'Ow I Found Meself by Boris da Titan

Haz you ever got da feeling dat you neva truly knowz who you wuz until you found yerself?

When I saw dat big umie gargant dey called a titan, I'z didn't see no gargant. I'z could only see meself starin back from dat big shiny 'ead. I jus knew I ‘ad to ‘ave it. So while we’z was muckin about wiff dose spiky ‘eaded Chaosboys, I wuz finkin up a way to get me to deir titan. To get me to meself. All da boys who wuz rushin it ‘ead on wuz dyin like gits, so I knew dat’d neva work, I’d have ta be real craftylike if’n I wanted dat titan. So I’z did the cleverest fing I could fink of, I grabbed me a handfulla grots and started chuckin em at dem Chaosboys. After all da screamin an thrashin it caused, da lousy gits around me started tryin ta copy me genius plan, but it was too late, I wuz already inside da titan. Da rest of da boys behind me set about clearin da titan out, lookin fer da next chaosboy ta krump, but not me. No, I’z had somfing greater den krumpin callin out ta me. Fizzgutz would say it was Gork ‘imself upon me, but I wuzznt hearin da voice o’ Gork, I was only hearin me own voice, whisperin inside dat big musheen, tellin me which path ta take, when ta hide meself, and which doors would open fer me. All da yellin an’ fitin an’ killin goin on around me didn’t matter, only getting to da ‘ead of dis big fing. An’, after givin one o’ dem daemons da slip, dere it was, da door dat would change me life foreva. I yanked it open an tore every last one o dem lousy umie gits inside ta gubbins fer even darin ta set foot inside me own ead like dat, and den, knowing I ‘ad preshus little time, set about weldin da door shut. No otha boy was ever gonna set foot inside dis room agin. Not wiffout my permishuns. I ignored da bangin an yellin outside an went back ta me prize. I sat down at da big chair an grabbed da controls, but somefing still didn’t feel right an dats when I saw it: cables. Cables stickin outta da umie heads. Dat must be ‘ow it’s done. So’z I grabbed as many o’ dem cables as I could from every single wunna da umies in dat room, sat back down in me big chair, an’ plugged every single wunna dem into me ‘ead an’ dat’s wen I felt it. I no longer needed ta WAAAGH, fer I wuz da WAAAGH. I no longer needed more dakka, fer I wuz more dakka. I no longer needed a right orky fort, fer I was a right orky fort. I wuz bigger den any ork could ever dare ta be.

I iz whole.

I iz home.

I iz Boris, an da path o’ my destruction will know no end.