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Fluffy Garden Party; Part 1

May 5th, 2012
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  1. 1/4
  2. >Early summer.
  3. >Working in your prize winning backyard garden.
  4. >Mowing the grass.
  5. >Trimming the hedges.
  6. >Hear something rustle the bushes.
  7. >Bird? Hobo? Squirrel?
  8. >No. Goddamn fluffy ponies again.
  9. >You had a problem with these little shits last autumn.
  10. >Got into your yard, shit all over the place, dug up tulip bulbs.
  11. >Cost you $200 to have fluffy pony removal service get rid of them.
  12. >notthistime.jpg
  13. >Herd of 16 adult fluffies, 5 foals, enters your yard.
  14. >They don't even acknowledge you.
  15. >Fluffies go straight for your flowers.
  16. >"Yay!" "Good nummies!" "Smawty-fwiend find foodies!"
  17. "HEY! You little shit-rats stay away from those!"
  18. >Biggest of the group turns and snorts.
  19. >"Deeze fwuffy fwowers! Fwuffies find fiwst! Hooman find own nummies!"
  20. "I grew them, idiot...this is my yard."
  21. >Smarty friend will not budge. Puffs up cheeks, stomps ground with hooves.
  22. >"Hooman go 'way! Deeze fwuffy nummies!"
  23. >Definantly eats one of your poppies.
  24. "Big mistake, fluff-ball."
  25.  
  26. 2/4
  27. >Snatch up Smarty Freind.
  28. >"Whhhaaaahhh! Hewp fwuffy...hooman meanie!"
  29. >Toss smarty friend in empty fertilizer bin.
  30. >Dash around herd, snatch up every foal.
  31. >Even yank the babies off their shrieking mothers' teats.
  32. "Time for a demonstration, fluff balls."
  33. >Set captured foals down in a bucket.
  34. >They're crying and defecating all over themselves.
  35. >Ugh...gonna have to scrub that bucket out with bleach.
  36. >Adult fluffies are crying and protesting.
  37. >"Gif back babees!" "Gif Smawty-Fwiend back!" "Dun huwt babees!"
  38. >Open up grill propane valve.
  39. >Dial gas jets to 11.
  40. "This is the FIRE PLACE!"
  41. >Ignite grill. Huge fireball as soon as you open lid.
  42. >Fluffy ponies scream & cower before you.
  43. >Like you were Oz the Great & Fucking Powerful.
  44. >Bawling fluffies peeing and pooping in fear.
  45. >Shut off gas.
  46. >Put foals on the grill.
  47. >Ugh...gonna have to clean the grill with bleach.
  48. "If any fluffy disobeys me, the babies will burn!"
  49. >"Nuuu!" "Pwease don' buwn babees!" "Gif babees back to mummies!"
  50. "I WILL burn the babies if you disobey me!"
  51. >All fluffies, adults and babies cry in terror.
  52. >First, get a hammer and long framing nail.
  53. >Grab mane; yank Smarty-Friend out of the bin.
  54. "This fluffy disobeyed me and ate my flower. He will be punished!"
  55. >Smarty friend is wailing and kicking his legs.
  56. >Herd tries to save him. "Pwease...no huwt smawty fwiend!"
  57. >Walk to a tree.
  58. "Every fluffy must watch. If any fluffy looks away during punishment, the babies will burn."
  59. >Terrified fluffy ponies huddle around.
  60. >Pin whimpering Smarty Friend against the tree.
  61. >Herd watching in terror.
  62.  
  63. 3/4
  64. >Whimpering Smarty Friend pinned to tree.
  65. >Standing upright, hooves just one centimeter from touching the ground.
  66. >Line up nail.
  67. >Hammer straight thru Smarty Friend's horn.
  68. >Bloodcurdling scream from fluffy.
  69. >Thrashing every muscle in his tiny body to escape.
  70. >Herd goes into full panic.
  71. "WATCH! If any fluffy runs away or doesn't look, the babies burn."
  72. >Continue hammering.
  73. >Smarty Friend is now nailed to the tree by his horn.
  74. >Horrendously painful for fluffy.
  75. >Twists and writhes in agony, making it worse.
  76. >Leave him...turn to the herd.
  77. "Now you fluffies have to clean up your mess!"
  78. >Fluffy herd is confused.
  79. >Point out all their droppings.
  80. "I want all this crap cleaned up, NOW!"
  81. >Terrified fluffy ponies scramble to do your bidding.
  82. >Of course, they're awful at any work.
  83. >Can't figure out how to clean up their own waste.
  84. "Want me to burn your babies?"
  85. >"Pwease nu!" "Don' huwt babees!" "How cwean poopies?" "Dun know! Whhaaahh!"
  86. >Fluffy ponies eventually pick up turds in their mouths and carry them to bushes.
  87. >Good fertilizer for bushes.
  88. "Don't forget your flithy hoof-prints on my grass."
  89. >That's too much for fluffies to figure out.
  90. >Show them how to do it.
  91. >Bigger fluffies roll smaller fluffies across lawn.
  92. >Wipe up shit smears with fluff.
  93. >Much whimpering and crying is heard.
  94.  
  95. 4/4
  96. 1 week later.
  97. >Garden looks better than ever.
  98. >Fluffy slaves work 18 hours a day.
  99. >It doesn't matter that they suck at work.
  100. >Fluffies just have to work non-stop until the job is done.
  101. >Done to your satisfaction.
  102. >Playing is forbidden.
  103. >Huggies severely limited.
  104. >Fluffy ponies sleep in a pen...allowed to have their babies at night.
  105. >During the day, babies stay in the FIRE PLACE.
  106. >Mommas allowed 15 minutes of nursing once every two hours.
  107. >Then back to work.
  108. >Smarty Friend lasted 2 days nailed to tree.
  109. >Moaning and crying until he died.
  110. >Leave his drying corpse up there as a reminder.
  111. >Fluffies must work all day.
  112. >Eating weeds.
  113. >Trimming grass.
  114. >Digging in flower bed.
  115. >No fluffy may eat flowers or they join their leader, nailed to the tree.
  116. >Pooping is only allowed in approved areas.
  117. >Sorry stick is used when work is unsatisfactory.
  118. Hold Garden Party.
  119. >Fluffy slaves carry drink trays & hors d'oeuvres on their backs.
  120. >City Garden Club loves your work.
  121. >Garden wins Blue Ribbon.
  122. >Everyone in town begins capturing fluffy ponies as garden slaves.
  123. >City fluffy pony problem is solved.
  124.  
  125. Continued in Part 2: http://pastebin.com/HrVfawuE
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