ME-Anon's Fantastical Adventures- Part one

>Lying back in your bunk, you can feel the hum of the engines deep below you..
>Something about them was always comforting, then again; it seemed every spacer felt that way. Even those born planet-side felt like it was coming home when they stepped into the low, simulated gravity the crafts gave their inhabitants.
>Reaching to your bags hanging from the bunk above, you rummaged around.. pulling out a data tablet. Military spec, like your overalls and their contents. Like almost everything on this ship.
>With a comfortable sigh, you flick through the glowing orange screens. Nothing on your account, aside from a reminder to request to get requisition orders BEFORE leaving Alliance space.
>Ship specifications.. check the readouts.. everything in the green. You had no idea why you liked to check the output on the ship, way up in your quarters. It wasn't even as if you were an Engineer.
"Suppose it's always good to know the old girl's happy and well."
>Tapping the bulkhead by your side; you smile at the ship in the privacy of a few minutes alone in your bunk.
>Tokyo... you might be a little old, but you're still a pleasure to ride with...
>Checking through your preferred extranet sites, you while away the time until you're on duty again. Sleep didn't really have much attraction right now, and it wasn't like there was anything important to do for now.
>Head jerking up at the door's "tsscluk-tshh!"; you see one of your friends enter with a grin.
>"You'll never believe what's up for us! The ship! I was standing as guard in the CIC; and the captain got the order to go relay down to... drumroll, please!"
>Shaking your head, you nevertheless oblige his inane antics. Beating a little tune on the exposed material of the bunk.
"Come on then, you've got me curious now!"
>"We.. are going to.. (da-da-da daah!) Illium! Can you believe it? Something about an, er... Alliance awareness program. I don't know!"
>Grinning widely, he seems ecstatic at the news. And.. hell, you are too! Only place with more species and life would be the Citadel. And considering they'd have to be there a while..
"Shore leave on Illium! Hey, have you told the others?"
>"Ah, nah. Wanted to grab my stuff, and saw you. Gah, reminds me.."
>Snatching a data tablet from his locker, pushing a credit chit back in to close the door on his valuables; he dashes out. Only stopping by the doorframe to grin at you. Wordlessly grinning before leaving you with "..Illium man!"
>Whistling at the news, you lock your tablet, tossing it back onto the bunk. Daydreams interrupted unfortunately by a tingle in your arm.
>Not a sign of a pinched nerve however, it was merely an alert on your omni-tool. Reminding you that to get in your armor, sign your firearm out and make your way to your post would take approximately the time you had left to be there.

>Standing at your post by one of the interior doors, you struggle to hold in a yawn.. perhaps taking advantage of the opportunity to sleep would have been a better idea.
>"Hey, you been here a while?"
>Next to you, across the doorway, someone you hadn't seen before stood. Glancing over to you, though at least he knew enough to keep the majority of his attention to his task.
>Couldn't blame him for getting distracted though. Guard duty was mostly so that the infantry and other fully combat personel had something to do.. not like someone can sneak aboard in deep space anyway.
"On the ship? Yeah. Been on the Tokyo.. er. Let's see... must be a little over two years now"
>And it was beginning to show, you thought. You HAD just spoken to a load of metal and eezo earlier.
>"Ah.. looking forward to this tour, never been on a Cruiser before! Though I was on the SSV Logan though. Nothin' compares to a Dreadnaught's firepower! Though, no offense to the Tokyo. Y'know, there's somethin' to be said fer the old Everest-clas..."
>Oh shit. You've been put on guard duty with a ship enthusiast. Even most quarians weren't as bad as these guys could be. You're already tuning him out.
>The next rotation couldn't come soon enough, as far as you were concerned. Idly listening to your colleague when he seemed to have switched subject.
>"..though I hope I don't have to operate with a biotic. They're just.. freaky. Y'know?"
>Turning to him, you simply raised an eyebrow. Nothing more really needed to be said, emblazoned on your chest was the MVC, "L5". Noting your companion was a B4 at the same time.
>"Shit! You're a biotic? I.. I didn't mean ALL biotics of course, just.. er.. I'll.. I'll shut up now."
>Finally.. B4.. that was, what.. basic infantry? Colonial defense? Most of the codes blurred together after a while. It was one of the basic ones, though. Then there were special ones. Z for the internal affairs, N for special ops, L for biotic specialists, E for Engineering.. list went on..
>Glancing out the solitary porthole on the 'guarded' corridor, you spotted the first Relay the ship would slingshot itself with.
>Something about the size, majesty.. everything about them just invoked a sense of awe at the sight of them, glancing at mister chatterbox; you saw he was as impressed. No spacer could claim they weren't. Maybe the asari, but then they really had seen it all.
>Returning your attention to the blank gunmetal grey corridor, you let your peripheral vision take care of taking in the Relay...
>"Hey, you see that? I-in the middle of the eezo."
>What? Turning your head proper to the aperture, you looked at the Relay.. looked normal en-
"Wait. I see it. Something.. purple? Didn't know you could get it like that.. you think it's all right for us to jump with it like that?"
>"Hey, I'm sure the captain wouldn't if it wasn't sa-"
>Interrupted by the speakers, you heard the helmsman's voice "Activating the Relay in three, two, on-"

>Birdsong was the first thing that permeated your mind.
>Grass under your face and hands. Cool.
>Sunshine above, warming the back of your head..
>And then the feeling of your entire body being crushed mercilessly. With a cry, you wrench yourself up, wobbly and nearly losing your balance before unsteadily standing up. Feeling like your kneecaps were about to collapse and your spine was a spring being pressed together.
"Shit.. what th.. planet."
>Blinking at the turf below, the strange thought glows red-hot in your mind. You're planet-side. That's why you feel like shit, you've been used to low gravity for years. Actually standing with a full G is something of a shock to your system.
>Happy that you've solved that mystery, you merrily throw up on the bright green grass. Then gleefully fall over to your side.
"Maybe.. isn't just gravity. Yeah.."
>Trying to gather your thoughts, you look up to the dappled light coming from trees above you. Been a while since you'd been in any place with trees, planet or space station. It might not be a good eezo hum.. but the subtle rustling they had wasn't bad to help think by.
>So... your ship. Where was it? The Tokyo is en-route to Illium. Where are YOU?
>...
"On.. a planet. After jumping, aboard my ship. I'm.. on a planet."
>This didn't make much sense to your recovering mind, and you doubted it would even after a couple cups of coffee.
>With a groan, you scooped up your firearm. Standard issue shotgun from the quartermaster. Checking your side-arm to make sure it was intact, then your armor. It seemed to have survived whatever brought you here well. Very well, actually. Not even superficial damage, though there was some cosmetic in the way of mud and leaves.
>Cricking your neck, you tapped the air over your left forearm; bringing up your omni-tool. Something that WASN'T standard issue for once. Checking connectivity.. none. On anything.
>That shouldn't happen, there's always SOMETHING on the aether. Checking particular frequencies, for comm buoys.. nothing. All you got was some odd static on one channel.
>Still, you took the opportunity to command your armor to give you a stablizer, and something to help you adapt to the local gravity (which you confirmed at 1.12G..)
"A balmy twenty-six degrees centigrade, with an atmosphere within a percentage either way of the gas make-up of Earth.. huh."
>This place was a garden world, that was for sure. But nothing on communications? And your comm unit seemed to be working perfectly, diagnotics came up clean. Hell, seemed insulted you should even ask.
>Shaking your head, you chalked it up to a bizarre technical fault; and once you got someone who knew more about technology than the battlefield tech you knew; they should be able to point out what went wrong.
>Until then... alien world, possibly hostile. With... a white picket fence. Blinking at the sight, you wondered how you'd missed it with your worries of being transported, throwing up and checking your equipment.
>Actually, that rather explains why you missed it. Walking over to it, you patted it gingerly.. was made of wood, and seemed hand-made. Most colonial worlds would use pre-fabs for pretty much everything. It was quick, cheap and easy. Plus they wouldn't break down until the day after the warranty ended.
>So.. established colony. Or home-world. But this just seemed too.. human. Looking up and down the length of the fencing, you failed to see civilisation beyond the tilled field before you.
>Reasoning that a field meant civilisation, and there had to be a connecting road somewere, you chose a direction at random and walked off following it. Taking in the sights as you did.

>What the fuck was up with this place? Everything seemed like someone had turned up the hues a little beyond the natural. Everything. It was starting to burn into your retinas, you were sure.
"Why didn't I put on my damn bloody helmet. Ow."
>Because you weren't expecting to go planetside or suck vacuum that day, you reminded yourself. The local sun wasn't helping either, brighter than Sol and far brighter than the strip-lighting you were used to.
>Still, at least you'd worked out two sides of the field DIDN'T lead to a road already. That's learning, technically. The road you'd been looking for was getting closer with your steady march however, and already you were thinking of contacting the local Alliance offices to..to..
"Hoofprints? What.. no tire tracks.."
>Looking at the dusty road, it felt like you were willing the dirt to change. No matter how much you looked however; no shoeprints, no environment suit imprints, no.. nothing except hoofprints.
"Okay.. either it's an hoofed race, hooved robots do the work here or.. hanar planet. And this is dry."
>Guess it's robots then, with an old-style look to it. Maybe for tourism. Plenty of rich idiots would do it, I'm sure.
>Grinning you set off, pleased to have found a road. Roads led to towns. Towns lead to cities. Cities led to space. And that was where you belonged. That's the plan, and you were going to follow it.
>Although, you were starting to wonder just how mad the benefactor of this place was when you finally reached a farmhouse. Some bizarre script adorned the front, which refused to be translated with a scan.
>And every Citadel space language is in this thing.. so it's either an extinct language, a language who's users are particularly secret, or one that isn't known by the Citadel? Beginning to think this is above my pay grade.
>Steeling yourself to meet.. ANYTHING; venemous plants, insectoid commandos, gelatinous cubes.. you held your shotgun in one hand and knocked on the farmhouse door with the other.
>"Ah'm comin', hold your horses there!"
>...what? A glance at your omni-tool told you that hadn't been translated. Speaking English? What is going on in this place?
>Before your internal confusion could rise, the door was pulled aside by an.. orange horse. A small orange horse. No wait, that would be-
"A pony."

>"...well, that's what I ahm; sure. What manner of beastie are you though? Never seen a fella like you 'round these parts, that's fer sure!"
>The strange orange.. pony, seemed to think of something; actually flushing red with a quiet, "Er.. y'all ARE a fella, right?"
>For a second, your mind seemed to melt. A talking orange pony was speaking english in what sounded like one of the Earth accents. Australia? No, America. Or was is Albania?
>..oh, right. It asked a question.
"I'm a human, and ah; yes. I am a male of my species."
>It's no 'pony' you've ever encountered that's for sure. Well, you've never actually SEEN a real pony, or a horse. But you've seen pictures and suchlike. And.. they're not normally orange, with a yellow mane and a hat.. nor do they have a simple picture of apples painted on their.. what, rump? Flank? There's probably a word for it. You're supposed to measure them in "hands" too, because.. something. The horse explodes or something otherwise, perhaps.
>"Well, mah pa always taught me to introduce mahself. Name's Applejack, what's yours; stranger?"
"Ah.. Anonymous. My parents had an odd sense of humor. Not my choice, I assure you."
>"Well, kinda suits you I guess..", it- no.. she said doubtfully, raising an eye at your appearance. You had to admit, you were a world apart from the peculiar orange quadraped. A couple feet taller, dressed in blue-grey armor and decked in enough tech to take down a platoon.
"Ah.. I'm guessing this isn't going to work already, but.. do you know how to contact the System Alliance, or the Citadel? ...the Terminus Systems perhaps?"
>"Eeeno. No. Sorry there, never heard of no pony with a name like that. Or are they hu..mahns? Friends of yours?"
"Not quite.. they're organisations, except for the last. That's a number of places.. Er.. what about getting to space?"
>"..space?"
"Yeah."
>"The big black thing at night with stars an' whatnot in it?"
"That's the one."
>"Ah don't think there's any pony with magic that strong, aside from the princess! An' what would you want tah do there? Twi says that you run out of air way up there, an' it's colder 'n' a sundae in a blizzard."
"Didn't think so- wait, magic?"
>"Well of course magic! What, you think you'd get a big ol' ladder up there?"
>Magic. The orange talking pony said magic. I'm on a planet talking to a pony about magic on how to escape the planet's gravity.
>I'm going to wake up in the infirmary any second now... aaaany second now. Now. Now. Now now now nownownownownownownownownownownownownownownownow-
>FUCK