Forever is a long long time

*Note I haven't taken any other drug besides weed before


I decided on a whim to drop some LSD for the first time last night in the confines of my room. Some

background: 18 years old, very curious and very impatient when I first got my first blotter of LSD. I recieved

it around 11am-12pm on Thursday, and originally planned on waiting a few days to take it. However being very

bored that day, and realizing that I won't be getting the house to myself for at least a few more days, I

decided to take it at night time (Because I figured everyone would be sleeping at the time and wont bother me

to much)

In hindsight, it was definitely a recipe for something crazy (Taking a psychedelic for the firs time, it being

night time, slight worries of having to not be too loud, etc) But to tell you the truth, I'm glad I took it.

Even during the intense part of the trip I thought ' Well I'm glad this happening now, and not something that

was going to happen later'.


I've decided to make this report composed of; (1) the 'Jorunal' (if you can call it that) I somehow managed to

write throughout the trip, (2) Sober Clarification of what I wrote in the 'Journal', (3) and information of

the story line that I forgot to write during the trip because I was simply 'tripping the fuck out too hard'

[  ]  =   Raw Notes  ('Journal')

(  )  = Clarifications

**    = Retrospect of what happened; times that I forgot to note during the trip


-8:55 pm
[Just took some lsd. A bit nervous, but resolved, knowing that I took it, aware that I will be tripping until
 morning.]

**To tell you the truth, during this time, I was having ever so slight second thoughts after taking it. Not

because of fear of taking it per se, but rather thinking that it was not the 'ideal time'. My take away:

indecisiveness is not congruent with lsd, at least for me **



-9:16
[I feel slight distortions with my body and perception, but nothing too strong yet.]

** At this point, my nervousness started to become anxiety. I started feeling body load, and I guess I must

have mistaked the increasing intensity of the bodyload for increasing anxiety. I didn't note this on my raw

journal, but my thought process was slowly, but surely becoming more and more pessimistic. Thoughts like 'This

was a bad idea to do now' and such. During this time, I was watching videos on the internet. **



-9:42

[Starting to have extreme clearity. Can definitely feel the body load coming on.]

** Don't be fooled by the cool demeanor I playing when I wrote that. I was still trying to atleast be positive

in my writing, but in reality I was literally a wreck. At this point during the trip, I kept switching from

playing music, to watching videos on youtube, to Anime, to Music, to videos on youtube, to anime, etc. Nothing

seemed to sedate this anxiety. In fact, as some of you could guess if you had a similar experience, things

started taking a rather Ominous characteristic.

Hopeless is definitely a word I would use to describe this state. Everytime I would try to play some music, it

seemed to get ever so slower. I'm not sure if anyone else experienced this, but the music also seemed to

highlight certain words that was related to my negative state of mind at the time.
That Would freak me out, and so I would switch to videos on youtube. It would have the same dark spin to it.

Decided to watch anime. SAME DAMN THING

After helplessly trying to see if those activities could salvage my trip, I realized it was a lost cause. I

just want to clarify that the major feeling wasn't fear. I wasn't necsasarily terrified, but rather was

beginning to have increasingly negative thoughts. Back to the experience, I decided that 'lol, fuck lsd, I'm

going to sleep' and tried to sleep (even though I explicitly told myself I would stay awake the whoe trip

before I took the blotter). I started seing visuals of teeths, disfigured monsters and what not. All in the

form of fractals. So It's safe to assume that sleeping was out of the question.

As you can tell, it seemed that I was beginning to go down some kind of a messed up rabbit hole. I then

repeated the the same sequence I stated in the begining (video, music, anime) but this time 'trying to go to

fucking sleep' has been added to the list. **


-10:30

[Colors changing.]    (What I mean is that during this point of the trip it seemed that I was seeing the world

in certain colors depending on my mood)

**during this time, I thought it would be a good idea to get out of bed and start to dance. I was on the

'music phase', and decided that I should prbably dance all the bad vibes off. First thing I realized is the

color. It was like my whole world was tinted a devilish red. So I slowly retreated back to my bed, because I

just wasn't feeling the urge to dance.

I'm proud at what I decided to do at this point. Something I should have done from the getco but you learn

from experiences, eh? What I decided to do was close my eyes and accept the emotion and the experience for

what it was. Running away from it by trying to sleep, or listening to music, or watching some video was

obviously not working, so I decided to just let it take me. In a way, it felt like I was embracing evil

incarnate. Like before, I was still seeing the sinister hallucinations (which let me clarify wasn't as vivid

as you might think. It was more of distortions of abstract art that was moving and taking forms of those

things) But something started to change... For starters the color tint went from sinister red to eerie green,

which isn't that much of an improvement let me tell ya, but it's a start.
I also started to get the impression that LSD was an.... entity**


-11:05
[to Brother: lsd is weird as heaven] (lol, this was originally 'weird as hell' but but I soon after changed

it. I explain it more details below)

**The reason I wrote this in my original journal was because my twin brother (who was not home with me) was

thinking of taking LSD one day. I guess I wanted to right some kind of helpful advice...

lol, Anyways, at this point I am rather surprised at how the trip began turning out. Dare I say it was

beginning to take a positive vibe? Don't get me wrong it was still ridicuously crazy. In fact, in the 30

minutes after the previous post, it seemed that what I experienced was indescribable. The best I can say was

that, first of all this LSD entity began taking less of a sinister role, and more of a mischivious, or at

times even a childlike like playful role. I also began to realize that I was being shown what I can only

describe as different realities/universes/lifetimes in the form of fractals. I began to make ridiculous

connections.
Also the reason why I decided to replace 'hell with 'heaven' when I was tripping was because I realized that

it started affecting my mindset.  **

-11:16
[Pretty crazy. even writing is pretty hard. well its easy...... its hard to explain.

I guess I need to point this out, but lsd is one helluva drug.]

**At this point it feels like I've been on this drug for long enough. surely longer than 12 hours. If the trip

have ended there, and if I didn't check the clock, I would have thought that 12 hours have already passed**

-11:18
[to Brother: just flow with it. let it speak with you.]


-11:20
[Just try and follow the crazy]
**At this point the anxiety is pretty much gone, but the intensity is increasing. I am being shown things that

arent possible. I am experiencing realities that feels like forever in moments...**

  -11:16pm-3:04am

**This is when LSD began to blow my mind. And I mean really blow it. Throughout this time span, my emotional

scale were all over the place. It would go from one extreme to another.
I'm not gonna explain everything that happened, but I will list some highlights

1) In a very positive state, I went to my white board to draw a picture. It was a simple picture of a grass

and a tree. initially when drawing, everything was upbeat. The music was playing fast in my mind (apparently

fast music means positive while slow music mean ominous. The lsd was the one increasing/decreasing the speed),

And the tint color of how I saw things was a nature green. However things felt a bit ominous. I decided to go

back to lay down and view the closed eye visuals. It was showing me realities, and at one point I was shown

that the infinite  of the reality I was seeing, turned out to be the drawing I JUST NOW MADE.

2) There was a point during the trip where I was stuck between the times 1:35-1:45am. I Would come back with

being shown a reality that literally felt like hours passed, only to find out that it was still 1:35~ .   This

happened Too many times to count and become more and more eerie. At one point I thought I was stuck in that

time period forever. I would open my eyes, and be almost afraid to check the time. I usually would end up

checking only to find that time hardly passed.

3)There's was this one rather creepy moment where one of my worst fears happened. My mom actually woke up and

came to my room. I heard her door open and heard her walk to my bedroom door, and then she opened my door. She

told me 'Honey, why are you still awake? Go to sleep okay?'. When I saw her face It looked slightly distorted.

I told her okay, and she shut the door. After that I was shown 'realities' that ended up being my mom (similar

to the drawing explanations). It made me really sympathise for her.

4) I couldn't take take the fact that time was not moving, so at one point I decided to watch a video on the

internet. To be more precise, Rick and morty. I started making connections about our universe from the show.

5) at one point I couldn't comprehend what being human was. I was something else entirely.

6) Everything I saw all connected to that moment when I took the lsd. The moment it landed in my mouth. In

other words, the totality of everything I was experience was the effect, caused by the exact moment I took the

lsd.



A lot of other things happened, but those were the highlights**


-3:04

[watch koi]

**At one point I started to watch this youtuber called 'Koi Fresco'. He honestly helped me get out of the

loop. I was able to somewhat get a sense of time. Throughout all of his videos I watched (about 2 hours

worth), I had the knowing that he was an old soul. I even got the impression that he knew I would be watching

the videos of him I was watching and worded everything just perfectly. I felt my mind expand and from that

time until around 6:25 am, I felt like some kind of super brain.
At one point he was talking about about a topic that made me think that I might be stuck in this trip forever.

It felt like a 50/50 chance of the coin.**



-6:25
[Watching the sunrise. lol, the internet said it was at 6:50. it's 6:26 right now.]

**I honestly don't know how I came up with this genious idea. Before the whole trip, before I took the the

blotter, I decided to find out what time sunrise was on the internet. Throughout a lot of the trip, knowing

that everything would be fine at sunrise was what kept me sane within insanity. At the time time, I still had

the feeling that it was still a 50/50 chance. Anyways sunrise kicks in and alsmost like clockwork I began to

come down.**


-6:28
[lsd is one helluva drug.]

**Wise words**

-6:32
[(Note to self; get in contact with Koi)]

**Thar's how influential his videos were to me during my trip**

-6:34
[crying (tears of joy)]

**That feeling of coming out of it from the otherside is indescribable**


-6:38
[everything i did during the come up came back to bite me later on during the trip]

**This was something I wanted to note as the common theme of the trip. It seemed that the little things I did

during the begining of the trip came back to me as seperate 'universes' if that makes sense.**

-6:39
starting to realize that baselining is gonna make you more suspectible to being silly enough to try this

again.

** Throughout this whole trip there was a sense of 'maybe I may not be able to come out of this one'. I told

myself If I ever did make it back, I would stay away from LSD (and DMT, since I was thinking about taking it

before the trip). But not 30 minutes after somewhat returning to normal, I was entertaining the idea, which

seemed ridiculous.**

-6:40
[Also, time goes by very slowy, but feels like an instant. If you understand what I mean you arent going

fast/slow enough]

** I don't even know**

-6:43
[another thing. Lsd felt like an entity]

-6:50

[6:50! The tiime has come]

**Like I said it felt like that time was my salvation. It felt like the trip was really over after all of

that**



-6:54
[realizing that of all the infities I've been through (And I've been through an infinite number of them) I

still havent seen all of them]

**Looking out of my window, I saw a flock of bird fly by. First thought that came to mind is that I didn't see

any realities of them, which I found odd since I was literally looking at infinite realities. And then I came

to the conclusion that I was probablly looking at infity in the sense of litte pockets of experiences rather

than the whole thing. An anology would be like how from the numbers 1-2 there is an infinite numbers between

them, but there are still numbers like 3 and 4 (which goes all the way up to infinity itself).**

-6:55
[oh and silver popped up in there a few times]

**I had a cat name Silver that became a few universes of infiinity in my trip.**

-6:56
[lol, watching rick and morty right during the peak (3ish) is totally trippy]
**nuff said**

-7:03
[It's like drawing a green marker streak, and then tripping out for eternity only to find out it was all in

the green marker streak]

**This is the reference to the whiteboard I was talking about**


-7:06
[Thought loop. Warn Brother on that ]

**Theres nothing like feeling like you're in a thought for eternity.**

-7:26
[hovering around baseline, but there are times where it spikes for very short moments, but let me remind you

that every moment is eternity]


8:50
afterglow

To conclude, it was very interesting to say the least, and more remarkable than I would ever know to say the

most. I plan on just enjoying worldy things for a day or 2 bring me back to reality, then I will think of a

way to integrate all the stuff I've been through.