Some Thing in Caneighdia - 1

>Ponyville.
>What a shitshow.

>Years of work, YEARS, down the shitter because of some nosy mare working for some nosy agency
>The ponies of that town had thought of you as a weird little anomaly, but welcomed you nonetheless
>Well there would be no way in hell you'd get that same welcome when damn-near the entire town just watched you split your lower jaw and sprout bloody new limps and claws and tendrils from under your skin
>Now that you think of it, you probably left a rather nasty mess for Scruffy, the town janitor to clean up
>But you really fucked things up this time
>You blew your cover because of Bon Bon, and it turns out that you weren't even the alien she was looking for
>Well, you're pretty sure you've made her shit-list NOW.
>You roughed her up badly enough, tossed her around into some buildings, things like that.
>But you didn't kill her. You're trying to cut back on that if you can avoid it.
>Then again, in retrospect... You probably should have.

>Bon Bon must have testicles harder than any metal you've seen in the universe, because she wasn't scared of you at all
>Even after that literal bloodbath in Ponyville, she STILL hunted you down
>Your life in Ponyville was now over
>You had no choice, so you ran
>You ran so far away
>You just ran, every night and day
>But you couldn't get away

>Canterlot, Bon Bon and the agency found you there
>Las Pagasus, she found you there
>Seaddle, she found you there
>The Crystal Empire, she found you there

>Quickly, you found yourself being forced further and further North on the map to escape Bon Bon's relentless pursuit.
>Your latest run-in with her had gone much like your first
>Bloody transformation, screaming civilians, Bon Bon trying to kill you with some kind of laser gun that burned you pretty good
>A pain in the ass as she was, you had to give her some credit
>She was willing to face down a horrendous alien monster that could easily bite her clean in half
>Yeah, no, fuck that bitch.
>It was because of her that you once again had to drop your life, and continue running
>running right into this frozen tundra...

>Perhaps fleeing to the coldest city area of the country and continuing to run NORTHWARD was not the smartest of ideas...
>But at least you couldn't be followed so easily
>Besides, you have endurance. A frigid blizzard should be no match for you.
>Hell, if things look bleak, you could always let yourself be frozen and hope some explorers or researchers find your body and thaw you out
>That could make for a wacky situation.
>Enh, but you'd probably end up eating a few of them, though... A long sleep like that would work up a massive appetite.

>You brush the snow off your jacket for the hundredth time
>At least you managed to bring your proper winter clothes before you fled like a coward once more
>Accepting the human body came with accepting its limitations and weaknesses, to an extent.
>You haven't eaten in a few days, but you still had some energy in you to keep going.
>Still... you wouldn't mind coming across SOMEthing in this frozen hell that was fit enough to eat
>Really, you're not picky.
>Well at least there's plenty of frozen hydration around you. That's something.
>...
>...
>Stupid fucking Bon Bon and her stupid fucking spook agency.

>For two days you've been walking North from the Crystal Empire.
>In that span, you managed to make it to, and cross over the mountain line.
>Kind of impressive, actually. If you weren't currently fighting for your life, you could probably scale of them for fun.
>But now with a curtain of snow and rock behind you, you feel a bit better about your odds of escape.
>Now all you needed to do was, you know, GET SOMEWHERE.
>That next part was proving to be a challenge.

>For two more days, you kept trudging through the snow
>Your stomach felt like it was ripping itself apart
>And in your specific context, that actually wasn't a hyperbole.
>You're a living thing, you need food just like anything else
>Water can only sustain you for so long.
>Strangely, you find that the weather has slowly become less hostile
>No longer a Class-3 Killstorm Whiteout, it feels a bit more like a Winter Wonderland
>You've even got the lightly snow-dusted evergreen trees over there and everything.
>Now's no time to let your guard down, though. Snow is a deceptive bastard.
>Just keep trudging.

>Left foot
>Right foot
>Left foot
>Right foot
>Left foot
>Right foot
>Lef-
>Wait a second... something feels off...

>You look down to notice that you're not just trudging through snow-covered plains anymore...
>You're actually walking on a snow-covered ROAD.
>Look, there's even hoof tracks and everything
>Holy shit, you did it.
>It was Abomination vs. Wild, and the abomination won.
>Get fucked, Mother Nature, you frigid bitch.
>With renewed vigor, you give your thick jacket a readjusting shake and continue North.

>It was like your oasis in the desert
>Well actually, it was more like a small town in the middle of snowy-nowhere
>But you look on with that dumb smile of yours all the same
>You couldn't believe your luck, you had actually FOUND some civilization.
>It's a little far off in the distance, but you seem the faint shimmer of streetlights in night.
>That's all the reassurance you need that a place like that is livable.
>As you approach the town, you notice that it's actually kind of dead.
>Not in the LITERAL sense, but the streets are noticeably empty.
>Well it *has* been night for a while now, but you're not wearing a watch, so you have no way of knowing how late it is.
>But judging from the emptiness of this town, you surmise that it's probably pretty late.
>It looked like a rather nice town, though.
>Well-kept buildings
>Clean streets, no litter
>In spite of the frigid cold, you could definitely see yourself living here.
>Hopefully Bon Bon's agency has lost your trail for good.
>If you don't make any noise for awhile, maybe they'll think you died somewhere in the tundra
>All you can do is hope at this point.

>After about twenty minutes of wandering the town's streets, you're disappointed to find pretty much every establishment in sight is closed for business.
>You can't really fault them for not being open at whatever crazy hour you decided to stumble into town, but a bite to eat would be nice...
>Looks like you're out of luck.
>You're so tired, though, maybe you should just find a park to sleep in and eat in the morning
>That looks like it will be your plan, until something catches your attention out of the corner of your eye
>It's a neon sign
>and it's flashing "OPEN"

>As you open the door, a darling little bell rings to signal your arrival.
>It appears to be a quaint little coffee shop of sorts.
>You raise an eyebrow as you give the place your mental appraisal
>This is... alright.
>It's got sort of a rustic charm to it
>Little pictures of things ranging from animals, to painted picture of winter scenery hang on the walls over the booths
>The floor even has that kitschy checkered tile pattern that seems to fit nicely with the stools up at the main counter
>A lone pony in a black jacket and hat sits at the counter, a steaming hot cup of coffee sitting in front of her as she quietly chats with the mare behind the counter.
>Upon your entry, you gained the latter mare's attention
>"Heya, sweetie! What can I get'cha?"

>The apron-adorned pony's greeting snaps you out of your stupor as you make your way forward, taking a seat in one of the stools
>You're at a loss for words as you can't actually decide what you want.
"Uhm, I'm just... Sorry, I've kind of just arrived here, and I'm really, REALLY starving. Do you have any food ready?"
>The mare gives you an apologetic expression
>"Tch, ohh, sorry dear, but the baker has long gone home at this hour. We still got some doughnut holes left if you don't mind if they've been oout for a while."
>Stale doughnuts? As if you could give a shit after not eating for nearly five days.
>You visibly brighten at the offer of the food
"That sounds great, actually! I'll take whatever you've got."
>You do a quick pat-down of yourself before digging into one of your many pockets
>Ah, there it is.
>The small pouch jingles slightly with what little money you have within it.
"How much?"
>The mare pauses a moment in consideration
>"Well... Normally, they're 2 bloons each, but ah... Given they've been out for awhile, how aboot just 1 each?"
>That's music to your ears after a quick inspection of your bit-pouch reveals you only have 10 bits to your name.
>Whatever, 10 pieces of stale doughnuts will be enough for tonight
>You could probably go out and hunt something or someone tomorrow for a real meal, anyway.

>You hand over all of your money to the sweet-sounding mare across the counter
>She only pauses a moment before depositing the coins into her cash register, and proceeding to retrieve you your food.
>Beside you, the other mare, the one in the black jacket and hat, gives you a polite smile and nod.
>You return the gesture.
>She seems like a nice looking mare. Her stark white must make her practically invisible in an environment like this
>Though her charcoal mane and black clothes balance that out in a way.
>The quiet sound of a ceramic plate being set in front of you brings your attention back forward.
>"Okey doke, goin' for a smoke break, keep on the place for me, would ya, Tril?"
>The jacketed mare nods in response
>"Yup. I'll make sure our guest here doesn't rob the place for any more stale deserts."
>With a little chuckle, the pony behind the counter throws on a thick winter jacket before producing a pack of smokes from one of the pockets.

>You're not sure what you're waiting for, your meal is sitting in front of you, waiting to be devoured.
>As you're about to grab one of the sugary snack, you notice the plate is much more full than you were expecting...
>1, 2, 3... 18, 19, 20
>Didn't you only give her-?
>Huh, that's odd
>Well, you're in a new place, so you try to display a LITTLE bit of honour.
"Excuse me, I think you gave me too..."
>You look up, but notice she's already gone outside for her break.
>Oh well, you'll let her know when she gets back.

>Taking a bite of the first piece of doughnut, your stomach cries to you in relief
>It then promptly begins thrashing angrily at you when it realizes that it's not actually being fed something of nutritional value, but instead just sugary garbage
>Whatever, it can go fuck itself.
>You have another one.
>Yeah, it's a little hard... but still pretty good.

>"Well, I don't think we've had a visitor like YOU before."
>Your attention breaks from your meal
>Glancing to your left, the jacketed mare is looking at you, smiling politely.
>Swallowing the bite of food in your mouth, you formulate some kind of response to that comment.

"I'm uh... not really from around these parts. Kind of a drifter, really."
>The mare's eyebrows raise at this
>"Oooh, well-traveled, are ya? Been across the globe, have ya?"
>You shrug at this
"A few, yup."
>You fucking idiot.
"A-a few TIMES, I mean."
>She nods, impressed, before taking a sip of her drink.
>"Wow, you lucky son of a gun... I've pretty much been here my whole life. Not that I don't love this place to death, but I'd love to get the chance to see the world, ya know?"

>Stuffing some more past-prime food down your gullet, you roll your eyes.
"Oh I'm pretty sure I've done enough 'travelling' for a bit."
>She leans a little on the counter, hoof around her mug, seemingly interested in what you're saying.
>"Well you sound pretty out of it! Seems like a pretty odd time to be rollin' into a new town, dont'cha think?"
>You try to think of some alibi, but your mind comes up blank
>But then again, why do you feel the need to lie to some stranger in a cafe in a town you literally JUST stumbled upon?
>It probably doesn't matter.
"Well actually... It's kind of a complicated situation. I've kinda been trekking through the tundra for a few days, and was about to die before I found this town, and now I've dropped the last of my money on some stale food before I find a park to sleep in for the night."
>She bites her lip and winces.
>"Oooh, so no hotel, then?"
>Your only answer is to stuff another doughnut hole in your mouth

>"Well gee, I don't mean to sound overly-critical of your sense of adventure, but don'tcha think a little bit of planning in way of accommodations would go a long way?"
>In hindsight, yes, that would have helped a lot, actually.
>Then again, there isn't a whole lot of time for planning when crossbows and long swords and prototype energy weapons are being pointed in your direction.

"This trip was kind of... spur of the moment. One of those trips where you just gotta grab your shit, and head off into almost certain death in the hopes of evading federal authorities and a black ops government agency."
>She gives a low whistle
"Oh my, well that certainly DOES sound like quite the adventure. That's some kind of life you lead. But uhh... Federal authorities, you say? Do you have a warrant or something?"
>Now that you think about it, DO you have a warrant?
>What crime did you commit, exactly?
>Being a horrifying, shapeshifting alien abomination from beyond the stars?
>Well, you technically did assault Bon Bon during that initial scuffle in Ponyville
>So they've got you for THAT, at the very least.

"Uhh... I dunno, I guess I may have one for battery on a federal employee, but that was TOTALLY in self-defense."
>She shifts a little in her seat
>The look on her face seems conflicted.
>"Oh, well... Hmm... See, that puts me in a pretty awkward position..."
>You're about to eat another piece when you stop mid-bite
"What? Why?
>She grits her teeth awkwardly before gesturing to herself nervously.
>"Uhm, Constable Trillium, CPP."

>Unconsciously, you drop the piece of food you were holding onto the counter
>This was it.
>She's police.
>Back into the fucking winter night you go.

"Oh, you've got to be FUCKING kidding me..."
>She holds out her hoof in a calming manner, trying to get you to relax.
>"Whoa, whoa, hold up, though... I haven't heard anything from the feds about any nation-wide ponyhunts, so I'm not quite sure what you're on aboot. And a BLACK OPS government agency? Do we even HAVE anything like that?"
>You look over to her, raising an eyebrow.
>She seems kind of oblivious, maybe this town is in a really isolated part of Equestria?
"Yeah, they're some pretty fucking well-equipped spooks. They've been on my ass for awhile for a crime that I probably didn't even commit. I dunno what they're called, Torchwood or STG or some fucking shit."
>Her brow furrows as she contemplates what you've told her, trying to decipher if you're lying or not.

>She taps her chin a couple of times before her face lights up.
>"OH! *Them*! They're that Equestrian Special Investigations Division or something like that, aren't they? Involved in all those conspiracy theories and black bag operations?"
>Oh wow, she knows?
>That's kind of a relief, actually.
>In the slightest way possible, it feels like someone may understand your struggle.
"Yeah, them. They got all that weird prototype weapons tech? Yeah, they've been hounding my ass, and I'm just trying to get away. I honestly have no clue why they're after me to begin with..."

>She seems to relax a bit, going back to her coffee.
>Silence reigns as she takes a sip, the only sound coming from the ticking clock on the wall.

>"Ah well, you seem nice enough. Besides, you haven't really committed any crimes here or anything. You should be safe in this town, as long you don't cause any trouble."
>That is honestly the most comforting thing you've heard in the past several months.
>And that's saying something.
"Oh, wow, shit, thanks! Do uh... the Feds not swing by these parts that often then?"
>She pauses mid sip, glancing sideways at you with a puzzled look.
>"Equestrian authorities? No, of course not, why would they? They have no jurisdiction here."
>Oohhh, that makes sense.
>They have no jurisd-
>Your face contorts just a bit in confusion
>That does not make sense.

"W-wait... No jurisdiction? Why not?"
>Now *her* face scrunches up
>Alright, that's actually kind of adorable
>"'course not! Why would they? They have their country, and we have ours! Why would they be sending their police up here, then?"
>Their countr-
>Oh dear
>How far did you trudge, exactly?

>You smile stupidly as you shake your head, processing this sudden mindfuck.
"Haha, sorry, I think I'm a little lost, here... I'm... NOT in Equestria?"

>She finishes off her coffee, looks at you, and gives a hearty chuckle.
>"Ho, boy! You really *did* walk all the way here, didn'tcha?! Heheh, you're in Caneighdia now, buddy! Welcome, good to meet'cha and whatnot."
>...
>You HEAR what she's saying, but it just takes a little bit for your mind to catch up.
>Still unsure of what to feel, you take another glance out the window of the café.
>Small snowflakes are highlighted under the streetlight as they fall gently from the clouds high above

>You barely notice the sound of a door opening and closing on the other side of the counter
>Nor the sounds of a winter jacket being shed.
>"Did ya see the news? That Peter Mansbridge fella is callin' for an early Spring! Don't that beat all?"