In a Flash (WIP)

W A R N I N G:

Don't fucking read this. Just-- Don't read it. There's a monster inside me which compels me to write this shit, and I don't want to subject you to it.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

>Regiment Switching day
>Not your favorite 24-hour period, to be certain
>The opposite, in fact
>Watching row after row of guards walk by was the epitome of boring
>Of course, this is mandatory as part of your princely duties
>So you slouch on your throne and observe the parade from the box
>Just as you're about to fall asleep, your wife nudges you
>"See that one?"
>You shake awake, gazing over the crowd
>Who--
>Oh, that one
>Blue hair
>Orange-ish coat
>Sorta gay looking
"Yeah?"
>"I dated him for a month."
>A moment passes in silence
"You're kidding."
>"Nope."
"You?"
>"Yep!"
>You shake your head
"Never mentioned him."
>"Well, that's because it's sort of an embarrassing story."
"Worse than that time you dated that DJ chick?"
>"Yes."
>Shit, really?
>You sit up, interest rising
"How bad?"
>"Well. Let's see."
>She pretends to think about it
>"He mumbled every word on every date and barely kept eye contact. He jumped every time I tried to hold his hoof. Oh, and he never got any hints. I invited him for coffee after a date three times and he didn't realize what I meant. I had to practically drag him into the bedroom."
>You arch an eyebrow
"Seriously? Testosterone-filled guard like him?"
>"Yep. Timid as a fly. Turns out there was a good reason for that."
"Yeah?"
>"Well, after he came, he started crying."
>You burst into laughter
>Which you probably shouldn't be doing at this event, considering the formality, but whatever
"You're fucking with me."
>"Nope. Sobbing like a baby."
"Oh my god. Did he have a reason?"
>"Yep. Wanna guess?"
"He lasted less then twenty seconds?"
>"No. He got about forty in. It was much worse."
"What, then?"
>"He's gay."
>You blink
"And-- Wait. Why did he-"
>"I was the Princess. Felt like he couldn't refuse."
"Oh my god."
>You're literally going to die
>You haven't laughed this hard before
>Ever
>Seriously, this fucking hurts
>You wish you could stop but--
>The fucking image of him just bursting into tears and admitting--
>Oh my god you have to stop thinking about it
>"Yeah. Imagine how I felt."
"And-- And you- He-- He waited until AFTER you guys fucked to tell you?"
>"Yeah. Explained how uncomfortable he looked."
"Oh... Oh Christ..."
>Well
>You can breathe again
>So that's good
>"But yeah. Totally gay. I reprimanded him for not being honest with me, and he got all- Well, you know the type."
>Your wife adopts a fake submissive, shaky voice
>"Yes Princess Twilight, I'm sorry Princess Twilight, it won't happen again Princess Twilight"
>Fuck
>You're laughing again
>Seriously, this isn't healthy
>Like
>This hurts so much
>Christ
>"And he's literally on the floor, on his knees, wet dick flopping about, as I'm rolling my eyes and just regretting my entire life."
>Fuck fuck fuck
>You really have to stop
>But--
>Oh, shit
>You hit the floor with a thudding noise, literally falling out of your chair laughing
"Oh... Oh Christ, Twi."
>"Yeah. Probably should have noticed it sooner."
"Ya think?"
>"Oh, shut up."
>She lightly kicks you on the shoulder as you continue to destroy your diaphragm
"Oh... Oh my good..."
>You sigh
"Wow."
>"Yeah."
>You scramble back up onto the chair
"Well. Uh- Shit."
>No more guards
>You missed the rest of the parade
>Oh well
>Not like you actually cared
>Now that that's over, though...
>You have to admit
>That faggy haircut was sort of-
>Eh, fuck it
"Uh, Twi?"
>"Yeah?"
"So, he's like..."
>You let your voice trail off
>She screws up her face and punches you in the arm
>"Oh my Celestia, Anonymous."
"Yeah Yeah I know. But-- I mean, you thought it too! You guys dated, right?"
>"Yes, but-"
>She sighs
>"I have no idea how he's going to feel about that."
"Oh come on. Remember that grovelling? He's totally a subby little bitch."
>Twilight shrugs
>"In all likelihood."
"So, uh... Is it alright if I--"
>Twilight thinks about it for a moment
>"Fine. He's in..."
>She levitates a clipboard up to eye level
>"Barrack 3C, Bunk 19L".
"Awesome."
>You lick your lips
>"Try to be gentle with him."
>You give her a look
>She smiles
>"Only kidding, of course. Fuck him hard for me."
"Oh, will do. Think I can go now?"
>"You'd better. We having a 'meeting' with Luna tonight."
>You kiss your wife on the cheek
"Thanks. Love you."
>"You too."
>She slaps you on the ass with magic
>"Now. Go get some!"
>Fucking Twilight
____
>Finally
>Your bunk in the barracks
>That parade was a nightmare. You got out of step twice, and you could swear you heard laughing after you passed Twilight
>Probably about the horrible nightmare that was your "relationship" with her
>To this day, she was the only woman you've ever had sex with
>You still can't believe you let it get that far
>Still. Being assigned to her palace again can't be too bad
>Lots of good guards in the newly-formed regiment. A few that were the type to be into you in the first place, and others who were "straight" but would probably take a turn when you serviced the troops
>Best of all, you're assigned to barrier duty
>Keeping track of the borders of the palace grounds, and all
>Not only is it an easy job, it's as far away from your ex as possible
>This is the good life
>You put your pack below the bed, rolling on top of it
>Ah
>Nice and springy
>Perfect for-- well, your favorite activity
>You lay there for a solid minute before you realize something's wrong
>There's-- Where the hell are the other guards?
>The entire section is totally empty
>Except you
>You begin to sweat
>Did you miss an alarm?
>Are you supposed to be elsewhere?
>Oh, god, this is terrible
>You feel panic start to set in as you jump off the bed
>"Flash."
>You freeze
>That--
>You've never heard that voice before
>Slowly, you turn around, tail and ears dropping in fear
>Oh, gods
>This is it
>You're dead
>Twilight's husband is standing in the door, a wicked grin on his gaunt face
>"Let's talk, buddy."
>Yeah.
>So dead.
>You--
>Oh, gods
>You fucked his wife
>Now this monster is going to murder you
>FUCK
>You feel your breathing get ragged, and adrenaline floods your body
>There's no way you can fight this guy
>But, maybe, if you run...
>"I reassigned your other bunk-mates temporarily. Hope you don't mind."
"N-No sir."
>Shit Shit shit
>"So my wife was talking about you."
>SHIT SHIT SHIT
>"And, as I understand it, you're a little faggot bitch."
>His grin widens as you feel yourself blush
>Oh my god
>Fuck you, submission fetish
>Not now
>"I also understand that you dated her for a while. Seriously, you let her have sex with you? Do you not have a spine?"
>You feel more heat rise to your face
>"Seriously, what kind of guard are you?"
>F-Fuck
>Why isn't he hurting you yet
>And why is your armor suddenly so t-tight-
>"I'll tell you what."
>He crosses the distance between you in one stride, placing a firm, strong hand on your back
>"Look here. We both know what we want, right?"
>You feel yourself nodding
>Oh god
>You're-
>But he's married! How in the hell can he-
>"And Twilight's okay with it."
>Oh Celestia
>Are--
>Is this--
>"So how about you take off that armor and present your fucking sissy ass."
>He slaps you on the butt
>Hard
>It hurts, but only makes your erection stronger
>Fuck
>With practiced efficiency, you remove your armor
>Trembling, you dip your torso and turn around, presenting yourself
>"Oh. Fuck yes."