bedtime stories

“What’s wrong, Lucia..? You’re actin’ awful fussy tonight. You still hungry? No, no… maybe y’just wanna hear a story. Would y’like that? ...I thought so. Now I know I can’t read you one outta a book. That’s your dad’s job. But I can tell you some stories I heard out on the open water. Would y’like to hear one?

“Maybe that old myth I heard a bard singin’ about at an inn the last time I set sail. That was a good one. Y’see, Lucia… once upon a time, the world wasn’t as good as it is now. We didn’t have all these port towns n’ cities we got now. Back in the beginnin’ days of this here empire, it wasn’t more than a couple fishin’ villages. Buncha drow tryin’ to get by after leavin’ the Underdark. Like your ol’ ma here. Now, the ones down below, didn’t like that much. They’d pillage and raid and try to drag the refugees back, and the refugees fought back my sealin’ off any entrances to the Underdark they could find. War was beginning.

“This is a story about the last days of the terrible war that started this place into what it is now, and the heroes that put an end to it. Now, about seven hundred years ago or so, hereabouts, the refugees what lived here were on the edge of losin’ and bein’ dragged back down to their deaths, and with few exceptions, their wizards were losin’ power and no one could figure out why for the life of ‘em. One of the last little villages that wasn’t razed down to the ground by the servants of Lolth was a tiny place in the middle of a ring of mountains, surrounded on every side by woods n’ brush. This little town found itself under the protection of a potent fey critter. A unicorn.

“Now they say unicorns were placed into the world by the gods of good and light to ward away evil things. They say good-hearted folk are welcome in a unicorn’s domain, and folks that’ll do you bad rarely escape with their lives. And for whatever reason, this unicorn decided that this little, insignificant fishing village was worth protectin’. They also say that this particular unicorn was the last one in the islands. Nothin’ else was savin’ the place from bein’ nothin’ more than slave fodder for Lolth’s priestesses.

“It happened that one day, the unicorn was nearly taken captive. The one thing that spared her from an awful fate was none other than a little wizard in training, one that still had magical power abounding, that happened t’find her while he was tryin’ to infiltrate the troops on the way. Yeah, a wizard, just like Uncle Rhys. She told him of the others like her, and she told him they were still alive, if only they could find where they were bein’ hidden. The two of ‘em set forth on a journey across sea and island, and picked up a rogue along the way, a woman who’d been run through th’ringer for sure.

“They travelled all ‘round the lands that’d eventually become the empire, dodging hordes of Underdarklings and the very forces of nature themselves. Till eventually, they found their way back to where they’d started, on the verge of bein’ raided by the hordes. The three of ‘em held off the spider armies till they were dog-tired and on the verge of dyin’, and driven back deep into a cave.

“In that cave, hurtin’ and alone, the unicorn, the rogue and the wizard found out where the others were bein’ kept from the folks that were nearly dragged down as slaves. Deep at the bottom of the ocean, where not even the merfolk could find ‘em. So the unicorn stayed behind to fend off the armies by her lonesome, and the wizard and the rogue voyaged down into the depths to find ‘em.

“Days passed. Weeks passed, with the army chippin’ closer to victory every passin’ day. No word came from the wizard or the rogue, and the unicorn nearly gave up hope. But as she lay at the boots of a war-priestess, a spear at her neck, the great ocean split apart behind ‘em, and from it came none other than the two heroes, leadin’ the rest of the unicorns out of the water like the war-priestess led her awful battalions. The Underdarklings couldn’t do nothin’ much but gape in awe as they shimmered.

“And with ‘em, the magic returned to the world. The magicians of the islands got their full power back, and the wizard that helped the unicorn drove back the troops with nothin’ much more than a glorified stick and his bare hands. The gaping hole where the Spider Cunt’s armies were comin’ from was sealed shut all the way down to the Underdark, never t’be reopened, and the war was won. They say that wizard was none other than the first emperor, and the rogue became his empress. That’s why the royal crests are covered in unicorns.

“...Was that a good story, Lucia? Did I do good? ...Heh. You’re fast asleep, ain’tcha. Good. That means I did good.”