Clouded Rainbows- Chapter 4

>You are Multicolored Dart
>You awaken in the morning
>The sun is shining through the window
>This isn't your bed
>Where are you?
>Your mind starts to play back events from the previous night
>Last night, you showed up to Anon's house drunk off of your ass
>You tried to make him sleep with you
>He was pretty mad about it after he found out, but he didn't hate you
>You look around and find a not on the bed, along with some food
>Eggs
>It's nothing but half a dozen scrambled eggs and two pieces of toast
>Many ponies ate eggs by themselves, but not you
>You felt like it was a little too close to meat and Rainbow Shantae Winifred Dash don't play that shit
>With a breakfast exclusively comprised of toast, you read the letter
"Hey Rainbow, Applejack wanted me to stay home from work for whatever reason. I took the chance to do some grocery shopping. -Anon"
>Applejack let him off for the day
>Oh shit, you forgot that it was H&H Day
>Your plans were to take Anon out by Sweet Apple Acres and have a picnic
>Fluttershy and Twilight would be waiting for you in the 17th incarnation of the Apples' barn
>Well time to raid his fridge
>You make your way down to the kitchen and open the door
>It is full to the brim with nothing but fish meat and eggs
>Save for some milk and a large bottle of apple juice
>Is this the only thing that he ever eats?
>What groceries can he even be talking about?
"I think I'm going to be sick"
>Right there you hear a growl
>You hope it was your stomach
>It's that dog that you nearly sold your best friend into slavery for
>Fluttershy didn't have any hard feeling about it
>Well other than the time that she let a sky bear loose in your house
>Fucken Fluttershy
"Nice doggie"
>Orthros wasn't having it
>The next 60 seconds of your life were spent trying to not be dog food
>You manage to break out of a window in the guest's room
>Out in the street, you grab the newspaper at Anon's door
>It's that paper that's run by the school
"Decorated Guards Found Dead in Suicide Pact
Sgt. Quiet Thunder and Cpl. Flash Sentry of Her Majesty's Army were found dead in the castle's barracks after a search for them when they failed to report for duty yesterday. Princess Twilight Sparkle declined to comment, but said that her condolences go out to their families."
>You skip to the next article
"They're Big, They're Juicy, and They’re Real
Find out the secrets that this Trottenham mare uses to keep her..."
>You're done here
>You make a note to pass by the school and talk to Cheerilee about this

--------------
>You are a two-headed dog
>Master forgot food again
>You look for food
>Maybe find more squirrels
>You like squirrels
>Look in house and find squirrel
>Bird Squirrel
>Not Bee Squirrel like last time
>You don't like those
>Bee squirrels always hurt you with stinger
>It pretends master, you don't like
>Duster don't play that shit
>Chase squirrel now
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>Now back to Rainbow
>You are heading out for some food after escaping Anon's pet
>You try to recall why you started to drink in the first place
>Oh yeah, the nightmares
>You think back to the hospital when you woke up terrified
>Last night was even worse, you were panting and had cold sweats
>You figured that you should make it so that Anon won't leave you
>So that the nightmares don't happen
>In reality, you almost ruined what was barely starting
>When you were with Anon, you slept soundly
>You stop by the bank to get a few bits
>Better get something quick and small
>Don't want to spoil your appetite for later
>One or two muffins should do the trick
>Sugarcube Corner here we come
>You get there and Mrs. Cake is at the register
>She gives you a slightly concerned look but continues as normal otherwise
>"Hello Rainbow Dash. Can I get you anything, or are you here to see Pinkie?"
>"Psst, Dashie"
"Can I get a strawberry cream cheese muffin and whatever Anon usually gets?"
>"You got it. PINKIE"
>"What is it Mrs. C?"
>"GIVE ME TWO MUFFINS AND MAKE THEM LOOK LIKE YOUR ASS"
>"Okie Dokie!"
>That was weird
>Mr. Cake just called them by their name
>You make a note to avoid this place when Mrs. Cake works
>Pinkie comes out with the food
>"Two strawberry cheese muffins"
>You give present them with the money and tuck the muffins away in your saddlebag
>"Psst hey Dash"
"What Pinkie?
>"Twilight's looking for you. I'd check with the hayburger joint"
"Is it that time of the day already"
>Much like you, Twilight had made a habit of going to a restaurant and order something everyday
>Only her addiction was worse MUCH WORSE
>Twi already loved the place, but ever since she went through that mirror with Anon, she's been obsessed with the burgers and ordering them to specific recipes
>You'll have to ask some time later

>You exit the bakery
>There's still 40 minutes to kill before Twilight's ready to leave
>Better chow down on some muffins
>And boy were you going to do so
>If Anon didn't know about them, then no harm done right?
>You open the box and that's when you notice it
>On either of the pink muffins, three balloons are painted on with frosting
>Two blue and the other yellow
>Mrs. Cake wasn't kidding
>There goes your appetite
>Better give these to Applejack
>You find the Applepone's cart and leave the baked goods there
>She tries to talk to you, but you ignore her instead giving the ever so descriptive answer of
"It's time to see this "Twilight Sparkle"

>You go into the restaurant see her with the bovine owners, next to her is a certain yellow Pegasus
>"I'm sorry Princess, but zhis is some ze best batch made at zhis establishment, ve can't understand vat the problem is"
>"These are great, but not anything like the hay burgers that humans eat. Try it with a little more vegetable oil"
>The bull and the cow return to the kitchen to get the product right
>This had become routine in the day
>They made something and every time she would turn it down after a bite
>It hasn't been all bad though
>The food has dramatically improved there
>Plus the presence of a prominent political figure has racked up quite a bit of business for the owners
>Your friends see you and wave you over
>After some greeting, you pull up a seat from the adjacent table
"So, what did you want to talk about Twi?
>"Several things really"
>She pulls out a brief case with plenty of papers
>You were not looking forward to this
>"First the perpetrators of the crime are scheduled to appear in court in two weeks and with a testimony from you and Anon, they could put them away for quite some time. Don't worry about having to do it in front of the whole town, I pulled some strings to make it a closed hearing”
>That's not too bad, the trial is private and Anon will be there with you
>"Next I have this telegram for you, it came in earlier today"
>You take the paper and read it
"Hey thar in law, (laugh)
Right now your brother and I are in Cloudsdale with dinner plans at Le Fromage Grandiose. Anyway, wanted to tell you that we wanted to go sight-seeing, so we won't be in Ponyville until tomorrow (maybe the next day, depending on how the night goes). Hope to see you soon OXOXOX
Sincerely yours,
It's Randy"
>"There's one more"
>Twilight says, pulling out a piece of stationary
>"I need a signature on this"

>She passes you the paper
>"It's from your insurance company"
"Dear Ms. Dash,
We at the Governmental Equine Insurance Commission regret to inform you that during our biannual safety check of your home, we found that a parasprite swarm had nested in your house. This poses a safety hazard, therefore the Ponyville government has had to temporarily condemn your home until we can keep them out, per authorization of the mayor, Mareisa M. Mare. Princess Twilight Sparkle had requested that a crew retrieve some of your belongings and bring them to Ponyville Castle for safekeeping. Should you choose to authorize this request, just sign at the bottom of this letter.  We wish you the best of luck with your situation
Best of luck

Mareissa M. Mare,
President, GEICO"
>All that you could do is look at the letter
>You were being kicked out of your house
>You weren't afraid of where you would go, you had plenty of places to sleep
>It's still being unable to stay at a place that's your own
>Even if it was only for a few days
>"If you need a place to stay, don't forget it's your castle too"
"I know, thanks Twilight"
>The owners comes back with a recently made burger
>"Princess, ve used several types of spices, cooked in grease, and even added salt. Ve think it will be to your liking"
>Twilight takes a bite, then another, and then another
>Pretty soon the burger is gone and you're wondering if she even took the time to chew
>"That's it! This is exactly how those human's burgers tasted like"
>The cow looks pleased
>"Best recipe ve made?"
>"Definitely"
>"Dank you Prinshess, ve vill not charge you today. Ve just have vone question, Vhat is name of humon restaurant"
>Twilight think for a minute
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>You are Anon
>You are on your way home after picking up some eggs
>On your way home, you see a cow changing the sign outside of a local burger joint
>"Burger King, authentic Human Cuisine"
>She smiles at you and winks
>What the actual fuck
>You head inside and surely enough, it looks like the interior of one of those from back home
>Complete with a bench and king statue and everything
>There is a mare at the counter wearing one of those trademark graphite colored uniforms
>Ponies are happily munching away at their food
>Yep, exactly like a BK, only difference is that these customers seem to enjoy their foos
>But then again, it wasn't that far off before
>You see Rainbow, Twilight, and Beastman and walk towards them
>Butter horse speaks up, her friends being too busy chowing down on some hot monkey food
>"Anon, these are amazing. You just have to try them, but only if you want, I won't make you do it"
>A calf brings by a plate with a single burger and sets it down for you
>You grab the burger and inspect it
>If it weren't for the faint scent of grass and the greenish tint, you would genuinely believe that this is a quarter pounder
>It taste almost exactly like beef
>Everyone stops to await your judgment
>You just swallow and take another bite
>Everyone's cheering and the bull from the kitchen comes out saying
>"Everyvone gets free burger today"
>This is so wrong
>They should not know what cow meat taste like, let alone enjoy the hell out of it
>But then again it wasn't exactly meat back home either
>Fucken Twilight
>You make a note to not take her out for food in Quebec
>You and Rainbow leave the restaurant and you plan on taking her to her usual practice spot
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>You had decided that the restaurant wasn't the best time to tell Twilight or Rainbow Dash about your decision to stay
>On the way there, Rainbow tells you of her day
>The orthros, the bakery, and how she was waiting for you morning
>You two get there and she does some warm up
>Rainbow Dash looks so awesome up there
>Stunning actually
>When you first arrived in Equestria, you were at adamant about even living near the ponies
>The way that you saw it was that you were an all mighty human and they were a bunch of naked animals
>Plus they were scared shitless of you
>You actually gave them a chance after you saw how much Twilight was hurt that you thought of them as "dumb horses"
>And "dumb" was taking most of the salt out
>Now looking back on it, you were a dickhead without really a reason
>They tried helping you and you insulted them
>You eventually accepted them
>You still didn't see yourself fucking one though, well except for Pinkie and Fluttershy on New Year’s, but you can barely remember that night
>But now here you are months later, dating a local and loving it
>Last night she tried to get you to screw her, but you weren't sure if it was the alcohol, the spur of the moment, or if she was in heat
>No matter what the reason, she wasn't herself and she wasn't ready for that
>Neither were you
>When it does happen, it has to be something that you both want
>All of this daydreaming was really something, you didn’t even notice the cloud that was right above you
>The puffy mass soon envelopes you
>Rainbow Dash thought that it would be funny to sneak up with a cloud and swallow you whole
>You see her lying in the interior of it
>On her is some lingerie that she fashioned out of some condensed water vapor
>It's about as wide as two and a half of your fingers, just enough to cover up her parts, you reckon
>It goes behind her tail, over her rear, and through her legs, before splitting into two spirals that cover her little teats
>Holy shit this is hot
>Instaboner achieved as you find partially clothed ponies sexier than full on nude ones
>You two start kissing with full contact before Dash breaks away
>"Anon, what time is it?"
"About 06:30 PM"
>Thank you Casio for your watches
>"I forgot that I had to help Rarity with something, Applejack said she wanted you at the orchard at 8"
>She flies out of the cloud
>"Also, wear some nice clothes"
>Well there goes that
>Boner is still with you and it doesn't want to leave
>Meh, you have a perfectly good cloud right here
>Picnickers gathered around to hear some moans that were coming from a cloud over by the lake
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>You are Rainbow Dash
>You quickly ran away from Anon in that cloud after you and him were starting to get intimate
>It's not that you didn't want it to happen, it's just that you didn't have the time
>You needed to go see Rarity to get a makeover before the dinner that you were planning at the Apple's orchard
>You two were getting a little frisky back then so you wonder if today is going to be the night
>It's only been a little over a day, but you always went out to dinner before
>The only difference is that those times were platonic
>But it was Hearts and Hooves day
>Would you even be ready still, you were attacked only a couple of days ago
>Sure thing that you've recovered from worse injuries
>But those nightmares were something else
>You push the thought onto the backburner
>You decide to hurry over to the Boutique
>Better not keep Rarity waiting
>Even if she still owes you 40 bits from the time that
>For now you had to get ready for Anon

>You get to Rarity's and Spike answers the door
"Oh...hey Spike"
>There is an assault on your senses and you struggle to describe what you see at the door
>He is only a little shorter than you, but fairly overweight
>His eyes have lost a lot of their former glory, so he wears glasses now
>What was once that white fedora that was given to him by Cheerilee, has turned a cream color from a lack of proper care
>A beige trench coat drapes over his torso, on it are buttons that go on about how Celestia, Cadence, Luna, and even Twilight aren't real, a silk screen shit with a design hugs his torso
>It is a picture of one of those little panda girls from one of those bamboo countries, there are stains on there that you presume are from semen
>His neck has built up a layer of black soot after refusing to clean it off, it's covered in dust from the gems that he eats all day
>Last impression that you get, is his odor
>It's akin to a mixture of sweat, mildew, grease, and lizard cum
>Oh Celestia why?
>You cringe at what has happened to someone who used to be your bro
>"The whore is in the back"
>Ever since the whole Tirek ordeal, Spike just stopped caring about anyone around him
>He got tired of being rejected by Squiggletail and even tried to grope Sweetie once
>It took Applejack, Pinkie, and you to keep her from tearing his shit
>You think that Rarity keeps him around only out of sympathy
>Well that or so that she can have some kind of reference to use for Anon
>You hear heavy breathing and some moans behind you
>Is he serious right now?
>A swift kick backwards and you hit him in the baby carrot of a dick that he has
>He goes down
>"YOU STUPID BITCH"
"Not like you needed them anyway, faglord
>Rarity goes into the room after hearing the scream
>She looks pissed
>"Keep it down, you filthy reptile. Why hello there Darling, is it 7 O'clock already?
>She takes you into another room, leaving Spike to writhe around in pain
>"So Dashie, what's the latest news on Anon?" she says, lifting a can of hairspray, along with part of your mane
>Her spraying is so precise that you don't have to worry about getting any on your face
"Well last night I slept at his house"
>This surprises Rarity, who accidentally blasts you in the face with the sticky mist
>You are coughing from inhaling it
>"I'm terribly sorry dear, you just caught me off guard"
>Rarity wets a rag and begins to clean the spray
>She looks around to make sure that there are no prying dragon or unicorn eyes nearby, before leaning into your ear and whispering
>"So, how was he? Please don't leave out the details"
"He was really nice, especially after he opened his door to me. It was getting hot, then there was some whistling. Anon held me and made me feel like the most beautiful mare in the world, we were like this for about twenty minutes"
>Rarity is picking up a blush
>A bead of sweat breaks from the top of her head and it rolls across her face
>"D-did you say minutes, as in 60 seconds?
"Sure did, I was hurting, but he didn't want to stop. We stunk, so after that, he help me was the stuff off of my wings and back"
>What the hay's wrong with Rarity
>Sweat cascades down her now scarlet face
>She is shaking a bit
"Hey Rarity, are you feeling okay?"
>Rarity pulls the arm off of one of the manneiquins that she made for Anon
>"I'm terribly sorry but I have to make dresses"
>She levitates you out of the door and calls out
>"How would my little Spikey Wikey like to do some gem hunting?"
>S: "I'M PLAYING FRIENDSHIP THE GATHERING HERE"
>You're at the doorway, but stick around to hear the conversation
>You don't know if this dialog is funny or sad
>R: "GET DOWN HERE OR I SWEAR TO THE PRINCESSES THAT I WILL HURT YOU"
>S: "Alright, I'll see you around Snips. Sorry I just didn't think that the SHEEPONIES would be off of their meds today"
>A brown haired unicorn with a similar attire to Spike's passes you
>You playfully blow him a kiss and he faints
>Well at least some colts have the hots for you
>You leave the building
>What was with Rarity?
>The world may never know
>Better head off to Sweet Apple Acres before you meet another crazy mare
>These were typical in this small town that you came to know and love
>Such is life in Ponyville
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>You are Anonymous
>You're off to Sweet Apple Acres in one of the many suits that you Rarity made for you
>You did try to give her money, but she refused
>The only payment that she would take would be having you watch her sister, Sweetie Belle, while she went out with her friends
>That's easier said than done as you came to learn that they had a reputation for causing mayhem
>Not that they meant to, it's just that they really wanted to get their tramp stamps
>It got so bad that almost every other week did you or one of those six friends of yours had to help them out of the hole that they dug themselves into
>Well really five
>The pink one annoyed you to no end with her attempts at trying to get your affection
>She even went as far as breaking into your house
>No matter how well it was locked down, she still managed to get in
>Fuck her
>You press on to SAA to see what the hell Applejack wanted you for
>You already have an idea given the way that you were dressed and that it was National Fuck Day for these horses
>Still, you don't want to piss off your boss by not showing up when she asked
>You're almost there when you hear some angry sounding yelling nearby and decide to check it out
>You move some bushes and you see Big Macintosh
>He's plowing that school teacher and shoving her face into some mud
>She's making some pain filled groans
>They look up at you
"Is everything all right here?"
>"EEYUP"
>Cheerilee gives you a nod and tells you that they have room for one more
>You nope the fuck out of there and arrive at the gate to the orchard
>Inside you see Applebloom and her friends
>They're sitting on a picnic table that the Apples
>They greet you
>"Howdy that, Mister Anon! Are ya here tah help us with ahr cutie marks?"
>A small piglet begins to sniff your shoes
"Actually, your sister called me over here. Have you seen her around?"
>"She's bah tha pond"
>"Hello, my name ith Twitht, would you like one of my thuper delithiouth thweets
>You didn't notice it, but there was a fourth filly sitting with them
>This one had egg colored fur with a curly, red mane
>Images flash of your former accountant and his moneygrabing ways
>The way that he would eat away at your investments like a piranha
>You have to get out of here
>But first you need a distraction
>You scoop the little piggy up with one of your hands
>"My family hath a thtore, maybe thomeday you can thee what we have to thell"
>She presents you with a small peppermint, which you reluctantly put in your mouth
>Your heart beats louder and louder as the little pony awaits your judgment
"This is pretty good"
>You lied
>She begins to rub her hooves together
>Why does her snout look so long?
>Twist begins to monologue
>"Yeth thilly Goyim, thoon I'll have you ath a cuthtomer and then nop0ny can thtop me from thtealing all the theckleth"
>Few moments can compare to the sheer terror that you feel right now
>You had to leave and it was now or never
"HITLER DID NOTHING WRONG"
>They all let out a simultaneous "Huh?"
>The piglet lets out a loud squeal as you chucked him, full power, at Twist, hitting her in the head and knocking her to the ground
>The baby pig darts towards the barn
>Now's the chance for you to make your escape
>You book it towards the pond
>Behind you, you could hear
>"OWIE IT HURTH THO MUCH"
>Danger averted

--------------------
>You are Cornelius, the Pig
>After washing up for the day, you begin to reminisce about the mud pit and its glory
>You are about to go for another round, when the desire to appease your vociferous appetite begins to outweigh the appeal of bathing in your own excrement
>That's when you see him
>The extraterrestrial turned farm hand
>He would always feed you after Mistress Applejack would refuse to do so
>Wow did you hate that bitch
-"Well Cornelius, it is time for some surplus morsels"
>You strut towards him and sniff his foreign appendages
>He hoists you up
-"Greetings, kind human, I request additional nourishment, if you would be so kind to oblige, I would be ever so grateful"
>The creature screams something before propelling you at full force towards one of those beasts
-"This is unacceptable, you will pay for your deeds today, mortal"
>Upon colliding with the equine target, you decide to retreat to your abode, rather than endure any additional humiliation
>Cornelius Lamont Boarson III of the House of Canterbury don't play that shit
>You grow tired of these imbeciles
>You're off to go meet with your morbidly obese ursine friend
>It was time again for the two of you to harass the cranky Angel Bunny
-----------------------

>Back to the story
>You walk to the pond where you see Applejack
>She's laying a blanket down on the grass when she notices you
>Is she wearing makeup?
>"Well howdy thar Anon"
"Hey Applejack, Dash said that you wanted to see me"
>"Sure did, Ah was wonderin what mah favorate alien was doin tahday” [spoiler] God, I’m bad at writing like this[/spoiler]
>You lean down and ruffle her mane a bit
>Your height made it a little hard to shake their hooves, so this is how you greeted eachother instead
>Except for Rarity
>She stabbed you with her horn the last time that you tried to touch that mane
>Didn’t even want to help with one cent of the resulting medical bills
>Generosity my ass
>You look back at Applejack
“I could ask you the same thing, with all the makeup and everything “
>”Ah have a hawt date tahnight and ahm hopin tah get lucky”
 “Why Miss Applejack, while the offer is flattering, I am an old fashioned gal. I do hope that you are at least taking me to dinner”
>You turn around and run your hand across your ass
“Before you can get with this”
>She gives you some bedroom eyes
>”Ah wouldn’t have it any other way”
>You both let out some laughs
>When they die down, Applejack speaks
>”Ahm going tah that one burger place with Pahnkeh”
 “Then what’s with the blanket?”
>Applejack looks above you and you do the same
>A familiar pair of blue lips collides with yours
>Your mouths begin to mingle, her much larger tongue taking the lead, but not overpowering your own
>You keep your hands by your sides
>Her mane falls along your back, it has a different feel to it from the one that you have grown used to
>She must have styled it today
>Rainbow does her best to avoid your teeth, their sharpness putting her a little on edge
>You on the other hand, can feel hers
>Long, thick, and flat
>Just like ur mum
>All immature jokes aside, you are lost in passion
>”Alright ya two, save some room for tha food”
>The kiss was interrupted by Applejack
>There’s a slight wax like feeling to your lips
>A quick lick confirms it
“Strawberry”
 >A warm smile forms on her snout
>You and Rainbow Dash have your eyes locked on one another
>Those gorgeous Cerise pools staring at you as you explore the rest of her
>She has a lightly colored headdress on
>Three flowers adorn her ear, their stems tucked into such a way that they would not fall out
>A yellow band that grips the base of the luscious strands confirms your suspicions
>Some intertwined locks thread through her mane
>Finally, her dress is made to look as though a deluge of a rainbow spills from one cloud, onto another
>So that’s where she went in such a hurry
>”Nice tah see ya so happy tah be with her, Anon”
>You give her a confused look and she points down
>Oh shit, you’re pitching a full tent right now
 “Hehe sorry”
>Rainbow cracks up
>”Ahahah Thanks for the compliment buddy”
>You feel yourself turn red
>A team of owls and hawks fly by and leave two baskets on the blanket
>Applejack takes this as her cue to leave
>”Well ah’ll leave ya two lovebirds alone now, and Big Mac, if ya see Ahnun round here, tell him ah said hello”
>You retort by sticking your tongue out at her
>Well, time to dig in
>The two of you take your places on the ground
>You empty the contents of the baskets on the fabric
>A few sandwiches, a couple of cupcakes, a pie, a bottle of wine, and a- um…looks like a book
>You start to set some things to the side and serve two glasses of the wine
>The name is French
>This sandwich looks promising
>”No wait, try that one”
>Must have been one especially made for you
>You pick it up and go in for the bite
>That’s when you notice it
>A black feather
>Opening the sandwich, you find a dead bird
>Some of the plumage looks like it was burnt off
>You just look at it
>”Twilight said that hyoomins like to eat chickens, so I figured that since they’re both birds”
>You’re at a loss for words
>”Fluttershy said that she had a sick bird, so I asked an old friend of mine on cooking tips and she just told me to hold it to some fire for a bit”
>She gives that same warm smile from before
>”I tried my best with it, so I hope that you like it”
>Fuck
>What do you do?
>On one hand, she clearly wanted to impress you by doing something special and you wouldn’t want to hurt her feelings by telling her the truth
>On the other, it’s a dead bird that was crudely burnt on one side
>You look at your companion, her face await your judgment
>Time to man the fuck up Anon, how bad can one sandwich be?
>It’ll be just like lunch at Popeye’s, with the juicy, spicy, bonified chicken
>No wait, one is routinely inspected by the government
>The other is a diseased animal that is barely even cooked
>Eating this would without a doubt put you in the ICU
>Just before you take the bite, you see the Apple’s collie, Winona
>Your brain hatches an idea
“Hey Rainbow, are there more bird sandwiches?”
>”Nope, sorry that it’s just the one”
“It’s cool bae, have I ever given you one of my trademark back scratches”
>“I don’t believe that you have”
“Well in that case just turn around and just try to relax
>She does so
>Now’s your chance
>You take the bottom piece of bread off and throw the rest as far as you can
>The dog takes the discarded food and runs of just as planned
>Fuckyeah.jpeg
>Quickly, you stuff the bread into your mouth and begin to scratch the Pegasus’s back
>Your fingers do wonders as she lets out a small whinny, another reminder that these are in fact horses that you’re dealing with
>”So Anuuun, My brother and my in-law should be here in a few days and I was wondering if you wanted to spend the day with us?”
“I would love to”
>After the much appreciated treatment to her back and some on the spot hand cleaning, the two of you return to the food
>You pick up and bite in
>This time it was a rat
>You spit it out and try your best to not vomit
“What the shit, Rainbow?”
>”Sorry, Fluttershy made all of these but the bird one, I’d offer you one of mine, but I asked her to put grass in these instead”
“No worries, I’ll try to get started on the pie
>A mouthful of wine takes the taste out of your mouth
>Too bad you hate wine
>She grabs her sandwich and is about to take a bite, when she says something
>”Hey Anon, since my house is infested with parasprites, I was wondering if we could eat at your place tomorrow”
“Of course, hell, if they wanted to stay until your house is fixed, they’d be more than welcome to. Like my grandfather used to say “mi la casa es tu la casa””
>"Thanks for the generous offer, but they're going to be staying at Twilight's pad"
>That semester of Spanish that you took back in high school did wonders
>She kisses you on the lips
>”Part of the reason why I fell in love with you.”
>”what’s that thing that you said mean?”
>You shrug
“Something about feeding goats”
>”Well I always found foreign languages sexy”
>Another kiss, this one a little more intimate
>Thank you, Mr. Ching
>”Well you have fun with your pie, I’m going to enjoy this sandwich”
>She takes a good sized bite and chews a little, before spitting everything all over the blanket
>Bread, grass, flowers, and a slightly crushed rat head
>The look of her face is a mixture between horror and disgust
>You check the rest of the sandwiches
>All of them have rats
>Fucking Fluttershy
>”Sweet Celestia I’m going to be sick”
>Which she was, all over the picnic too
>So much for the food
>Rainbow Dash just sits there, lips trembling
>And you could see why
>Earlier today, you learned that the only time that she would eat anything from an animal would be in a baked good
>Otherwise, it was a strict vegan diet
>Biting the head off of a rat might be a little too far from her comfort zone
>Rainbow begins to cry
>”I’m so sorry. I ruined this dinner. Please don’t hate me”
>Not wanting to taste rat head or vomitou, you pull her into a hug and stroke that mane of hers
“Easy there. You didn’t really ruin anything, I wasn’t that hungry to begin with, and that bird would have probably killed me
>You see her lighten up
>”You didn’t eat it?”
“Of course not, wouldn’t want to die before I could kill Fluttershy for letting you try to feed me a diseased animal”
>The waterworks stop
>You pick up the book
“Wonder what this is”
“Daring Doo and the Passionate Primate”
>A closer examination reveals that it’s an erotic fanfiction
“The chimpanzee stuck one of his foreign appendages into my rear entrance as he plowed into me, driving me over the edge”
>You two laugh so hard that you almost piss yourselves
“Now let’s get out of here and get smashed
>You and Rainbow leave the farm and go buy a bottle of bourbon from the liquor store
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>The door to your house opens and the two of you sit on your couch and drink
>It’s been an hour since you started drinking and you are both feeling it
>You’ve reached the bottom of the bottle
>You and your pony have been laughing your asses off at the stories that you’ve been telling each other
>”So Pinkie Pie found out about it and sent a swarm of hungry moth to Twilight’s old place”
>That was worth more than a chuckle
>Rainbow had left her dress in your room so that it wouldn’t get dirty when you started drinking
>You did the same and are now wearing a T-shirt and some shorts
>”Hey Anon, can yee do thaat thang from ealier?”
“Yeah, jusss *hic* get over here”
>She stands on the ground and presents her back to you
>You’re about to start to scratching, when you get an idea
>Horses loved ear scratches back home
>Why should she be much different?
>You whisper to her
“Hey Rainbow, I have another idea”
>”Whadisit?”
>You move her on top of you and place a hand on her head, and another on her back
>She rest herself on top of one of your legs
>It was a little harder with your impaired coordination, but you manage to do it
>You use your hands to scratch behind her ears and her back
>These efforts are rewarded with another whinny, similar to the one from earlier
>After a few strokes, she brushes up against your leg
>You feel the warm heat escape from her
>You feel yourself starting to get hard
>She’s enjoying this, and so are you
>”Anon are we gunna do it?”
>You smile
“I think sooo”
>She plants you with a kiss
>As she swaps spit with you, you move a hand down by her flank and begin feeling around to find your target
>Rainbow Dash coos, her entrance ready for you
>”Wait, not yet”
>You stopped
>Was she not ready, did she change her mind?
>In her drunkenness, she tried to imitate Applejack; failing miserably, but not without some funny results
>”Ah juss wanted tah say thank ya fer bein so nas tuh meee”
>She was so bad at this, that you actually wish that you had a camcorder
>”Ah dun lahk tah keep muh good workers without pay”
>She begins to rub her hooves on your crotch
>Might be the alcohol, but hot damn you are ready for this
>You hope that she’s better with those things than twilight
>She’s trying to pull your shorts off when you hear a knock
“Beright back”
>Rainbow just stays on the couch and doesn’t say a work
>The knocking here was one thing you hated about this place
>It always sounded like someone was going at it with coconut halves on your door
>Doorbell abusers weren’t even this bad
>Open the dinosaur, get on the door, everyone walk the floor
>It’s Princess Slavemaster with her euphoric sidekick, Servitude
>Twilight must have made him ditch those shit clothes as the purple lizard is butt naked
>Twilight’s eyes make her look like she was crying earlier
 “Waaddupp?”
>”Good evening Anon, do you have a minute?”
>That sounded a little mad
>You can already tell that whatever this is, it’s important
>Part of you wants to see what to hear it, the other part is screaming “Fresh poontang”
>Looks like you have a winner
>You try to close the door, but she stops it by barely raising a hoof
>You forgot that she was strong enough to make Big Macintosh look like a wimp
“What is it?”
>”Do you know a filly named Twist?”
>Shit
“No idea”
>”Well she said that earlier today you had hit her with a pig”
>She pulls out a clipboard
>”Now I don’t care what happened or who started it, but her parents are furious and wanted me to do something about it”
>Spike hands you a quill and some ink
>”Now I did the best that I could do, but right now you have two choices: Pay a hefty fine, or go to their shop and clean it for a bit as a part of community service”
“How big is the fine?”
>Twilight did not expect this
>”350 bits, but why would you do that when you can get off of the hook for free”
“I ain’t lettin no Jews get the better of me Twi, Anonymous don’t play that shit”
>You could see the fire in her eyes from your intentionally bad grammar, or something else
>She dispels the anger so that she could give you some real talk
>She just addressed you by your last name, so you know that she meant something
>”Look Mous, I get that you have a sense of humor and I actually like it, but you need to take things more seriously”
>Her voice is breaking
>”E-Even if you go, I’m afraid that you will make the wrong enemy and end up causing problems for yourself and nop0ny or body will be able to help you”
>You never thought about it like that
>Your other best friend was hurting from your actions
>You kneel down to the pony princess’s level, and ruffle her mane a bit
>She presses her face against your palm, making sure that her horn wouldn’t get in the way
>Unlike Rarity, Twilight wasn’t a bitch so she wouldn’t even think of stabbing you
>From what you’ve heard, she was pretty nice even when she was a unicorn
>A bit of a spastic, but nice nonetheless
“I get what you’re saying, I’ll try to get myself straightened out there”’
>”I also wanted to say thank you”
>You give her a puzzled look
>”I’m not sure if you know this, but Rainbow Dash isn’t the most successful mare in town. Before a few days ago, the last time I saw her that happy, she had saved Rarity’s life in Cloudsdale and that was almost two and a half years ago”
>You give her a quick scratch before asking something
“What did you mean when you said “go”?”
>”Well I was going to tell you in the morning but the cat’s already leaving the bag”
>She butchered that saying
>”After countless research, I think that I might have found a way to send you to your planet
>You’re clearly at a loss for words, but remember that there were more reasons to stay than leave
>Not to mention what waits for you on the couch
“Yeah, I don’t want to go”
>You casually say as you slam the door on her
>Outside you hear what could only be described as angry horse noises
>Better get back to Rainbow
>She’s passed out on the couch
“FUCK ME WITH A SPATULA"
>Defeated, you sit on the couch and pet Rainbow
>These ponies are cute as all hell so you’d take every chance to pet them
>This carries on until you fall asleep

---------------------
>You are Twilight
“Blast it all to Tartarus, you bucking featherbrained moonatic”
>You don’t like swearing that much, but Spike got spooked and spilled ink all over you after Anon slammed the door
>Where was he off to in such a hurry anyway?
>Probably left to go bang Dash
>What you would give to be in her shoes, even the
>Heck, just to see that
>Your time through the mirror taught you that friendship was universal, and that the much smaller human tools blow stallion dick out of the water
>Inside you hear what you could only describe as angry monkey noises
>You start getting wet at the thought of all the kinky sex that they could be having right now
>Better take Spike to the castle and blow off some steam
>There go your plans for watering the Apples
----------------------

Meanwhile in a jail cell
>”So what’s the deal?”
“Simple, one high profile Pegasus and something else who’s a hard target”
>”But what are the targets and why do you want our services?”
“The mare with the rainbow colored mane and the alien monkey. They caused me a lot of pain and humiliation”
>”I see, we do a lot of revenge jobs. You said that they are high profile, so this will not be a cheap job”
“I have all of the money you could want. Just do whatever it takes to make sure that neither of them can see the end of summer, and make them hurt”
>”Understood, we will watch them like prey then we move in for attack”