/25/2013 2:56:08 PM] cory: so then i just wait for a week or something with this on my mind, and eventually i tell chance that i have something i'd like to get off my chest and could we please talk about it
[8/25/2013 2:58:41 PM] cory: if you don't know--i almost never talk to him.  almost every message is just "did you send the sound recording from yesterday" or something like that, i tried to never send  messages that were actually personal, but i tried very hard to make it clear this time that this was a big personal issue i had and that it would really end a lot of mentall distress for me if i could please pay him the rent i owe him
[8/25/2013 3:02:18 PM] cory: and so when i talked to him, he just repeated over and over "no, you don't owe me anything."--and still today i don't understand how he can say that, because we definitely had an agreement about the rent and i never agreed to alter it.  i never knew that it had been altered, because nobody thought it was necessary or important to tell me that the rules for me living there had changed, nobody thought it mattered, they thought that the rules about where i lived and how i lived there were somehow theirs to decide.  had they told me about their new rules, i would have screamed: no, i refuse, i won't accept it.
[8/25/2013 3:10:13 PM] cory: and if you want to say, like everyone else, that my videos were my payment for living there: i'll be damned if they were.  i never accepted that deal.  i never would have.  our agreement for youtube went like this: one day he gave me the info and said "do whatever you want with it." and i said okay.  i also told him shortly after, after it was clear that i was going to try to make it work and actually build the thing, that i would quit the moment i felt like quitting, that any day i woke uip and no longer wanted to do the work i would stop.  i repeated that to him, over and over, every opportuntiy i got.  that's part of why my videos can't be payment for me living there: because i was free to stop making them at any point according to the deal we had.  how can that be my payment for where i live, if it's an effort i'm free to withdraw whenever i feel like it? and the more important part, is that even if my effort with the videos could have been traded for the rent--i was never asked if that agreement was okay, i was never asked if i agreed to it or would abide by it.  somehow those three took it upon themselves to decide for me, that it was a fair deal and that i would want it and that i was happy with it
[8/25/2013 3:22:55 PM] cory: by trying to make the fact that i made the videos my justification for living there, they tried to tie my well being, my future and my health, into the youtube effort--in a way i never agreed to.  i never agreed that i would have to make youtube videos to live there, yet they decided it for me, and by doing that they--whether they know or recognize it or not--tried to take away something very precious to me, one of the only things i'll ever admit to actually caring about: having a voice and being able to say "yes" or "no."  if i ever had caught one whisper of this, i would have screamed--NO!--and instead i was left in the dark for three months, in a situation that still makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs NO!!, but because they thought to make the decisions for me, i never had a chance to
[8/25/2013 3:26:51 PM] cory: those llast cople sentences are really everything.  that's the explanation and justification for why i'm so upset right now.  i'll finish with the story anyway
[8/25/2013 3:28:01 PM] cory: so after i have that conversation with chance where he continues to insist i don't owe him anything, i give up.  i go walk to get my car the next morning, which i haven't had in almost 2 months--so i can start figuring out where i'm going to go from here.
[8/25/2013 3:30:07 PM] cory: that day nick talks to me, asks why my car is there all of a sudden.  i'm a really bad liar so i just tell him the truth, that i'm going to look for somewhere else to live.  he asks why, i tell him.  he  says to me, and i'll do my best to get  it exactly right: "you know the only reason you don't pay rent here is because we could never kick you out if you did, right?"
[8/25/2013 3:32:03 PM] cory: and i have no clue why, but i slept there that night  and then started packing & moved out the next day.
[8/25/2013 3:42:35 PM] cory: yes.  a lot.
[8/25/2013 3:46:49 PM] cory: i don't know that i could have put words to this until recently, but i think i was very desperate to be treated like a human here.  i feel like a dog instead, having had things as simple as my ability to say "yes" or "no" to an agreement taken from me--because they knew better
[8/25/2013 3:47:04 PM] cory: idk, thanks for reading it.  i'll have to get over it somehow
[8/25/2013 3:47:49 PM] cory: i'm in a hotel.  i don't know if i'll find somewhere else to live here or go back home
[8/25/2013 3:48:22 PM] cory: i didn't even want to live there until i found a new place.  i couldn't stand it.  =/
[8/25/2013 4:07:51 PM] cory: i think most everyone in the world would call me a lunatic if i told them that story, especially if i added the part about how much i stood to make if i continued on with it =/